12. Elle

"Well,you've officially welcomed me to the dark side," I say, breathing returning to normal. I wrap my arms around her, loving the feel of her skin against mine and only wanting more. My brain is still drowning in endorphins, and I don't ever want it to stop.

Margot hesitantly slips an arm around my back. "This okay?"

"Of course." My head slots perfectly into the crook under her neck. "This is perfect."

She relaxes, and it makes me smile. Makes me squeeze her tighter. "Good. Just, uh, let me know though. I know you don't, you know …"

"Don't what?"

"Like people smothering you. Afterwards."

I blink at her, surprised she's even thinking about that, but then, she didn't have the epiphany I did earlier. She's also not in my head right now, experiencing how amazing this is for the first time.

"Actually … I've been doing some thinking."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, so. The thing is, right now is the most comfortable I've ever felt with someone after sex. It's so strange for me because I'm used to that prickly skin feeling of discomfort, but it's just not there. I don't know if it's a you thing or not, but when I try to imagine a real relationship with a man, it just makes me … sad. Frustrated."

She brushes some of my short hair back from my forehead. "Maybe you could look into the split attraction model."

"What's that?"

"Well, there's sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Those things don't always align. Just because you like having sex with men doesn't mean you're romantically attracted to them."

Oh, holy shit. Margot just said in one sentence what I've been trying to wrap my head around all day. Longer, probably. I've always known something wasn't quite right, and for the first time maybe in my entire life … I make sense.

"You're wonderful."

She manages a half smile. "I try."

We lapse into silence, my hand skimming up and down her arm, this surreal yet peaceful feeling settling over me.

"So what happens next?" Margot asks like she'd rather say anything else.

"I meant what I said. I'd like to try. We've just established that the sex is incredible, but that was never in doubt. It's all the … other stuff. The emotions. The dating. I'm not particularly romantic—most of the time, I make stupid jokes to keep things from getting too deep."

"Good thing for you, I don't need a lot to keep me happy. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a spill-your-guts kinda gal either."

"I have noticed, and I think I like that about you. Not to say you can't talk to me about things—you always can—it just … lessens the pressure a little."

"High five for being emotionally inept! And maybe it won't mean anything, but you've been okay talking emotion with me."

"Yes, well, initially there was no risk with you. You were contractually obligated to be here."

"Clearly, that's how you need to start every relationship, then."

"I think I need to see how this one goes first." I tilt my head back to smile at her, and it takes a minute, but Margot smiles back. It's soft, doesn't hold any of the guardedness they usually do. I want to bring that look out in her always, but I have no idea if I'm capable of that, so I just lean in and kiss her smile. Show her how I appreciate it.

Then, her stomach growls.

"Holy shit, you got a lion in there?" I ask.

Margot laughs. "Apparently, I've been too anxious to eat."

I'm reluctant as I push up off her, but I guess if I want more sex later, I need to feed her now. Passing out from orgasming so hard is hot; passing out from a nutrient deficiency is not.

"You go shower and change into that T-shirt of mine. I'll cook some pasta, and we can fix the ceiling together."

"Suggesting home repairs? You're a full-fledged lesbian already."

I snort and flip her off as I head into the kitchen. The pot of water is on by the time the shower comes alive, and I go grab some underwear and a T-shirt to wear too. I'm more nervous than I've ever felt to have someone over, and even though every time before with Margot has been easy, there's pressure now. Pressure to make sure I'm not an idiot. Pressure to make sure I don't put my foot in it again.

I'm determined to be a good girlfriend, which isn't something I've ever wanted to be in my entire life. But now, with my family out of the equation, I can finally figure out who it is I want to be. All my decisions don't need to be focused around challenging them, and while the freedom is exciting, it's also terrifying too.

"What are you thinking about?" Margot asks, coming out of my bathroom. Her hair is damp around her face, frizzed up from the steam, and in only my T-shirt, her long, brown legs are goddamn incredible.

I pull my gaze from them to the concern in her brown eyes. "I may have cut my parents off today. It's just occurring to me now that I have, and I meant it—I don't really know what my next steps are. My aim has always been to challenge them. To fight back against their beliefs. Now I don't have that, I'm …"

"Lost?"

"I think so."

She steps forward and rubs my upper arms. "That sounds like a lot."

"It is."

"Good thing you're a lot too."

I laugh. "What?"

"You're a lot, Elle. A big personality. A big heart. Big ideas. So you might be facing a lot, but I know you sure as hell are ready for it."

My heart swells at that. "You're not going to tell me everything will be okay?"

Margot shrugs. "That's up to you. I just know one thing."

"What's that?"

"If you want it, I'm here for you. To help, or to hold your hand, or to just stand back and watch while you try and fail and try again."

"Really?"

"Yeah. If we're dating, we're partners, right? That's what partners do."

"Partners …"

"You and me, Elley-belly."

"Dear god, you're being cute. Things are worse than I thought."

She snorts before stepping forward and kissing me lightly. "You've got this. And I've got you."

"Now, that's a relationship I can stand behind."