Chapter 14

W illiam Collins lumbered off the gig and appraised the house which would be his one day. It was nothing to Rosings Park, but compared to his parsonage at Hunsford it was a veritable mansion. Finally, a Collins would be a land owner. He was somewhat miffed none of the Bennets were waiting to welcome him with the respect he should have been accorded. the heir and a clergyman!

It was no wonder his late father had chosen to be at variance with the Bennets if this was the disrespectful way they behaved. He remembered his patroness's orders to offer an olive branch, heal the breech, and marry one of his cousins. He could do nought but obey her orders. He could only hope his cousins were not homely. Contrary to his compliments in his letter about their reputed beauty, Collins had not an idea how they looked. The door was opened by an older man, who Collins assumed was his cousin. ‘ At least I am shown the respect of Mr Bennet meeting me in person, even if he should have been waiting for me. I did tell him I would be here exactly at four, and I would never be tardy as Lady Catherine will not tolerate it when people are not punctual, ' Collins told himself silently as the older man approached.

"Mr Collins?" Hill verified.

"The very same. Cousin Bennet?" Collins asked as he raised his nose into the air to demonstrate his superiority the way he always saw his beneficent patroness do when she dealt with those below her. Of course, according to her everyone was her inferior .

"No Sir, I am the butler, Hill. Due to the cold, Mr Bennet and his family will receive you in the drawing room," the butler intoned. Hill opened the door wider allowing the man to enter and then he instructed the footmen to carry Mr Collins's trunk to the guest chamber.

Mr Collins handed the butler his greatcoat exposing the black suit, white shirt, and white cravat of a clergyman. Then he handed over his broad brimmed black hat, exposing a head with thinning hair. What hair still remained on the crown of his head had been greased to try and give the impression there was more than the reality. Even though it was cold, Hill did not miss the smell of stale body odour marking the man as one who did not bathe on a regular basis.

Once he was divested of his outerwear, Collins followed the butler. As he walked, he looked around appraising the worth of his future property.

Hill opened the drawing room door. "Mr William Collins of Hunsford," he announced and then stepped aside allowing the rather corpulent, malodorous parson to enter the room.

Those present in the room were able to smell their cousin as soon as Hill opened the door which had the effect of sucking the colder air in the hall into the drawing room. As would be expected, Lydia was not able to hold herself back from loudly exclaiming, "La, what is that smell? It is rather offensive!"

Bennet could not but smirk at his daughter voicing what the rest of them desired to say. His cousin, who looked even more of a fool than Bennet had hoped for based on the ridiculous letter he had written, waddled into the room. ‘ All of his spare funds must be spent on food for him to be so very obese! Seeing him during mealtime will be almost as amusing as watching his inept attempts to make love to my daughters, ' Bennet thought happily. His cousin's time residing at Longbourn promised much amusement .

Collins was greatly offended! Not only had the one cousin who was rather comely, insulted him so, but worse, her father had not said a word to correct and punish the girl. Now that he truly looked at his cousins his mouth fell open. Rather than homely, they were all very pretty. Except mayhap one. She had her hair in a severe bun, wore spectacles, and her dress was drab.

"Welcome to Longbourn," Bennet drawled. He proceeded to introduce his wife and daughters, the latter in descending age order, as was right and proper.

Collins almost drooled when Cousin Jane was named. She was the eldest daughter, and the most beautiful woman he had ever beheld, so she would, of course, be his wife. In his mind there was no possibility of his being refused. He would find an opportunity to speak to Mrs Bennet. As he was used to bowing and scraping before a woman, he naturally assumed he needed to address the matron and not his cousin.

The one who had insulted him, Cousin Lydia, giggled when she was named, as had the one before her, the second to youngest Cousin Catherine. He would refuse to call her Kitty. How could they take a noble name like Catherine and turn it into Kitty? Did they not understand the privilege of sharing a name with the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh?

Her father had allowed Elizabeth to read their cousin's letter, so unlike the rest of her sisters or her mother, she was well aware this was a man lacking in sense or decorum. His lack of social graces were demonstrated by the fact he felt he could invite himself to their home, without first writing to introduce himself and establish a correspondence with Papa. Then if Papa extended an invitation once they had been communicating, he would have been welcomed. Her earlier thoughts regarding her father's actions which could be equated to cruelty had been pushed to the side when she had read the rambling drivel in the vicar's letter .

Elizabeth had quickly understood the man intended to seek a wife from among her sisters. At least Papa had vowed he would never bestow his consent were Cousin Collins to offer for her, and the same for any daughter who refused the corpulent man. Elizabeth smiled behind her hand. At the moment Mama was resentful the man was in her house. She had bemoaned several times, in the hour between being informed of his coming and his arrival, that he was only here to catalogue all that would be his when Papa was called home. As soon as Mama realised the man was looking for a wife, he would become her favourite person in the world, surpassing even Jane and Lydia. Elizabeth was sure when Mama learnt about his aim, she would inform him Jane was as good as engaged—even though there was no understanding with Mr Bingley—and she would redirect the simpleton to herself.

Rather than suffer the man's attentions and have to refuse him, Elizabeth decided to pre-empt the situation, even if that meant she would spoil some of Papa's fun as he wanted to see Mama's reaction when she discovered the man was in want of a wife.

With the introductions over, Mrs Hill answered the bell. She led Mr Collins out of the drawing room and up to his chamber. As soon as his cousin left the drawing room, Bennet returned to his study to continue reading his book and to pour a fresh glass of port. Elizabeth waited until Papa closed the drawing room door and then approached her mother.

"Mama, will you join me in the small parlour please, there is something I need to tell you," Elizabeth requested.

"I am too overset by my nerves, such palpitations and flutterings that I have to treat that usurper as a guest," Fanny whined. "I have not the strength to leave my chair. Whatever it is, tell me here."

"It is about a possible husband for one of your daughters other than Jane," Elizabeth said near her mother's ear .

Fanny sprang out of her chair, instantly cured. "Well come on Lizzy, do not dawdle," she cried as she walked towards the door with speed."

Jane looked at Elizabeth questioningly. Her younger sister shot her an ‘ I will tell you later ' look. She shrugged her shoulders as Lizzy followed their mother out of the room and pulled the door closed behind her. All Jane could hope was Lizzy would share the information with her in their chamber tonight.

"Well?" Fanny demanded, arms akimbo as soon as Elizabeth closed the door.

"Mama, did Papa share Mr Collins's letter with you?" Elizabeth asked, seemingly incongruously.

"No, he did not, you know your father rarely tells me anything," Fanny stated sadly. Elizabeth felt a tinge of guilt. Could it be her mother understood when she was being teased as Jane had asserted.

It was not the time to think on that yet. "I read it. Mama, part of our cousin's reason for coming to see us is to heal the breech and extend an olive branch," Elizabeth reported, "the other part is his desire to make amends for being next in the entail."

Fanny's eyebrows knitted as she tried to fathom what Elizabeth meant. It suddenly came to her. "He wants to marry one of you! I will not be tossed out of my house into the hedgerows. We are saved," she squealed. "It must be you."

"That is why I wanted to speak to you. As you just intimated, you will not allow him to pay court to Jane as you expect her to make a match with Mr Bingley, do you not?" Fanny nodded her emphatic agreement. "Mama you must know I could not marry a man I would never be able to respect, one who I am far more intelligent than. If he offers for me, I will refuse him roundly."

"I do not know that! Why should I know, or accept that? "

"Firstly, I have already discussed this with Papa and he will support me and refuse any entreaty Mr Collins makes for my hand. Secondly, Mama think! Who is most suited among my sisters to be a vicar's wife? Who used to love Fordyce's Sermons and always quotes passages from the Bible?"

She was aware what Lizzy said was nothing but the truth, Mr Bennet would support her against his wife. "Mary!" Fanny realised. "But Mary is so plain."

"Mary is no less pretty than any of us," Elizabeth insisted. "She only started to dress the way she does once she began to believe what you said about her looks. With her hair styled, the spectacles she does not need removed, and a dress whose colour flatters her own colouring, you will have five beautiful daughters. You always did, one of them hid her light under a bushel." Elizabeth could see protest growing on her mother's lips. "Mama please wait and listen." Fanny nodded begrudgingly. "If you direct Mr Collins to me and I refuse his proposal, as I absolutely will, he will not be well pleased, will he?"

"I suppose he will not be."

"And would a refusal induce him to offer for any of my other sisters?"

"No, I dare say he would feel insulted and slink off while refusing to offer for one of your sisters."

"In that we agree, Mama. If we work to bring out Mary's natural beauty and you direct him to her, there is a far greater chance of them marrying than it ever being me."

"You are so clever, Lizzy. Mary will do her duty," Fanny perked up.

"Mama, we may need to help Mr Collins with cleanliness and some other things. As much as Mary is enamoured with the church, if she refuses him, Papa will support her. I am suggesting Mary as the best option, but it should be left up to her. If she decides she can never accept him, please do not berate her. In fact, Jane and I will speak to her tonight and see if she is open to Mr Collins paying court to her."

Fanny agreed knowing if she did not, her husband would order it so when his favourite spoke to him and reported her refusal.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

Mary could not understand why her mother insisted her hair be styled, she wear a light pink gown, and she not wear her spectacles to dinner. As one of the commandments was to honour thy mother and father, Mary did not object too loudly. When Mary entered the dining parlour, her father and younger sisters had to look twice to make sure it was her, and Mr Collins realised all five Bennet sisters were extremely pretty, but not as much as the eldest.

Although Bennet was not pleased Lizzy had spoilt his fun by informing his wife of his cousin's intentions, there was more than enough entertainment watching the man eat, or more accurately, shovel food into his mouth. Even better was the man's speaking with his mouth half full of food causing some of the semi-masticated food to spray onto the table in front, and around him. Bennet was pleased his cousin was sitting at his wife's end of the table and not his own.

"You were saying how you like to pay delicate compliments to your patroness, and her daughter, how did you put it, oh yes, the Rose of Kent. Are they spontaneous or prepared in advance?" Bennet enquired.

Collins was about to put his heaped fork into his mouth. Luckily for Mrs Bennet and her two youngest daughters, he returned it to the plate. "They are based on what is passing at the time, however I do amuse myself with pre-planning and arranging such little elegant compliments in advance so I may adapt them as needed. My aim is to always give them as unstudied an air as possible," Collins averred.

Both father and second daughter had to fight to keep a straight face.

"Did you say your patroness is a widow?" Fanny enquired. "Is the estate not entailed? Is there an heir?"

"There is no entail and my patroness does a masterful job of managing Rosings Park, which she told me, until she passes away, belongs to her. There is one daughter, as I mentioned, the Rose of Kent and heiress of the estate, Miss Anne de Bourgh. She is a most charming young lady indeed. Lady Catherine has told me that Miss de Bourgh is far superior to the handsomest of her sex, because her features mark her as a young lady of distinguished birth." Collins replied reverently.

"Has Miss de Bourgh been presented and had a London season?" Jane wondered.

"Unfortunately Miss de Bourgh is rather sickly. Her indifferent state of health unhappily prevents her being in London with the attendant odours and vapours. Due to that fact, I related to Lady Catherine one day, her daughter's absence in Town has deprived the British court of its brightest of ornaments. Her ladyship seemed pleased with the idea and took it as a great compliment to herself."

As he was about to inspire Mr Collins to more ridiculousness, Elizabeth leaned over to her father. "Papa, do you not think we have had sufficient amusement at dinner?" she whispered near his ear. Bennet nodded tightly.

After dinner Mr Collins volunteered to read from Fordyce's Sermons , thus ensuring an early night for all. In the past before she saw the truth of the good Reverand, Mary would have remained to listen to him, but she too chose to go to her bed chamber.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

"I suppose you have the right of it. Only Mary would consider this man as a future husband," Jane agreed. "I am happy you spoke to Mama in private and you plan to speak to Mary. "

Just then there was a knock at the door. "Come," Elizabeth called out, and Mary in her dressing gown and slippers, her hair down entered. "Sit Mary dear," Elizabeth cocked her head to the bed next to her and Jane. "Mary, Mr Collins is seeking a wife…" Elizabeth explained all.

"So, if I do not accept him Papa will not force me and Mama will not harangue me?" Mary verified.

"Yes, you have the right of it," Elizabeth confirmed. "I only thought of you as I know you would be well suited as a clergyman's wife."

"I would be, and as you know, I am not as romantic as you two, however, I must be able to respect the man, and at this point, granted I hardly know him, I am not sure I could respect our cousin as I should," Mary stated honestly.

"If he tries to court you, learn about him with an open mind, if he is not for you, then you tell Papa," Elizabeth advised.

Mary agreed and after a hug from each of her older sisters, she made her way back to her own chamber.