18. Eighteen

eighteen

The low rumble of voices arguing from the next room intruded on the strange dream I was having about being chased around a desert dune-scape by a set of dentures. In my dream, I tripped on the sand, somehow landing on my back as the dentures loomed over me. The sterile white of the chompers opening wide to swallow me whole.

Pain blazed up my arm as I tried to push myself upright. That, coupled with the realization of how hard the sand beneath me was, brought me the rest of the way out of sleep.

I grunted, jolting slightly before holding still to blink up at a strange ceiling. Foggy memories of the last few minutes of the fight drifted through my mind.

Some time had passed since then. I could tell by the fact that my arm and leg were healing. Slowly. Agonizingly. But the wound had closed over and I was no longer losing blood.

That was something at least.

I was still in the barrow. Its magic invaded the edges of my senses.

If I had to guess, I’d say the pit’s caretakers had scraped my broken and bloody body off the sands before throwing it into a dingy storage room.

Unless this was what passed for the infirmary.

I groaned as I shifted, my muscles and bones protesting the movement.

The argument on the other side of the door had grown in volume and intensity in the short time I’d been awake. Whoever was out there was having a conniption fit of epic proportions.

I hoped they won.

“That’s the last time I let a werewolf use me at as a chew toy,” I muttered.

Glancing to my left, I found Baran lying face up on a pallet similar to mine. Wincing, I stretched out my arm to see if he was still breathing.

“He’s still alive,” a man assured me, stirring from the shadows beside my bed and nearly giving me a heart attack in the process. He folded his hands in his lap as he regarded me with gray blue eyes. “And I’d say your earlier statement was a wise decision. Though avoiding situations that necessitate such drastic actions would be preferable.”

I probably looked like a fish with the amount of gaping I was doing as my eyes traveled over features that were an echo of mine. The slope of his forehead and the way his eyebrows transmitted his emotions when he was vexed. Brown hair that possessed the same reddish tint as my own.

“Brin.”

The Fae everyone was searching high and low for. My biological father.

And here he was. In the middle of enemy territory.

I wasn’t sure if I should be impressed at his audacity or worried that I seemed to have inherited that trait from him.

“Hello, daughter.” His lips quirked in private amusement. “I won’t ask if you’ve been well. You look like shit.”

“What are you doing here?” I burst out, shaking off some of my shock.

“Can’t a father check on his daughter when she nearly dies?”

“You’re not my father,” I corrected automatically.

That honor went to Patrick Travers. Parenthood was more than just donating your genetic material at the point of conception.

“Hurtful.”

If I believed for one second that he actually cared what I thought of him, I might feel bad. But old Fae like him couldn’t be trusted to hold the same sentimental attachments as the rest of us.

Brin might actually view me as his daughter, but I doubted those emotions went further than skin deep. I was an interesting puzzle to him. Something that might spark a fleeting fascination. Maybe even a sense of duty. Nothing more than that.

“I thought we’d addressed these feelings of abandonment in our last meeting.”

“You mean the two-minute drive by you did where you introduced yourself and told me it was all for my own good?”

“I seem to remember also saving your life,” he pointed out.

“And I’m very grateful for that.”

Still didn’t make him a father. At most, he was a concerned bystander.

“It might not seem like it, but I’ve been protecting you from the shadows.”

That earned him a scathing look. “Is that why you sent Inara and Lowen to keep tabs on me?”

Is that what he called “protection”?

“Embedding spies within my household doesn’t endear you to me,” I spat.

“You’re being too sensitive,” Brin asserted with a matter of fact calm that I found charming when coming from someone like Connor but irritating from the man in front of me. “The mad queen and her consort were only supposed to “keep tabs on you,” as you put it, from afar. That she became a member of your House was her own decision and had nothing to do with me.”

Did he think that somehow made things okay? That she never had orders to become my friend?

It didn’t.

“What are you doing here?” I snapped, changing the subject before I did something unwise. Like throw a pillow at his head.

“Muiredach is here.” Seeing my blank look, he expanded. “The Summer King.”

“I know who he is.”

Of course, Brin wasn’t here for me. I wasn’t his priority. Muiredach was. I was just the poor sap that got caught in the middle. A stop on his way to somewhere else.

“Also, your grandfather and I wish to speak to you,” Brin added, almost as an afterthought.

“Oh, is that all?”

“For now.”

I gave bio-dad a fake smile. “As you can see, I’m a little busy.”

“Yes, almost getting assassinated,” Brin said, causing the smile to drop from my face.

“What—”

My forehead furrowed as a pocket of shadow that I’d thought was a product of the room’s poor lighting pulled back to reveal several bodies. All Fae.

Brin’s smile was humorless. “I suggest you take this meeting, daughter.”

My brain was still trying to process what was happening when darkness boiled from Brin’s shadow. It swarmed over me before I could react.

My startled squeak was cut off as I plunged into a world of ice and night.

Brin’s form swam toward me through the gloom. His appearance different than the one he’d shown me in the room.

He was Brin. But he was also more.

Like an iceberg. Above the ocean, one thing. Beneath the waves, something else was revealed.

It was Brin’s face and body, just a more alien version of him. A long cape of darkness extended into the shadows behind him. Vast and immense like the night sky.

No wonder Brin was considered one of the most dangerous supernaturals in the world. The shadows showed me the truth of what he was. A creature that was never human. Born of darkness and shadow. Meant to thrive where the light never touched. An eldritch being like the one I’d encountered in the Summer Lands.

This was who’d contributed to my genetic makeup. No wonder my magic never played by the rules.

I was surprised to be as normal as I was.

No words were spoken between us but I caught his voice nonetheless.

Follow.

As if I’d intended to do anything else. It wasn’t like I knew the first thing about finding my way out of this shadow world.

He brushed past me, his shadow cape dragging Baran in his wake.

Left with no other choice, I trailed behind him, my fascinated gaze on the almost tangible weight of the shadows around us. To my surprise, colors flickered into existence when I stared into their depths long enough. Blues and purples only a shade off of true black.

All too soon, Brin was peeling back the veil, leaving us standing in a realm that I’d only visited on one other occasion.

“You brought me to Noctessa,” I said, the magic of the realm sinking into my bones.

It whispered of welcome and homecoming, offering itself for the taking.

I resisted its efforts, knowing that its temptations could lead to me being trapped here. As integral to the fabric of its reality as the first king whose shadow it was birthed from.

Trees of glass with branches twisted into enthralling works of art greeted my eyes when I looked around. The rolling hills contained the craggy outlines of an old woman’s face. The rocky outcrop in the distance, the crooked hook of a nose.

The landscape held a dreamlike quality. If that dream was also something of a nightmare.

In the periphery of my vision, strange creatures flitted among the trees. They changed shape the moment I looked directly at them.

A permanent twilight lay over the realm. That period that existed between day and night; it was the perfect environment for a vampire.

Brin glided through the glass forest without a backward glance. I followed, noting the way the land seemed to shift to accommodate his path. As if it knew where he was going and was making the journey easier.

A whimsical notion maybe, but the realm had once been meant for him.

Those memories might still be there.

Soon, we arrived at the ancient oak grove that held my grandfather’s prison.

In an eerie echo of the meadow I’d encountered a few hours earlier while in the Summer Lands, an immense oak waited for us. Only unlike that oak, this one was surrounded by a circle of irregularly shaped rocks that I suspected were the source of the power binding my grandfather to this place.

Brin dumped Baran’s unconscious body outside the stone perimeter. It was vaguely concerning that the Fae hadn’t woken yet. I didn’t know what the eldritch creature had done to him to cause this extreme reaction.

The shadows under the oak rippled, a man forming at their center.

“You look more like a grandfather this time,” I observed as the man moved toward the edge of the circle.

It was difficult to put my finger on why. His features were as ageless and unlined as Brin’s. Despite that, he had the aura of an elder. The wisdom gained from countless centuries a mantle he carried easily.

“I’ve been practicing,” my grandfather said with a slight smile. An endless darkness peered out at me through the twin abysses that were located where his eyes should be. Black voids that would probably have terrified a normal person.

I found it charming.

“You passed my message along to your father.” My grandfather gave me a warm smile. “Thank you.”

My expression soured as I shot Brin a sidelong look. “I didn’t mean for him to drag me along for the reunion.”

“And miss such a touching moment? All of us in one place for the first time ever?” Brin arched a sarcastic eyebrow before peering at his father. “Is this what they refer to as the rebellious phase?”

Ha. Fucking. Ha.

It seemed sarcasm was a hereditary trait.

“I’m beginning to see why your siblings have such complicated expressions any time your name comes up,” I muttered.

I felt a little bad for judging them so harshly if this was what they had to deal with.

“That is to be expected. They resent me for the realm’s fall. As they should. In their eyes, I consigned them to exile. That is a difficult thing to forgive.”

The way Brin spoke sounded like he was talking about someone else. His unruffled expression at the mention of his sibling’s hatred of him making me wonder if he was as unaffected as he made it seem. It had killed me when Jenna and I were at odds. The fact that it was my fault that we were estranged hadn’t made it any easier. If anything, it made it worse because I always knew I held the power to fix things and I just didn’t.

The sound of something approaching saved me from the awkwardness I felt. A shadow moved through the ghostly, twisted shapes of the glass trees, its immense form gradually condensing the closer it came. Until finally, it took on the silhouette of a dog a second later.

Alches padded out of the shadows, stopping to shake himself and nearly losing his balance in the process.

His fur and skin settled, he loped toward us.

“Look who finally showed up,” I grouched, not having forgotten who had abandoned me to the pit’s staging area.

Some guardian he was. Throwing me headfirst into the fire.

Alches slid to a stop in front of the old king, plopping down on his butt. A tentacle reached up to scratch inside his ear. When finished, he let out a soft woof.

My grandfather bent down to pet his head. “Dear friend, you’ve been quite busy.”

Alches’s tail thumped the ground.

“I’d like to know a little about that.” I leveled a stern look on the shadow hound. “I don’t suppose he’d be willing to share with the group.”

My grandfather’s features reflected amusement at my naivety. “A realm guardian is a being of mystery. Demanding answers will only bring out the trickster in him.”

“It’s that capriciousness that makes them such difficult companions to have at your side,” Brin added.

I gritted my teeth. “That would have been nice to know beforehand.”

Brin’s nod was almost fatherly. “Yes, it would have been far wiser to have rejected his service. The strings that often come attached to Fae gifts can be quite dangerous. Unless one fully understands what they are getting, and have the ability to protect themselves from the repercussions, it is always better to refuse what is given than accept.”

“I could have refused him?” I glared at my grandfather. “You neglected to mention that.”

Giving Alches one last pat, the former king straightened. “Of course I did, my dear. I’m Fae. You can never take us at face value. Consider this an important lesson. Even amongst family, you must always look for the truth hidden in the heart of our words and deeds.”

I should have known that.

I did know that.

I’d just ignored reality because of our so-called familial connection.

“In this instance, however, it was in your best interest to accept Alches into your service,” my grandfather continued. “There is no companion more loyal. You might not always understand his actions or motivations, but he will always have your best interests in mind.”

“Explain how dumping me in a Fae cage match was in my best interest.”

I could have died. I almost did die.

“Two.” At my confused look, Brin expanded. “That’s how many opportunities you had to kill the werewolf. You ignored both in favor of drawing out the fight. Likely so you could break the enthrallment that Muiredach had placed on the beast.”

Schooling my features to neutrality, I watched Brin with unfriendly eyes. It seems I hadn’t been as clever in disguising my intentions as I’d thought. I’d hoped no one—particularly Liam or my sire—would realize I’d had more than one opportunity to end things.

“It was reckless to use your magic breaking power in front of such a large crowd.” Brin shook his head at me in disappointment. “I can only imagine how important that werewolf must be to you.”

More like someone close to me. Caroline was the biggest reason I’d held back. Also, because I didn’t want to deal with the headache that would have come from me killing the pack’s alpha. They wouldn’t have cared that it had been in self-defense.

The last thing I needed was a bunch of furry psychos stalking me in hopes of ripping me limb from limb.

“Strange—I thought the vampire was the one who held your heart.” Brin tilted his head quizzically. “Was I wrong?”

“I’m not discussing my love life with you.”

Some boundaries had to be maintained. Even if we’d had a more normal father/daughter relationship, I still wouldn’t have entertained this topic of conversation.

I frowned at the shadow hound sitting at my grandfather’s feet. “I concede you did me a favor.”

A small one.

I would have preferred if he hadn’t placed me in mortal peril in the process.

I frowned at my bio-dad. “That still doesn’t excuse you kidnapping me to drag me all the way out here.”

Brin’s mouth hooked up on one side as he gave me a sardonic look. “No thank you for dealing with the assassins Muiredach sent?”

Okay. Yes. I was grateful for that. Maybe even a little bit for the fact that I wouldn’t have to deal with the political fallout when they discovered all those dead Fae in the room I was no longer in.

It was what Liam and the rest would do when they discovered my disappearance that really concerned me.

Thankfully, my sire rarely reacted from an emotional stance. He’d keep Liam and Connor under control.

I hoped.

“She does bring up a good point,” my grandfather interrupted. “You’ve kept your distance until now. As much as I enjoy both of your company, I’m curious as to why you’ve come.”

Brin leaned a hip against one of the stones marking the boundary. “I wanted your input on something.” He tipped his head at me. “Take a look at her. Tell me what you see.”

I stiffened at suddenly becoming the focus of attention.

“Shh,” my grandfather soothed.

The abyss in his eyes expanded, eclipsing all else until it became my whole universe. My mind went quiet, my fears and concerns smothered by the void that held me mesmerized. It was captivating. The desolate emptiness a source of comfort that called out to my very soul.

I gazed into it with rapt attention. Lost in its brilliance.

From inside me, in the deepest darkest depths of my being, an answering abyss unfurled. Tiny tendrils reaching out to greet the vastness before me. Minuscule compared to what was inside my grandfather, but very much present and accounted for.

My grandfather gazed at me with awe. “She’s beautiful.”

His void gave mine one last affectionate squeeze before releasing its grip on me and withdrawing. The darkness within me sunk back into its hiding place, rolling over and going back to sleep.

I sucked in a harsh breath at suddenly finding myself in my own head again, breaking out in a cold sweat. “What was that?”

The abyss was still there. I could feel it noe. Deep in my chest, coiled around my soul. A presence I’d been denying.

It slumbered. For now.

But it would wake. I was afraid of what would happen when it did.

“How is this possible?” my grandfather breathed.

“She ate Ahrun’s madness.”

My grandfather tsked. “Child—when will you learn to be careful with what you put in your mouth? Just because you can eat something, doesn’t mean you should .”

It’s not like I’d eaten Ahrun’s madness on purpose. I wasn’t a toddler. Bite one medusa and spend a little time as a statue and no one ever lets you live it down.

My grandfather focused on Brin. “How did you find out about this?”

Brin folded his arms over his chest to regard us with a neutral gaze. “Her boy-toy tracked me down.”

Hold on a minute.

“Liam did what?”

And had he just referred to the vampire some used to call Death as my “boy-toy”?

I had to save that for use later.

The corners of Brin’s lips ticked up. “I don’t think anyone has ever been able to find me unless I let them. He’s quite the hunter. Of course, he had help.”

There was a note of censure in Brin’s face as he glanced at Alches.

“That’s what you two have been up to,” I said in realization.

All those trips I’d thought were for Thomas. They were really for me. For Liam to find Brin.

No wonder Liam had been so cagey. He knew how complicated my feelings about my bio dad were.

“After meeting with him, I decided to take a look for myself and found that inside her.” Brin pursed his lips and frowned. “You were always better at this sort of thing than me, so I thought it best to bring her to you.”

“A wise decision. Though I’m not sure how much guidance I can give in my current condition,” my grandfather admitted.

“I’m still waiting for someone to explain what ‘it’ is,” I interjected.

I had an abyss inside me that seemed to be growing. It was hard not to let my thoughts travel down dark paths. Ones that led to madness taking hold or me devolving into a monster every bit as dangerous as Ahrun had been.

Brin’s expression firmed as he held my gaze. “You’re in the process of becoming.”

“What does that mean? Becoming?”

“That is yet to be determined.”

Of all the enigmatic, bullshit answers he could have given.

“That’s less than helpful,” I declared.

“And yet it is, what it is.”

Brin seemed unmoved by my angry stare, straightening from his slouch against the stone. “You will need to remain in Noctessa for the duration.”

“How long?”

His uncaring shrug had me seeing red. “Decades. Centuries. As long as it takes.”

I sputtered, giving him a disbelieving look. “You have to be kidding me.”

That’s the only thing I could think of. He couldn’t be serious about putting my life on hold for that long.

This had to be a joke. That was the only answer.

“I’m not. Think of yourself as a caterpillar undergoing a metamorphosis. Noctessa has the best environment for you to flourish.”

“Cut the crap. I’m not staying here. I’m going back.”

“You aren’t.”

I bared my teeth at him. “Wanna bet?”

If Liam and Connor had been here, they could have warned him. This was when I was at my most unpredictable. If he’d thought a realm guardian was a wild card, he had another thing coming. My worst and most reckless decisions always came when I felt like my back was to the wall.

And right now, it felt like a cage was closing around me.

“You will be a danger to yourself and others,” Brin said in an even tone that was all the more infuriating when compared to the anger seething in me. “Can you live with yourself if something happens?”

A guilt-trip. Low blow.

The desire to rage beat inside my chest, fed by the abyss within. I wanted to spit on his words and then verbally skewer him for thinking he could dictate my life after decades of absence.

But I couldn’t. Not with that question hovering in the air between us.

My grandfather swung his feet from the low hanging branch of the oak tree he’d settled on while Brin and I were arguing. Alches acted surprisingly cat-like, draped on the branch next to him, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, his eyes narrowed into slits as he panted.

“Are you sure this is about her and her becoming and not the vendetta you have against Muiredach?” my grandfather drawled.

I latched onto the faint bit of hope he was offering. “What is he talking about?”

Brin’s expression remained unchanged. “There’s no reason it can’t be both.”

My grandfather snorted and gave him a look.

“She’s already drawn Muiredach’s notice. If he gets his hands on her, he’ll warp her power to suit his purposes. I may not be much of a father, but I have no wish to see that happen to my only daughter. Noctessa is the safest place for her.”

“It’s not your choice,” I argued.

A headache was developing at the base of my skull.

“What did you think? That you’d show up after all these years and I’d immediately fall in line?” I asked sarcastically. “News flash—I don’t need your help. I’ve been taking care of myself just fine all this time.”

“Your boy-toy seemed to think otherwise, given his determination in tracking me down,” Brin pointed out.

“And I’ll be taking that up with him later.”

For now, I had to figure out a way back to Vegas before things really hit the fan.

“You can’t go back there. I won’t allow it.”

“You won’t allow it?” My laugh was bitter. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“You may not like it, but I’m your father. I have no desire to see my only child broken by what Muiredach will do to you if he gets his hands on you.”

Brin was lucky I had experience dealing with autocratic assholes. If this had been a few years ago, I might have attempted bodily harm against him.

“You’re right. I don’t like it. What is your problem with him anyway? Why are you so certain he’d try to harm me?”

Brin’s features were hard and set, his lips pressed tightly together. His intention to remain silent clear.

My grandfather shook his head. “You are both so stubborn.”

Brin sent his father an arch look. “As if you aren’t.”

My grandfather grinned, a sly tilt of the lips. “This reminds me of some of our arguments back in the day.”

“Hardly. She hasn’t tried to kill me yet.”

I glared. “Just wait. The evening is young.”

A roar of laughter came from my grandfather as he threw his head back. “Explain it to her nicely. Maybe she will be reasonable.”

Brin’s sigh was filled with a lifetime’s worth of frustration. There was resignation in his gaze when he finally looked at me. “Muiredach slaughtered the original royal family of the Summer Lands and used his power to enthrall the realm’s guardian. As you know from Noctessa, a realm must have a ruler or it closes itself off. Somehow Muiredach managed to circumvent that. Likely through a magic breaker much like you.”

A shiver ran down my spine.

Now I knew why everyone was so set on making sure no one ever found out about my power.

“It’s been a long time since he last got his hands on a magic breaker. The edges of his realm are starting to fray.”

I recalled what Liam had told me about Brin’s activities. “I’m sure you had nothing to do with that.”

Brin’s lips twitched as he inclined his head. “I may be somewhat at fault.”

Try solely responsible.

“You cannot go back there. Not now that he’s caught your scent.”

“We don’t know that he has.”

I was being stubborn, but I didn’t care. If we did things Brin’s way, I’d lose everything. The family I just got back, my friends, my House. All of it gone.

“He sent those assassins as a test. If I hadn’t been there, you would have already fallen into the trap he laid for you.”

“Maybe so, but I don’t plan on hiding here just because it’s safer.” I glanced at my grandfather, trusting that he was more likely than Brin to give me the truth in this matter. “Is Noctessa really the only place I can undergo this ‘becoming’?”

My grandfather took in Brin’s rigid stance before answering reluctantly. “You will become regardless. Some might claim fate plays an important role in the process.”

Good enough for me.

“That settles it. I’m going back,” I declared, meeting Brin’s gaze stubbornly.

His face was as blank as it had been earlier. As if my decision was of no relevance to him.

“Very well,” he rumbled, his voice developing a gravelly echo.

Darkness crawled out of his pupils, staining his irises and the whites of his eyes a solid black. The abyss stared into me.

I grew lightheaded as I struggled to remain conscious. Panic and alarm began to set in as I realized I was frozen in place. A splotch of darkness spread from under my foot, becoming a pool that rose.

First to my ankles. Then to my knees.

“You insist you can take care of yourself, daughter of mine.” The abyss smiled. “Prove it. Escape me. Fail and we do things my way.”

A weary sigh came from my grandfather’s direction as the darkness crept past my eyes and over my head. My hearing was the last thing to go.

“This’ll only make her hate you more.”

“I’m prepared for that. Our world is not always kind. It won’t always bend in her favor. This will be a hard lesson. But a necessary one. I’m not entirely heartless though. I left her a small window to find her way out. As long as she’s developed her power—”

Before I could hear the rest, the abyss closed around my head.