Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

“ I suppose it makes sense, when you think about it.” Natalie said, frowning as she watched Emily and Jane playing chess. “Marie and Lord Baine, I mean.”

They were in one of the libraries, having wanted a break from the engagement announcement. As soon as Marie had accepted Lord Baine’s proposal, the family had been in uproarious celebration. It had only been the fact that Lord Baine could not stay that had prevented them throwing another ball.

Emily looked out of the window at the setting sun. The whole day had felt like a blur. Ever since Lord Baine had apologised to her and told her he had no wish to marry her, but wanted to marry Marie, she had felt an odd sense of relief. I would rather be alone than with the wrong man.

Her heart twisted. It hurt, but she knew it would fade. She had her sisters, and Natalie. And they would be there for her. Who needs a husband when I have them?

“They do have rather a lot in common.” Emily agreed. “Though I'm rather embarrassed that I did not notice anything sooner.”

“It is rather surprising, given your penchant for matchmaking.” Jane said, a mischievous look in her eyes.

Emily glared good naturedly at her sister.

“That is probably because you were rather distracted.” Natalie teased. “Why did you not tell me you had feelings for Duke Warren?”

“I did not know that was how I felt. Besides, he has made it clear that he is not willing to marry me.” She flashed Natalie a warning look.

She had told her about the kiss she had shared with Luke, but had decided not to share that particular detail with her sisters. They might have been entering into a more open chapter of their lives, but Emily was not convinced they would not force Luke to do the honourable thing. And I have no wish for that.

“Then he is a fool.” Jane said, moving her knight.

Emily's heart twisted. She recognised the arrangement of the board. It was the same as the game she had played with the Duke. At least I know exactly how to win.

“It is his loss.” Natalie agreed.

Emily shrugged as she moved her queen across the board. “Yet that does not make it hurt any less.”

“Perhaps not today, but in time it will. For now it is entirely too fresh.” Jane surveyed their game, her lips pursed in thought.

“Thank you.” Emily murmured. Natalie reached across and squeezed her hand.

Outside, clouds began to darken the sky. There was a flash of lightning and a low roar of thunder.The sound made Natalie jump.

“It would seem we are in for quite a storm.” Jane glanced out the window. “It is lucky Lord Baine left when he did. It would be awful to be riding in this.”

Emily nodded. She wondered what Luke would think of his brother's choice. Lord Baine had told her that his brother told him to go after his heart's desire. It is a pity Luke will not do the same.

But then again, perhaps she simply was not his heart's desire. Passion was not love, at least she did not think that it was all there was to love. It was only a part of the puzzle and she wanted the whole puzzle

The sound of rain hitting the windows filled the air, making patterns of grey and blue. Emily watched them, but stopped when she remembered that Luke shared her same affliction. She would not think of him. There was another dull boom of thunder, making everyone jump.

‘I should check on the children. They hate storms.” Jane gave Emily an apologetic look. “Shall we continue this later?”

“Of course, unless Natalie wishes to take your place.” Emily gestured to Jane’s vacated seat.

Natalie made a face. “No thank you. I do not fancy losing to you again.”

“You did not lose that badly last time.” Emily smiled.

Natalie gaped at her. “It took you nine moves to checkmate me.”

“That is better than 5. You're improving!” Emily laughed and ducked out of the way of the pillow Natalie threw at her. “Ow!”

“I am not playing chess with you until I have honed my skills enough that you will not thrash me so thoroughly.” Natalie’s stomach growled. “Besides, I am feeling rather peckish. And you must be ravenous, you have only eaten lunch today.”

Emily’s own stomach let out a most unladylike noise and she laughed with Natalie. “Perhaps a light snack would do us good.”

“Wonderful, I suspect Alexander will have had the cooks make something special to celebrate Marie's engagement.” Natalie glanced at Emily, concern in her face as they began to make their way towards the kitchens.. “I know you did not want to marry Lord Baine, but I imagine this is all rather hard on you.”

Emily was about to tell Natalie that she was fine, and then stopped herself. You have to let them in. “It is and it is not. It is hard knowing that I will not be leaving here engaged. But I do not begrudge Marie and Lord Baine their happiness. I am glad they have found one another. And we would have been a lacklustre pairing at best.”

“I wonder why your sisters thought he would be such a good match for you?” Natalie mused.

“I am not sure. In some ways I think that was what hurt so much. In pairing me with him it felt like they did not truly know me.” Emily sighed. “Oh well, at least I can rest safely in the knowledge that their matchmaking days are over. This was, after all, my last chance.”

Natalie gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “You never know what might happen. There are some women in the ton who have been married at a far later age. I believe that Dame Harriet Winsby was only married last year, and she is at least four and thirty!”

“Dame Harriet is also a highly respected peer of the realm and happens to be one of the richest women in the country.”

“Well, we just need to figure out how you can become fabulously wealthy and respected. Or I suppose we could always try and find you a husband abroad.” Natalie pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Peter will no doubt go on his tour of the continent, and Alexander has said I might also travel, though not in the same way as my brother. Perhaps you could come with me?”

Emily’s heart sped up. “Really?”

“I see no reason against it. Though it is still several years away, you may well be married by then and you might not wish to go.” Natalie’s face fell.

“Well, perhaps we shall both be married and then we can go on a couple’s trip around the continent.” Emily said, though she did not feel particularly hopeful that she would be married. “Or I shall be that elderly and bedraggled spinster who dogs your every footstep and whom your husband loathes because of it.”

“He shall simply have to get used to it.” Natalie laughed.

Emily could not help but laugh with her. It eased some of the pain in her chest. At least a little. Her eyes drifted to the music room as they walked past, and she stopped. The pianoforte lingered before her, and she could almost smell the amber.

She could see Luke sitting at the keys, mapping sounds to notes and colours. Nodding as she spotted patterns and encouraging her when she was disheartened.

Without thinking, she took a seat at the pianoforte. She heard Natalie stop walking, and watch her from the door. Emily could sense her hesitancy, and jerked her head towards her, extending the invitation to her friend.

She closed her eyes. How can the smell of amber still linger so strong? Her fingers played a few experimental notes. Warming up. She thought about the day and all that had passed.

Smiling, she played a melody that was the brown she thought would be Lord Baine’s favourite colour and she married it with the sweet red that was Marie’s. It was a bouncy and light tune, and she heard Natalie gasp.

She has not really heard me play. Not like this. Not for a long time. Amber washed over her, mixed with rain water, so strong that Emily could have sworn that the Duke had entered the room. But it was just her imagination.

Her longing. She kept her eyes closed, but the smell… She changed her tune, capturing all the moments she had shared with Luke. The treasure hunt and the clues.

The sweet pink of the joy she had felt as she had read them. The purple note of admiration in his voice when she had told him about everything she had done.

“A forest chase.” She muttered. “Stolen treasure – green and amber.”

She let everything that she had pushed to the side flow through her and into the pianoforte. And then, other notes joined hers. These were deeper, richer.

It reminded her of Thursdays, of arguing with Luke about which colour they should be. It reminded her of a night, when she had found him playing by himself.

“Luke.” Her eyes flew open.

The smell of amber had not been her imagination. Luke stood before her, his fingers on the pianoforte, a small puddle forming around him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, gaping at him. “Did you… Were you out in the storm?”

Luke nodded, taking a step backwards and away from her. His hair was plastered to his face. He looked like a drowned rat. His piercing blue eyes danced in the candlelight.

He looked at her, with his beautiful perfect face, and Emily felt a surge of anger pour through her. She strode towards him and jabbed him in the chest.

He did not move. Did not protest. He just looked at her.

“What do you think you were doing? You could have been killed! It is a miracle you were not.” Emily shouted at him. “It was the height of idiocy to be out in a storm like this.”

“Fitting, would you not say? As I am the very epitome of idiocy.” Luke said canting his head towards her.

“Do not think that just because you look like an utterly bedraggled and adorable lunatic, that I will be any less furious with you.” Emily glowered at him, her voice breaking. “You left, left without even having the deceny to say goodbye. You broke my heart Luke.”

“I was not joking when I said that I am the very epitome of idiocy. I have been a complete and utter fool, and it kills me that I hurt you in my foolishness.”

“Then why did you? You come here, not twelve hours after you break my heart, looking like a drowned rat, and you just sit beside me and play… Play that melody.” Emily gestured to the pianoforte, her voice breaking. “Do you think you can just slip back into my life as if nothing happened? That you would play a few notes and I would forget everything?”

“I do not think anything of the sort.” Luke took a step towards her. “In truth, I was not thinking of anything but you when I left this evening. I would have braved a hundred storms like that, I would brave a hundred more, if it meant that I could undo what I have done.”

“Well you cannot.”

“I know that.” “I have no control of the past nor the future. I only have the present.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You called me a coward, and you were right. I was a coward. I have let the words of a dead man shape my entire life. Taking them as gospel because I was too scared to see otherwise.” “You saw the truth of me, you believed that I could be so much more. And then, I failed you.”

“If you are here simply to relive the breaking of my heart, I would rather not.”

“This is coming out all wrong.” Luke let out a frustrated growl. “God, but why do you turn my head about so? Must it always be so difficult with you?”

“Well, allow me to make it easier for you. I am leaving.” She made to move past him, avoiding the puddle of water collecting around him.

He grabbed her hand. “Damn it, I love you Emily.”

“You what?” She turned to face him, her heart hammering in her chest.

Luke let her wrist go. “I love you.”

“You do not mean that.” She whispered.

“I do.” Luke took a step towards her.

“Why are you doing this?” Emily took a step away, shaking her head. What game is he playing? “How dare you tell me you love me? How dare you!”

“Do you love me?” Luke’s face was emotionless.

“You left, Luke. You told me you could not, no you would not choose me.” Emily’s voice broke, and tears began to stream down her face.

“I am choosing you now.” Luke reached for her, but she jerked out of his grip.

“How do I know you will not suddenly have a change of heart?” Emily wiped her tears away with a sleeve of her dress, her voice cracking with emotion.

“I will not.” Luke took her hand in his, and with his other brushed her tears away with his thumb. “Just tell me you love me too.”

“Of course I love you, but I cannot keep doing this. I cannot have you tell me that you love me, that you want me, only to be told that you will not marry me. That you refuse to marry me. I will not put myself through that again.” Emily felt the warmth of his touch, the wetness of her tears mingling with his rain-soaked clothes and skin.

“I am not asking you to. Emily, I came here tonight because I love you. Even though you are the most infuriating, improper, irritating woman I have ever known.” He smiled at her.

“And you might possibly be the most useless man at giving compliments to have ever walked this Earth.” She shook her head. “How can you say that you love me and then insult me?”

“They are not insults. Just statements of facts. And they are part of the reason I love you. I do not only love you for your magnificent mind, for your beauty, for your quick wit and elegance. Those are the easy things to love about you.” Luke replied.

Luke gestured to her, his blue eyes full of steel. “There is no part of you I would change. I love all of you, even the bits of you that make me utterly irate.”

“Well you are hardly the picture of perfection. You are snobbish and arrogant and irritatingly charming, even when you are a bedraggled mess. You are entirely too focused on order and propriety.” Emily scowled at him, trying to keep the ice around her heart, even as the warmth of him seemed to course through her.

He pulled her closer to him, catching her face in his hands. “And you are too comfortable with chaos.”

“You are clever.” He kissed her cheek.

He kissed her other cheek. “You are kind.”

“You broke my heart.” Emily whispered.

Luke stopped, his eyes full of sadness and longing. “And I will spend the rest of my life mending it, if you will allow me to.”

“You have rather a lot of work to do.” She breathed.

She could still feel his lips against her skin. Every part of her itched to close the distance between them, but she forced herself not to. She held his gaze.

Luke smiled, but she saw the sincerity and the worry in his eyes. “Then there is no time to waste.”

“Luke… What if you change your mind?” Emily breathed.

“I will never change my mind. I am done running from my life.” Luke’s breath tickled her skin. “I choose you, Emily Pembleton. I will spend the rest of my life choosing you.”

“Kiss me.” She said.

And he did. He kissed her slowly, full of tenderness and passion. His skin was slick with rain water, his clothes sodden as she wrapping her arms around him. She knew her dress would be ruined, but she did not care.

He chose me. She kissed him, losing herself in the warm, comforting taste of him. He lifted her into the air, crushing her to him and she gasped.

“I love you.” She murmured as she kissed him again.

“Marry me?” Luke muttered as they broke apart.

“Yes.” She rested her forehead against his, breathing heavily as he held her in his arms.

“Am I interrupting something, or do we have a second engagement to celebrate.” Emily’s mother’s voice sounded from the door.

The Viscountess Cotswalts stood before her, flanked by Rose, Jane and Natalie each of whom was grinning like an idiot.

“It is good to see you, Mother.” Emily said, trying to muster as much dignity as Luke carefully lowered her to the ground. “I would like you to meet Luke Baine, Duke of Warren. My fiancé.”

“Finally!” Rose exclaimed.

And Emily began to laugh.