Chapter 12

12

ROS

P inkish-orange light spilled through the cracks of Ros's curtains as she sat on the bed with her head grasped in her hands. The sunset's calming hues could not pierce the void she felt within herself. Her crumpled bed sheets, so unlike her usual regimented self, still smelled ever so faintly of Scarlett, her sweet, spiced bergamot and amber. Ros hadn't been able to bring herself to wash her sheets, to remove the last vestige of what had been. Of her. Still, the scent had kept her up at night ever since their conversation only a few nights ago. When she had ended it. It was for the best, it was necessary, she kept telling herself over and over. A mantra, as though she was having to convince herself of its truth too.

But had it been for the best? That doubt, that longing was creeping in constantly. She missed Scarlett with a hunger and pain she had not felt before. Certainly, ending her previous flings had not filled her with this sense of loss. Those, though, had been different; she had always known they would end, that they were temporary while she was on leave. And she thought Scarlett had been the same, some quick-lived thrill, a brief companion. Her heart had decided differently.

She'd thought by ending it that these feelings, this weakness, this fear would dissipate. That she could focus once more. But no. Her stomach was still clenched and her heart revolted knowing that Scarlett had been in danger. So had she, so had every other person on this base, and yet she had only cared about Scarlett.

Blocking the light from the room had been her last resort at finding peace, yet she had found none. Images of Scarlett's joy, her head thrown back in laughter, her teasing smile, the way her eyes sparkled in delight played like a slideshow behind Ros's eyelids. It was torture. God, how was she supposed to keep sending her into danger?

Who knew love could hurt so, so much?

A sharp knock filled the silence. Who could need something more from her after such a harrowing day?

"Unless the world is ending, it can wait till tomorrow. And the world had better really be ending."

Blessed silence was the reply, thank fuck. She really had no energy left. Let her wallow.

She was preparing to slouch back into her covers to allow self pity swallow her entirely when a soft click caught her attention.

Had someone just let themselves into her quarters? Who the fuck was senseless to do that? Shit, she'd have to deal with them now. Eyes ablaze, she heaved herself up and threw open the door, ready to unleash all her pent-up frustration at the unfortunate soul on the other side.

Scarlett's dulled hazel eyes met her gaze, and the fight abandoned her immediately. With her messy auburn hair hanging limp and unkempt, Scarlett looked broken. She imagined she didn't look any better herself, but she'd studiously avoided looking in the mirror since their breakup and couldn't bear to look herself in the eyes, as if she could live with what she'd done.

"God, Scarlett."

She wanted to rush over, to take the younger woman into her arms, to hold her, to fix it, to fix everything. After their last talk, Ros didn't think it would be welcomed.

"We need to talk, Ros."

"Yes, yes, we do."

"I deserve a proper explanation, Ros. Not you pushing me away, hiding things from me. Maybe you really don't want me or this. But you owe me the truth at least. Not that bullshit about duty and honor."

"You're right. I should be honest with you."

She wished she had been prepared for this conversation and had been able to practice her words, but perhaps it was better that it wasn't rehearsed. It would be more genuine that way.

"The truth. The truth is that I had to. No, seriously, wait. I'll explain." She rushed as Scarlett began to turn away, "I did want this. I do want this. Scarlett, what we had was the most real thing I've felt in my whole life. How could I not want that? Hale figured it out, and I'm not faulting him. He did his job, and he brought it to me rather than reporting us as he really ought to have. He gave me the choice: end it or he'd go over my head."

"Hale, really? I never thought he'd be one to snitch."

"Ah, it's not like that, Scarlett. My rank is so much higher than yours. Think about how it looks. I could destroy you if we'd ended badly. Or I could have forced you into things. I get where Hale's coming from; I had the same worries when we were just dancing around each other. I was so worried I'd abuse my power. I've seen it happen before. No, I can't blame Hale for following the rules. I'd have likely done the same." She took a second, catching her breath before continuing. "I couldn't put you in that position. Like I said, I couldn't destroy your career for my selfishness. So yes, I pushed you away. I thought if you hated me or regretted me, it would make it easier for you to move on."

"You're an idiot, Rosalind. You couldn't make me hate you. You hurt me, yes. Deeply. But I needed you with me. I'd never regret what we have."

"Well, looks like it didn't work after all. You're here, aren't you?"

"Couldn't let it end like that, Ros. You never left my mind. You're all I could think about."

"Seems like a common affliction. I haven't been able to shake you from my head either. It's just filled with memory after memory of you, of us."

"Fuck, Ros. What are we going to do?" Scarlett asked with a weak, watery chuckle.

"Damned if we do, damned if we don't. I want you Scarlett. I want us. I've never felt like this before. No one's made me feel like you do. It's like my soul is a void without you there. My arms, my bed feel empty without you in them."

"Well, let me back in then. I want that too, Ros. What makes you think I don't?"

"But I can't. I'm scared, Scarlett. I've been so scared since I found you. Scared of losing you. Scared of you not coming back from action. Scared of losing you to another. Scared of you being transferred somewhere I can't follow."

"I was scared, too, Ros. Fuck, I was terrified you wouldn't come back as I watched your chopper grow as small as a speck on the horizon. But bravery isn't not being scared; it's being terrified but still charging ahead. You don't need to be scared alone. I'm here with you."

Ros closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of Scarlett's touch, the sincerity in her words. The love she felt was like a wave crashing over her, threatening to sweep her away. She had been so determined to do the right thing, to follow the rules, but now? Now she wasn't sure what the right thing even was.

Ros opened her eyes, meeting Scarlett's gaze. "You're right," she said softly, her voice trembling with emotion. "I've been so scared of losing control and breaking the rules that I almost lost sight of what truly matters. You."

Scarlett's breath hitched, her eyes searching Ros's face. "Then don't let me go," she pleaded. "Not because of fear or duty or anything else. Hold on to me, and let's find a way through this together."

Ros felt tears sting her eyes, a mix of fear, love, and hope swelling within her. She took a step closer, cupping Scarlett's face with her hands, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath her fingertips. "I don't want to lose you," she confessed, her voice raw. "But I don't know how to do this without…"

Scarlett leaned in, her forehead resting against Ros's. "We figure it out," she whispered. "One step at a time. We take the risk, and we fight for what we have."

Ros let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of her decision pressing down on her. She knew this wasn't an easy path; it was the hardest choice she'd ever have to make. But as she looked into Scarlett's wide warm hazel eyes, she felt a flicker of something she hadn't felt in so long: hope.

Ros stepped forward, gently picking up Scarlett's hand, which had been hanging limply at her side, her nails biting into the flesh of her palms. She raised it slowly, bringing Scarlett to her side. Ever so gently, she tilted her chin up to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and before Scarlett could begin to form a reply captured her soft lips with her own. For the first time, Ros had been brave, brave enough to choose Scarlett, their kiss, their love.

Scarlett's lips were still salty from tears, her face still flushed with anger, her hair matted. And yet, she was the most beautiful Ros had ever seen her.

A spark of hope danced across Scarlett's hazel eyes, filling them with the light of life that had left them when Ros had ended their relationship. Scarlett eased into the kiss, relaxing into Ros's embrace.

Though Ros was glad Scarlett seemed to have forgiven her, she knew she needed to re-earn the trust that had been shattered. She could see that Scarlett hadn't been taking care of herself over the last several days, and while Scarlett had been the courageous one to confront her and reignite the spark between them, it was time for Ros to care for Scarlett.

She pulled back from the embrace and leaned down, planting a final reassuring kiss on her forehead. With a soft, gentle smile on her face, she pulled Scarlett toward the bedroom.

"You look like death warmed over, love. Let's get you some rest."

Scarlett allowed herself to be tugged along.

Leaving Scarlett next to the bed, Ros slipped into the bathroom, flicking on the shower before returning.

"That'll take some time to heat up."

"What?"

"Shh, it's okay. You need to look after yourself, which you obviously haven't been doing. So, I'm going to help you. And then you're going to sleep. You need it."

Softly, delicately, she began to peel away the layers of Scarlett's uniform. Jacket, shirt, pants, underwear. Each was folded neatly and piled against the wall.

Once Scarlett was undressed, she shrugged off her own clothes and led Scarlett into the now steaming shower. The air was heavy with moisture, and the mirror and glass shower panes fogged.

The scalding water felt cleansing against her skin as Ros stepped under the spray of water, pulling Scarlett in behind her. Soaped wash cloth in hand, she rubbed sudsy circles along the muscled planes of Scarlett's back, laying kisses along her skin where the water had washed away the bubbles.

Across her shoulders, down each arm, and down each leg. Along her toned stomach, her perfect breasts, every circle tender and caring.

And then washing her lovely hair, dark from the water, lathering it tenderly with shampoo, then rinsing the shampoo off.

Once clean, Ros pulled Scarlett down to sit on the floor of the shower with her. She propped herself up against the wall and drew Scarlett to sit between her splayed legs with her back pressed against her own breasts. Scarlett's hair, now sopping wet, was soft against her skin. She massaged the thick conditioner into the red locks, fingers kneading Scarlett's scalp and running down to the strands' ends. Taking care not to snag or tug, Ros brushed each tangle, kissing along her neck and whispering calming words into her ears. By the time she was done, she could see that Scarlett was fighting sleep.

Dry and wrapped in a fluffy towel, Ros led Scarlett over to the bed then lifted her reverently and placed her on the mattress. "Ros, what?" She mumbled as sleep slowly overtook her.

"You seem tense, love. Just lie there. I'll help you relax." She laid a kiss atop Scarlett's forehead before making her way around the bed frame to her nightstand.

Warming the slick massage oil between her hands, Ros returned to Scarlett's side.

"Roll over. I'll start with your back. You always hunch your shoulders when you're stressed."

Once Scarlett had flipped over, her toned back and round ass now before Ros's hands and eyes, she laid her palms on Scarlett's tight shoulders. The heel of her palm dug in tight circles, working out the knots that had formed—the knots that Ros had likely put there after pushing her away. It was only right, Ros thought, for her then to be the one who removed them.

Round her shoulders, up her neck, down her spine. Ros's hands roamed, kneading out the tension. Every so often, Scarlett let out a soft moan as Ros's hands found a particularly tender spot.

As Ros's hands worked their way down Scarlett's back, the tension began to melt away and her muscles softened under the rhythmic pressure. The room was filled with the soft sounds of Scarlett's breathing and the occasional murmur of pleasure as Ros's skilled fingers found another knot to ease. The intimacy of the moment was palpable, each touch a silent apology, a wordless promise to care for her in ways beyond words.

Ros moved lower, her hands sliding over Scarlett's lower back, tracing the curve of her waist before settling on her hips. She could feel Scarlett's body responding, not just relaxing but yielding, her breathing deepening as she surrendered to the gentle care Ros was lavishing on her. The trust between them grew, and it sent a warmth spreading through Ros's chest.

She poured more oil into her hands, warming it before pressing her palms against Scarlett's lower back and massaging deeply with the heels of her hands, moving in slow, deliberate circles. She felt Scarlett shift beneath her touch, her body arching slightly as Ros applied more pressure, working out the tension that had been building since the moment they had reunited under such stressful circumstances.

"You're incredible at this," Scarlett murmured, her words slurring with relaxation.

Ros chuckled softly, leaning down to press a kiss between Scarlett's shoulder blades. "You deserve it. After everything you've been through—we've been through—this is the least I can do."

Scarlett let out a contented sigh, her eyes fluttering closed as Ros's hands continued their soothing work. "I've missed this," Scarlett whispered, her words so soft they were almost lost in the quiet of the room.

Ros paused for a moment, her hands resting gently on Scarlett's sides. "I have too," she admitted, her voice laced with the vulnerability she rarely allowed herself to show. "I've missed you."

"Won't get rid of me so easily next time."

"There won't be a next time, love. You look far too at home in my bed to make you leave."

Ros returned to her mission, working her way down Scarlett's legs. As her fingers massaged Scarlett's thighs, Scarlett let out needy whines as her fingers slipped closer to her core.

"Patience."

She ignored her lover's whines, sliding down each leg in turn, squeezing each calf before taking a foot between her hands. As her thumbs pressed into the sole, a guttural groan came from Scarlett. Ros chuckled at the intensity of the reaction. Scarlett's feet must have been killing her. She worked diligently, her hands squeezing, fingers kneading. First the heel, then sole, then ball, finally each toe in turn.

In all the relationships Ros had had before, she had never done this, given like this. It was special. The service deepened her love for Scarlett with every stroke of her hand.

"On your back."

Scarlett's eyes sparkled as she settled comfortably, and Ros couldn't help but to kiss her. Those eyes. They captivated her every time she saw them. Scarlett arched up to meet her, her lips open with desire.

"I said you'd have to be patient, love." Ros pulled back, teasing.

Her joy was tinged with relief. Even after everything she'd done to Scarlett, she still wanted her, still needed her. Ros hadn't even realized she was scared of that.

She began at the top again, neck and shoulders. She moved down to Scarlett's chest, running her hands around her breasts and ghosting over her pert nipples, taking pleasure in seeing Scarlett's face flush and eyes close with pleasure.

Once more abandoning her quarry, she turned to the arms, so muscled, so strong. She worked her way down each one, finishing with the fingertips, kissing each one in turn.

Returning to her legs, Ros began with the feet this time, now working up and up the shins then thighs, drawing closer and closer to the heat between Scarlett's legs. Her thighs were splayed, pulling Ros closer. As her fingers massaged the tight muscles, she slipped her finger across Scarlett's folds before pulling away again.

A tight, frustrated moan emanated from Scarlett.

"Fine, I guess you've been patient enough."

Ros leaned forward, licking Scarlett's hot, needy vulva, diving her tongue between the slick folds and circling Scarlett's pulsing clit.

Scarlett let out a moan, her want and desire all spilling out of her as she arched up into Ros's mouth.

Hands on her hips, Ros pushed Scarlett back down into the bed.

"It's meant to be relaxing. Can't have you getting too excited; it'll wake you up."

She returned once more to her prize, sucking and licking softly, slowly. Her fingers moved up to play with Scarlett's sensitive nipples. Flicking and stroking in time with each lick.

After such anticipation, Scarlett's release came quickly, shuddering as Ros continued to circle her clit.

Breathing heavily, she collapsed back into the covers. Ros joined her only a few seconds later, encircling her arms around Scarlett as she pulled her into her embrace.

"What about you?"

"Sleep, beautiful Scarlett. There'll be plenty of opportunities for you to repay the favor. For now, you need to rest. And so do I."

She tugged the comforter over the pair of them, nestling into Scarlett's soft auburn hair. Holding her love tight, Ros drifted into the deepest sleep she'd had in a very long while.