Chapter 11

Tabitha woke with tears in her eyes as a dream faded from her mind. What had she been dreaming of? She tried in vain to resurrect the sparse flashes of what had made her weep. She remembered joy, but also sorrow, as though she had known in the midst of her happiness that it would all end. When she wiped her eyes, the room came into focus. The fire in the hearth had gone out and morning light cast soft beams through the gaps in the draperies surrounding the window.

Fitz had been here. With her. Her body still felt languid and relaxed, though her arm ached from its wound. She stared at the rumpled sheets and the empty bed for a long moment and hugged herself. It was only then, as her gaze moved around the room, that she noticed the large diamond softly sparkling on the side table. She reached for the gem, her fingers closing around it. She turned to the ashes in the fireplace, where she saw the partially burned paste jewel still there.

Surely this can't be... but if it is...

The note beneath it bore a solid, confident script of handwriting that she guessed belonged to Fitz. It took her a moment to bury the flash of pain she felt knowing that whatever she was about to read would also be a message of goodbye.

This diamond is yours. Do something good in the world, and I shall sleep without missing it. Know that I will be true to you in my heart. Always.

Fresh tears escaped her, and she buried her face in her hands. The diamond and Fitz's letter toppled to her lap, and her body quaked as she sobbed. It was a long while before her tears finally ceased and she stopped quivering with grief. Numb and weary, she stared at the diamond. A beam of light had landed on the stone, and a prism of colors burst from the other side, painting the walls in a rainbow of light.

So much good could come from the gem if she sold it. But to do so, it would have to be broken up into a dozen smaller diamonds. This diamond would be gone forever, and she selfishly wanted this gift from Fitz to remain unchanged. It was a symbol of what lay between them, the pure, ancient perfection of something that shouldn't be destroyed. She clutched it to her chest and drew in a deep breath. She couldn't keep it, but she could make sure it would always be safe.

Tabitha hid the jewel in the vase of flowers that Fitz had give her, then tucked the letter from him in her travel case. She'd just finished washing her face in the basin on the washstand when Liza entered with a breakfast tray.

"Morning, Miss Tabitha," she greeted brightly as she set the tray down on a table. As she came closer, she lowered her voice. "Everything go well last night? Did you get it?"

"Yes. It is safely hidden away," Tabitha reassured her.

"Good. All the servants are buzzing like a hive of bees. The downstairs is dripping with gossip about what happened last night."

"Oh? What are they saying?" Alarm pitched her voice slightly higher.

"Well, that the diamond was stolen, of course, that everyone's rooms were searched, and the men were up half the night looking for the thief. They found no diamond and no thief, of course." The lady's maid winked at her. "Then, this morning, Lord Helston called off any further searches of the grounds and the house. The strange part is that he left for London and told his valet that they would be traveling to London and then Edinburgh tomorrow with no plans of returning!"

Tabitha's stomach plummeted to her feet. "He left his own house party?"

"Yes, as did his two friends, Lord Brightstone and Mr. Beckley. They were quite stunned by the entire business. The three of them were heard arguing in his study before His Grace got into his coach and left for London."

Tabitha collapsed into a chair, her breakfast ignored.

"I thought you'd be happy with the news that you got away with it." Liza lifted an exquisite pale-pink-striped satin walking dress out of the wardrobe and laid it out on the bed for Tabitha.

"I should be," she agreed, though her mood only fell deeper.

Fitz had run away from her. It was the wisest thing to do. If he had stayed... they would have made a terrible mess of everything. The truth might even come out. It was far better, far safer, to make a clean break of things and start over. Apart. Forever.

She touched her stomach. They hadn't taken any precautions last night. Neither of them had been thinking clearly. What if the flutter of life now blossomed within her? She would do anything to have a piece of him, just one part of him for her to hold.

Liza helped her change into the walking dress and arranged her hair as a thousand thoughts raced through her mind: what to do if she was with child, what to do with the Helston Diamond, what to do about her feelings for Fitz, which were never going to go away. But the pain of knowing she would never see him again was so great, it left her adrift rather than being able to devise any plan of action she could draw comfort from.

But she had to do something. She could not keep the diamond, and she could not bear to have it broken up into smaller pieces, which left only one option.

By the time she was presentable, Tabitha had made her decision. She told Liza to inform Hannah and Julia that she would be ready to leave soon. When the lady's maid was gone, Tabitha retrieved the diamond from its hiding place and tucked it into the pocket of her skirts. She then went in search of Mr. Tracy to ask for a private audience with Lady Helston on a very important matter.

She waited a short while in the corridor before she was shown into a private salon. The dowager duchess sat at her desk, perusing letters. Her fine satin gown of a rich hunter green was trimmed with Belgian lace and decorated at the hem and sleeves with gold tassels. She wore a delicate necklace of emeralds, and her silvery-gray hair was set in a classic style that made her seem rather ageless. Tabitha had never seen any mature woman look so splendid in her life.

The dowager turned at Tabitha's approach and gestured at a nearby chair.

"Please sit, Miss Sherborne." The dowager smiled warmly at her, but that only twisted the blade in Tabitha's heart deeper.

"Your Grace, I am here to return something to you." She knew better than to try to explain away her actions with words or delay the inevitable. It was best to just get it over with.

Lady Helston's eyebrows arched a little in curiosity. "Oh?"

Tabitha removed the diamond from her pocket and cupped it in her palm, then placed the glittering gem in the older woman's hand.

"This is yours."

"Goodness, how on earth did you...?" Lady Helston suddenly lifted her gaze to Tabitha's face, a look of comprehension dawning in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Your Grace," Tabitha whispered, her voice breaking a little.

"For what, my dear?" The duchess's eyes softened, and Tabitha saw a resemblance to Fitz so clearly in the older woman's face. Tabitha's shoulders trembled as she tried not to cry. She had expected Fitz's grandmother to be furious, possibly even to call for her butler to restrain her so she could not escape. She had not expected to see such compassion from the woman she'd stolen the diamond from.

"I was wrong to take it."

"Were you?" Lady Helston mused. "It was my understanding that the clever Merry Robins only target those who deserve it. My grandson was admittedly in need of a comeuppance as to his behavior."

Tabitha's lips parted in shock. "The diamond is yours, not his. I never should have?—"

"My dear," Lady Helston gently interrupted, "gems belong to the earth. They do not belong to people, certainly not the men who plunder them. I believe women are the proper guardians of them, but even we could never own such things. We simply care for them for a while." She lifted the diamond up into the light. "Do you know the story of this particular stone?"

Tabitha shook her head. The walls around them were bathed in colored light as the dowager moved the jewel, twisting it slowly in the light from the windows.

"This diamond was discovered in 1698 in the great Indian mines of Golconda. Its cut is brilliant, and it is nearly flawless. It is four hundred and twenty-six carats and took two years of painstaking cutting. It was bought by Philippe II, the Duke of Orléans, regent of France. Louis XV, Louis XVI, and Marie Antoinette have all worn this diamond at some point in their lives. Napoleon even displayed it upon his sword hilt. It was once centered on Empress Eugénie's diadem. It has seen blood, tears, joy, greed, and love. It has reflected sunlight for nearly two centuries. You see how it has a yellow hue, faint but still visible?"

Tabitha peered at the diamond and nodded.

"All diamonds from Golconda have this color, while diamonds from other places appear more white. Some believe that to be a flaw of this particular jewel, but I do not see flaws in any diamond, nor anything that comes from the earth. Even raw and uncut, diamonds are in their own way perfect." She turned the diamond again, then tossed it in the air and caught it as it fell back down, surprising Tabitha.

"But this is only a stone. Its value is not monetary, even though men always seek to put a price upon nature. Its true value is in its natural beauty and what it reminds us about ourselves. That beneath our rough surface lies a brilliant jewel that has traveled up from the depths of the earth toward the surface. So much about diamonds is still a mystery, but that can also be said of ourselves, don't you think?" She set the diamond down on the desk and met Tabitha's gaze.

"I assume my grandson knows that you have this?"

"He used a paste jewel in place of the real one last night. It was the paste jewel that I stole, but after he discovered I was a thief, he gave me the real diamond. He left it by my bed—" She halted as she realized what she had just implied.

The dowager merely smiled. "Do not be embarrassed, my dear. I was once young. You must have made quite an impression upon Fitz for him to gift you this." She picked the diamond back up and held it out to Tabitha.

She leaned away from the dowager's offering hand. "No, I can't take it."

"It's only a stone," the dowager said. "I have been following your career with great interest, and if I am correct, you do not keep the items you take for yourself. I assume you do something useful with them instead, don't you?"

"I do. I sell the stones, and the money is provided to charities that are often overlooked by the upper echelons of society. But I can't take this one. It was a mistake to ever consider it." She wished she could explain to Lady Helston what the diamond meant to her. That it was precious because it was a gift from Fitz. His way of proving he cared for her, even though they could only ever have one night together. She didn't want it to be broken apart and sold or even hidden away. She wanted it to remain with Lady Helston,and Fitz, so that he understood that she loved him. That was her gift to him, the only gift she had to give.

"You love my grandson," Lady Helston said.

A painful lump formed in Tabitha's throat. "It wouldn't be right to admit to something I cannot act upon."

"But you do." The dowager put the diamond on the desk again. "Is it because you have no family? No connections? You believe yourself inferior to him?"

"Yes, but it is more than that. We are so different. We are ill-suited, and he can be so—" She halted once she realized she'd been about to complain about Fitz to his own grandmother.

"Oh, he can be terribly stubborn and focused on the wrong things, can't he? But I rather believe that this shortcoming is my fault. I did not push him as I should have. When he lost his parents, we clung to each other in our grief. His way of moving forward was to focus on the rules of his world and make them immutable. But that world, unlike this diamond, is terribly flawed. And so he has built rationalizations around those flaws. It has, I'm afraid, led to some limiting life choices. Now here you are, tearing down his walls and breaking all his rules. No wonder he fled the house this morning." A hint of a smile played upon the dowager's lips. "And yet, I believe that's exactly what he needs."

Tabitha stared at Lady Helston in confusion. "He does?"

"Oh yes, he needs you, Miss Sherborne, just as I suspect you need him." She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Leave the diamond with me. As far as I'm concerned, it was never stolen, and last night's fracas was a simple misunderstanding. Let me think on the matter, my dear. In the meantime, I believe you should return to London. Don't you?"

Tabitha was more confused than ever, but she knew she'd been politely dismissed.

Hannah and Julia were waiting for her in the front entryway, while Liza was outside by their coach, seeing that their travel cases were properly packed.

"Where have you been, Tabby? We've been so worried," Julia said in a whisper as the three of them hurried down the steps. A footman opened the door and assisted each of them inside the coach.

But Tabitha shook her head and didn't speak until they were alone and the coach was moving down the road. She had to be certain no one would overhear their conversation.

"I had an audience with Lady Helston this morning."

"Did she suspect you?" Hannah gasped.

Tabitha closed her eyes, dreading this confession. "No, she didn't, but she didn't have to suspect me of anything because I... gave it back."

"You gave the diamond back?" Julia gasped. "Why? What if she reports us to Scotland Yard?"

"She doesn't know about you or Hannah being involved. As far as she knows, I'm the only one behind the thefts. And she doesn't intend to report me. She..." Tabitha couldn't bring herself to mention how that conversation had ended. Not yet.

Julia's face tightened with tension. "We're in this together, Tabitha. We will not let you take the fall alone. But why did you do it? We needed that diamond."

"I know." Tabitha tried to ignore the creeping misery inside her.

"Then why give it back?" Julia's voice rose a little.

Hannah put a gentle hand on Julia's arm to calm her down. "It's about Helston, isn't it?" she said softly to Tabitha. "You gave it back because of him."

"Why would she—?" Julia's eyes widened. "Oh no, Tabby. You... tell me you didn't fall in love with him." The way she said him with such horror, it sounded like Julia felt betrayed.

It was all too much. Tabitha wiped at her stinging eyes.

"Oh dear," Hannah said and gave Tabitha a handkerchief. "You'd better tell us what happened."

The next hour of their coach ride was spent reliving the past. Tabitha shared her meeting with Fitz that first night in London, how that moment during the musicale had connected them at once and how it had deepened during her time at the house party. She told them of the moments in the hothouse when she'd seen the softer side of Fitz and how he'd kissed her. She kept some details to herself, but she wanted her friends to understand that she'd never felt like this about anyone.

"And he found out you stole the diamond?" Julia asked.

"Yes. After you left my room, he came to see that I was all right. He thought the thief might have snuck in while I was sleeping. When he saw blood on the sleeve of my nightgown, he realized I was the thief he'd injured. Oh, he was so angry, so hurt. And I had done that to him."

Julia's eyes softened. "I always thought Helston had a heart of stone after what he did to our Anne..."

"He saw the error in doing what he did to break up your friend's engagement," Tabitha said. "Even though he thought he had done it with good intentions, he realized it cost him his friendship with Louis Atherton."

Hannah went back to the more pressing matter. "So he used a paste jewel as bait... then gave the real diamond to you anyway?"

"He left it beside my bed this morning," she whispered. She put her hand to her stomach, a gesture Hannah didn't miss.

"Oh, Tabby, what if you're with child?"

Tabitha wiped away more tears. "I know I can't ask for you to let me stay with you. It would be too scandalous to have an unwed mother under your roof. I thought perhaps I would try to find employment, if I could have you as a reference."

"Nonsense, you can't leave," Hannah protested. "Baby or no baby, you're family to me, Tabitha. We can handle a child if one comes; in fact, it might be rather wonderful to have a child about the house. We've set aside a small bit of the proceeds from each of our adventures for your future. We could use that toward the child if we need to."

Julia touched Tabitha's knee. "Hannah is right. We're all family. You won't leave us, will you, Tabby?"

Tabitha sniffled and smiled. "I'll stay with you as long as you wish me to."

"Now now, there's no need to cry," Julia replied. "It's all settled. You're staying with Hannah, and everything will be all right." She said this with such confidence that Tabitha almost laughed. But after a moment, Hannah seemed to grow concerned again.

"You don't believe Helston will tell anyone about us?"

"He doesn't know about you. He told me to do something good with the diamond, but I couldn't keep it. It would have to be cut up to hide its origins."

Her friends didn't argue with her decision, but that didn't stop her worries about the future of the Merry Robins. There was still so much to be done to help those in need. They would have to find someone else deserving of their unique attentions.

Tabitha stared out at the landscape that was now turning colors with the approaching winter. She felt a chill, a wintry emptiness settle inside her. She hoped that wherever Fitz was, he didn't feel the same way. She wouldn't wish this feeling upon anyone.

She closed her eyes, relishing the night she'd spent in his arms. The way he had felt, the taste of his lips, and his scent that reminded her of rain and winter. The way his gaze seemed to melt when he looked at her in the candlelight. The beat of his heart in time with her own. How did a person live with only half of their heart?