Chapter 7

Ichecked my phone for messages as I finished brushing my teeth.

Last night was terrible. The rest of the night had gone by in a daze. I"d been lost in my own thoughts, and the boys hadn"t been much better. They never left me alone, but they alternated between stewing in their own heads, and snapping at the patrons with rude and sometimes hateful comments.

I eyed them hard.

How had they gotten to be like this? Or maybe I was the idiot and they"d always been this way, I was just never close enough to them in school to see their true colors.

Sighing, I dropped my toothbrush in the fancy holder and left the bathroom.

Just like every time I had a minute alone in this room, which was all the damned time, I stopped and studied the decor.

It was still beautiful. The colors they picked were my favorite, but it wasn"t me.

I wanted to be back in my tiny-ass apartment working at the bar, but they"d made it almost impossible.

Nothing was resolved with Stevo, and Lake made the situation worse by killing him.

"Dumb fucking Stevo," I muttered to myself as I snatched my T-shirt off the back of the chair and tossed it on over my sports bra.

One thing was certain, I couldn"t continue like this.

Heading downstairs, I took the steps two at a time. Soft sounds were coming from the kitchen, so at least one person was up.

Turned out, it was two.

Joaquin and Atlas stood with their asses to the counter as they sipped on their coffee, talking quietly to each other.

For once since I"d been here, they didn"t seem to be nitpicking at each other.

"Good morning, Beasty," Atlas purred as he set his coffee down and walked toward me. His eyes darkened as he got closer, his mouth almost a smirk but not.

"Stop." I help up a hand. Last night when he molded himself to my back, I"d been caught up in my feelings. I hadn"t had a clear enough head to push him away.

His jaw clenched but he stopped. "What"s wrong, Beasty? You were perfectly happy to let me put my hands on you yesterday."

Joaquin choked and the tips of my ears started burning.

"We were in public and I didn"t want to make a scene." It was more than that. But it wasn"t like I was ready to spill my heart out to him, anymore than he was ready to hear it.

Anger burned in Atlas" eyes. "Is that the way you want to play it? Like you don"t crave my touch as much as I ache to touch you?"

The path I was on came to a screeching halt. Back the fuck up. "Are you trying to make this out like I"m the one toying with you?" He was out of his mind. Absolutely lost it if he thought I would continue to take their shit.

I was knocked off balance coming back here. The fact that they wanted me–how they wanted me, messed with my head and confidence.

But I"d had some time to process it, and while I was uncertain on how I felt after Lake and Joaquin were arrested, I remembered exactly who I was trying to be.

What I needed for myself. Letting Atlas be an asshole wasn"t it.

"You"ve been fucking with my head since the second you came up to that fence, Beasty!" Atlas all but yelled. "How is this any different?"

I shook my head as my brows snapped together. "You"re fucking delusional."

"We"ve already hashed out that I put you on a pedestal when you didn"t need to be there. That"s my fault, but you"re still a compulsion I can"t ignore."

"And you"re blaming me for that?"

"I"m blaming you for–"

"Atlas, stop." Joaquin waded between us, giving me his back so he could face Atlas. He seemed tired and drained. Probably because last night after they kicked Alfie out, he got wasted.

It was the first time I"d ever seen him get like that and even though he wasn"t wild and violent, he wasn"t himself.

I tried not to be hurt that he completely ignored me to talk Atlas down from his tantrum, but it was impossible. All these boys seemed to know how to do was exclude me. I shouldn"t even care. I was so fucking angry with them, for not having the balls to talk to me as kids, for not treating me like an equal and letting me be their friend, and for being the same type of people who I worked so hard to escape.

"No, Joaquin. She wants to play hot and cold and that shit is not okay. She decided she wanted to be here. She decided she wanted to stay with us. All of us. And she," he jabbed his finger at me over Joaquin"s shoulder without ever once looking my way, "decided she wanted all of us. The real us. Either she does, or she"s a fucking liar."

"Why are we calling people liars?" Kim asked, his voice light as he strolled into the kitchen. His hair was ruffled and his eyes were soft from sleep. "We don"t tolerate that around here. It"s the worst insult."

Lake snorted as he came in right on his heels. "I heard all the shouting and came down. What"s going on?"

"Beasty's being a bitch. Accepting my touch one second then throwing it away the next."

How...how was Atlas turning this around on me? I was the one who had the right and plenty of legitimate reasons to be livid.

Lake swung his hazel-blue eyes my way. His mouth pinched and I had a feeling whatever came out of his mouth next was going to piss me off.

"Is this true? You"re going back on your word about wanting to be here?"

My eyes got so wide, they were going to pop out.

Fuck him. Fuck all of them. What right did they have to act like this? I hadn"t had a normal childhood just like they hadn"t but the way they thought, I just...

"Agh!" I screamed, gripping the hair on the side of my head. "You"re asking me that when you assholes are literally criminals. When you throw so much shit in my face to see what sticks. Is this a test? Are you trying to see how far you can push me? To see what my breaking point is to make me finally leave for good?"

Kim"s face fell, but the other three glared at me as if this argument was my fault.

I knew what I said was irrational. People didn"t get arrested to test someone, but that was what this felt like.

How far can we push Beasty before she cracks? She"s a dumb bitch who fell on our dicks and now we"re going to have some fun and see what she"ll take.

Lake took a step forward, extending his hand like he was going to touch me.

I slashed my hand down.

"No! You don"t get to pin this on me. You don"t get to act as if I"m the problem. Yes, I agreed to be here. I wanted to stay. I wanted to get to know you. Because the truth? I don"t have a clue who you are." I heaved as I thought about how I wanted to get this message across. In the meantime, I stared each man down.

They met my stare, and for once, I had a kernel of power in a world where I had none.

"But you know what"s even more obvious? You don"t know who the fuck I am. I don"t even know who I am. Growing up how we did, none of us got that opportunity. We–or I–because let"s be real honest, I don"t have a clue what your life was like at the Ramey Home. But I never got to be myself. I was always walking on eggshells, trying to stay invisible while still trying to matter. Do you know how fucking tough that was?" I screamed. "I know who I want to be. I know the kind of people I don"t want to surround myself with. After you four–" I couldn"t even say it out loud. "After you two got arrested," I flicked my gaze from Lake to Joaquin, "that changes everything."

"Beasty," Kim said with a steady, almost pleading voice. "You know us. You know me."

Tipping my head to the side, I studied him. "I thought I knew you, but if you"re okay with murder, I don"t know you, either."

"So what? You"re leaving?" Atlas scoffed.

The desire to tell him yes, and let him watch my ass as I walked away, burned through me.

Drawing in a long breath, I let it fill my lungs and focused on my chest expanding while I thought over his question.

I should leave. I even glanced toward the front of the house. The boys stiffened but didn"t move a muscle.

This was what had been taking up so much headspace last night.

Either I wanted to be here, or I didn"t. At first, I wanted to be here because they were the boys I"d always wanted, who finally seemed to want me.

Now I realized the boys I"d built up in my head, even if the image was a measly, flimsy picture, were all a lie.

Yet, the thought about walking through that door and never seeing any of them again physically hurt. When I exhaled, it felt like needles scraping along the underside of my ribcage and up to my throat.

"I don"t want to leave, but I can"t go on like this either." I pressed my fingers into my temples, and dropped my gaze to the floor. "You all have this built-up idea of who I should be. Who you want me to be, and either you"re punishing me for it, or you"re pushing your wishes on me."

Kim made a slight noise, and I lifted my gaze to him. His dark brown eyes were glassy with emotion, and we held each other"s stare for a moment.

"That"s not true," he whispered.

"It is true." Now I just sounded defeated and that was fucking depressing. "Look at my room. Literally the only thing that says it"s mine are the colors. You got my favorite colors right."

He snapped his mouth shut and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

Then addressing all of them. "I like working. I like having a purpose. I want to work for my own things because it makes me feel good." I spread a hand out to encompass the fancy kitchen. "I could care less about luxury like this. It"s nice. I"m glad you have it, but I was perfectly content with my little apartment because it was mine. This? This isn"t mine, and I don"t feel like I belong here."

"That"s bullshit." Lake crossed his arms. "You belong here because we belong here. And we"re not going to let you put shitty second-hand things in your room just because it makes you feel comfortable. You deserve better than that." He bent forward at the waist. "Think what you want, but we spent our entire lives trying to be worthy of you. To give you nice things because you deserved them. Don"t spit on that."

Just like that, the anger that had started to cool ratcheted back up again.

"I didn"t ask for this."

Joaquin held up a hand. "You wanted to know who we really are. We"re letting you see it. We"re also not going to throw away the house because it makes you uncomfortable–"

"I never asked for that," I repeated. He was twisting this all up, trying to make it sound like I was demanding they change who they were. I wasn"t!

He glared at me for interrupting him. "I didn"t say you did. I"m making a statement on what we"re willing to do and what we"re not. What do you need to stay here? You want to go back to believing we"re America"s sweethearts?" His face twisted up. "Unfortunately, that ship has sailed."

My breath started coming faster and my vision started to waver around the edges. I wasn"t going to pass out. I was just suspended in this in-between place of what I should do and what I wanted.

I wanted to leave. Live the life I wanted for myself.

Yet, the very thought of walking out that door threatened to stop my heart. I could literally feel the fingers squeezing around my chest.

"Stay with us, Beasty..." The pleading in Kim"s voice was the final cinch around my chest.

I was weak. I couldn"t leave them. Not this time. Not until I tried to stay first.

Realizing that about myself was terrifying.

"I–"

The doorbell rang.

We stared at each other. Kim with his sad eyes, Lake clenching his jaw, Joaquin with a burning anger just below the surface, and Atlas? He was worryingly blank.

When a few seconds passed and no one moved, loud banging started filtering through the house.

There were muffled voices but I couldn"t make out the words. The walls and doors were just too damned thick.

Lake glared toward the front, his jaw working back and forth but he didn"t move.

"Are you going to get that?"

"Absolutely not," he snapped. "This is more important."

Was it? I was important? They were giving me all the signs that they cared, but my fucked-up brain still caught on all the ways their actions said they didn"t.

"Fine." I spun on my heels to go answer it myself. Partly because I needed an escape, a way to get some of my wits around me again. And whoever was trying to come had a hell of a strong arm, and I couldn"t listen to that sound anymore.

It was too jarring while my emotions were high.

Lake caught my bicep and moved in front of me. Joaquin took hold of my arms to stop me from going any further. He didn"t hurt me, but he had a firm grip, keeping me out of sight of the front door.

I yanked my arms away but he held strong.

"Stop Beasty. We know who this is, and we don"t want you to get caught up with them." Joaquin"s lips touched the shell of my ear and goosebumps raised along my arms.

"Who is it?" I croaked.

"No one I want you around."

Atlas moved past us and stopped just behind Lake. Kim took up position beside us as Lake threw the door open.

"About fucking time, dumbass." A gruff voice with a strong accent echoed in the foyer. I wasn"t great with accents, but I think it was from New York or New Jersey.

"Adrian, there"s really no need for that." Another voice, same accent yet smoother, followed.

I strained forward, trying to see who it was, but Joaquin hugged me against his chest.

It didn"t matter. The two men came around the corner with Lake on their heels.

"You should have called," Lake growled, his shoulders hunching up to his ears.

The first man to appear smirked, giving Lake a quick glance before turning toward us. "So you could ignore my call again? Forget about it."

When he faced forward, his gaze locked on me.

He was...gorgeous, but in a different way than the boys. Where my guys were handsome, almost to the point of pretty, this guy, with his head of styled curls, was more masculine. His dress shirt and slacks were fitted showing off his muscles, and he just looked like he smelled good.

The man on his heels showed all his teeth in his smile as he also zeroed in on me in Joaquin"s hold.

"Well, isn"t she...interesting. She comes across softer than in her pictures." He smacked the first guy on the shoulder.

"Adrian," the man sighed and dropped his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

These two were just as out of place here as I was, but in a different way.

"Who are you?" I asked. Shit, I hadn"t meant to ask that at all. Kim angled himself to cover me, and I stepped to the side.

"They"re not important." Lake walked around them and planted his feet apart as he faced them. Also trying to block their view of me.

"That"s not any way to speak to your keeper, is it?" The more refined man tutted and stepped around him, ignoring all the warning vibes Lake tossed out. "I"m Gio. This is my good friend and colleague, Adrian. We"re here to check on your boys."

The air clogged with so much tension, my throat started to close up. Gulping, I watched the boys for any sign of what was really going on.

It wasn"t like I could trust them to tell me the truth. Even Kim was capable of hiding things from me.

"Parker sent you." Lake stated like he knew exactly why they"d show up, even if they hadn"t expected them.

Gio rolled his eyes. "First, let"s go into the living room. Your place is too nice to hang out in the hallway. Even with all the space, it feels a little cramped." He patted Lake"s chest as he pushed by. He looked everything up and down like he"d never been here before.

Maybe he hadn"t.

He whistled when he saw some of the vases and art pieces in the living room. He pointed to one of two women embracing. "Does Parker know you have that?"

"Parker can kiss my lily-white ass if he tries to take my things. But we both know we"re more valuable to him than that." Lake crossed his arms.

I guess seeing the guys sprawl out on the furniture set Joaquin at ease, since he loosened his hold enough that I was able to step away from him.

Slowly, I moved through the boys. They seemed to only be focused on Gio and Adrian, which was good. I took a seat on the chair and pulled my knees up to my chest, draping my arm over them.

These two men were another look inside the lives of my boys. I wouldn"t waste this opportunity to get to know them better.

I opened my mouth and all attention swung my way. Immediately, I snapped it shut. I was going to ask how they knew them, but another point snagged in my brain.

"What did you mean, I look softer than in the picture? Do I know you?" I squinted my eyes. Gio stiffened for a brief second, but Adrian just grinned. Whatever reason they had seen pictures of me, Gio was either ashamed by it, or uncomfortable with sharing.

Adrian just seemed unrepentant. He grinned wider and shrugged.

"We have friends. You"re welcome by the way."

"Adrian," Gio and Joaquin warned at the same time. Gio tossed an unimpressed glare at Joaquin before focusing back on Adrian.

"What, we saved her life. You can"t even pretend we didn"t. If we didn"t tip off numb nuts here, she"d be in a lake somewhere." Adrian shifted back on the couch, getting comfortable.

"That"s it. You"re done." Lake reached forward and hauled Adrian up by the shirt. Adrian was a big guy, not much smaller than Lake. The looseness in his body posture said he allowed it.

"We came for a reason." Gio stood, angling himself toward Lake.

"Don"t care. Call me."

"We have a job for Beasty," Gio said casually.

I perked up. The chances of these men being criminals was off the charts but I could use this. To push the boys, to give them a taste of their own medicine. I didn't want them in this world, and they didn't want me close to it if I read them correctly. This was also an opportunity to get all the answers the guys weren't willing to give me.

"What job?"

Joaquin exploded. "Absolutely not."

There it was.

"I realize you"re sober for once, but that doesn"t give you the right to speak for the lady." Gio raised one brow.

I rattled off my phone number and Adrian started repeating it to himself as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Send me the details and we"ll talk."

They didn"t get a chance to answer as Lake threw them out, all while Adrian laughed.

Turning to the guys, I raised my brows.

"You"re not working for them." Atlas crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

"I have to work somewhere. And I need answers. If you"re not willing to give them to me, I have to hunt them for myself."

Joaquin"s top lip peeled back.

I didn"t give any of them a chance to argue as I bounded for the stairs. I paused midway up and glanced over my shoulder. "Either you help me or I take care of myself."