Chapter 18

[Ross]

I'm grateful when Vee allows me to stay the night.

Then, I wake in a risky position. My large body is practically over hers where she lays almost on her belly. Her legs are spread apart because my thigh is wedged between them, pressed against a spot that is warm and inviting. My arm rests across her chest, hand on her shoulder while her hand wraps around my forearm as if she doesn't want me to let go of her.

I sense her waking as well. The way her foot runs over my shin. The way her backside brushes me just off center from my morning wood. I slip my hand to her throat and feel her swallow. She arches into me, as if seeking what I want to slip inside her.

Skimming my hand to her chest, I imagine what would happen if I slid lower. My mitt-sized hand would cover her breast, teasing her nipple, before lowering to her belly.

I press my face into her hair, inhale her fresh floral scent and rock my hips forward, just once. One tap. Then I drop my hand to her stomach, meeting her skin where her shirt has risen.

Vee moves her legs, tightening them around my thigh, holding me in place between them.

God, I want her . I want to feel where she's warm and kiss where she drips. I want her wrapped around my hips, and my body jolts with excitement.

But my head gets in the way. Or maybe it's my heart stomping on the brakes.

"Vee," I groan, nuzzling my face deeper into her nape, pulling her closer while knowing I need to push her away. "I'm trying to be a decent man."

"You are a decent man," she moans as she arches her back, her fine ass jutting toward me, narrowly missing my rock-hard dick. I shift my leg, the thickness of my thigh firmly pressing against her center. She's clutching my wrist, pressing at my arm, begging me to travel lower on her body. To take what I want from her. Or maybe give her what she needs.

Instead, I push off her and roll to my back, inhaling short, sharp ragged breaths and swiping both hands down my face.

" Fuck . I'm sorry, Vee." It isn't that I don't want her. It's that I don't know how to keep her. I've just started a new job, and things are rocky at best, near avalanche at worst. I value Vee in my life, and I don't want sex to mar what we have. For once, I want to do things the right way, not make it about sex.

Still, I ache for her.

"No. Don't say it," she mutters, burying her face into her pillow. Disappointment rings throughout the bedroom. Both hers and mine.

"I don't want to hurt you. But I need to keep my eyes on the ball."

Devotion. Drive. Determination.

"It's okay," she mumbles, her face still aimed into her pillow. "I only have a few days left in Arizona anyway."

She doesn't understand. I'm not rejecting her . Not in a traditional sense. I want her, I just . . . I'm messing up. I'm sending her mixed signals.

Hold or steal the base? Can I risk more right now? Should I only lead off a little or rush toward the next base and hope the slide doesn't burn?

Fuck, I'm so confused, and I'm not ready to let Vee go which makes me selfish. Hell, I've been greedy from the start. Hadn't I known, deep down, we might come to this point? This moment where I'd want her physically. Emotions were not supposed to get in the way of things. But I treasure her friendship.

Quickly, I roll toward her, perch up on my elbow, and press on her shoulder, forcing her to look at me. Which she won't. Tears fill her eyes, and she closes them.

"I hadn't thought about us leaving." I need more time. I'm not ready to let her go. "The Anchors don't fly out until Monday night."

"I leave early Saturday morning. "

"I don't want to think about saying goodbye yet." I swallow hard. Will we have to say goodbye? "Sweetheart, I have this Tuesday off. Go out with me." Spend more time with me. More than this bed. More than late night wine and movies on the couch.

Vee finally opens her eyes and briefly meets mine.

"What about practices? A meeting or press conference? Spring training is so short. I'm surprised you have any time off at all."

I brush back her hair, my fingertips skating over her collarbone. It isn't fair that I keep touching her, and yet I don't want to stop. "The days off are rare. Spend it with me. We can do anything you want."

Then I'm tracing her face with my finger. Starting between her brows, I round her eye, down her cheek, and draw to the tip of her chin. Then I circle over her opposite cheek, around her other eye, and return between her brows.

Her face is a perfect heart. Fuck. You'd think I'm a connoisseur of romance novels.

With her gaze landing on my face, suddenly I can't look her in the eyes.

"Have you heard of the Hole in The Rock? I've been wanting to go there," she says.

"I have heard of it, but I haven't been."

"I'm not athletic like you, but I've read it has low peaks which are easy to climb."

"Hey," I quietly state, forcing us to look at one another. "Don't sell yourself short. You don't need to be athletic. And a hike sounds great. We can go at our own pace. Maybe grab lunch afterwards."

"Sounds like a date, Coach."

"Definitely a date," I say, meeting her eyes, wanting to kiss her but stopping myself.

This date won't be one in a swanky restaurant or one with hopes of publicity shots. This time will be just an average day, doing something outdoors, and enjoying the company of a woman I don't want to let go of yet.

Because I'm not ready to consider what happens next.

+ + +

I hated leaving Vee. Especially as I'd disappointed her. I'd disappointed myself as well, but I didn't want to use Vee to relieve the ache in my cock, even if my desire for her was the cause of that tension.

After she agreed to our date, I was almost giddy. I'd wanted to linger in bed, maybe grab breakfast together. I could hardly wait until Tuesday.

But like I told her, I needed my eye on the ball, and we had another game today.

"Well, you look rested," Kip teases as I enter my office after a quick stop to my hotel room for a shower and change of clothes.

I sip from my to-go cup of coffee. "I am," I casually state, glancing down at my desk, randomly flipping through papers without reading a word on them.

"Sleep with your lady friend again?"

My head lifts and I narrow my gaze at Kip. "Don't make it sound so scandalous."

"But isn't it? Clandestine meetings at her place."

"What the . . . Are you reading romance novels again?"

"I'm going to regret letting you know that secret, aren't I?"

Not as much as I regret that I'm not having a clandestine affair with Vee, although this morning came close. Her heat against my thigh. Our legs entwined. Her hand on my wrist, signaling she wanted more.

"Are you feeling lucky?"

"What?" My head snaps upward, my tone a little sharper than necessary.

"For the game. Did your good luck charm bring you the magic you need?"

I shrug. "I don't know." However, I certainly do feel good. Better, especially after Vee didn't kick me out last night, invited me to stay for dinner, and then we hung out. Things got a little sad for a minute, but the sharing of our marriages was inevitable, almost refreshing .

I never mentioned Patty with former situationships. She was a subject I glossed over, and one most females didn't like to address. Some didn't even like my single dad status which made them short-lived in my life.

But like Kip had said weeks ago, fucking the younger set had it's time and place, and now I wanted my time to be filled with one pretty forty-five-year-old.

As for places, I couldn't believe both of us were so close to going back home. Chicago awaits.

The thought made me anxious. Like a summer fling about to end. I didn't like the comparison.

Would I see Vee in Chicago? Could we keep this arrangement going? Should we?

Was I being fair? Was I only dragging out the inevitable by asking Vee out on a date? My heart slowly sinks to my stomach. Still, I want that time with her. The Hole in the Rock will be a fun escape and excellent way to experience Arizona together. Plus, it gets us outside her rental which is the only place we've been together, like an actual clandestine affair as Kip teased me. Only I don't want Vee to feel like a secret. She isn't something scandalous. We're consenting adults, building a friendship, and I want to see where we'll go. Before we say goodbye, if we say goodbye.

"So you saw her?" Kip questions, still reading my mood.

"I saw her." A slow smile ticks up the corners of my mouth with reminders of this morning and our future plans. Like a runner moving around first base and hightailing toward second, I'm racing toward a grin I can't contain. Glancing at Kip, he catches me smiling.

"It's a nice look on you."

"What is?" I school my expression.

"Happiness."

Fuck off rests on the tip of my tongue, but I fight the response.

I am happy. Happy I'm getting this chance with Vee. If only for a little while longer.

+ + +

On Tuesday, after batting practice in the morning, I pick Vee up and drive the half hour distance to Hole in the Rock, which is essentially a giant hole in a ginormous rock formation, and a small sightseeing venture compared to all the trails, hikes, and mountain ranges in the area. If only I had time, I'd take Vee to Sedona or up to the Grand Canyon. Maybe next year? It was an excuse I'd used too often with my boys when they were younger. And I didn't know if there would be a next year for Vee and me. I needed to embrace the moment.

While we drive, Vee chatters away about activities she's done while in Arizona and things she'd wanted to do. She was running out of time to fit it all in.

Once we arrive at the park, we take the rocky trail which curves around the back of the rock to natural indentations leading to the hole that provides a scenic view of Phoenix.

Vee takes picture after picture after having taken tons of photographs from the base of the rock.

"Here. Let me take a picture of you." I hold up my phone when she turns and smirks. Click . "What was that look?"

"I hate having my photo taken."

"Why?"

"I just never look like I feel in the images."

"You're fucking beautiful, Vee. You should feel like that in every photo taken."

Her mouth falls open at my compliment and I take another photo of her. Then I step next to her and stretch out my arm holding the phone. Wrapping my other arm around her, I say, "We'll take one together."

"Okay." She leans toward my shoulder and just as I'm about to snap the button for the photo, I turn my head and press a kiss to the side of hers. Click .

She pulls back and stares at me, and with my arm still outstretched, I click a few more pictures of us. I'm not only embracing the moment; I'm capturing it .

We hang out on the rock for a while before noticing trails leading to other rock formations. We descend one geological phenomena and hike toward another. The second formation is slanted like something from a pre-historic time, and Vee stands still in awe again.

"‘What are men to rocks and mountains?'" Vee whispers.

"What?" I turn to face her.

"It's a Jane Austen quote . She was questioning the purpose of men in relationships to the peace of rocks and mountains." Vee turns her head toward me. "Or maybe she was wondering what's the value in a man when rocks and mountains are more stable?"

She laughs, and I realize she's teasing me. Or is she?

I haven't been very consistent in how I've handled our situation.

"She also said ‘It is not what we think or feel that makes us who we are. It is what we do.'"

I chuckle. "Now that's something you should have printed on a T-shirt."

She tilts her head. "I do. And why would you say that?"

"Because you have all those book tees."

She stares at me in question.

"You know, Cool Girls Read Hot Books ."

Her mouth falls open, like she's surprised I remember the T-shirt.

"I told you, I remember everything." I tap at my temple. And I'm going to remember this moment, right here, where I really want to pull her into my arms and kiss her again. Not just a surprise cheek kiss, but an earnest, I want this moment to last forever kind of kiss.

Instead, I swallow down the desire and squint off into the distance where a range of mountains stands tall behind a glimmering city, wondering if I'm doing enough to let Vee know I value her and the time she's given me.

+ + +

After our hike, we decide to head back toward Vee's rental for lunch, and later find a local taco restaurant that serves margaritas and beer. We talk about nothing important and everything random, and I laugh like I haven't laughed in a long time. Vee talks with her hands a lot, getting animated when telling a story, especially ones about her girls or her friend Cassandra, who she explains was seated next to her during the first spring training game Vee attended and the one catcalling my name.

I don't remember her friend, but I recall looking up in the stands and seeing Vee when I typically gloss over the crowd. Looking at no one in particular and everyone all at once.

Vee stood out in that sea of baseball fans. And it wasn't only that she was wearing that replica Anchors jersey with my number on it. Her bright eyes. Her light hair. Her stunned face then.

However, her smile is what captivates me now. I'm hoping I was able to capture that smile in the pictures I took earlier.

Will I find Vee in the sea of fans at Anchor Field once we return to Chicago? She'll never be someone nameless or faceless in a crowd to me. Will she look for me as well? Or will we end when she leaves Arizona in a few days?

My stomach knots because I don't want to think about goodbyes.

When we finally return to Vee's place, she looks a little buzzed from two margaritas, and I'm drowsy from the physical exertion of the morning hike and the rays of sunshine, plus my two beers.

"Want to sit outside?" Vee asks, pointing toward the brilliant late afternoon sun shining on her balcony.

"Actually, lets nap." I'm not typically a napper but I'm warm and comfortable as I toss myself on her couch. Plus, I want to be close to her again.

Vee stares at me until I turn on the television, set the volume to low and stretch out on my side. Then I hold out my arm and wiggle my fingers.

"Come here, beautiful."

Vee chuckles softly, like a dismissive snortle. Like she doesn't trust this position and I shouldn't be teasing her. I shouldn't be tempting either of us, but I just want to hold her for a little while and soak up the remainder of this day .

"Will this count as sleeping together?" she asks, still standing too far away from me, with her hands on her hips and her lip caught between her teeth.

"Sure." I lug myself back off the couch. "Now get that fine ass over here." Only, I don't wait for her to approach me. I catch her around the waist and carry her backwards to the couch, tumbling us both awkwardly onto the cushions.

"That went better in my head." I chuckle about my vision of a smooth transition to the couch versus her landing on my lap and then her head colliding with my chin before I wrestle us to our sides.

"I'm not certain we fit on this thing together," she laughs quietly again.

With her settled, her back to my front, and my arm wrapped over her middle, I squeeze her.

"We fit together, Vee."

And I mean it in more ways than one.