Chapter Twenty-Five

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Easton

I ’ve been freaking the fuck out all day. I realize that’s not a normal reaction to having one’s brothers over, but then, we’re not exactly what you’d consider a normal family. It doesn’t help that I’ve already been on edge since the nightmare Archer witnessed. I keep waiting for him to realize I’m too much or that I’m not worth it. So far he’s sticking around, and I want to do anything in my power to make that happen.

You have to do it for yourself too, East.

El? I breathe out a sigh of relief. She’s been so quiet lately. Every day I’m worried that she’s gone for good. I promised her I would never let her go, and I won’t. I just have to find a way to be better for Archer without losing her.

Focus on today with Morgan and Rhett. You deserve it.

People keep telling me that—all the things I deserve—and it’s fucking with my head. But maybe they’re right. Maybe I should believe them.

“How are you doing?” Archer comes up to me from behind, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling my throat. The warmth of his body is welcoming, the feel of his muscles and bones against mine. I lean back into him the way I’ve never done with anyone other than Archer, just trusting him to help hold me up and be there for me to lean on. There’s something so healing in that.

“Good.”

“And?” He nibbles my neck.

“Nervous, you asshole. Now don’t get me hard before they get here.”

He chuckles. “God, I love you.” My heart does a skydive. It’s like a jump-start to my system every time he says that. Ella used to tell me all the time. I figure there were times Rhett and Morgan said it to me when we were younger, and Morgan maybe a couple of times now as we’re working through our relationship, but it’s not something I’m used to hearing. Other than El and the few times I heard it from my brothers, no one has ever said that to me before except Arch.

“I love you too,” sneaks past the fear and through my lips. My head snaps up to him, Archer’s eyes wide. I’m not sure which one of us is more shocked that I said it, which is likely a little sad.

Archer answers with his hands on my face and his mouth sealed to mine, the kiss claiming me deep down to the marrow of my bones.

The kiss is interrupted by a knock at the door and Pretty Girl and Casanova barking like crazy.

“Think it’s too late to cancel so I can take you upstairs and fuck you?” He presses his mouth to mine.

“Sounds good to me.”

He snickers. “Nope. You’re not getting out of this, but later tonight, I have plans for you. Do you want me to get the door, or do you have it?”

“I’ll do it, though I’m going on record that sex will be more fun and less emotionally draining.” But really, I want to do this. It’s time to do this.

Archer swats me on the ass, and I head to the door and open it. Rhett, Dusty, and Morgan are all there, two vehicles in the driveway since they didn’t come together.

Pretty Girl immediately gives them a love attack, while Casanova hides behind my legs, unsure about these new visitors.

“It’s okay, sweet boy.” I kneel beside him and pet his head. “They’re nice. They came over just to see you.”

As if Pretty Girl understands me, she turns around and looks at me like, What the fuck, Dad?

“And you too,” I tell her, then look up at them, still making sure Casanova knows it’s okay. “He’s skittish with new people. It’s probably good you’re here. It will help with socializing him. When me and Arch take them to the dog park, it’s usually when no one else is around.”

Dusty and Morgan come inside, Rhett lingering behind them with his hands in his pockets like he’s not sure what to do. Morgan kneels to pet them, and I remember the first time he met Pretty Girl and how good he was with her.

I feel Archer’s gaze on me as Morgan starts talking to Casanova. “Aren’t you a handsome boy. It’s okay. I know Rhett is scary, but we’ll protect you.”

Dusty laughs.

“Fuck off,” Rhett grumbles, and though that edge of past anger lingers between them, there’s the smallest hint of teasing too.

Morgan looks up at him. “I’m giving you shit…feels weird, but it just happened.”

“Did you get a lobotomy?” Rhett crosses his arms, and this moment feels like what being real brothers is supposed to be, but how the fuck would I know?

Morgan gives his attention to Casanova again. “I don’t want to rush you, but we’re here to love on you when you’re ready.”

I’m pretty sure Dusty swoons. “You’re so sweet.”

I roll my eyes and stand up. “You two are gross.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Rhett adds, and the three of us laugh together…then stop to stare as if we just realized what happened. Yeah, I’m pretty sure bits and pieces of this really is the way brothers are supposed to be.

Rhett clears his throat, the moment breaking. “Can I come inside, or are the two of you going to block the entryway all night?” he says to Morgan and Dusty.

They stand, and all three of them come farther into the living room, Rhett closing the door behind them.

“Have a seat…or whatever,” I tell them. Morgan and Dusty do, but I see Rhett looking around, and it takes me a moment to realize that Rhett has never been inside my house. He’s seen it, come over to give me shit or whatever, but usually I step outside and we argue and he leaves.

My place is nothing special. My things aren’t as nice as his—mine being a mishmash of stuff I like and comfortable furniture. The stairs are across from the front door, the open-concept living room is spacious enough, and the kitchen is behind it.

“It’s, um…it’s nice, East.”

I look toward Casanova and pet his head. “Thanks.”

“We are so bad at this,” Morgan says, his tone sad. I think we all share the sentiment.

“But you’re here,” Archer says, hands on my shoulders, massaging them. “You’re here and trying. That’s what matters.”

“I second that.” Dusty reaches out and wraps his arm around Morgan, and when my gaze finds Rhett, I recognize the deep loneliness in his eyes because I’ve worn it myself my whole life. But Archer is helping to soothe mine, just like Dusty does with Morgan, and I can’t help wondering if Rhett has ever had anyone to help with his.

*

I used my smoker to make ribs, and then baked potatoes and grilled vegetables for dinner. My table isn’t big enough to accommodate all of us, so we use the card table too, pushing the two together. It’s a cool fall evening in the UP, probably around fifty, and I open one of the windows to alleviate the suffocating feeling I have with so many people in my house. I don’t want to be this way. It never bothered me before, but I keep noticing little things about myself that aren’t exactly wrong, but…I do want to maybe work on them getting better. I’d love to be able to have my brothers in my house without sneaking away a couple of times because I feel like I can’t breathe.

“This is really good, East,” Dusty tells me, breaking the silence.

“I told you he can cook,” Morgan adds, making a weight settle in my chest for having had dinners with him and not Rhett, but then Rhett hasn’t always made it easy. He’s never tried with me either, but he did walk away from Gregory for me. That’s something I can’t forget.

The conversation is stilted but peppered with moments where the past slips away and we forget the walls between us, before they’re suddenly up again. Archer and Dusty carry a lot of the heavy lifting, asking questions and bringing the rest of us into the fold.

When dinner is done, Archer says, “I’m gonna let the dogs out real quick.”

“I’ll go with you,” Morgan tells him, and Dusty follows.

Rhett and I stand there and look at each other for a moment, unsure what to do. We sure as hell don’t know what to say.

“What’s this?” Rhett walks over to the counter and picks up the finished 3D puzzle.

“It’s something Archer does. He brought one over, and we put it together.”

“I didn’t know you liked puzzles.”

“I didn’t either, but it was cool. We’re doing another. Want me to show you?” I fear he’ll say no, that he’s not interested, because why would he care about me? Logically I know that’s not necessarily the case, but my brain plays tricks on me sometimes.

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that.”

The other one is a ship. We’re not nearly close to being done, but I show Rhett the progress and what it’s going to look like finished.

“Do you like building things?” he asks.

“Real stuff? Nah, not really. I mean, I can. And, well, I like putting cars together, but I don’t do much of anything else. Why?”

He shrugs. “Just curious.”

Quiet weighs heavily on us again. I wish Ella would give me some ideas of what to say to him, but she hasn’t spoken to me since before they showed. “I’m sorry I suck at this.”

“I suck at it too. I spent my whole life pretending I have all the answers, and now I don’t have any of them and don’t have the energy to pretend otherwise.”

That’s how I used to see Rhett, as this know-it-all who thought he was better than the rest of us, but I think Gregory wanted us to see him that way, and wanted Rhett to feel that way, trying to mold him into the version of Rhett he wanted to flaunt. One he thought he could make to be just like him. “You’re better than him. Don’t think you know that, but you are.”

He closes his eyes, jaw tense, like he’s scared if he opens his mouth, truths will come spilling out. I understand the feeling of wanting to keep those locked away, where we’re safe and nothing can hurt us. It’s so fucking exhausting.

A noise comes from the doorway, and I look over to see Morgan lingering there, unsure.

None of us speak right away, and it surprises me that I’m the one who talks first. “I was showing Rhett the puzzles Archer and I have been doing. I mean, it’s kinda dumb, but—”

“It’s not dumb,” they say at the same time, their gazes snapping together, shock clear on both of their faces. And then they smile, and shake their heads, the two of them looking so much alike with their dark hair and eyes…and the same smile, which I’ve never noticed before. My two brothers.

El?

I’m here, East. No matter what, I’m always here. And I’m proud of you, happy for you. I love you.

I smile, so thankful she replied. For the first time since I was nine, I feel like all four of us are together.