34. Jace Holloway

Chapter 34

Jace Holloway

I knocked on Theo’s door.

Nevermore.

Fucking hell.

This was crazy. Was I crazy?

I’d shot and killed someone. Theo’s own father. And now, I was waiting for a serial killer to open his door for me and let me inside.

Yeah.

I’d fucking lost it.

The lock clicked open. My heart raced. Chest felt tight. Theo appeared, wearing gray sweatpants and nothing else. His tattoos were on full display, the hammerhead and anchor appearing to come alive on his chest. His eyes locked onto mine. A thousand words were said without either of us opening our mouths.

He stepped aside. I walked into his apartment, greeted by a purring Luke, who was none the wiser to the recent events. How nice must that have been? Living such a simple, innocent life. No question about what was right or wrong. Only about where the next meal and head scratches were coming from.

Theo cleared his throat. He leaned against the arm of the couch, hands in his pockets. “Need anything? Water? Tequila?”

“I’ll do the tequila, yeah.”

“I got you.” Theo left to the kitchen. I sat cross-legged on the floor, letting Luke climb into my lap and rub his head against me. The sounds of glass clinking and drinks pouring drifted from the kitchen. Theo returned, padding barefoot across the living room, two glasses full to the brim with tequila. I could smell it as he handed mine, spicy and woody. I took a heavy chug. The warm, golden liquid coated my throat. I took another drink, shaking my shoulders.

Theo sipped his. He moved back to his perch against the couch. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. They had some questions, but I think I answered them all. Explained how after I freed myself, I snuck out and took care of the other two men in the main area of the club. They also believed me when I said your father admitted to being Nevermore. They found dead crows in the freezer, which helped my case. He must have been storing them to continue fucking with you.”

“So that’s it? It’s over.”

“You tell me, Theo. Is it over?”

Theo knew what I meant. His head dropped in shame. “It is. ”

“I can’t believe any of this is real. I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”

“You are.” Theo looked out his balcony, the dim light from a floor lamp casting a shadow across his face. “My father was an evil man. He was responsible for the creation of Pressure Point, for my sister’s death. You did the right thing.”

“And not turning you in? Was that right, too?”

He didn’t answer that.

“Fuck, Theo. I can’t believe you were behind those killings. This is so fucked.”

He still didn’t answer.

“Do you not have anything to say? Are you going to make me regret ever meeting you?”

“No. I’m just at a loss. I made those choices, and I don’t have it in me to defend them. They were wrong. I’m a broken man, Jace. I can only promise you that I’m going to work every day to fix myself. To right my wrongs. To prove to you—and to myself—that I’m not a culmination of my past actions. That I have the potential to be someone completely different.”

“This goes against everything I believe in.” I shook my head. It felt like the world was crashing in all around me. I tried to focus on Luke’s soft fur against my fingers in a futile effort to ground myself. The low vibrations from his purrs helped calm me, but not by much.

I thought of my father. What he would think if he was still alive, if he knew what I’d done, the choices I’d made. He would have thought I was a fool.

Or maybe… maybe he would have understood? Aside fr om being a good man, he’d also been an extremely devoted husband. He tried to stick things out with my mother, no matter how dark the night got, no matter how bad her substance abuse became. He was one of the strongest believers in love.

Love…

I looked to Theo. What else could explain how irrationally I’d been acting over this? What other emotion could scramble thoughts, skew morals, blur consequences? Love was the ultimate filter. It painted the world in soft hues and rosy colors, making every decision appear like the right one so long as it brought you closer to that one singular person. Theo had cracked open the shell I’d erected around myself. He made me feel seen, feel whole.

And now, we’d been through one of the ultimate traumas together. Something that only cemented us further. Made our bond stronger.

I couldn’t turn him in. That was never an option. I understood that. As fucked-up as that was, I knew that deep down, I could never live with myself knowing that the man I loved was sentenced to spend a life behind bars like a caged animal, all hope for the future, for change, all of it gone. I couldn’t do that to him.

I gently nudged Luke off my lap. Stood. Took another drink of my tequila, letting it burn its way down my throat. I hadn’t had dinner today, so the alcohol was already having a prominent effect. My limbs felt loose, my head light.

The balcony called to me. The view of the city glittered like a framed painting. There was a storm on the horizon, blotting out the full moon that occasionally tried to fight its way through. The glass door was open, letting in a gentle draft. I slid the door open further and stepped outside.

Theo followed me. We stood in silence. He was inches away from me.

“You’re not cold?” I asked.

“No, not at all.” I shot him a look just as he tried to suppress a shiver. He smirked at me. “Alright, maybe a little.”

“Where do we go from here, Theo?”

“I don’t know. I wish I could tell you, but I can’t. All I know is that I want you by my side, wherever that is.”

This was twisted. This was toxic.

This was what I wanted.

Theo reached for my hand. I gave it to him. Our fingers locked together. His palm was soft, warm. Silence returned, broken by the sounds of the city that drifted upward toward the starless sky.

That was it. The Nevermore saga was over, the blackmail ring dismantled. It may not have been done in exactly the right way, but at least I hadn’t failed. Did it really matter how one reached the finish line so long as they crossed it?

Maybe. But it wasn’t my place to figure that out.

“Come,” Theo said, his hand squeezing mine. “Let’s go inside. I’ll draw a bath. We can soak. Relax. Get rid of tonight.”

I smiled, an action that felt odd to perform. As if my facial muscles had forgotten how to curve my lips. “That sounds good.” Before Theo went inside, I leaned in. I kissed him. Hard. He encased my face with his hands, his tongue finding mine. I pressed my body against his. I could taste the tequila, taste the relief, the connection, the bond.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, drawing him in. This was all I wanted. How could I ever let this go?

Theo had the potential to destroy me; instead, he healed me. I trusted him in ways that didn’t make any sense.

“How do I know I can trust you?” I rested my forehead against his and shut my eyes.

“Because I’ve never lied to you. Because, regardless of how fucked-up my actions have been, I never once wanted to hurt you. I’ve fallen irrevocably in love with you. A love I never even realized existed. I want to protect it—you—at all costs. It’s why I rushed to Marielle’s to save you. It’s why I was ready to give myself up to my father so you could escape. I just want you protected, happy. You can trust me.”

I opened my eyes. “How did you know I was at Marielle’s anyway?”

Theo blinked. He turned toward the city. “I had Find My Friends active on your phone. I used that to find you.”

“Shit… so you were tracking me?”

Theo wrung his hands. He squeezed his elbow. “It was to keep you safe. But I understand how it looks. I’ve deactivated it on my end, and you can turn it off, too. I should have asked you. I should have. But that mistake was what helped me save your life.”

I rubbed my face. Sighed. Fucking hell. Why did I still believe him? “Is there anything else you want to come clean about? ”

Theo paused. I could see him biting on his lower lip. My heart dropped.

“Yes… early on, when I was talking to you, I was also… I snuck into the office building next door to you, and I watched you. From the window. I can’t hide that from you. I can’t hide anything from you.”

I took a few steps backward. I was speechless.

“I’m telling you this so that you can see that you can trust me, Jace. I’m committed to being a better person, and I want you to witness that transformation. I want to do it for you.”

“You have to do it for yourself.”

“Jace…”

“You stalked me.”

“I—I’m sorry.”

“Fuck, man. What the fuck?”

“I don’t have an excuse for my behavior except that I’d become infatuated by you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was close to tears. His voice trembled.

I pushed away from the railing. I had to put distance between me and Theo. Was I mistaken? A shiver crawled down my spine, and it wasn’t because of the chilly breeze whipping around the balcony. The storm loomed in the distance, its clouds black and heavy, blotting out the moon. It was coming closer, like everything I was trying to keep at bay.

Distant thunderclaps echoed between the skyscrapers. Lightning flashed inside the dark clouds.

I’d already let a man into my life and proven to myself how quickly it could all turn to shit. Theo had given me hope that maybe my heart wasn’t irreparably damaged, and yet, he had stalked me. Watched me without me knowing. I already knew what he was capable of, and honestly, he should have already crossed the line from “dateable” to “fuck no” a while ago.

This was so wrong. It was fundamentally messed up.

I knew what Theo Glass could do. A man like him could destroy me. He already had access to my life in ways I hadn’t even realized. Could I live with that kind of risk?

But… then why the fuck did I believe him? Why did I want to so desperately forgive him? He was telling me the truth. He was laying out all his sins on the table. What stopped me from absolving him? Giving him the chance to prove that he wasn’t as sinister as some of his actions made him seem?

Was I just as fucked-up as he was?

The damage was already done. And he didn’t lie to me about any of it. Granted, I had to ask him, but still, he confessed to it all.

I cupped my hands, leaned against the railing. Theo gave me space. I tried untangling my thoughts but was having a difficult time with it. Nothing made sense.

Logic was telling me to run.

Emotions were telling me to stay.

One side was winning out over the other.

I had a clear choice in front of me. I could walk away, cut him off, start all over again.

Or… “Theo, please. It’ll take me some time to fully trust you again, but please, promise me you’ll never do anything like that again. Please. ”

“I do, I swear it.” His smile widened, his eyes crinkling at the corner. How could someone this bright have done such dark things? Humans were complex creatures. I couldn’t judge him. It wasn’t my place to drop a verdict on his head. I just had to hope I was making the right decision.

I reached for his hand. Theo lifted his up to rest it against my cheek, his thumb tracing soft circles against my skin.

I’m holding a paradox—the man who killed without mercy, yet cradles my face as if I’m fragile. I said I’d trust him, but trust is earned day by day. Can he see the fear lurking behind my eyes? I want to believe in redemption, but what if I’m wrong?

The silence was thick with forgiveness he wasn’t sure was deserved. As Theo pressed his forehead to mine, he whispered, “No more secrets,” and my chest ached with a tender, impossible hope.

“This is crazy. It’s so fucking crazy,” I said. Today had been long. Extremely long. I felt the exhaustion creeping in. Soaking in a tub right now didn’t sound bad at all. “Let’s go take that bath.”

I told myself this was the right choice. That love could be enough to fix something this broken. But deep down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was stepping off a ledge, hoping Theo would catch me.

Please, Theo. Please catch me.