29. Theo Glass

Chapter 29

Theo Glass

He let me escape.

I almost second-guessed it. Almost stayed in the lobby, waiting for him to return. It would have been the right thing to do, but nothing about this series of events proved that I knew what the “right” thing was.

I’d broken his trust in me. I showed him who I really was.

He knew the truth. There was no running from that.

But I still could run from this fate. At least for the moment. I bolted, nearly knocking over a couple checking their mail. I ran out into the chilly street, down the block, past a busy bodega and a packed coffee shop. People likely thought I’d missed my train to work. Or maybe that I had robbed someone. Or maybe just that I wanted to get a morning jog in.

No one knew the real reason why my sneakers slammed into the pavement. Why my heart beat so hard it threatened to burst open inside of my chest .

Jace knew.

And I’d never get him back. I had lost the one man who’d been able to settle my fears and ease my anxieties. He’d given me hope, he’d shown me love, he’d made me whole again.

I’d never be able to hold him again. To kiss him. To laugh with him. To sleep with him.

That filled me with more dread than the idea of spending the rest of my life behind bars did. At least that made sense. It was the consequences of my own actions. But losing Jace and feeling this affected by it? That wasn’t something I had thought would happen. It wasn’t something I had seen coming. Jail time was always in the back of my head from the second I began my crusade.

Losing the love of my life was not.

Love of my life.

I’d never felt this connection with anyone before. I stayed away from dating men, but the few I had talked to never once sparked this kind of deep, unchained emotion inside me. My heart beat for him. My smiles widened for him. My entire being roared for him. I thought back to that first day I followed him to Chained, when I had saved him from being hit by that car. I never would have guessed that connection would have blossomed into something this powerful. I thought it had just been a physical attraction that drove me forward with Jace, but it had been so much more than that. He reminded me of the one boy—a high school crush I had as a freshman—who had been the only person to break through my barriers. That boy had saved me from being beat up by a group of bullies who had found out I was gay. He stepped in front of them and took a punch to the face before he used his black belt in karate to fuck the other three guys up.

We had lunch every day for a month after that. He gave me his rare Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. He gave me his lunch when my father would send me with nothing. He’d make me laugh when all I did was feel like crying.

And then he started dating the girl he’d later go on to marry and have kids with.

That was the only other guy in my life I could say I’d fallen for. And the same bubbly, butterfly-filled emotions I got with him were the same exact emotions I’d felt with Jace.

And now, that was all dead. Ruined. Shot through the heart.

I stopped next to a trash can, vomit beginning to bubble up my esophagus. My chest felt tight. I sucked in a few rattling breaths. Was he going to just go to the police and tell them everything? Maybe he’d just given me a useless head start. Or maybe it was his turn to toy with me? The cat becoming the mouse. Was I ever the cat in this scenario?

Even with the cold morning air, sweat still beaded across my forehead, dripped down from my armpits.

I hadn’t even fully processed the fact that my father was behind this entire mess. If there was anyone to blame for this pain, for this turmoil, then it was him. He’d been behind my suffering since I was a child, when he’d take out all his stress and anger on me. It was fitting that he continued that trend well into adulthood.

And what was his involvement with Marielle’s death? Did he know that she was a victim of his blackmail ring? Why didn’t he do anything to stop it? To protect her?

I already knew the answer to that. Because he was the devil incarnate. He didn’t have a conscience. I doubted he even had a soul. He was a husk of a man, being controlled by the purely evil essence rotting away inside him.

…

Had he passed that evil on to me? Could that explain why my story was unfolding this way?

I straightened my shoulders, sucked in another breath. The grate nearby choked out a cloud of steam as the floor took on a subtle rumble, the train passing by underneath me.

I had to get back home. I wasn’t sure how much time I had left as a free man, but I was sure I knew how to use it.

My father would pay for what he’d done. One way or another, he’d pay.

The subway station was nearby. I ran down the steps, practically leaping over the turnstile but pressing my card against it instead.

I didn’t want to add another reason to why I should be jailed.

I shouldered my way to a seat. A pair of young men eyed me up and down as they stood with their backs against the door. Could they be undercover policemen? Was the news already out?

Paranoia began to settle inside me. I tried to push it away, but it was impossible. It was as if all eyes were on me. Jace wasn’t the only one who knew of my sins. Everyone in this crammed train knew what I’d done. They could see right through my act. The little old lady holding her grocery bags, the businessman reading the newspaper, the couple nestled together on their seats—all of them knew what I’d do. Each and every single one of them.

I shut my eyes and tried to picture myself somewhere far away. All I could imagine was me lying out on a beach with Jace lying next to me, both of us naked, dotted with sweat and sand, ready to run into the waves together, where we’d hold each other and kiss and feel our bodies fitting together like two perfect puzzle pieces. The final two pieces that completed the whole. That’s all I could think of.

My eyes snapped open. The train screeched to a stop. I could walk the rest of the way. I stood and went to the farther exit, away from the two men who were now staring at their phones. I hurried out of the train and through the flow of foot traffic.

Maybe there was a way I could fix this? That was likely the delusion talking, but Jace had let me go. Maybe he saw something in me that went beyond the choices I had made. That kind of hope was thread-thin, but it was there, and I clung to it like a life raft tossed to me in the middle of a stormy sea. Thunder and lightning clapped in my skull. I was close to drowning. But still, Jace had thrown me a chance at making it out alive.

I couldn’t focus on that, not yet. I had to get back home and plan my next steps. I didn’t have much time.

I reached my building and hurried to the elevator bay. Getting stuck in Jace’s elevator caused me a moment of pause, but I didn’t want to race up twenty flights of stairs, even though I felt like I had the energy to climb forty flights and not even be winded.

The elevator dinged open. I went inside, right behind a young woman intently focused on the Kindle in her hands. She barely looked in my direction.

The elevator opened on my floor. The woman looked up and wished me a good day, which I offered right back. My voice sounded shaky. She cocked her head, eyebrow arched, but the door closed before she could say anything else. Could she have known something was up? Was there a Wanted poster of my face being blasted all across social media? Could it have been pushed to her Kindle somehow?

A ridiculous thought, but this was all such a ridiculous turn of events. I hurried down my hall and reached my door.

I froze. The door was cracked open.

I was sure I had closed and locked it before leaving.

Someone was inside.

They’d come for me.

The game was over. I wouldn’t have a chance to make things even with my father or somehow fix things with Jace.

I dropped my head. There’d be no running from this. No matter how much of a lead Jace gave me. It was time to give myself up.

I pushed open the door and walked into my apartment for what I was sure would be the last time.