Chapter Twenty-Three

Elizabeth

"A re you sure you are not hurt?" Mr Darcy asked as they staggered into Pemberley.

Elizabeth barely had a chance to nod before Mrs Potts came hurrying down as quick as her old feet could carry her.

"Sir, are you quite all right? You dashed off and the horse… Your horse came back without you. I thought the worst," she said.

Elizabeth heard Mr Darcy breathe a sigh of relief. "Good, good. She was spooked and I was worried about her. However, she is a clever mare. She knows where she lives. And yes, we are quite all right. However, there is a robber in the woods, tied to a tree about ten minutes ride on the southernmost path, if you would summon the constable so they might retrieve him," he leaned towards Elizabeth. "We would not want him to get away again, would we?"

"He seemed in no condition to," she replied and the two exchanged a smile which puzzled Mrs Potts who looked from one to the other.

"Sir?"

"There is no need for immediate worry. Just have Lightower fetch the constable. Better yet, give him the description I just did of the location and tell him the man attempted to assault Miss Bennet and then myself. I will present myself in the morning to make a full report."

Mrs Potts grew paler and paler but Mr Darcy placed a hand on her shoulder. "Do not fret. We are well. But if you could fetch us tea, it would be much appreciated, Miss Bennet has been walking for some time and it is quite cold outside," he said, and she noticed he was shivering too.

"Of course, sir," she said. The old woman wanted to know more, but realising that it wasn't her place, she left.

Mr Darcy pointed towards the parlour, and Elizabeth made her way towards the room, sitting near the fire to warm up. He stayed a distance away, pulling the wingchair away from the fireplace and sat down.

"I must beg your pardon," he said.

"I apologise," Elizabeth said at the same time, and they chuckled when they realised.

"I must insist to go first. There is no excuse for my behaviour tonight. You could've come to serious harm due to my losing my temper," Mr Darcy said.

"I would not have come to harm if I had not invaded your privacy and attempted to seek out the one space I was told never to venture into. I was angry about our earlier exchanges and curiosity overtook me. I should not have done it. I am sorry," Elizabeth replied.

They looked at one another, and Mr Darcy nodded.

"Perhaps we can agree to some mutual culpability," he suggested.

She nodded and shifted in her seat.

"I feel I should explain why I did not want anyone to be there," he stated but she interrupted him.

"You do not owe me an explanation, Mr Darcy," she said quickly.

"I do, Miss Ben—Elizabeth," he said and looked at her as if waiting for her permission to use her Christian name. She had to admit, she liked the sound of it on his lips and nodded. "It put you in grave danger and if I had explained, it would not have come to this. So please, allow me."

She waved for him to continue, glad he felt comfortable enough to speak to her.

"Georgiana is one of the reasons I have not rebuilt Pemberley. I have made appointments to meet with carpenters, stonemasons, and other craftsmen more than once but I never commit. It is because it would mean demolishing the chamber that used to be hers. I understand it must be done, but in a way, it feels like the last thing that is left of her, even if it is in ruins. Once it is rebuilt this last piece of her will be gone. Once the area is rebuilt and I walk the halls, it will not be the same hall she walked," Mr Darcy explained.

Elizabeth bit her lip. "But it is already not the same. From what I saw, it is a wreck. There is nothing left, the room is mouldering and being destroyed by the elements." She wanted to ask about the portrait but bit her lips, knowing that she could not start another argument with him over misplaced curiosity.

"I know it. The thing is, Elizabeth, I found it quite impossible to move forward not just with the renovations, but with my life. With anything. It feels wrong," he said.

Elizabeth shifted in her seat, folding her hands, determined not to interrupt him, even though many questions burned on her lips. For the first time, he was opening up to her, and she could not discourage him with questions.

"There are two reasons I did not want people to go up to that area. The first is because it isn't safe, as you have seen for yourself. And the second is because there are so many memories in that space. I cannot let go of them, nor do I want them tarnished by the presence of others, strange as that sounds even to my own ears," Mr Darcy continued.

"Those cannot be happy memories, can they? Given all that has happened," Elizabeth asked.

He sighed. "I tried to hold on to the happy once, those of us as children when we played in those hallways. But you are right. They have been overshadowed and what is left now are painful memories. They are the worst memories. And yet, I find it impossible to let go of them also. I feel that I must remind myself what happened on that day. The day I lost her. The day I did not protect her."

"I daresay that you remind yourself of this daily, even without going there. And I say you may live a happier life if you let go of those memories. I do not want to be presumptuous or tell you what to do, but I worry," Elizabeth said.

"I know this too. Everyone worries for me and I can't say they do not have reason. I would feel the same if I were an outsider. I feel as though I abandoned her if I got rid of that space. Also, I feel I must remind myself that she saved me in the end, even though I was her guardian and I should have helped her. Yet, I was too late. I failed her and it is my fault she is gone."

"I have heard that the fire was an accident. If the fire was an accident, how can it be your fault?" Elizabeth questioned.

Mr Darcy inhaled sharply, and she braced herself, curling her hands around the chair, ready for another outburst, but it didn't come. He exhaled and seemed to fold into himself.

"Miss B… Elizabeth," he began, "though I know an accident is an accident and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it, we never found out what caused the fire in her chamber in the first place. Likely a candle fell over, or she burned something in the fireplace and some fabric caught alight, we do not know. Because we do not know, I can't stop myself thinking I could have done something. I used to visit her in the evenings and we'd talk or read, but I had not done so for some time, wishing to give her more freedom. In any case, she is gone, and I feel that it isn't right for me to live if she cannot."

"But what good is it to exist if you do not?" Elizabeth asked.

He looked at her for a moment. "It is no good. I know. And I also know that you were correct when you said she would not want me to struggle as I do. She always thought I was too serious. She wanted to teach me to play backgammon, that is why I reacted harshly when you offered to teach me to play. But I mentioned that already. It felt wrong to be tutored by somebody other than my sister. I have been a horrid man. Indeed, I daresay she would be ashamed if she knew what has become of me. I am ashamed of what has become of me. Can you forgive me for my outburst again?"

"Can you promise me that it will not happen again?" she asked.

He shook his head. "That is not a promise I can make, but I can assure you, I will try my very best. What happened tonight, seeing you in such danger, it has reminded me of what my actions can cause. I don't want to see you harmed, and I do not want to see you leave my home. You have made it brighter with your presence, even if I was determined not to see it."

"I had hoped to bring light to Pemberley, and to you. That is why I tried to be your friend," Elizabeth replied. "I think we still can be friends, if you will let me."

"I do not deserve you, I hope you know that," he said solemnly.

She didn't quite know how to respond to that. "Perhaps we are always put in the place where we are supposed to be. The place where we can do the most good," she said.

He chuckled. "Is that one of Wickham's sermons?"

She laughed. "No. I do not think such words would cross his lips. These are my father's words."

"He sounds like a wise man," Mr Darcy remarked.

"He is. And you will soon have the benefit of having him for a father-in-law if you wish it." She looked at him, shoulders tense as she waited to hear what he would say next. He'd told her to leave but that he'd taken back. What of their agreement to marry? Would he still want that? Did she? He was different now, since their return but what if he woke again the following day, the same moody man he'd been most of this time? Was that the sort of life she'd want? But then again, what was her alternative? Ruination?

"I do, if you still wish to be married to me even after everything," Mr Darcy said. She pondered this. This man she could grow to care for, and perhaps even more.

"I do. Not just because it will save me from ruination but also because I think my father is right, and we were brought together here for a reason. Can we start again? Be friends, make the best of our situation? Allow me to bring you and Pemberley back into the world," Elizabeth proposed.

He rolled his shoulders and crossed his legs. "I suppose that would not be the worst thing. This man was roaming on my grounds, I should have taken better care to ensure men such as him do not trouble my tenants."

"Oh my goodness! I forgot! Mrs Dillinger." Elizabeth jolted forward as she realised there was more she needed to tell him. The attack and the subsequent civil conversation with him had entirely thrown her. Quickly, she told him of the campsite she'd come upon and what she had heard. He listened to her carefully, the frown on his forehead growing ever deeper.

"It seems there is a scheme afoot. These men were trying to trick Mrs Dillinger into giving them all her money, but I was unable to hear how. But Mr Darcy, we must help her," she said eagerly, and he nodded.

"Dillinger, the widow of the blacksmith? We can't have that. She was always kind to Georgiana and I, when we were children," Mr Darcy said, and Elizabeth was pleasantly surprised that he not only knew the woman, but wanted to help her immediately.

"I had a mind to call on her tomorrow to see if she can think of any reason these men might think her a target. We can warn her and perhaps she can avoid disaster," she said but Mr Darcy shook his head. "And those men might move on once they hear that you are no longer confined to your home but are ensuring your property is safe. They will surely hear it from their friend."

To her surprise, Mr Darcy shook his head.

"I wonder if we could not draw them out. The men at the campfire likely do not know that their friend was captured, if he is indeed their friend. They might think he simply wandered away or was captured for another reason."

Elizabeth slipped forward in her seat. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if I speak to the constable and ask him to let it be known this man was taken in not for what he did to us but for some other reason, then his companions would not know that they have been discovered. They'd proceed with their attempt to steal from Mrs Dillinger and we could catch them. That would be better than to simply see them leave. They'd just take their dirty deeds elsewhere."

Elizabeth smiled. This side of him truly was remarkable. "I did not know you cared so much about others."

He shook his head. "I didn't. I used to but for a long time I did not. But tonight has been eye opening and I must say that I have come to my senses at least in this regard. I will come with you to speak to Mrs Dillinger and we will see what can be done about these men. And then, I will hire someone to make the needed repairs."

"I will help you," she said quickly. "If you will let me."

He smiled warmly at him and nodded. "I would like that."

She leaned back, contented in his presence for the first time. "Mr Darcy, we shall make Pemberley what it once was again."