Twelve Years Ago

"I missed you," Lydia said as she pulled Eliza into her arms.

"I missed you, too," Eliza replied and held on to her.

"Your roommate is gone this weekend, right?"

"Yes." Eliza laughed against Lydia's neck.

"So, we'll have some privacy?"

"Yes. She's staying with her boyfriend, like she did last time you were here. He has an off-campus apartment."

"God, I want one of those," Lydia told her as she pulled out of the hug. "It can even be with a roommate. I just want my own bedroom, with a door and a lock on it, so that when you visit, we can close it and do whatever we want without worrying about someone just walking in."

"Me too," Eliza shared.

"Hey, have you given any thought to what I asked the other night?"

"The toy thing?" Eliza asked, blushing instantly.

"No." Lydia laughed a little before she pulled her more inside the dorm room, closing and locking the door behind them. "But I am interested in where you landed on that."

"I've never used anything like that before."

"Neither have I. You know that. And we don't have to, but there's a ton of stuff out there to choose from. I thought we could look together and maybe pick out something to try."

Eliza shook her head and said, "Wait… If you weren't talking about that , what were you talking about?"

"About us transferring schools?"

"Oh."

"El, we've been together since junior year. I know we said we wouldn't do that thing where we choose the same school just because we wanted to stay together, but we could research a school that works for both of us and apply there for next year. I know my parents wanted me to go to their alma mater, and I let them influence me, but I miss you. School is school – I don't really care where I go. I just want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too," Eliza replied with a smile. "But we said we wouldn't alter our plans for the other person. What if we don't work out?"

"Why wouldn't we work out?" Lydia asked and moved to sit on the twin bed in the corner that belonged to Eliza.

"I don't know. Any reason. I'm just asking. What happens if we change schools, or you go to school here, and we break up?"

"El, I love you. I don't want us to ever end."

"Lydia, we're only nineteen years old. We don't know what's going to happen in two years, five, or ten. We could grow apart."

"We haven't yet," Lydia argued.

Eliza moved to the bed to sit down next to her then and took her hand.

"I know. And I hope we don't. But can you really just transfer like that? You say school is school, but if that were truly the case, you'd be here with me already. You wanted that program."

"I want you ," Lydia stated, looking down at their joined hands. "It's too hard, being away from you. Nightly calls and weekend visits when we can get them aren't enough."

"I know," Eliza replied and rested her head on Lydia's shoulder. "But I don't want you to transfer just because of me, and I don't think I should transfer just for you, either. I'm… I'm starting to like it here."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. And I know you like it there, too. You just don't want to admit it."

"I miss you. I miss being able to drive a few miles and be in your bed."

"You're in my bed right now," Eliza pointed out, lifting her head. "And we are alone. We could make the most of our time this weekend."

"And never leave this room?"

"Pizza will deliver. I have bottled water, snacks, and–"

Lydia's lips were on hers before Eliza could finish that sentence, and they kissed like that until Eliza moved to lie down, and Lydia finally moved on top of her. She'd missed this. They'd moved seamlessly from friendship to more with only one awkward kiss and a first time that was always bound to be underwhelming yet perfect at the same time. Now, they knew one another's bodies so well. They'd spent hours upon hours exploring, touching every part of the other person, making sure they always delivered pleasure, and Eliza didn't ever want anyone else touching her like this .

Then, there was a part of her brain that went back to her most recent therapy session, where she was telling the counselor how she was worried about losing Lydia, so as Lydia touched her and brought her to her first orgasm of the weekend, Eliza was thinking and worrying about them growing apart. She worried about Lydia going to graduate school, or possibly law school, at the same university that was hours away from her, while she didn't want to go to graduate school or move there. She worried that Lydia would go back home with her just because of that and end up resenting her for making her choose between something she wanted and their relationship. She also worried about losing her in other ways, too. After all, she'd already lost her father to a madman and her mother for the same reason. Yes, the woman was still alive, but she was only a shell of a person, really, and not much of a mother at all these days. What if something happened to Lydia, too? Hell, what if Eliza could never get past the death of her father that still haunted her every night when she fell asleep? Didn't Lydia deserve more than Eliza could ever give her?

"Hey," Lydia said, interrupting her worrying thoughts.

Eliza opened her eyes and looked into Lydia's green ones.

"Where are you right now?" Lydia proceeded to ask her.

"I'm here," she replied. "With you."

" Are you? You haven't even moved."

Eliza was lying naked under her girlfriend, who was also naked, and Lydia was right: Eliza's hands were lying at her sides, not touching the woman above her whom she'd been aching to touch for weeks.

"Sorry, I…"

"Did you not come? I thought–"

"I did. I did," she said and wrapped her arms around Lydia's neck. "But I would love it if I could come again, and I would love it even more if you would use your mouth this time."

When Lydia smirked at her in response, Eliza felt awful because she was distracting her with sex instead of telling her what was going on inside her head. Still, Lydia stood up, and Eliza turned her body until her legs were hanging off the side of the bed. Lydia knelt in front of her then, always happy to give Eliza what she wanted in the bedroom, and as Lydia's tongue met her sensitive flesh, she closed her eyes, trying her best to push all the thoughts out of her head and just focus on how good it felt to have Lydia there.