Chapter Three

Eli climbed into his truck, the leather seat creaking under his weight. He took one last look at the house, before backing out of the driveway and driving home.

He shook his head, still unable to shake off the weight of guilt that lingered from their conversation. It had felt good to open up to her about that night, but deep down he knew it would take more than a conversation to absolve himself of the blame. If only he had been able to get to Mac in time, if only he had acted differently... but what ifs wouldn't bring his friend back.

As he drove along the winding two-lane blacktop, his thoughts were consumed with why he had even gone to Lorna's house in the first place.

"Who… walks to steal an animal? Especially one as large as a horse," he muttered in frustration.

It made no sense. As he had told Lorna, rustlers were known for being quick and efficient, loading up stolen livestock onto trucks and disappearing into the night. Walking horses all the way back to a road seemed like too much effort.

Slowing his truck, Eli pulled into his driveway and parked in front of his ranch-style home. Exhaustion weighed heavy on his shoulders, but he knew sleep wouldn't come easy tonight.

With a tired sigh, he pushed open the door and trudged up the steps to his porch. After unlocking the door, he wiped his feet on the welcome mat before entering the kitchen.

Closing the door behind him, Eli grabbed a chair with his foot and dragged it out from under the table. He sat down heavily and removed his boots before carrying them into the nearby laundry room. He peeled off his T-shirt, unbuckled his belt, and shed his jeans and boxer briefs. He walked through the rooms of his home, the soft glow of moonlight filtering in through the windows.

Finally reaching his bedroom, Eli entered the bathroom and took a quick, steaming shower before crawling into bed. But even as he closed his eyes, he knew sleep would be a distant dream, haunted by memories and regrets.

Eli jolted awake, his heart racing and his body tense. He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself. It was the same nightmare that had plagued him for the past three years; the night that changed everything.

He dragged himself out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. As he chugged half of it down, he couldn't help but wonder when these nightmares would finally leave him alone. For three years, he had been running on little to no sleep, haunted by the memory of Mac falling to the ground.

The clock on the microwave read two-fifteen, and he wondered if he'd get back to sleep.

He knew now that Mac was gone before he even hit the ground, but in that moment, all he could think about was reaching him and saving him.

The image of Mac's lifeless body on the ground still haunted Eli's mind. He could still hear gunshots ringing in his ears as he dropped to his knees, after being shot, and trying to stay conscious. But eventually, his body gave in, and he passed out.

When he woke up in the hospital days later, he learned that Mac had died, and Alex and Creed were also shot during the ambush. Creed had no recollection of what happened that night, making him the lucky one in Eli's eyes.

But deep down, Eli knew that Creed didn't feel lucky at all. Just like him and Alex, Creed needed closure for a different reason, to remember what happened after they were shot. The scar on his face was a constant reminder of the brutal attack he had faced.

With a heavy heart, Eli finished off the water and headed back to bed, hoping to get some more sleep before facing another day at work filled with memories and guilt.

****

Lorna walked through the hospital doors and headed toward Luella's office. She had decided to take some time off and was hoping for a quick conversation with her boss. However, when she arrived at the office, the door was locked, and everything was dark inside.

With disappointment, she turned back and made her way to the nurse's station. She stowed away her purse in the bottom drawer of her file cabinet and secured it with a lock. It wasn't that she didn't trust her colleagues, but it was just a matter of precaution.

"Good morning, Lorna." Kevin Lane, another nurse, greeted her as he passed by.

"Morning, Kev. Do you know where Luella is?" Lorna asked.

"She had an early meeting this morning. She should be here soon," he replied.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Have a good day, Lorna." He flashed a smile before disappearing down the hallway.

"You too!" Lorna called after him.

An hour later, she saw Luella walking briskly toward her.

"The meeting ran longer than expected," Luella explained as she approached the nurse's station.

"I'd like to talk to you when you have a moment," Lorna said.

Luella looked at her and nodded. "Give me about ten minutes. I'll come find you. I have a few things to take care of first."

"That's fine," Lorna replied with a smile.

Luella returned the smile and then headed into her office. Lorna wasn't sure how this conversation would go, but it wasn't like it was unexpected. She had already mentioned it to Luella beforehand and she was confident that her supervisor knew what was coming.

Fifteen minutes later, Luella approached the desk and locked eyes with Lorna. "Are you ready to go to my office now?"

"Yes." Lorna pushed her chair out and stood up, glancing at another nurse sitting nearby. "Jan, I won't be gone for long."

"Take your time, Lorna. It's quiet right now." Jan smiled.

Lorna followed Luella to her office and took a seat across from her desk. She watched as Luella closed the door behind them, walked around to her chair, and sat down.

"I have a feeling I know what this is about."

"I'm sure you do." Lorna took a deep breath. "I've been considering taking a leave of absence and I want to put in for it."

"For how long, Lorna?"

She shook her head and fought back tears. "I don't know. I wish I did."

Luella let out a sigh. "I understand that you haven't been fully invested in your job since your husband passed away. It's something I see often. When someone working in this profession experiences their own personal loss, it can be difficult to handle the pain of others. I went through a similar situation when my first husband died in a car accident. Seeing patients with similar injuries brought up terrible memories for me. Everyone handles it differently, Lorna. Some can move past it while others struggle. It seems like you're still struggling, and it breaks my heart because you are one of our best nurses."

"I thought this was my dream job, but…" She trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"I understand where you're coming from. You need some time away to figure things out. I support you no matter what you decide. You can take up to twelve weeks in a year. If you come back before then, we'll make it work." Luella gave her a sympathetic smile.

Lorna sighed and looked down at her hands. She had loved this job once, but now she wasn't so sure. The thought of leaving made her heart ache but staying felt like a struggle.

"I'll finish out the week if that's all right," Lorna said finally, as she stood up from her chair.

"Of course. I'll have someone cover your shift while you're gone," Luella reassured her.

As Lorna walked out of the office, she couldn't help but feel torn and conflicted. Taking time off meant she could spend more time with her daughter, but it also meant possibly giving up on her dream job. She returned to the nurse's station, trying to focus on work, but her mind was consumed with doubts and uncertainties.

A week later, Lorna walked into the barn at her father's ranch and made her way to the tack room. She needed a break from the house while Lily was napping. After saddling up one of the horses, she rode out of the barn toward the west pasture, basking in the warmth of the sun on her face.

As she approached where the horses had been taken from, she noticed someone walking along the fence line. Quickly grabbing her rifle and checking through the scope, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw it was Eli. Lowering her rifle, she put it back into the sheath, and nudged her horse to ride over to him.

He turned to greet her with a smile and Lorna's heart skipped a beat. Oh, boy. She dismounted and led her horse closer to him.

"I didn't know you were going to be out here. Did you stop by the house?" Lorna asked.

"No, I parked on the side of the road and walked up." He looked around, hands on his hips.

"It doesn't make sense, does it?"

"No. I still don't understand their logic."

"Me neither. Why walk when you can ride?" She gasped. "Did they ride the horses?"

"No, the hoofprints weren't deep enough to have a rider and any tracks left by the thieves were trampled over by the horses. They must have led them out together."

"So, it was more than one person."

"It seems likely, but we can't be certain."

"You're right," Lorna agreed.

Eli studied her for a moment before tilting his head. "Are you off work today?"

Lorna smiled. "I'm on a three-month leave of absence, if I choose to take it."

"Wait, what?"

"I needed a break. Things have been hectic at work," she explained.

"I totally understand that." He grinned. "How's Lily doing?"

Lorna chuckled. "She's great. She's napping right now, which is why I decided to take a ride."

"It's a perfect day for it."

"It is. We've been lucky with the weather this September. It's been very warm."

"Yes, but we know how unpredictable it can be here. Snow any day now," Eli joked.

"Hush, I don't want to think about that." Lorna narrowed her eyes playfully.

Eli laughed. "I happen to like snow."

"Of course, you do." She shook her head with a smile.

Glancing around, he added, "There's not much more I can do here. I should head back to the office."

"Will you let me know if you find anything?"

"Absolutely, Lorna. I promised I would keep you updated."

"I know. Sorry for asking again," she apologized.

"No need to apologize."

"You could come to dinner again." What? "I'm sure Lily would love to see you again," she quickly added.

"Just Lily? Not you?" He stepped closer to her.

She stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I would too," she whispered, and watched his eyes dip to her lips, then back to her eyes.

"You have no idea how bad I want to kiss you, Lorna—"

She stopped him by pressing her lips to his. When his arms wrapped around her waist, she moaned and slipped hers around his neck, leaning against him.

****

Eli slowly lifted his lips from hers and looked into her eyes.

"Well, that was a nice surprise," he whispered, grinning as a blush spread across her cheeks.

"I'm sorry—"

"Please don't apologize, Lorna. Don't have any regrets."

"I don't regret it. I meant, I'm sorry for kissing you—" She shook her head in frustration. "That came out wrong."

He chuckled. "I understand."

She let out a sigh. "I'm glad you do because I completely butchered that."

"You didn't mean to invite me to dinner, did you?" When she gasped, he laughed. "I saw the realization in your eyes after you asked."

"It just slipped out, but I would love for you to come to dinner again. If you want to."

"I'd like that."

"Do you like barbeque ribs?"

"What red blooded man doesn't?" Eli joked.

"I make them in the crockpot. They cook all day and are fall-off-the-bone tender."

"Damn, now I'm hungry. Just tell me when and where."

"My house on Friday night at six."

Eli grinned. "I'll be there, Lorna."

She stood on her toes, kissed his lips, turned around, and hopped onto her horse. She glanced back at him with a smile before riding off.

Eli watched her until she was out of sight before he turned and headed back to his truck. He effortlessly ducked under the fence and walked through the field, the tall grass rustling in response to his steps as he became lost in his thoughts.

As he reached his truck, he unlocked it and climbed inside. Checking for any oncoming traffic, he pulled onto the road and drove back to the office.

Pulling into the department's parking lot, Eli parked his vehicle and shook his head in frustration.

"What were you thinking? You can't get involved with her. She's your best friend's widow, for God's sake. You should have more respect than that."

He decided to cancel their dinner plans; it was the only right thing to do. But he had to tell her the truth about why.

"And why is that? Because you're attracted to her."

Frustration filled him as he thought about how much he wanted her. But she was Mac's widow, and that just didn't sit right with Eli. What would Mac think?

"Mac isn't here," he reminded himself as he opened the door and stepped out into the heat. Making his way inside the building, Eli rode the elevator up to his floor and leaned against the wall, deep in thought.

As the doors slid open, he strode down the hallway and entered the department. He took off his hat and placed it neatly on the hat rack before making his way over to his desk. He pulled out his chair and settled into it with a sigh.

After rummaging through a drawer, he found a pen and slammed the drawer shut, causing some heads to turn in the office. He frowned at them, and they quickly looked away. With a grunt, he booted up his computer and began working, hoping to distract himself from thoughts of Lorna.

****

Lorna checked on the ribs and couldn't help but moan at the tantalizing aroma emanating from the crockpot. She quickly replaced the lid and glanced at the clock, realizing it was only ten minutes until six.

Her nerves were on edge as she thought about seeing Eli again, especially after their unexpected kiss. She couldn't stop her fingers from gently grazing her lips; the memory of his touch still lingered there. It had been three long years since she had been kissed or held by a man, and she missed the feeling so much.

Lately, Mac had not been on her mind as often, which both comforted and worried her. She didn't want him to fade completely from her thoughts, but she also knew that she needed to move on.

Despite her strong feelings for Eli, she couldn't ignore his job; after all, it was what took Mac away in the first place.

As much as she wanted to open herself up to love again, she couldn't risk losing another man in that profession. As she reminded herself daily, any kind of law enforcement was off-limits for her.

"Then why did you invite him to dinner?"

She shook her head, knowing she shouldn't have. This could go nowhere. If he wasn't an agent like Mac had been, maybe they could have something, but he was, and she knew how dangerous his job was. Losing one man in that line of work was bad enough, she would not lose another one. She jerked when the doorbell rang.

Inhaling deeply, she smoothed her hand over her stomach and approached the door. Her heart fluttered as she opened it to see him standing there, looking incredibly handsome.

"How tall are you?" she asked.

He frowned in confusion. "Usually people say hello first."

Chuckling, Lorna said, "Hello. How tall are you?"

"Six-three. Why do you ask?"

"You're just so tall. Mac was only five-eight, not much taller than me. I'm five-six."

Eli laughed. "Yeah, I used to tease him about it."

"Well, come on in." She stepped aside and he entered, removing his hat and wiping his feet before stepping into her living room. Lorna hung his hat on a peg in the kitchen.

"That smells amazing," Eli commented.

"I've been cooking those ribs all day. They're ready whenever you are."

Looking around, he asked, "Where's the little one?"

"She's with Dad. He took her to see a movie and she'll be staying at his place tonight. I hope that's okay."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Eli furrowed his brow.

"I didn't want you to think I was trying to get rid of her so we could—" She caught herself before finishing the sentence.

"So, we could what?" Eli moved closer to her.

Taking a deep breath, Lorna admitted, "So we could fool around." She blushed at the thought.

"Oh? One can only hope," Eli murmured, closing the distance between them. "I'm sorry, that was out of line. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine," Lorna reassured him.

"I almost canceled tonight, Lorna because I know we can't have a relationship since I was Mac's best friend. But I wanted to see you."

"But that has nothing to do with my attraction to you," Lorna clarified. "But I just can't handle being in a relationship with another man in a dangerous job."

"I see. I respect your decision."

"Enough talking, let's eat." Lorna grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "I slaved over the crockpot all day."

Eli chuckled. "Yeah, it must have been so hard for you to lift that lid on the crockpot."

"You're such a smartass, Hawkins."

"That's what they tell me." He laughed. "Let's eat and then I'll leave. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about that," Lorna reassured him. "We can have dinner as friends."

"What about that kiss though?" Eli asked. "Are we just going to pretend it didn't happen?"

"We have to," Lorna sighed. "I shouldn't have kissed you and given you false hope."

"I don't consider one kiss false hope, but if you want to kiss me again just so we can say it was... be my guest." Eli grinned.

Lorna whipped around to face him, then she shook her head in disbelief.

"You do make it difficult to resist, Agent Hawkins."

"I won't ever push you, Lorna. I understand where you're coming from, so I'll respect your wishes. Now, let me at those ribs."

Lorna forced a smile in return, but inside she was struggling. She desired him, but the thought of going through that pain again was unbearable. Every time Mac left the house for work, she feared he wouldn't come back. And one night, he didn't. No, she couldn't go through it all over again. Give her a man with a safer job any day.

"Take a seat. I'll get the ribs on the platter and we can eat," she said.

He pulled out a chair from the table but remained standing. She mentally shook her head. He certainly had good manners. As much as she loved Mac, he would have already been sitting at the table, waiting for her to serve him.

After arranging the ribs on a large plate, she placed it on the table and grabbed a roll of paper towels from the rack.

"By the looks of them, I might need this entire roll of paper towels," Eli joked with a grin.

Lorna chuckled, "They can be a little messy."

"But what good ribs aren't?" He grabbed a few paper towels and placed some ribs on his plate.

He closed his eyes and let out a satisfied moan after taking a bite. Lorna couldn't help but grin.

"Good?"

He wiped his mouth with a paper towel and nodded, "Fantastic. You're a good cook, Lorna."

"Please, you've only had two meals here and this one was easy to make."

"Don't knock it. I'm sure there are those who would mess it up. The fried chicken was delicious, but these... these are incredible."

"Thank you." She tried to pick up a rib, but with all the sauce, it slipped from her fingers and landed on her plate, splattering barbeque sauce onto her T-shirt.

Eli laughed, "Slippery, aren't they?"

"A bit. Looks like I'll have another messy shirt to wear around the house."

When he smiled at her, she couldn't help but get lost in his handsome features. She never noticed the dimples in his cheeks before. Goodness, he was too attractive for her own good. Why did he have to be a livestock agent?

"Any updates on the horses?"

"No, it's frustrating. I have another agent looking through files back at the office. I've also been assigned another case—"

"Another case? But what about our horses?"

"I can handle more than one case at a time, Lorna. Especially if there's a lull in one of them. I haven't forgotten about you and your father's horses; I just have other work to do as well."

"Okay. As long as our horses aren't neglected."

Eli set his paper towel down on the table, "Lorna, we never neglect any case."

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I do know better."

"It's fine." He continued eating, and she did as well.

After dinner, she got up to clean the dishes and Eli stood to help her. Once they finished, they made their way to the living room.

"Take a seat for a bit, Eli. It's rude to eat and run." She smiled at him.

"I'll stay for a few minutes. After you," he gestured toward the couch.

Lorna sat down and watched him take a seat at the other end of the sofa. He picked up a pillow, frowned, and turned it toward her.

"What does the ‘d' stand for?" he pointed at the pillow with ‘LDC' stitched on it.

She grinned, "You don't know? I would've thought Mac would have told you."

"Why would Mac tell me your middle name?"

"Do you remember what he used to call me?"

Eli thought for a moment before nodding, "Cookie."

"Yes, and so does my dad. The ‘d' stands for Doone. Lorna Doone Carter."

"Lorna Doone like the... cookie." He laughed.

"Yeah, but my mom named me after a character in one of her favorite books, Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor. But since there was a cookie with the same name, my dad started calling me Cookie when I was born. Then when Mac and I started dating, he heard my dad say it and started calling me Cookie too." She shrugged.

"He never said why he called you Cookie, but it makes sense that he would."

"My dad still calls me Cookie. It's fine, he's my daddy." She smiled.

Eli shook his head and chuckled. "Daddies and their daughters."

"You sound like you speak from experience?" She tilted her head.

"My sister is spoiled rotten by our dad."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

He shrugged. "How would you? She's four years younger than me."

"How old are you, Eli?"

"Forty."

"Seven years on me. Mac would only be thirty-three now, too." She looked at Eli. "He really looked up to you."

"I remember when he first joined the department. I was twenty-eight and Dave had me show him the ropes. He was a quick study. I was impressed. He turned into a great agent."

"He loved it."

"He died doing what he loved, Lorna. We should all be so lucky."

"I suppose, but it's so dangerous. Doesn't it scare you at times?"

Eli smirked. "Every time I go out on a stake-out, and especially now since being shot."

"I can't imagine how that hurt. At least, Mac didn't feel anything. He was dead before he hit the ground." She looked at Eli. "So, see? There was no way you could have saved him. Stop beating yourself up for that."

"Yes, ma'am." Eli got to his feet, walked to the kitchen then returned with his hat in his hands. "I should get going. Thank you for dinner. It was great. Have a good evening, Lorna. I'll talk to you soon." He waved her down when she moved to get up.

"Let me know when you find something."

"Will do. Goodnight." He opened the door, stepped onto the porch, placed his hat on his head, and closed the door.