Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

Durango

By the time we got home, it was late, so I asked Willow to stay with me at my place. After everything that happened, I needed her near me to know she was safe. She said she was fine, but I woke in the middle of the night to find Willow sitting up in bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She turns to me, but it's dark, so I can't see her expression. "Nothing. I'm just thirsty. Go back to sleep. I'll be right back."

I close my eyes, and when I open them, daylight is streaming through the window. I reach over, but Willow isn't there. And the bed is cold. I jump up and search for her. She's lying down on the couch.

"Willow?"

She moans as she slowly wakes. "What time is it?"

"Six in the morning. How long have you been out here?"

She rubs her eyes as she sits up. "A few hours. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

On the floor next to the couch is a pad of paper. I pick it up and scan it. "What's this?" I ask as I sit down next to her.

She hugs her knees. "It's a list of things I need to do so I'm prepared in case we are ever in danger again."

Her words are a gut punch. I toss the list onto the table and then lean over, burying my face in my hands. "I'm so sorry. I'm supposed to be protecting you, and clearly, you don't feel safe."

"What do you mean, you are supposed to be protecting me? We should protect each other."

And a second punch. "Willow, protecting people is what I do. Of course I'm supposed to keep you safe." I sit on the couch next to her and take her hand. "Look, I'm happy that you want to be prepared and you are learning self-defense. Tyler is gone. No one else is coming after you. You are safe now."

"Durango, I appreciate everything you've done for me," she says.

Appreciate? Why does this sound like a breakup speech? I hold my breath for her next words.

"But I need to learn to feel safe on my own."

Ah, shit. Why would she end things? This doesn't make sense. "So, you're breaking up?"

She frowns. "What? No, how did you jump to that?"

I shrug. "Because I put you in harm's way yesterday."

She climbs onto my lap. "Durango, this isn't about that. Last night, I woke up having a panic attack. Something that's happened several times since I escaped from Tyler. That's why I came out here and made this list. I need to do these things to help myself. I know you'll keep me safe. But I can't keep living my life scared. That's what I've been doing for the past six years. I must learn a different way. And that will include making lists, taking more martial arts classes, and maybe buying another lock for my door."

"Move in here," I say without thinking.

Her eyes widen. "What?"

I pause for a moment, but no, I don't feel any hesitation. "Move in here with me."

She smiles. "Uh, shouldn't we date for a while before we take the next step?"

I shrug. "It's inevitable you'll move in here, so why wait?"

"Inevitable?"

I kiss her forehead. "Yep."

Several emotions cross her face as she stares at me, thinking it over. "I really appreciate the offer, but Durango, I don't want to move in because you're trying to help me feel safe. When we move in together, I want it to be because we are in love and ready to take that next step. Let's not rush things."

Sweat breaks out on the back of my neck. I didn't want to say anything this early, but I can't not say anything now. "Willow, I do love you, and I want to be around you every moment I can. That's why I want you to move in with me."

She leans back, taking me in. She opens her mouth a couple of times, but nothing comes out.

"Hey," I say. "I didn't say that to put any pressure on you. I just want you to know where I stand."

Her lips curl up. "Durango, I love you, too. I thought it was too soon, so I haven't said anything, but I don't want to hold back any longer."

"Too soon? Hell, woman, we've known each other more than half our lives at this point."

She laughs. "Well, when you put it that way."

I tug her closer and kiss her. As our kiss grows deeper, my phone vibrates in my pocket. Despite my effort to ignore it, the vibrating continues.

"While I do find that to be a turn-on, you should probably see who is trying to reach you," Willow says.

I pull my phone from my pocket and read the messages. "It's Ozzie. He's asking if I'm going to the gym this morning. Normally, when I'm home, I hit the gym on Saturday and Sunday mornings. And often Ozzie and Piper join me."

"Why don't we both go? I'd love to see Piper."

I let Ozzie know we are on our way, and we get ready.

When we step into the gym, Piper grabs Willow and whisks her away to some class that's about to start. Ozzie and I hit the treadmills.

"We could have just run outside," I tell him.

He frowns. "Too humid."

We run together in silence for about twenty minutes before he slows down to a walk. I do the same.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

I glance at him. "What do you mean?"

"You've been glaring at that window for your entire run."

I stop the treadmill and step off. "Last night, Willow had a panic attack. She obviously doesn't feel safe, and I'm failing to fix that for her."

He steps over next to me. "I don't think that's something you can fix. I mean, yeah, you can provide her a safe place to stay and stay near her. But it sounds like she's going through what Piper went through after dealing with her ex, John. She needs to learn to feel safe in her own skin."

While his words make sense, I still can't help wondering if there is more I can be doing.

Ozzie claps my shoulder. "Hey, I get this has to be tough on you. You've always been the one to protect those you love. But sometimes, that means stepping back when they need space, too."

I spin around to him. "Space?" Well, that's the last thing I gave her by asking her to move in. And as I replay our conversation, I realize she never answered that question.

"Yes, she needs space, especially after living and essentially being held prisoner by her ex," Ozzie says.

"Oh no," I say.

"What's wrong?"

"This morning, I asked her to move in with me. I just realized she never answered whether she would or not."

I walk over to a nearby bench and sit down. Ozzie follows.

"What happened to taking things slow?" he asks.

It's a fair question. We talked about my plans with Willow last week, and I believe my exact words were, I want to take it slow. Of course, that hasn't been working out.

"When I'm with her, I lose all logical thought, apparently." I scratch the back of my neck. "What the hell do I do?"

"Hey, you guys working out or just chatting?"

I turn to spot Axel wearing a scowl.

"What's wrong with you?" Ozzie asks.

Axel shrugs. "I'm supposed to meet my sister for lunch."

"Oh, the horror," I say.

Ozzie chuckles.

"It's not my sister that's the problem. It's her friend. Well, really, the woman is her realtor. Apparently, she will be there, too, because my sister wants us to go in together on a lake house."

"What's wrong? Is the realtor too pushy?" Ozzie asks.

"No, she's rude. From the moment she met me, she stared at me with this expression like I smelled bad. And she's just rude."

I cross my arms. "So, she didn't fall for your charms?"

"I never had a chance to try to charm her."

"What does your sister think of her?" Ozzie asks.

"Maria loves her. She says she's the best agent around. But the agent is kind to my sister. Almost dotes on her. Anyway, I'm just being a grump." He glances around and notices Piper and Willow and then gives them a wave. "I'm going to hit the treadmill for a while. I'll catch you guys later," Axel says. He's gone before we can say bye.

"I'll bet you ten dollars he wants the realtor," Ozzie says.

I laugh. "No bet because you're probably right."

"Now, back to your situation," Ozzie says.

Willow is walking in our direction. "We'll have to table that discussion," I say.

"Can we talk?" Willow asks.

"Sure," I say to Willow.

"I'm going to find Piper,"

"Earlier, you asked me to move in, but I never answered you," she says.

"I noticed that. And if you think it's too soon, I'll understand. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable."

She takes my hand in hers. "It is soon, but it feels right. Yes, I want to move in with you."

I scoop her into my arms and twirl her around. "I can't tell you how happy that makes me."

"But," she says.

I set her down to let her finish.

"I need to give Samantha some notice. She was kind enough to take me in when I really needed it, and I want to make sure she's ready to live alone again."

"Makes sense," I say. "Do you have more you need to do here, or do you think we can go back to my place to celebrate?"

She grins. "We should go now. And celebrate all day."

We find Ozzie and Piper to say goodbye before we leave.

"She said yes," I whisper to Ozzie.

"Congrats, man. You look really happy," he says.

"I am." And I really am.