Chapter 14

14

The next day, I went back to my parents' house with a heavy heart and a bag of groceries. I hoped that my visit with the news of the consignment sale would ease their financial strain and lift my own spirits, but it quickly became clear that my efforts were not enough to change their critical outlook.

As soon as I walked through the door, my mother greeted me with a forced smile. "Mae, you're here. We've been so worried. You didn't come last week and didn't call."

I returned the smile, though it felt strained. "I'm doing alright, Ma. Just came to drop off some groceries and check in."

The conversation took a familiar turn as my father, seated at the dining table, looked up with a stern expression. "You know, Mae-Mae, you're working so hard, you look tired. Is that job doing this to you? Should you find another one? I'm worried about you. "

I tried to keep my voice steady. "I'm doing my best to balance, Pa. I got it, okay. I'm a full grown adult, I can handle things. I'm trying to make sure I'm taking care of you two."

"You are a good daughter, Mae-Mae. We told you that you do not have to worry about us here. Just worry about yourself," my dad said in a softer tone.

But my mother's tone grew more insistent. "And what about finding a husband? You're not getting any younger. It's important to settle down and give us grandchildren. We don't want to die without seeing our daughter happy with a family of her own."

I knew it was cultural. I knew this is how things were communicated back in the motherland and she couldn't understand where I was coming from because things were different there, priorities were different for women. My mother couldn't possibly understand how each word felt like a jab, and I struggled to maintain my composure. "It's not as simple as you think, Ma."

My father's gaze landed on my mother. "Let up, huh. Mae-Mae says she's managing."

But my mother didn't take the hint, her mood probably affected by my own. "It's hard, Mae, when I see all my neighbors and friends and their grandchildren. When they ask me about you, I do not know what to say. We just want you to be happy and secure, that's all we're saying."

The pressure of their expectations and guilt trips became too much. My frustration boiled over. "I'm trying my hardest! Every time I come here, it's just more guilt and disappointment. I can't keep doing this!"

The words flew out of me before I could stop them, and the room fell silent. My parents looked at me with hurt and confusion, their disappointment evident. I quickly grabbed my things, feeling a wave of shame and frustration, and left their house in a hurry.

I heard a voice call from the street, one of the neighbors peering over the fence. "Hey, Mae! How are you doing? We haven't seen you around lately!"

All I could do was send them a wave, my voice caught in my throat.

The drive home was filled with a mix of anger and sadness. I felt like I was constantly failing, despite my best intentions. When I arrived home, the weight of my parents' expectations and their constant guilt trips felt crushing.

I sank onto the couch, feeling utterly defeated. I pulled the pendant from around my neck, its cool metal strangely comforting against my skin. I ran my fingers over its intricate design, seeking some semblance of solace.

I stared at the pendant, its significance feeling both mysterious and oddly reassuring. In the midst of my turmoil, it was the one thing that seemed to anchor me, offering a small, tangible connection to something beyond my immediate distress.

I held the item and thought about how I never seemed to meet anyone's expectations, including my own. I was supposed to be stronger than this, built of stronger stuff, have thicker skin. But despite my efforts to support my family and make a life for myself, I felt like I was always falling short. The sense of failure and disconnection was overwhelming.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside me. I knew my intentions were good and that I was doing my best, even if it wasn't always apparent to others. The pendant rested in my palm, feeling like a tiny beacon of hope, a reminder that there might be more to my journey than just the weight of others' expectations.

I sat there trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life—the small victories and moments of connection I had experienced, the friends I had made at the shop. Each laugh shared, each story exchanged, felt like a thread weaving into the fabric of my new identity. It wasn't easy growing up caught between two worlds, trying to find my way when my parents were also navigating their own struggles, trying to establish a new life in a foreign land.

I remembered the warmth of Chivonn's encouragement, Jake's playful banter, and the sense of camaraderie that enveloped the shop. Those moments reminded me that I wasn't alone, even when it felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on me. I closed my eyes, allowing those memories to wash over me, a salve for the wounds that felt too fresh.

Maybe I could honor my family's expectations while still carving out my own path. The duality of my existence didn't have to be a burden; perhaps it could be a source of strength. I opened my eyes, feeling a flicker of determination ignite within me.

I needed to get away, to escape the suffocating environment of my daily life, even if just for a few hours.

I grabbed my keys, slipped on a jacket, and headed to my car. The idea of a long drive was both a form of solace and a desperate escape from the relentless pressure and disappointment that clouded my mind. The open road promised freedom, even if only temporarily.

I drove aimlessly at first, the city's hustle slowly giving way to the quieter, more tranquil stretches of suburbs. The miles seemed to stretch on, and I let the rhythmic hum of the engine soothe my frazzled nerves, if only slightly. The wind ruffled my hair as I rolled down the windows, allowing the fresh air to mix with my swirling thoughts.

Eventually, I found myself on a winding road leading up to a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was a place I used to visit when I wanted to clear my head, a secluded spot where the vast expanse of the sea met the sky in a horizon that felt infinite. I parked the car and stepped out. I could hear the distant roar of the waves crashing against the rocks below.

The wind was stronger up here, whipping around me while I made my way to the edge of the cliff. I leaned against the railing, looking out at the ocean that stretched endlessly before me. The view was breathtaking, but it did little to alleviate the storm brewing inside me.

I tried to appreciate the beauty around me, but my mind was mired in negativity. The conversations with my parents, the threats from my ex, and the constant feeling of inadequacy were all consuming. I felt like I was caught in a storm with no clear way out.

The vastness of the ocean seemed to mirror the vastness of my despair. The waves churned restlessly, reflecting my turbulent emotions. My thoughts became darker the longer I gazed out over the edge. I thought about how easy it would be to let go, to give in to the overwhelming weight that pressed down on me.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. These were not good thoughts, I knew this. I sat down on a flat rock, my back to the railing, and pulled my knees up to my chest. The cold wind bit at my skin, but I barely noticed. My thoughts were spiraling, filled with self-criticism and sorrow.

Why did everything have to be so difficult? Why did it feel like no matter what I did, it was never enough? I was trying so hard to live up to the expectations placed on me, to find a balance between my own desires and my responsibilities, but it always seemed like I was failing.

The tears came unbidden, mixing with the wind. I sobbed quietly. I felt utterly alone, as if I were drifting on the edge of a precipice with no way to find solid ground. I could feel the weight of my burdens pressing down, making each breath feel like a struggle.

I fumbled with the pendant around my neck, pulling it out and clutching it tightly in my hand. The cool metal was a small comfort amidst the storm of my emotions. I remembered the strange comfort it had given me before, the way it felt like a lifeline to something greater—something beyond me.

Sitting there, I allowed myself to feel the full weight of my despair, letting it wash over me in waves. Maybe I just needed to let the emotion work its way through me. Was that how it worked? I couldn't very well bury it inside of me when it was overflowing like this.

I didn't know what I was searching for—perhaps just a glimmer of hope or a sign that things could get better. For now, I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a chasm, looking down into the abyss and feeling like I might fall in at any moment.

The sun dipped lower in the sky, casting long shadows over the ocean. Sitting there, the chill in the air grew more pronounced, and the relentless wind tugged at my clothes. I didn't have any answers, and the bleakness of my situation felt all-encompassing. The landscape before me was stunning, but it did little to pierce the shroud of my despondency.

The strange moment was abruptly shattered by a low, rumbling tremor that shook the ground beneath me.

I jolted upright, my heart racing as the ground beneath my feet vibrated violently. Earthquake? Now? Of all times? The rumbling grew louder, and the sky seemed to darken, clouds swirling ominously as if being drawn into a vortex.

Panic surged through me while I scanned the area with confusion. This wasn't like any kind of west coast earthquake I was used to. Since when did it affect the weather like this? A shiver raced down my spine as disbelief clawed at my mind. But curiosity overpowered my fear, pulling me closer to the edge of the cliff. I leaned against the rail, desperate to comprehend what I was seeing.

From the swirling darkness emerged a figure both familiar and hauntingly foreign. Its wings expansive as a kaiju titan from the movies, a bird-like deity appeared in all its glory clad in old world armor. Its imposing presence seemed to warp the very air around him, distorting reality itself as if the world held its breath.

I looked around the area, wondering if I was the only one seeing this apparition. There were no boats in the water, no one on the sand. Just me on this cliff and my car parked a good ways out on the street.

The titan's eyes glowed with an unsettling light, reflecting the chaos of the storm, and his avian form was a mesmerizing blend of beauty and terror, majestic yet terrifying against the turbulent backdrop.

A deep sense of dread washed over me. Was this a dream or a waking nightmare? My heart raced, my mind struggling to process the impossible sight before me. The wind howled like a living creature, and I felt its chill seep into my bones. Every instinct screamed at me to turn back, yet I was rooted to the spot, caught between fascination and fear.

The air crackled with tension, and as it shifted, shadows danced around it, creating a surreal tableau that felt both enchanting and horrifying. I blinked, trying to convince myself this was just a trick of the mind, but the figure remained, an unyielding specter of my imagination brought to life.

"Mae, you're tripping. Too many nights researching bizarre stuff. This is exactly why you need good sleep. You're seeing things," I whispered to myself.

I felt a rising panic, realizing I was staring into the abyss of my own nightmares, and the line between reality and myth began to blur.

In a blink, the titan and the darkness disappeared as if he was never there. I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes.

Still, nothing.

"I told you, Mae. Get some sleep. Turn around right now, and go home. Get. Some. Sleep," I whispered to myself like a loon.

"Mae," A voice I didn't recognize pierced in my mind—his voice a deep, resonant echo that sent shivers down my spine as if he was physically trailing his fingers down my back. "I have been searching for you across time and space. At last, our paths have crossed again."

Again? What did he mean again?

Fear gripped me, and my fight or flight instincts kicked in. I turned and sprinted away from the edge of the cliff, the uneven terrain making each step a struggle. The rumbling continued beneath me, the very earth coming alive, determined to keep me from escaping.

Behind me, I could hear an eerie, omnipresent whisper that seemed to follow me no matter how fast I ran back to my car. "I have sought you for centuries. And now, I've finally found you."

What?

When I got back on the road, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. Glancing in the rearview mirror, I saw nothing but the empty street behind me. Yet the voice echoed in my mind, a haunting whisper that wrapped around me.

"This doesn't make any sense," I mumbled, desperately keeping my foot on the gas while trying to avoid being pulled over by the police for speeding.

"I've finally found you…"

His words hung in the air, closer than they should have been, a dark promise that felt both intimate and terrifying.

"You cannot hide from what is destined. I have waited too long for this moment to lose you again."

Why did he sound like a lost lover? The thought left me grappling with a mix of fear and a strange sense of longing.

His cryptic words did little to alleviate my fear. The sense of being hunted, of having my fate dictated by forces beyond my control, was overwhelming.

"I don't want any part of this!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. Couldn't my lift let up for a hot second, at least? "I'm not ready for whatever this is!"