Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

Willow

I stare at Durango's message. When he canceled our plans today, I was already in Brooklyn, sitting at a coffee shop. While I told him I'd be home until he messaged me, I changed my mind because I was eager to see him. With my laptop in tow, I planned to work until he was ready.

After his message came in, I wasn't up to doing any more work, so I packed up and drove back to the apartment in Queens. I borrowed Samantha's car again. She's my friend and roommate, and she has been great about loaning me her car from time to time. But when Durango said he was going back to sleep, I knew it was a lie. He's been distancing himself recently. I told myself it was due to his injuries, but that's not the real reason.

Now this. He wants to talk. Am I ready? No. But I can't keep putting him off. As much as I don't want to see the pity and disappointment in his eyes when I tell him the truth, I need to be honest with him. And he needs to know I've been in therapy and am now taking self-defense classes.

My fear is that after he hears everything that happened with Tyler, he might decide it's too much baggage and we are better off as friends.

I grab my phone and respond.

Willow: When?

Durango: Tonight? At my place. You can stay the night in Piper's room so you don't have to drive back late.

Oh, stay the night?

Durango: Or take the subway back that late.

I frown. Is that what he'd prefer I do?

The bubbles are floating, indicating he's still typing.

Durango: I mean, stay the night so you don't have to take the subway. Not take the subway.

I smile. He's rambling. He's not one to go one like this, which means he's nervous. I'm nervous, too. My smile drops. What if Piper told him what I revealed to her?

No, she wouldn't.

Durango: You still there?

I stare at his message again.

Willow: Sounds good. What time should I come over?

Durango: Any time after five works for me.

Willow: Okay. I'll be there.

I toss my phone onto the bed. I committed. I have to do this.

For the next couple of hours, I try my best to concentrate on work to give myself something else to think about. Finally, when it's time, I take the subway to Brooklyn since my roommate needs her car tonight.

As I approach Durango's house, my stomach churns. I walk up the steps to the front door and stand there without knocking. My nerves are trying to take over. Tonight is the night. I'm going to tell Durango my story. Something I've put off for so many months now.

The door swings open. I jump, startled.

"Did you knock?" he asks.

The smell of his shampoo hits me first, and it turns me on. Then I take in Durango. He's wearing jeans and a fitted T-shirt. He's lost some muscle mass these past few months, but he still has so much more than most men.

"No, not yet," I say.

He steps aside, and I walk in.

"I'll order a pizza. Pepperoni okay?"

"Sure." I hide my smile.

Piper shared that Durango likes to order pizza a lot, to the point that she doesn't want to see another pizza again for a long time.

After he orders the food, he motions for us to sit on the couch. "Do you want anything to drink? A beer?"

I sit down. "You wouldn't happen to have green tea, would you?"

He frowns. "Sorry, no tea."

"Water will be fine. Thanks."

He returns a moment later with two glasses of water. Then, he sits on the other end of the couch. The air is thick, and I've never felt so uncomfortable around him.

He continues to sit there and not say a word. There is a ticking sound. My eyes roam the room until I spot a clock on the wall. Tick. Tock. Finally, I can't take it anymore.

"You said we need to talk," I start.

He nods. "A couple of months ago, I told you to take all the time you need. And I really wanted to mean that. But the longer you take, the more I'm in my head, thinking you just want to be friends." He holds up his hand. "And if that's true, that's fine. I won't like it, but I'll live with it. But Piper told me not to give up because you're dealing with something big."

He leans forward and grabs his glass of water. "And I guess what I'm trying to figure out is why you were able to confide whatever is going on to Piper, but you can't talk to me." His eyes meet mine. They are filled with expectation and a little fear.

My heart is pounding so loudly that it's about all I can hear now. My mouth is dry as I search for the words I need to say. I grab my water and drink half of it down.

"Madison, Alicia, Piper, and I were at happy hour one night, and I'd had my fair share of margaritas. Piper told me briefly about what she went through with her ex and then asked me what my story was. At that moment, talking to Piper was easy because she's dealt with a controlling, abusive ex, and she understood how a person can get caught up in a situation like that."

He leans back. "You had a controlling, abusive ex?"

I set the glass down and lean back on the couch. "Sort of." I take a deep breath. "I've wanted to tell you what happened all these months, but I also haven't wanted to tell you. You will think less of me."

He scoots closer and takes my hand in his. "It sounds like you had an asshole ex. Trust me, between Piper's ex and her sister's ex-husband, I've seen how they control people. I won't think less of you."

I nod. "That's what my ex did. He controlled me. Everything about me." I stand up, pulling my hand from his. There is no way I can tell this story and look him in the eye, so I pace behind the couch instead.

"About ten years ago, I moved from Virginia to Oregon. Portland specifically. I got a job and decided to make a fresh start. It was at a tech startup company. For four years, I was happy. I loved my job, and I had a great group of friends. It was through one of these friends that I met Tyler."

I glance over, and Durango is watching me closely but patiently waiting for me to continue.

"Tyler seemed great. At first. We dated for six months before he asked me to move in with him."

He coughs and then reaches for his water. "You two were serious?"

I nod. "You have to remember; this was after everything that happened with Ozzie. I was certain you had no interest, so I was trying to move on. Tyler seemed nice, so I agreed and moved in. A few months after I moved in, he started to change. It was subtle at first, and I thought I was imagining things."

I feel so stupid saying it out loud. "He really had me convinced a lot of issues I had with him were in my head. There was a time when I thought I was going a little crazy. And because of that, I didn't confide in my friends about what was happening."

He reaches out and takes my hand, stopping me from pacing. "And what happened?"

"It started with small criticisms. First, it was about the fact I didn't wear makeup one Saturday. He thought I was taking him for granted and not trying anymore. He wanted to know why I didn't cook his favorite dinners more often. By this point, he stopped cooking anything, and it was all on me to keep us fed."

That should have been my wake-up call.

"Somehow, by the time we'd been together for a year and a half, he had me convinced I was the one in the wrong. But it got worse when my car broke down. He had it towed to a shop to get fixed. Every week, I'd ask when it would be ready, and he always said it would be ready soon. Finally, I asked which shop it was at, and he wouldn't tell me. He insisted he drive me to work and home. Suddenly, my freedom to go out after work, go shopping, go anywhere was gone."

My mind replays that first day when I called and asked him to pick me up later because I was going out with a friend. He said no. He told me he needed me. And so, I caved and canceled my plans. That set everything in motion. I just didn't realize it at the time.

"Couldn't you call an Uber or rent a car?"

I stop pacing but keep my back to his. "I didn't have access to my money."

"What do you mean?"

I turn and face him. "We'd agreed on having a joint bank account, so I had my checks deposited to it. He changed the password so I could never access it online, and I didn't have a debit card. I had a credit card, but the limit was small, and he'd see the charges when the statement came in the mail. There was no branch of that bank near where I worked. I couldn't figure out a way to get any money out of it." I shake my head. "He'd been setting me up to control me all along, and I let it happen. I haven't been able to tell you because I knew you'd think less of me."

I turn my back to him because I can't face his disgust or pity.

Durango stands and makes his way around the couch. "No, he manipulated you. That isn't your fault." He wraps his arms around me, and I lean into him. "You haven't heard the worst of it yet."

"I'm certain my opinion won't change."

I really wish that were true.

"He continued to drive me to and from work, getting more controlling over time. When the pandemic hit, I had no reason to go anywhere as far as he was concerned, since my office was shut down and we were all working remotely."

"What about your parents? I remember they were huge on everyone getting together for the holidays. Did you talk to them when you went home?"

"The year I lost my car, I lied and told them I was sick. There was no way I could get to the airport or buy a plane ticket home. The next year, we didn't have any internet service. I didn't have a phone or any way to contact them."

"No phone or internet? Didn't you have a job?"

I shake my head. "After the holidays, my company laid off half of the employees. The pandemic had hurt the business. I lost my job. Once that happened, Tyler told me I had no need for a phone or internet."

"He cut off your ability to reach out to anyone? He was holding you prisoner."

I swallow. "I wasn't tied up. But we lived far enough from everything that I couldn't exactly walk into town. I thought about it a lot, how to escape. But I was worried he'd find me walking on the side of the road or someone who knew him would call and he'd pick me up. That would have made things worse."

"But you did escape."

I nod. "Eventually. After everything he put me through, I still thought he loved me. Until one night."

Durango takes a deep breath and moves back to the couch to sit down. "What happened?" His voice is tight.

"I was home when he pulled in. He wasn't alone. His coworker, Sasha, was with him. I'd met her once a few years before. She told me to my face she was going to sleep with Tyler someday. Well, that apparently was the day. Tyler brought her in. I asked what was going on. He said not to worry about it. He took her to our bedroom, where they had loud sex."

Neither of us says a word for a minute. Finally, I glance over, fearful to see how disgusted he must be with me. Instead, I see rage.

"What's Tyler's last name?"

"No. I'm free of him. If you go after him, he'll only cause you trouble."

Durango nods. "True, but odds are he'll do this to another woman."

No, he couldn't. That's what I told myself. No one else would allow that. But I didn't allow that. That's something the therapist told me during our session.

"How did you get free?" Durango asks, changing the subject from Tyler's last name.

"Sasha stayed the night, and the next day, they both went to work together. As soon as they were out of sight, I ran to the neighbor's house. No one would answer the door until the fifth house. She let me use her phone, and I called an old friend. She thought I'd ghosted her, so I quickly explained that I needed help. She picked me up and got me out of there. I never looked back."

"Did Tyler look for you?"

"I always watched for him whenever I was out in public. But fortunately, I wasn't out much. My friend let me stay on her couch. I was able to find a job that allowed me to work remotely, and I was saving up to get a place of my own when Ozzie found me. He offered to bring me to New York to see you. It seemed like an answer to my prayers."

"Come here," Durango motions for me to join him on the couch.

I sit next to him, and he pulls me up close to him.

"I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that. But I'm happy you got free. How long ago was that?"

I swallow. "Six months."

His arms tighten around me. "Shit. I'm so sorry for pushing you. I had no idea."

"You haven't pushed me. I needed to tell you what happened. Trust me, I want to get past all of this, and I'm doing everything I can to make that happen. I've been seeing a therapist. And I signed up for the martial arts classes at a gym near my apartment."

He leans back to look into my eyes. "I'm really happy to hear that."

"I'm trying, Durango. I really want this to work out between us."

He squeezes my hand. "Me too."