Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

“ S cones and pies and biscuits.” Emily sang happily to herself. “Food will always fix it.”

It had been two days since her fall, and her headache and nausea had finally abated. She had decided to celebrate by taking herself down to the kitchens to prepare herself a little feast. Her stomach growled as she made her careful way back to her room.

She stopped and nibbled one of the scones, making an appreciative noise. She glanced outside and saw a beautiful moonlit sky. A gentle breeze tickled her cheeks, and then she heard it.

Soft, haunting music.

“Am I dreaming?” While she felt more recovered, she felt a little disoriented still.

Emily frowned, wondering if it was just some flight of fancy. She strained her ears. She was right. It was music, coming from one of the drawing rooms.

“Who is playing at this time of night?” Emily muttered to herself, turning around and walking in the direction of the music. “It cannot be any of my family, no one is as skilled as this.”

That meant it could only be Luke or his brother. The Duke. Emily corrected. She still was not sure how much of her dream had been real, but she knew she could not think so familiarly of the man. He had only been doing his duty, that is all he cares about.

The music continued to drift through the hallway, deep and rich. It sounded so full of sadness and longing, that Emily felt her heart break. It was haunting in its beauty. Streaks of lavender mixed with warm, amber tones appeared, patterns swirling before her as they often did with music. She moved towards them. The accident had not made the patterns vanish then; if anything, it had made them more lovely and complex.

“Perhaps I should just return to my room.” Emily muttered. “He may not wish for an audience. But I need to know if it is him. I cannot believe it is.”

She doubted it would be Lord Baine, she could not imagine him playing anything like this. The music shifted, going from the longing and melancholic lavender into something else entirely.. They were deep, rich forest greens and cool blues. Silvery white flashes with startling grey.

This sounds like him.

Yet she could not imagine him playing the pianoforte. She needed to be sure. If it was Lord Baine, perhaps it would give them something to talk about.

She moved into the doorway, and glanced into the room. The figure sitting at the pianoforte was half illuminated in moonlight, but it was clearly Duke Warren.

He seemed totally lost in the music, his hands flying across the keys. A candle sputtered near him. Without thinking, Emily took a step towards him, forgetting that she was carrying a tray full of snacks.

A scone rolled off the plate, and she let out an exclamation. “Drat it!”

The music stopped, and Duke Warren’s head jerked towards her. Emily’s heart pounded at the way his eyes flashed in the candlelight.

“I am sorry. I-I-I did not mean to interrupt.” The air seemed to have left Emily’s lungs.

“What on Earth do you think you are doing?” Duke Warren shot to his feet and moved towards her.

“I only wanted to know who was playing. You need not stop on my account. I am sorry.” Emily turned to leave.

“I cannot believe you. Honestly, what were you thinking?” The Duke was in front of her, shaking his head.

Emily felt anger surge within her. “I have already apologised. I am not the one who decided to play the pianoforte in the wee hours of the morning! I can hardly help being curious.”

“Curious? More like mad! What are you doing carrying a plate like this? Surely a servant could have helped you?” The Duke shook his head and tried to take the tray from her. “You are still recovering.”

“Oh!” Understanding flooded through Emily and she felt spots of colour appear on her cheeks. “You do not need to fuss over me, I assure you I am perfectly fine.”

The duke snorted softly. “I am not fussing. I am trying to make sure you don’t get further injured, I will not allow your own stubbornness to harm you.”

“You do not need to be so protective over me.” Emily insisted. “I would not have you worry unnecessarily.”

The Duke shook his head and turned away from her so that she could not see his expression. “Enough harm has come to you because of my failings. I must not allow any more to befall you. It must ensure you are safe.”

Emily’s heart twisted and her cheeks burned with shame. She had been a fool to think his fussing was because he cared about her. No, he was thinking about propriety. Of course. She gripped the tray more tightly.

“I am not your obligation. And I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you.” Emily decided not to mention her disorientation. It will only make me a bigger obligation in his eyes.

“Clearly you are not, or you would not be attempting to carry this by yourself from the kitchens to your rooms!” The Duke nodded his head towards the mountain of food as he turned back to face her. “Though, I suppose we can celebrate that your appetite has returned. Perhaps this means you will be joining us at meal times.”

“Why, have you missed me?” Emily said without thinking. Ah good, there is that lack of inhibition the physician warned me about.

“Yes, I relish being kept from my dinner by young women proving a point.”

“I liked you more when you were playing the pianoforte.” Emily muttered.

“You said something similar to me on the day of the hunt.” A look crossed the Duke’s face that Emily could not quite place.

For a moment, she considered asking him what she meant, but then she remembered how she had behaved in her dream. Her flush deepened. Perhaps it is better that I do not know how ridiculous I was.

She took advantage of his distraction and took the tray from him. “Well, it is true. You were much less irritating when you were playing. If I had not seen you, I would not have believed it possible.”

The room spun and she decided that it would be better to take a seat at the sofa, lest he realise that she was not as well as she claimed. With as much dignity as she could manage, she walked to it and gently placed her tray upon a table.

“Is that a compliment?” The Duke’s voice was light as he took a seat at the pianoforte.

Emily snorted and bit into one of the scones, trying to hide her embarrassment. “No, it was not. A compliment would be ‘you play beautifully.’ Which you do, surprisingly so in fact. Especially given how indulgent you think such things are.”

“I see the fall has done nothing to lessen your temper.” The Duke replied, his voice neutral.

Emily narrowed her eyes at him, but her mouthful of scone made it hard to retort angrily. The Duke shook his head and sighed, then looked at her, as though seeing her for the first time.

“How are you? Really.” His voice was gentle, earnest as he searched her face.

Her anger dissipated. She remembered the gentleness in her dream, the softness in his voice when he had found her. How much of it was real ? She wanted to ask, but the words stuck in her throat.

She swallowed. “There will be no lasting damage. And though I am a little disoriented sometimes, it is less and less so.”

“That is good.” The Duke nodded to himself.

“My sisters say you saved my life.” Emily said into the silence. “Thank you.”

“It was my honour.” The Duke said.

For a moment, Emily thought he would say something more, but he did not. Quiet seemed to stretch between them, the echoes of the melody he had been playing sitting in the empty spaces.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Emily teased as she watched the Duke.

“Pardon?” The Duke canted his head towards her.

“Your thoughts, your Grace. You are thinking so loudly I can practically hear them.” She gestured towards him. “So, you may as well share them with me.”

“I do not think that would be entirely proper.” The Duke began but stopped speaking when Emily threw a half-eaten scone at him.

He raised an eyebrow at her as he dusted the crumbs off himself. She gave him an innocent look.

“I think we are a little beyond the bounds of propriety dear Duke.” I will show you how improper I can be. The words rang through her mind, and she could almost feel his arms around her. What is wrong with me? “You did save my life, after all.”

“Anyone would have done the same.” The Duke made a dismissive gesture.

“I do not think so.” Emily ignored the pain of his words. Stop being ridiculous, Emily! “But regardless, it seems rather odd to know so little about someone who saved me.”

The Duke said nothing and Emily sighed. “What about this, I will trade you a truth for a truth. You can add it to your vetting of me.”

“Very well. But you can begin.” The Duke paused. “Tell me how you are.”

“You already know that.”

“You have told me that the doctor said you will recover well, and there will be no lasting damage. That does not tell me how you are feeling.”

Emily hesitated a moment.

“You were the one who suggested an exchange of truths. I can leave if you do not wish to share.” The Duke made to stand up, but Emily raised a hand.

She did not want him to go, much as that surprised her. “It will sound rather odd, but… Well, I feel rather cared for.”

“Cared for?” An expression crossed the Duke’s face that Emily could not quite place, as though he were remembering something.

Emily nodded. “Though I would have rather avoided all the drama and pain of the fall, it has been rather nice to have had this time with my sisters. Jane and Rose have barely left my side.”

“They love you a great deal.” The Duke said.

“I know. I just… I cannot remember the last time I had so much focus on me and my safety.” Emily took a bite of a pie and thought for a moment before saying. “Sometimes, well, I can feel a bit forgotten.”

“What do you mean?” The Duke canted his head towards her.

“They both have their own lives, their own families now.” Emily explained. “While I am just their silly little sister. Why would they want to spend time with me?”

“Because they care about you.” The Duke gestured to her. “That is clear.”

But they only care about me because they have to. Emily could not bring herself to say it and instead shrugged. “It is hard to remember. Our world is so full of duty, of obligation. These few days it has felt as though they are with me for me, for who I am. It is nice to feel so cherished.”

“To feel cared for is important to you.” Duke Warren’s voice held an edge. “To feel like a choice.”

Emily’s breath caught. “Yes. And to trust. I want to trust my sisters and their care for me. To trust that they want to be there.”

“Trust is important.” The Duke nodded. “I hate that it feels like I cannot trust my brother.”

Emily frowned. “Why not?”

“I did not think he would be able to protect you, and he proved me right.” The Duke’s voice held notes of barely restrained emotions. “And that is not who I need him to be, who I know he can be. I must be able to rely on him. Yet he did not keep you safe.”

“What happened was not his fault.” Emily tried to explain, feeling something stir within her at Luke – no, Duke Warren’s – obvious upset. “I should have been paying better attention. If I had managed to keep my head a little better-”

“- he should have gone after you immediately. Should have acted.” He cut her off. “Yet he did not. He needed me to tell him what to do. To drive him to action. When the duchy is in his care, he will need to act. I will not be there to guide him.”

“When he is Duke?” Emily felt as though the air had gone from the room. “Are you unwell?”

Luke gave her a wry smile. “And what are you willing to offer for that information?”

“I hate reading.” Emily said without thinking, her cheeks colouring. It is at least a part of the truth. “Now, answer my question.”

“Very well.” Luke – the Duke – nodded and sighed. “I am not in any imminent danger of dying, but I do not intend on marrying.”

“Why not?”

“I must think of what would be best for the duchy. My marrying might produce an heir, but they would inherit my-” Luke shook his head, seeming to swallow something uncomfortable. “I do not need to explain myself to you. I have made my decision – it does not affect you.”

“But it does!” Emily pointed out. “You have made the decision not to marry because you think your brother or at the very least his children would make a better duke than you. Yet you do not trust him to make his own decision.”

“I do not trust him yet.” The Duke replied

Emily shook her head, anger coursing through her. “You will never trust him. How can you if you refuse to let him make mistakes, to be less than perfect?”

“We cannot afford mistakes.” He turned from her, his jaw set.

“We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. It is madness to try for perfection.” She glared at him, too exasperated to moderate her tone. How can he be so stubborn?

“It is madness not to.”

“We can strive for good, for true. But perfection? It does not exist.”

“That is your opinion. And you are entitled to it, but my brother must be the best. And he must have the best.”

“And you do not think I am the best.”

“I do not.”

“Why?”

“The Marquess of Snowden has been showing everyone the letters you sent. The tone, the content of the letters are prideful and vain. It is as if you thought you were a gift to him.” He turned back to face her.

Emily said nothing. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Those damn letters. I thought it would have faded by now. Curse that man.

The Duke gave her a searching look. “I know the Marquess rather well, I know his character. He is a spiteful and unpleasant little man. It is why I did not immediately refuse your sisters’ offer.”

“You thought there was more to the story.” Emily felt hope stir faintly in her chest.

“Yes. Though it confuses me.” Luke shook his head. “The letters and their tone, they do not match anything I have seen of you. You rarely use the kind of language I saw in those letters, and while one does tend to correspond differently than one speaks, it seems as if they were written by another person.”

“What do they say?” Emily asked without thinking.

“Do you not know?”

“No.” Emily felt her chest constrict. Reading the letters would have made the claims easier to refute, but she could not do it. “I did not see what good it would do.”

“Then I was correct, you did not write them.” He chewed his lip thoughtfully. “You are many things, Miss Pembleton. You are wild and improper, with a fiery temper. But there is no vanity in you or arrogance. All I have seen is humility and kindness. I do not understand why you would not prove that you did not write them.”

“You know what he is like. He did this because I turned down his proposal. Can you imagine what he might do if I embarrassed him by revealing the truth?” Emily gave the Duke a flat look.

“He would have little power to do anything once you had proved yourself. All you need is some people to see you writing a letter, people of note.” He insisted.

“It is not that simple.”

“It is.” The Duke moved towards her. “People should not think such things of you.”

“Why does it matter to you?” Emily searched his face for an answer.

The Duke answered. “Because it is important.”

It is important to his duchy. Emily shook her head. “People have already made up their minds. Just as you have.”

“You could change them.”

“Like I have changed yours?” Emily stood up, and turned from the Duke, moving towards the door. “I do not think so.”

“I did not think you were the kind to give up without a fight.” He called after her.

“What makes you think I have?” she called back. “Perhaps I am simply tired of fighting you .”

She left before he could say another word, her heart hammering in her chest. She had meant what she had said. Her hands shook. If things were different, it would have been so easy to restore her reputation. But the truth…

If he found out, he would never let me marry his brother. Lord Baine was her last hope. His brother could never learn her secret.