Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

Willow

Samantha hands me another tissue. Since Durango left, I've been in this guest room crying. And not nice crying. No, ugly sobbing. I'm sure my eyes are red and swollen by now. My nose feels raw. Despite that, I can't stop.

"It's like I turned on a faucet, and it broke," I say. "I can't stop crying."

"Oh, Willow, you have been through so much lately, and you haven't let yourself actually feel it."

"Feel it? Who wants to feel having an ex find you and threaten your life?" And that sets off another wave of tears.

"This isn't about want. It's about processing."

I wipe my eyes. "How did you get so smart about this stuff?"

She arches a brow. "I wouldn't call it smart. Just something I have to do to get by. Like this job suspension issue. I'm angry as hell about it. But I can't go around yelling at everyone or punching walls."

I laugh. "I can't imagine you punching anything."

She holds up her fists. "Don't underestimate these guns." She runs one hand over the other bicep, which causes me to laugh harder.

"This is what I was trying to explain to Durango, but I didn't say it right."

She grabs a pillow and hugs it as she sits next to me on the bed. "Did you say those words to him? That he's not dealing with it?"

"Not exactly, but I did ask him to consider going to therapy."

"Oh." She looks away.

"What?"

She turns back and looks at me for a moment, as if trying to figure out how to break bad news to me. "Well, Durango just went through a lot, and from what I could see, his first thought was your safety. Of course, he hasn't had a chance to deal with anything yet."

I shake my head. "No, it's not just today. He's different than he used to be."

"I think Durango likely holds things close to his chest because he has to. Or maybe it's how he's built. But you said he's a former Navy SEAL, right? Think about that for a minute."

I stare at her, and she stares back as if, by doing this, some light bulb is going to come on above me.

"Okay, but that may mean he has more to deal with than the average person," I say.

"Or he may have a different way of dealing with things. He probably can't even say half of what he's seen, so what good would going to a therapist do?"

I stand up and take my used tissues to a small garbage bin in the corner. "So, you're saying because his work is secretive, he shouldn't see a therapist?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying." She frowns. "Why do you want him to go?"

"So he'll open up to me," I say without thinking.

"But you two aren't even technically dating yet. Do you think he should have opened up by now?"

It's a fair question. "Samantha, he's different than he used to be. When he was in his twenties, he seemed lighter and more open. Something has changed."

"Of course something has changed; he's older now. He has likely seen a lot of things that have affected him over the years. Tell me, are you the same person you were in your twenties?"

"No, I was immature and didn't think things through."

She nods. "Could this be about something else?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you're feeling vulnerable because you've shown him parts of you that you'd rather keep hidden. Now you want him to do the same."

I grab another tissue as my eyes tear up again.

"See, that's it. Unless…"

"Unless what?" I ask.

"Is there any chance you're pregnant?"

Her question makes me laugh. "No, we haven't gone there yet."

She arches a brow. "Really?"

"Really."

She nods. "Okay, I guess we can rule out pregnancy."

"When he was kidnapped, I was so scared. But he puts himself in danger like that all the time for his job," I say.

"Is that something you can't live with?"

"I don't know. I guess it hadn't really sunk in."

"Well, think hard on it. Can you live with him taking risks? Or would you prefer not to have him in your life?"

The idea of him not in my life guts me. It's not an option. No, I need to figure out how to deal with this.

"Samantha? Willow?" Axel yells from downstairs.

"I'll leave you alone to think, but if you want to talk some more, I'm here."

"Thanks."

After she leaves the room, I stand and walk over to a mirror that's above the dresser. I wince when I catch my reflection. My eyes are red, and my mascara has run down my cheeks. I wave my hands in front of my face to dry it.

I leave the room and find a bathroom. After I've cleaned up my smeared makeup, I realize I owe Durango an apology if he'll listen to me. I make my way downstairs, but he's not in the living room or kitchen.

"Looking for Durango?" Axel asks from the kitchen.

I nod.

He points to the open back door. A breeze of fresh air comes through. I walk through it and spot Durango sitting in a chair on the patio. He turns to glance at me.

"I'm sorry," I say.

He stands up. I take a step closer.

"I'm sorry for trying to push therapy on you. After talking to Samantha, she helped me realize this was about me, not you."

He doesn't move or say a word, and I'm growing nervous under his stare. But I push forward, taking another step closer.

"I opened up to you about Tyler and everything that happened. I've felt very vulnerable doing that. And I guess I had hoped you'd be willing to be vulnerable with me, too. But we aren't even dating yet, so it's understandable you haven't been." I glance up at him, and he's still staring at me. "Durango, I'm a bit of a mess right now. My emotions are all over the place, and I'm sorry for taking any of it out on you." I swallow back the tears that threaten.

He takes two steps and has his arms around me. "You're going through a lot."

I nod. "That's what Samantha says."

"She's right. And I'm glad she's your friend. She's a good person."

She really is. Even after I ghosted her because of Tyler, she resumed our friendship as if no time had passed.

I wrap my arms around his waist, enjoying his comfort and warmth. He tightens his grip around me.

"I thought about what you said about me opening up. At first, I was angry. But you're right; I don't let everyone know what's going on deep inside. It's not something I like to talk about. And frankly, I'm scared to talk to you about it."

I lean back to stare into his eyes. "Scared of what?"

He takes a deep breath. "Scared of losing you. Scared you won't like what you see."

I take his chin in my hands so he can't look away. "You're a good man, Durango. You aren't going to scare me away."

He pushes some hair away from my face. "It's not just that. I like you so much. I always have. But anytime we start to get close, you do something to push me away. First, it was Ozzie. Now it's causing arguments."

I open my mouth to argue, but he puts his fingers on his lips.

"Hear me out, okay?"

I nod and move my hands to his chest.

He takes a moment before he speaks, as if he wants to get the words just right. "What you did with Ozzie hurt me deeply. I didn't say anything then because we were just friends and you'd never given me a reason to think anything else. But to find out it was all a game you played, well, I was pissed off. But that was ten years ago, and like you said, you were young and immature.

"Then today, it felt like you were trying to push me away. Right when we were finally getting our chance. And it left me wondering if maybe things hadn't changed." He averts his gaze, and in that moment, I can see the pain I've caused him etched on his face. His eyes are glassy, and he takes a deep breath before turning his eyes back to mine. "But Axel made me see maybe I am a bit closed off emotionally. When you came out here just now and told me what's going on, I realized this is different. We're both different."

"I'm so sorry. It wasn't my intent to come across like I'm playing games. I'm just so raw with emotion, and I feel so exposed."

He pulls me in tighter. "I get that. With everything going on, it's hard to deal with. But no matter what, I'm here for you."

I nod.

"Unless you push me away again."

I take a step back. "What do you mean?"

His eyes meet mine, and a tear falls down his cheek. I wipe it away. I've never seen this man get emotional, much less cry. I ache to take away his pain.

"I'm falling for you, and I'm not willing to play games."

"I don't want any games."

He lets out a breath. "Good, because I don't think I can let you go. And if you can have a little patience with me, I'll open up. A lot has happened in the past ten years, and honestly, I don't like to talk about it. But there are some things you should know. To help understand me."

"I'd like that. Thank you."

He leans down, touching his forehead to mine.

"Durango, I'm falling for you, too."

He grins, and I can't help but grin back at him. My heart is so full. I've never felt anything this strong. He's my one, and I won't let anything stand in our way.