26. Cillian

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

CILLIAN

My wolf growled inside me, furious with my decision to leave our chosen mate. I’d originally planned to bite her the moment she became coherent enough to understand my intent, but then things had gone horribly wrong.

I hadn’t been able to hear every thought—her natural block seeming to be in place between us now that her heat had subsided. However, I’d overheard enough to know how she felt about being pregnant, that she blamed me for her current condition.

And rightfully so.

She hadn’t consented to becoming a mother. Of course, most Omegas desired pups as much as, if not more than, their Alphas did. But this was all so new between us. We’d barely even discussed what mating one another would mean.

And I’d been pretty clear about not wanting to continue my familial line.

However, now that Ivana was pregnant… I couldn’t imagine life any other way.

I’d meant what I’d told her—I wouldn’t have wanted to use birth control, even if I could have. I’d wanted to breed her. To make her mine in all ways. To start a future together.

Which apparently made me an asshole because Ivana hadn’t wanted any of that.

Oh, she’d claimed me. But after hearing her response to the pregnancy and all her thoughts about our mating not being permanent, I was starting to wonder if she’d been in the right frame of mind when she’d bitten me.

That was why I needed to talk to Kieran, to find out more about her forced heat and the mental state that had accompanied it.

If I bit her, our connection would be final. There would be no going back. I wasn’t sure I could do that to her, knowing that she might not really want this. Not yet, anyway.

I had a lot of work to do where Ivana was concerned, primarily with proving myself worthy of her. I knew that. I just hadn’t expected her to react this way to being pregnant.

But I’d never asked her how she felt about pups.

She’d told me she wouldn’t mind coming second to my responsibilities, had pointed out a few times that I had never really considered her feelings on the topic of us, that I’d just made decisions for us.

Was this another one of those decisions?

I growled, irritated not just with myself, but also with her. Because I didn’t understand her reactions. And then she’d said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore, basically dismissing me with her words.

Most Omegas wanted love and affection after a heat cycle, requiring the gentle side of their Alpha to help care for them as they healed.

But not Ivana.

No, never Ivana.

Why would she be normal?

Because she was never fucking normal. She was a goddess. A puzzle I’d never quite solved.

Running a hand over my face, I bit back another growl and focused on finding some clothes. I’d left my clothes from last week in Ivana’s room, leaving me stark naked as I’d shadowed back to my den.

It felt cold here. Isolating. And the smell was all wrong.

Maybe I should go back and bring Ivana here, I thought. Have her roll around in my sheets while I go talk to Kieran.

I would have smiled at the notion had my Omega not been so upset with me at the moment.

Gods, I would never have thought she’d react this way to being pregnant. Did I just not know her at all? I wondered.

How had we ended up on such opposite sides of the spectrum?

I’d never wanted a pup, the very idea of spreading my seed making my balls want to shrivel up inside.

Yet everything had changed during Ivana’s heat. Part of me had been obsessed with the concept of breeding her. I’d wanted her so full of my seed that she could taste it. And I hadn’t for an instant regretted that decision or choice.

But now… now I very much did. Because I hadn’t given her a choice.

I should have known better. This heat hadn’t been planned or even expected. She’d had no way of preparing for it.

No wonder she’d so eagerly claimed me.

“Fuck,” I muttered, yanking on a pair of jeans. I grabbed a black sweater—the color matching my mood—and pulled it over my head.

There was no way in hell I was showering. I wanted Ivana’s scent all over me. We might not be mated yet, but she was mine, and I very much wanted everyone else to know about us.

She might be mad at me right now, but she’d forgive me.

Hopefully .

Swallowing, I finished getting ready by adding socks and boots to my feet, then checked my watch. It was a little past midnight, which explained the rumble in my stomach. Ivana had to be hungry, too. Yet she’d scoffed at my promise to return with food.

Then she’d said resting wouldn’t help with anything.

That thought had been loud and clear.

Meaning rest wouldn’t help make her any less pregnant.

I’d tried to apologize, only to realize it wasn’t heartfelt. Because I liked her being pregnant. And that made me an asshole.

At least I’m an honest asshole , I told myself.

Running my fingers through my hair, I headed toward my door.

Then I thought better of it and mentally connected to Kieran’s mind. That wall he’d created during Ivana’s heat was still there, but I could feel how tentative it was, the structure flimsy at best. More like a temporary barrier to keep me from being distracted.

Kieran , I murmured, attempting to break through the barricade he’d erected. I need to talk to you.

How’s Ivana? he replied a few seconds later.

That’s what I want to talk about.

Hmm. I’ll meet you in my office in two minutes. His mind remained open after he finished speaking, allowing me to overhear him thinking about Quinnlynn.

I quickly escaped his thoughts, not wanting to intrude, and shadowed to his lair to wait by the desk. Having nothing to do other than wait, I reached for Ivana’s psyche, wanting to hear her mental voice. But she was silent.

Maybe she chose to follow my advice and rest? I hoped.

But another part of me was concerned that she’d blocked me out again, just like she had after I’d grounded her abilities.

I gripped the thick mahogany wood of Kieran’s desk and glared at the nearby window, my reflection staring back at me thanks to the light inside the office.

How did I fuck this up so badly? I wondered.

I’d demanded her consent before I’d even knotted her, and I hadn’t realized she’d been on the verge of her heat.

A heat I still didn’t know anything about, such as what had caused it, why it’d only lasted for nine days, how it had made her fertile, or what impacts it might have had on her mental state.

Bowing my head, I stole a deep breath, my wolf pacing inside me. He didn’t like that our chosen mate had cut us off mentally. He also didn’t like being away from her. But I had to talk to Kieran, to see what he’d learned about the other Omegas over the last week.

What caused the sudden heat? Did it alter Ivana’s ability to consent? Is there anything else I need to know before I return to her? They were all questions I needed answered.

As well as a few regarding how this dynamic would work going forward.

Because I’d chosen Ivana over my duty to Blood Sector, and it hadn’t felt wrong to do so. Actually, it’d felt natural. Like there hadn’t been a choice at all.

The wood creaked under my palms, my muscles flexing as my frustration mounted.

“Careful with that,” Kieran said as he materialized near the window. “That desk is one of the few relics I kept from Eclipse Sector, and I would like it to remain intact.”

My teeth ground together as I forced myself to release the mahogany and straighten my spine.

“You’re in a strange mood for a man who just spent the last week and a half playing in an Omega’s nest,” he drawled as he settled into his chair. One dark eyebrow arched upward. “I can smell her all over you, so I know you did your job. Dare I ask why you feel the need to obliterate my desk? Has it wronged you in some way?”

I narrowed my gaze at him. “Your sarcasm isn’t appreciated.”

“Your surliness isn’t appreciated either,” he returned. “What’s going on, Cillian? Why haven’t you claimed Ivana?”

Of course, he would be able to smell that, too.

Her mark was embedded in my skin, but not the other way around.

Any Alpha of power would scent it immediately.

“She’s pregnant,” I managed to say through my teeth.

“That’s a natural result of an Omega’s heat, yes. I believe you knew that before you chose to see her through the process?” he phrased it as a question, one that had me wanting to punch him in the face.

But really, that would just be me using him as an outlet for my aggression—something I suspected he was attempting to offer if I needed such an outlet. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be purposefully goading me in this way.

“I need you to tell me what you’ve learned about the heat accelerant or serum or whatever it was that caused this. I…” I took a deep breath, willing my racing heart to stop trying to escape my chest. “I need to know that Ivana claimed me for the right reasons.”

Kieran stared at me for a long moment, his expression shifting from curious to incredulous. “You’re fucking joking, yes?” he demanded in our ancient tongue rather than English. “That Omega has been obsessed with you for six years, and you’re questioning her claim ?”

I blew out a breath and collapsed into the leather chair across from his desk, my head falling back so I could take in the dark beams decorating his coffered ceiling.

Kieran switching to our ancient tongue meant I’d pissed him off. He typically preferred conversing in English or modern-day Irish. To anyone else, his decision to change languages would be a warning.

My wolf just saw it as a playful challenge.

This was my best friend, one of two men I trusted more than anyone else in this world.

Which was why I felt comfortable enough to reply, “Ivana isn’t reacting well to the pregnancy.” Swallowing, I finally looked at him. “In fact, she seems downright livid with me for not using birth control. But there hadn’t been any time. And honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to use any even if I could have.”

Kieran grunted. “You waited six fucking years to knot her, so I’m not surprised.” He leaned back in his chair and canted his head. “But I don’t understand why Ivana’s angry about it.”

“Because I took the choice away from her?” I suggested. “Because she wasn’t in the right frame of mind when she claimed me? Because she was drugged?”

“Did you actually ask her?” he countered, that damn eyebrow arched once more.

“No. I came here to talk to you.”

He stared at me. “You know, I’ve always considered you to be an expert when it comes to political negotiations and shifter affairs. I had no idea you were this bad with women, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised since it took you six fucking years to claim Ivana. And you still haven’t fucking done it.”

“Are you going to keep repeating yourself?” I demanded. “I’m aware it took me six years to figure this out.”

“Apparently, you haven’t figured anything out,” he shot back. “Ask Ivana why she’s upset. Don’t assume. That’s like Women 101, Cillian. For fuck’s sake, it’s like you’ve never knotted a female before.”

“I’m starting to think you want me to punch you in the face,” I growled at him. “Are you in the mood for a fight, Kieran?”

His resulting grin was the epitome of wolfishness. “Actually, I am. It’s been a fucked-up week and a half, and I could use a punching bag.”

Now it was my turn to grunt at him. “You won’t land more than two hits on me before I have you flattened on the ground, King .”

“So you do want to be an Alpha King,” he drawled.

I rolled my eyes. “Stop fucking goading me and tell me what you know about this damn serum.”

He sobered a bit, some of his amusement dying. “Well, first, it’s not a serum. It’s a drink.”

I frowned. “A drink?”

“Yeah. Apparently, the late Alpha of Bariloche Sector— Carlos —developed a drug that can be imbibed. He liked to do it for his infamous estrus parties.”

Estrus parties , I repeated to myself, recalling the term from my mental conversation with Kieran last week. “Do I even want to know what that means?”

“I’m rather sure you can guess,” he ground out, all signs of his previous good mood disappearing behind a cloud of fury.

It was a cloud I understood.

Because yeah. I could fucking guess what that meant.

However…

“I need every detail you’ve learned, Kieran.” That was the only way I’d be able to properly talk to Ivana. “I need to understand exactly what was done to my Omega. Then I can work on fixing whatever I broke.”