18. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ENDER

I'm a hypocrite.

When I first brought Sera here, I told her to stop fighting who she was, but I've fought our fate every step of the way.

Each day, I grow more and more tired, my body weakening under the stress.

It's like Sera's and my roles have swapped, not that I should be surprised.

I always knew that if given the chance, the two of us would heal one another.

These past weeks, I've been putting off the inevitable and trying to do everything on my own.

In doing so, I've just wasted precious moments that Sera could've been learning.

Or speaking with Denine.

But my guilt has been an anchor that kept me silent and hurting.

I know that my assumption that Sera rejected me is wrong.

I'm in her head.

And yet it didn't stop me from spiraling into an emotional mess.

Now I feel even worse knowing how hard I was on Sera when she first arrived.

I should've been more understanding of her emotions.

Did I trivialize them or gaslight her?

The remorse damn near eats me alive, but Sera acts like she's more concerned for me than her.

Than how I hurt her.

I owe her an apology. I told her to take accountability for how she felt, and she did.

It's my turn now.

When we return from The Valley of Souls, Sera starts to go inside, but I grab her hand.

"I'm sorry."

My apology is a whisper that the wind snatches away.

Sera rocks back on her feet, shifting the ground beneath her.

"For what?"

I didn't think she heard me, but she did and wants clarification.

"For…everything."

"That's not good enough, Ender. I need the words—especially as you've refused to talk to me."

She's right.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you, not trusting you, and for hurting you. I brought you here, demanding you think and feel a certain way, without any concern for your emotional process. Whereas you've been patient and understanding with me—albeit frustrated. I…I love you, but it's not an excuse to lie and hurt you."

The weight on my chest lifts a little once the words are out, and to my surprise, Sera wraps her arms around me in a fierce hug.

"Ender, we're both shaped by our pasts, and we're both still learning how to fix those big emotions, but I can't do that if you don't let me in. Denine thinks we have something special…and I do, too."

"You do?"

"Of course, I do! I understand now that you kidnapped me more because you were relying on my anger to force me away from you, but that backfired on both of us. Because I see the man behind the motives. I see you, Ender, and you're worthy."

"As are you."

"And I know this now because of you ."

"But…none of this negates what I know about the future. I know you want to help, but Sera, backing away and letting me do this alone is what will help."

"Maybe. Maybe not. It's hard for me to make an informed decision because you haven't told me everything that's going on."

"I—"

My voice cuts off when Sera curls her wings around mine, and my mind blanks.

"What—"

She reaches up and presses a kiss to the underside of my beak.

"But—"

Sera laughs. "Stop thinking," she teases, tossing my words back at me from a long time ago.

Brat.

"It's not that easy, is it?"

"I said I'm sorry. I was…a dickhead."

"Mmm, I remember a time when you used your beak like a cock in my pussy."

Her words scramble all the thoughts in my head.

How I didn't see her intended seduction coming, I have no idea.

I heard her thoughts when she was talking to Denine, but I'm still caught off guard.

"Sera, we need—"

"Less talking, more kissing."

"You said you wanted more talking!"

I'm panicking.

"Later."

"But—"

My mate giggles, and the sound washes over me, calming the frayed edges of my nerves.

"Please kiss me. I've missed so much of you, but that might be what I've missed most."

And I can't help but give Sera what she wants when she begs so prettily.

I swoop down and claim her mouth, reveling in how perfect it feels to seal her lips against mine.

You could've been doing this week ago, a vicious part of me hisses.

It's not my father's voice, but it's reminiscent of his tone.

Pushing it aside, I give myself over to the moment.

Sera's tongue reaches out to stroke mine, and we both groan.

Her filthy thoughts fuel my own, and I don't know where I end and she starts.

It's a dangerous line that I'm walking, but as long as I don't complete the mating bond, it should be fine.

That's a lie.

Sera wants me to fuck her hard—per the naughty montage playing in her mind—and if I cross that line, she'll destroy me.

But I can't stop, and she doesn't want me to.

What do I do?

My mate pulls back, and I hold my breath while she seems to observe me.

"Let go, Ender."

It must be ‘throw back all my words in my face' day, but I know she's right.

I need to let go.

If my mate can do it, so can I. Still, I'm scared, but courage isn't the absence of fear.

It's when you face it head on.

This is what Sera does every day despite everything that she's experienced.

She's so brave, and my stomach swoops when I recall that I accused her of being childish.

Instead of recognizing that she needed time to sort out her emotions.

My mate was kind enough to let me sort through my feelings, though.

Sera's everything good and right in all the realms.

I don't deserve her, but I'm not strong enough to turn her away.

And so I kiss her like she's the very air I need to breathe.

Her feathers whisper over mine, and a shudder runs down my body.

How I've craved to hold her—touch her—again.

Loving someone is the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

And the most beautiful.

Sera shimmies her tiny frame down my bigger one, and my quorvim jerks in my pants.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

This is all I need to crush her to me, my hands molding over her curves.

Her scent engulfs me, the unique floral perfume mixed with the intoxicating aroma of her arousal.

My claws dip into the opening of Sera's leather top, and I brush my thumb over one of her nipples.

It pebbles into a hard nub at the contact, and my mate moans.

She arches more deeply into my touch, and I devour her mouth with mine.

The woman drives me wild, and I plan to repay the favor.

I've decided to give us this night, and I won't do anything in halves.

This moment is ours alone.