Chapter 22

Quilliam was just starting to stir when my phone buzzed.

Damn it. I hadn"t been able to spend as much time with Quilliam as I wanted to lately. He still came out of his enclosure almost every night, but I wanted more time with him than that.

Adrian:

Hey hot stuff. How about a night out? We can even go to Snatched.

This guy was insane. I didn"t for one minute believe he had any interest in me. More like, he liked to get on people"s bad sides, and Lake seemed to not care about being on their good side either, so it was this constant back and forth.

Me:

No. Unless you want to tell me what"s going on with the Pescis.

Adrian:

Hey, hey, hey. Let"s not get crazy and start incriminating ourselves in text messages. Good thing this is a burner and you don"t know my real name. But you, my friend, you"ll be in prison before the IT guys pluck all the packets out of the air for that internet message.

That didn"t make any sense.

Me:

Not interested.

I should have put my phone down. After Joaquin shattered me this morning, I didn"t have any desire to go out just to fuck with them.

There was no energy for it. All my spoons were in the sink, dirty, and caked with nasty-ass shit. I was hollow inside.

Adrian:

We could still talk about that job...

Adrian:

There"s a nice payday in it for you...

As much as I abhorred money–How could I not when greedy people were responsible for all the bad things in my childhood?–I needed it. To be safe, to have food, and a roof over my head.

In case the worst happened and I needed to run, I had to have a stash to get me out of here. Even the sturdiest houses would fall when built on sand.

Swallowing hard, I stood up and wandered into the bathroom.

In the mirror, I leaned forward, really studying myself. The harsh frown, the brows that needed to be plucked. A smattering of freckles dotted my cheeks and nose since no one had ever told me I needed to use sunscreen.

Who was I?

I"d used Books" words as a guiding light because they"d made sense. But I"d seen him.

That was him. Just a little older, barely changed at all. There was no chance that it was someone else.

Why was he there?

I started laughing, and my face split into some demented version of myself. Why did I listen to him? He was in this world. He"s the very person I shouldn"t listen to.

My phone sounded again.

Adrian:

Tell me what you want most and we"ll make a fair trade.

I didn"t even need to think about it.

Me:

I want to know who I am. I want the

I started to type Pescis, but shit, he was right. I didn"t have a burner. My records would be there for anyone to pull.

Me:

I want to know who I am. I want to be able to live my life without looking over my shoulder.

Adrian:

Ah, young grasshopper, you want your freedom. We can give that to you. Last chance. You want answers or not?

The boys thought it was dangerous to get mixed up with these three guys. It probably was. Yet they were the only ones trying to give me answers instead of discounting my feelings and stuffing me in a room.

I was fucking tired of it. Of their hurt feelings, their assholishness, their overbearing treatment.

In a weak moment of frustration, I yelled. "Arghh!"

Slamming my hands on the counter, I leaned toward the mirror.

"No. I"m not going to let them treat me this way."

But do you want them? That was the question.

My snarl morphed into a pained wince. It was like watching a movie. I saw the expression. I understood it, but I was disconnected from the emotion.

We didn"t match. The boys and I didn"t make sense in any universe. But I couldn"t turn off the feelings that bombarded me every time they were around. They were mine in a way nothing else ever had been.

Not for the first time, I just had to figure out how to get them to understand I wouldn"t live under their bed, tucked away and controlled. A precious item that no one was allowed to touch.

Adrian:

G said he"ll answer your questions and he wouldn"t even make you work for it. Not if you do this for us.

Me:

I"ll meet you, but not at Snatched.

I raced around the room, grabbing my shoes, and hunted for my wallet. I hadn"t needed it since they brought me here.

My chest squeezed. Already I was changing, even if I"d barely unpacked any of my stuff.

When I opened my door, I almost barreled over Kim. He raised his hands to catch me, but I stopped short.

"Beasty," he said softly, tucking his chin and giving me a bashful look. "I heard what Joaq–"

"Not important," I snapped. Kim flinched.

That was fucked up of me. Of all the boys, I"d wronged him more than he"d wronged me, and I was lashing out at him.

I switched my phone from one hand to the other. "I"m going to meet with Adrian and his friends," I said in a measured tone. "They"re going to give me answers."

"Beasty." Kim"s voice took on a pleading tone. "Please don"t. We can give you answers. There"s nothing they know that Lake and Joaquin don"t–"

Holding up a hand, I gave him one firm shake of my head. "I"m not talking to Joaquin. He has his own issues to work through. And Lake had his chance. I"m getting answers in the ways that are open to me." Breathing in deep, my chest expanded as I thought out my next words. "You can go with me, but I"m not staying here."

The olive branch.

Kim meant the world to me. If they would just listen when I tried to talk to them, we wouldn"t have any of these issues.

He glanced over his shoulder, staring toward the stairs for more than a minute. Then his shoulders slumped and he faced me again. "Okay. But we"re not telling the guys we"re gone until we"re already there. And we take the guard of my choice."

My brows climbed my forehead. They had more than one or two guards?

I knew they had a full staff, I just didn"t like to think about it. It made the divide between us too wide.

"I told them we"re not meeting at Snatched." That was just asking for trouble.

"That"s the best option." He stepped back for me to pass him. "Being around so many beautiful women makes Adrian twitchy. He has a shoe fetish and tries to get them to slip off their heels."

"Really?" That shocked me, but I could also see it.

"Yes." He used exaggerated movements to glance at my feet. "Tennis shoes. Good choice. He won"t ask for those, and if we need to run, you"ll be good."

I nodded because there was no room for humor. I had answers to get and only so much time before Lake or Atlas barged in. I couldn"t be certain that"s how they"d respond, but I assumed.

"Tell Adrian we"ll meet them at The Hot Spot." Kim nodded as if he was trying to convince himself that this was a good idea.

I exhaled through my nose. He was helping me. Not standing in my way like Lake would have, or Atlas might have.

The warmth of happiness exploded in my chest and for a second, my eyes welled up. I could count on my hands the number of times I"d felt like this in my life.

When I read Books" note and got the gift card.

When the boys offered me a home with them after graduation.

When Linda hired me.

And now this.

I laughed, the sound thick from my crazy emotions. I did realize how sad this was that Kim giving in to what I wanted changed my entire mood. But I was only human.

If Kim didn't hate touch so much, I would have thrown my arms around him and kissed him.

Except he did hate it. And even if he didn"t hate it with me, I couldn"t shake the feeling that I"d fucked up when I left. That maybe he didn't welcome my touch anymore.

If given a do over to leave or stay, I"d do it again in a heartbeat. I learned so much about myself while I was on my own. But maybe I should have done it differently.

This time? I was doing everything different.

Stepping into his space, I placed a soft kiss on his cheek, then stepped back. "Thank you," I said quietly.

He placed his hand over his cheek and closed his eyes before nodding some more. "Let"s go, Beasty, before we get caught. Lake likes to read BDSM erotica to those who go against him."

I wanted to savor the moment, but a snort escaped, and I slapped my hand over my mouth. "You"re kidding." He had to be.

He just grinned and started walking.

While I texted Adrian, he sent a message to someone else.

When we stepped out of the house, a black SUV was there waiting. The man in the driver"s seat was a different person than the man who had gone with Joaquin and me to the diner. This man seemed kinder somehow, even though he didn"t smile at us.

It must be in the eyes.

Kim opened the door and I climbed in the backseat. As soon as he joined me and shut the door, he smacked the back of the passenger headrest in front of him. "Let"s go, JJ. Lake"s going to have a conniption when he finds out we left."

JJ grunted, but didn"t make any remarks.

The drive was farther than I expected. Did Kim pick this place on purpose, so it would take Lake longer to get to us?

I couldn"t keep the goofy grin off my face at the thought.

When we pulled up outside a concrete building, I shot a questioning look at Kim. I thought The Hot Spot was Pho or something. Not an electronics store out in the middle of nowhere.

He smiled and got out. "This is a...friend"s place."

"I"ll be parked to the side. Text me when you"re ready to leave, and I"ll drive to the door." JJ cut his gaze at us. He must not be a fan of this place, he seemed too jacked as he surveyed the parking lot.

How did Kim meet this friend? It couldn"t have been through modeling. There were bars on the doors and windows, and that didn"t scream fashion.

The bell on the door chimed, and a gust of cold air hit me in the face.

A man about thirty came out from the backroom. "Welcome to The Hot–"

When he saw Kim, his eyes widened and his mouth made an "o" shape. Sweat beaded on his forehead and his face drained of blood. He couldn"t have been a friend of Kim"s.

I sent Kim a sidelong glance, and he just kept that calm smile on his face even as he stretched taller and pulled his shoulders back. There was a different aura surrounding Kim. A confidence that didn't match the smile on his face.

"Dan, nice to see you again." He strolled forward, touching phone cases along the way like he was browsing. He turned his head to the box he was touching and his smile morphed into a small smirk. Then he was moving forward again with so much ease he practically glided across the floor.

Something was off about this. Shifting on my feet, I stayed right where I was by the door.

"Yeah, it"s great," Dan answered with a thin voice. I was shocked he wasn"t pulling on his collar with how uncomfortable he was.

"Some friends are going to meet us here in a few minutes. We need to use the backroom." Kim pulled a tissue out of the box on the counter, then handed it to Dan before he pointed at his forehead.

Dan just crumpled it in his fist as he stared hard at the glass countertop.

Kim glanced over his shoulder. "Are you coming, Beasty?"

I jolted forward. Once I was on my way, he faced Dan again.

"Yeah, sure. I"ll make sure all footage is off and the scrambler is on." Still not looking at either of us, he pointed to the door behind him. "You know which room it is."

"Great. Point them our way when they get here, yeah?" Kim reached out and took my hand as he led me through the back.

What in the world?

Who was this man? This wasn"t the sweet and soft Kim I knew. First, he was like this at Snatched during the staff meeting, but I thought that was a fluke or something. Like he was acting that way because Andrea was nasty to me.

But this was too much of a coincidence for his behavior to be a one off. Right?

Kim steered me into a small conference room with one round table and four chairs. Nothing on the walls. No art, or anything in the room. There was one tower in the center of the table with the cord running down through the middle and plugging in at an outlet in the Floor.

"What is that?" It definitely wasn"t a phone.

"It"s a scrambler. We have a couple at home and in our offices at Snatched. They basically prevent good recordings. If anyone is recording, they"ll only hear static." He pulled my seat out and pushed it in when I sat.

He never did that for me before. The action now seemed uncomfortable. When did Kim learn manners and who taught him?

A mound of jealousy sat heavy in my stomach. This was ridiculous. I shouldn"t be jealous over something like this.

Except I was.

"We don"t have to do this if you don"t want to, Beasty. I"ll make Lake answer your questions." Kim took the seat next to me and leaned close. Not touching, but still close enough that I could smell the clean scent of cologne on him.

"No, it"s okay," I rushed out. This was not the time to get stuck on things that didn"t matter. Pursing my lips, I racked my brain for something that would change the topic, but I was saved by a knock on the door.

It opened a couple inches. "Cressida?" Gio.

"It"s us," I called out.

"Good." The door swung open and Gio walked in. Adrian and Storm followed. Adrian wore that shit-eating grin that he seemed to have permanently stamped on his face. Storm was less ecstatic to be here as he walked in last.

Where Gio and Adrian were exactly what I"d expect mafia men to look like, Storm seemed like he"d be more at home at a goth rave.

"How did you manage to get away from your keepers?" Gio asked as he took the seat next to me. Adrian claimed the final seat and Storm leaned against the wall, not too upset he missed his chance to be at the table.

"Let"s not start antagonizing each other. You wouldn"t want us to think you"re trying to cause a rift, would you?" Kim"s tone matched the same slithery charm he"d had out front, but the smile on his face was as serene as I"d ever seen.

Gio quirked a brow. "It"s not antagonizing. It"s a legitimate question."

"It doesn"t matter. What I want is answers. You want my help. If you explain exactly what you want, then maybe I"d be willing to help you. If you tell me what"s going on." I rested my elbows on the table, turning my head slightly toward Gio.

Glancing at Kim, Gio stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth like he was working out a puzzle. "You don"t want to get your answers from the Fashion Boys?"

What?

"The Fashion Boys?" I parroted. Why did that sound familiar?

Gio grinned and Adrian outright laughed. "Our mutual acquaintance and business partner came up with the nickname. It fits, and they"re the only ones I work with connected to the fashion industry, so..." His shoulders raised in a slight shrug.

Kim snickered. Clearly, he wasn"t offended.

In fact, he sat up a little straighter like the name made him proud.

"I want your side. Why are the Pescis after me?" I dove right into the meat of it.

Gio set a hard glare on me. "Are you sure you"re ready for those answers?" Then to Kim, "Are you sure this is a secure room?"

"Absolutely. We have more than enough leverage and goodwill on Dan to ensure this meeting never surfaces. And we buy all our equipment from him." Kim pointed at the scrambler in the center. "They"re the best. We"ve tested them."

My mouth dried up listening to their exchange.

Just when I started to get my head on straight about what I wanted, something was shoved in my face that reminded me that the boys were involved in things I wanted nothing to do with.

Gio turned back to me. "Okay, Cressida, or do you prefer Beasty?"

"Cressida is fine." I didn"t really care one way or the other, but for such a serious conversation, Cressida felt right.

"Cressida," he repeated. "What did Stevo tell you about the Pescis?"

I swallowed. Just thinking about him twisted a hot poker in the center of my chest. Over the last several days, I"d tried to forget about his death. I fought with myself to ignore the fact that Lake had killed him.

Because of me. For me, so he said.

Doing what I did best, I forced everything about Stevo"s death to the back of my mind except for what Gio was asking.

"Nothing. I had no idea he was mixed up with anything bad at all. He was an idiot but that was it." Then because it might make a difference to the conversation I added, "I had already broke it off with him before I left town with Lake."

Kim sucked in a sharp breath and regret sat sourly at the back of my throat. I shouldn"t have said that. It was an ugly reminder of something he"d probably like to forget.

Who was I to get jealous over him pulling out a chair? I was so fucked in the head.

Gio rested one arm straight on the table and the other on the back of his chair. "You know he was a lackey for them? You know what they do?"

I hesitated, then nodded. Lake had explained at least that much, sparse as the information was.

"Then you know they believe you have something you shouldn"t have." One side of his mouth shot up in a smile, but it wasn"t nice. It was bitter and hateful.

"But I don"t. He never left anything at my place, or in my car. It was such a shallow, pointless...thing," I spat out the last word, hoping like hell I"d picked a word that wouldn"t further hurt Kim.

"Doesn"t matter. These guys? They"re pretty much wastes of space with too much ego and power to use logic for anything other than to wipe their asses."

I furrowed my brow. That didn"t make sense, but I didn"t say anything, letting him talk.

"With them, it"s not about what you actually have, it"s what they think you have. And that"s where the danger comes in, because what they think you have isn"t something you can just give back." Gio started tapping his fingers on the table.

"What"s that?" I twisted deeper toward him, caught up in his words.

"Knowledge." The words dropped like a bomb between us.

"But–that"s–stupid!" I sputtered. "We didn"t do fucking pillow talk!"

Kim made another noise and I hated myself for my outburst.

Pulling in air through my nose, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Like I said, they"re not the brightest, but they"re powerful."

There was a pause and I opened my eyes.

Across from me, Adrian lost his smirk, instead glaring at the table like it offended him. Storm's body now wired tight.

"Shortly before you disappeared with Lake, they figured out Stevo was searching everything he delivered. He was reading documents, documenting shipments. For all intents and purposes, he was collecting leverage." Gio"s gaze skirted to Kim.

"I don"t have any of that," I whispered. But there was no way for me to prove it, was there?

Was I destined to live my life between the boy"s home, massive as it was, and Snatched? That sounded miserable. It was miserable.

"Lucky for you, I don"t care for them much. I"d like to help you with your problem, but we need your help." The conversation lightened to a perky tone.

"How?" I asked woodenly.

"They won"t put themselves within ten miles of us. We"re happy to help you take care of your problem, but you"ll have to draw them out."

"Absolutely not." Kim peeled his lip back. "Beasty is not bait."

Gio rolled his eyes. "We"re what we have to be when we need to be it. She wants freedom, she has to do her part to help us. We"ve been trying for years to take care of this our way and we can"t get close enough."

"Absolutely not," Kim repeated. "Come on, Beasty. You got your answers. It"s time for us to go." He stood and held out his hand.

I sat there. Torn.

"You"re too important to us to risk your life for Gio and his friends to get revenge. You"re too important to me. Please, Beasty," he whispered.

His eyes were dark and intense as he stared straight into my soul.

This was Kim. My Kim. The boy who was my first kiss, my first everything really.

My will to stand my ground crumbled right underneath me, and I fell into his trap. Sliding my hand in his, I let him pull me from the chair.

I didn"t even say goodbye as Kim led us out the back.

There was nothing out here, just a field. Pitch black with no light even from the front.

"Beasty, I need you." Kim reached for me, cupping the sides of my face and pressing his lips to mine. Kisses were different with him.

Tender, intense, and soul searing. Kim kissed me with lips and tongue as if he was literally touching my soul. Taking pieces and merging them into himself.

Then he dipped his head and trailed wet kisses along my neck and he trapped me against the wall. "I need you. Only you. Only ever you." His voice was as strangled as his touch was gentle.

"Wait," I panted, cupping his shoulders.

He fell back a few steps. The lack of his touch left me cold. "Sorry. I"m sorry, Beasty–"

"No." I spun us around until his back hit the wall. "I want you Kim. Let me do this for you," I whispered as I leaned up and placed a lingering kiss on his lips. He whimpered as my hands trailed down his chest and waist.

His abs contracted and he tipped his head back. His response to my touch was potent and intoxicating. This heady feeling coursed through my blood. I'd never experienced this kind of power, not even during our first time. He placed his hands flat against the wall as he let me explore his body.

I unsnapped the button on his pants, lowered the zipper, and reached inside. Brushing my nose along his neck, I breathed in. He loved a clean scent and it suited him so well. He swallowed when my fingers closed around his cock.

He was hot and hard. So fucking hard.

I pulled my head back slightly to see a look of euphoria and need dance across his face. He wanted me. No matter what bullshit sat between us, my leaving, his choices, our beliefs. None of it changed the fact that we were explosive together.

Nothing ever would.

I started to lower to my knees as I pulled him out, then his phone chimed. Not the regular sound of a text, but an angry, blaring alarm.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He pulled me back up to my feet. "That"s a code red. We have to go."

Code red?

My body trembled from adrenaline.

Go where?