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Chapter 6

ChapterSix

Alaric

Fuck. She’s so damn beautiful. It’s not just an external beauty; it’s what’s in her heart. Ella sees past the bullshit exteriors people use to cloak themselves from the world. She’s aware of what exists deep down. She has the tenacity to look past the outer layer, peeling it back until the center is revealed. A virtue both noble and inspiring but also her Achilles heel, allowing others the power to fucking ruin her.

The heat of her body close to mine undoes me in ways I never believed possible. What I feel for her consumes every part of me. I think about this woman more than I have any right to. As much as I wish our circumstances were different, they’re not. I want to drive off into the sunset and have the four of us live a life we deserve, away from all the bullshit we’ve put up with for years. But fairytales are only found in storybooks. This is real life.

That night doesn’t feel like a mistake. It opened something buried deep within all of us, and now there seems to be no way to shut those emotions away.

I loved hide and seek when I was a kid. My dad had played with me for hours. I’d hidden, and he’d pretended he couldn’t find me while I’d giggled like a maniac. My dad had been a good man, an honest man. He’d worked sixteen-hour days but still found energy within his broken and bruised body to play with his son. Mother had never done that. She’d thrown me in front of the television while she had her gentleman friend over. I could never go into the room when she had company. She hadn’t even the decency to spring for a soundproof headset to hide the slam of the headboard against the wall or the slaps of a hand on flesh.

I’d never dared say a word about it to my father. I’d wanted to, but Celeste had told me that if he knew, he’d leave me, and I’d never see him again. But it didn’t matter because he’d fallen to his knees, gripping his chest while searching for me during our favorite game.

The mind was a fascinating and complicated organ. I was the perfect example of how the brain became jumbled in chaotic and disastrous ways. Brain damage caused by an overload of emotion and trauma. A fond childhood memory was twisted into the single most impressionable moment of my young life and was now a twisted kink that fueled me like nothing else.

That’s why now, as River and Asher caught Ella as she jumped from the tree, disappointment rushed through me like an uncontrollable wave from a ferocious ocean.

Chasing Ella was the most erotic and exciting game I’d ever partaken in. She wasn’t the first person I’d played this game with. There had been other girls, but none energized my soul like Ella. My connection to her was primal, a need I couldn’t contemplate or ignore.

I sat on the thick branch and witnessed how she reacted to River. Pride bloomed within me as Ella kicked him, her nails scraping against his arms to free herself. I wished it was my flesh she scored with her sharp nails.

River howled as he let Ella loose. She’d bitten him. She rushed further into the forest. I watched her long hair bounce in the moonlight for a moment before I climbed down from the tree and chased her.

She was fast. Much faster than I’d expected. But then again, the harder the chase, the sweeter the spoils. I quickened my speed, and it took no time for my long legs to catch up with her, taking one stride for every two of hers.

“You can run, but you can’t hide, Princess,” I taunted.

“Then I better hope I can outrun you,” she panted, out of breath.

“Princess, I’ve been doing this my whole life. Something tells me that a spoiled little girl like you isn’t used to roughing it in the woods.”

Two quick steps, and I was in lock with her. I reached out and hoisted her against my chest. I brushed my nose against her nape, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. Lilac and honey. She always smelled like damn honey.

“Now you’ve caught me, whatever will you do?” Ella asked breathlessly.

“I’m going to nibble on every fucking part of you.”

It’s hard to concentrate when she’s in front of me, smelling like honey. I want to push her against the wall, strip her bare, and feast on her flesh. Kiss every inch of her until she’s panting and begging for release like that night on the forest floor. But the hardest lesson I’ve ever learned is that I rarely get what I want.

“What’s going on, Alaric?” Ella asks softly, pushing me into giving her answers I am not ready to unleash.

Ella constantly pushes me, demanding more. It isn’t her insistence that upsets me; it’s my impotence at not being able to give it to her. I wish I were a better man so I could throw the world at her feet. But I’m not. I’m a piece of shit who got lucky once and tasted heaven.

I grip her arms and turn her, pushing her against the wall. Stepping into her, I crowd her body and hold her still. We both know she can’t escape. Maybe if she’s terrified of me, her self-preservation will kick in. “You don’t get to make demands of me, Ella. I’m not some pathetic boy who will fall to his knees so you’ll look at him.”

Ella’s chest rises and falls. Her bottom lip quivers. She blinks multiple times to keep whatever emotion is about to fly out of her in check.

I have an unrelenting need to pull her close and tell her everything will be all right. But what I want to do and what I want to say are opposing forces.

I’m not in a position to be anyone’s knight in shining armor. I wasn’t born with hopes and aspirations. My only purpose in life was to play a role that guaranteed a deplorable monster would continuously receive what she desired. Sometimes, I find small pockets of peace in the hellish nightmare of my life, stolen moments hidden in the shadows.

The night with the four of us, I truly hoped my life could be better. I deluded myself into believing Celeste could finally be happy. Content in a marriage with a man who appeared to love her beyond all reason. Perhaps he could thaw her frigid heart and compel her to release me from the prison I’ve been in since my conception. A foolish notion permanently wiped away the night Celeste poisoned him. His death was ice water in my face.

Celeste isn’t capable of happiness or love.

“Please, Alaric,” Elle pleads, grabbing my suit jacket lapels and bunching the fabric.

My heart hammers violently with every gentle pound of her fist. Her desperation moves me more than anything else in my life. The agony in her voice is ballistic missiles aimed at detonating my already mangled and demented heart.

I should lie to her, make her understand I’m a monster that will destroy her life, so she understands exactly what kind of hellscape she’s facing. But as much as I want her to run, to hate me, a part of me can’t bear the idea. I realize what I need to do to make her despise me, but those actions will eventually lead to my destruction because her opinion of me is enough to sustain my very being.

I’ve done many awful things that make it hard to look in the mirror. I’ve caused people destruction, pain, and heartache, some deserving, others innocent. I don’t want to inflict any of those on Ella.

When Ella looks at me, I don’t want her to resent me. When her eyes gaze upon me, I want her to see a man who will do anything to keep her safe and ensure she’s happy. “She killed your dad, Ella. She killed your dad, and now she wants to use you before she kills you, too.”

My face stings from her vicious slap, followed by a barrage of attacks from her hands and sharp, unapologetic nails. I dodge her kicks aimed at my crotch. Her fingers scratch my neck as she pushes and pulls on my jacket, shoving me. All this to the soundtrack of her uncontrollable sobs.

“You’re lying. The doctors all said he had a heart attack.” Tears flow down her cheeks as she swallows the pain-flooded agony trying to escape her throat. “You’re a dirty liar. A pathetic liar! I hate you! I hate you!”

“He’s not lying, Ella.” River’s tired voice breaks the excruciating cries raging from Ella. “Celeste is a vindictive little cunt. You never thought it was weird that three grown men were following their mommy around like little boys?”

“Shut up, River,” I demand.

“Tell her the fucking truth,” River roars. Something he rarely does. He prefers the role of a demented clown. A comedian you’d never assume was a sadist. He’d have you laughing right before he smashed your head in and fingerpainted with your blood and guts. “I’m so sick of your shit, Alaric. You make moves like you’re some sort of chess master, but we’re no closer to taking out the opposing queen. Aren’t you fucking tired of playing her games? I know I am.” River nods toward Ella. “Tell her.”

I storm toward River, reaching for his throat and pushing him against the wall. The rage festering inside me is at boiling point, no longer contained by the blank, emotionless mask I’ve worn so meticulously throughout the years. “She’ll fucking kill her. Do you fucking understand that? Celeste will take a knife to her throat, slit it, and bathe in her blood. I won’t lose her.” I abandon River’s throat and collapse onto the floor. Defeat slithers over me, gripping my heart in an unbreakable hold. “I won’t lose the only light I’ve ever known in the world.”

“Then tell her the truth,” River repeats.

“If he won’t tell me, you do it, River. I deserve to know what’s going on because the woman responsible for my father not being here is living in his house. Sleeping in his bed.”

“Celeste is a psychopath,” I whisper. “She’s been like this her entire life. She enjoys killing people, and she’s made me an accessory to it.”

Ella gasps. “What do you mean, an accessory to it? Did you know she was going to kill my father? Did you help her?”

She jumps on top of me. I don’t bother trying to temper her rage. She needs an outlet, and I’ll gladly provide her with one. I let her punch my face. Allow her to scream until she tires herself out.

“Did you help kill him?” she shrieks.

“No. No, I didn’t help her kill your dad. Had I known she was going to do it that night, I would’ve stopped her. I wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt you. I know how much you loved your father and how important you were to each other. You think I’d ever let anyone devastate you by taking away someone you love so much? I would’ve done anything to keep you from feeling the pain she forced on you.”

“Then what do you mean you had a hand in it? How could you have if you didn’t help her?”

“I could’ve killed her ten years ago, but I didn’t. That woman has used me and the people I care about my entire life. But when the opportunity presented itself, I couldn’t do it. All I kept thinking is, what kind of person kills their own mother, you know? No matter what she’d done, she was the reason I was alive. I’ve gone my whole life protecting her, no matter what she did. Not condoning it, but turning a blind eye to it.” I gazes at Ella and then moves my eyes to Asher and River. A silent apology. “And isn’t that worse? Knowing someone is doing hideous things, causing brutal harm. Knowing you can stop it so easily, with no true hardship to yourself. But you don’t. Because no one wants to admit someone they love and believe in could be so destructive.”

I close my eyes, mentally trying to outrun the things Celeste has made me do. Desperate to wipe away the atrocious situations I’ve been a part of. “Then you came into my life, and I realized that by covering for her, I’d become a despicable human being. I don’t know if I can ever achieve redemption or forgiveness. But I know I have to make things right.”

Ella tumbles off me, pulling her legs under her arms, but she doesn’t look frail or scared. It’s a comforting move that seems to give her strength. I recognize the look in her eyes. It’s one I’ve seen in the mirror before I commit atrocities, knowing full well I’ll enjoy every fuckin’ minute of it.

“Let’s go out there and kill her.” Her voice is quiet—a low, icy whisper infused with vengeance and anger.

I raise my head, feeling like a bullet has landed in the middle of my chest. My sweet Ella will never be the same, and it’s all my fault. I ruined her innocence like I ruined River’s and Asher’s. My throat tightens, and I can’t form words.

“We can’t,” River interjects. “At least not right away. She’s got a lot of files on all of us. If anything happens to that bitch, we’re gonna end up in jail, if not worse. And truth be told, we don’t care about being put away, but she’s also got shit on you, Ella. Over my dead body will we let anything happen to you.”

“So we’re just gonna let her get away with it?”

River laughs. “Oh, no, baby, She’s not getting away with shit. We’re going to get those files. It’s already in the works. Have you ever heard of The Beasts?”

I growl at River. We don’t need to tell Ella what we do or who we associate with. The last thing I need is her asking questions about those fucking nut cases. Those guys are so demented they could scare the devil himself.

River smirks, ignoring my silent warning. “They’re the guys who have the key to end all this shit. Their keeper used to be in deep with Celeste. We needed to find the right person because those guys are maniacs. Shit, they make me look almost normal. But this girl, she’s theirs. They’d never hurt her. Once she gets us what we need, we’ll chop Celeste into little pieces and feast on her carcass. We need to wait it out, and you need to go away until we’ve figured out all this shit.”

Relief rushes in my veins when River mentions Ella going away. At least the fucker agrees with me on this.

Ella folds her arms over her chest, her large breasts distracting me for a moment. “Not going anywhere. So you better tell me what I need to do because I’ll be the first one to stab a blade into that cold bitch’s heart.”

“Well, damn, baby,” River says. “Isn’t that the hottest thing I’ve ever heard?” He points directly at his crotch. “Look how hard that made me. Huh, words have never done it for me like that before. Might as well have had your mouth around my dick.”

There goes my hope of thinking River might be logical and sane for longer than two minutes.

“She’s not getting involved,” I say through clenched teeth.

“She’s already fucking involved, Alaric. Besides, if you want the girl, she needs to know who you really are. Like, sure, bring her the fucking roses and the chocolates and all that shit, but let her in. We both know you’re not gonna satiate your needs by fucking her missionary. You might think you can, but that shit ain’t gonna last long.” River laughs. “Besides, if memory serves me right, she liked it a little rough, too.” I glare at him as he smirks and turns his head to Ella. “Isn’t that right, baby? You knew what you were getting into and couldn’t get enough.”

Ella glances at River. Her cheeks flush, and something akin to desire flashes in her eyes. She shakes her head and focuses on me. “I’m not leaving, Alaric, so what’s the plan?”

I jump off the floor, turning between the two of them. River, with a smug look I wanna punch off his face. Ella, with her gigantic eyes and defiant stare. I know I’m not winning this argument because as much as I want Ella to run from us, River and Asher will ensure she stays put.

I storm toward her, forcing her back to slam against the wall. I focus on her, wanting to be sure she hears me. “You want to know what the plan is?” I spit out the words like poison. I want them to wound her, to fester in her veins.

Ella nods.

I slam my hands against the wall beside her head, trying to intimidate her out of her defiant stupidity. “You’re gonna have to be a little whore, Ella. You willing to do that?”

“W-What?” Ella stammers.

“How do you think we’ve been useful to Celeste all our lives? We weren’t always her henchmen. We were scared little kids she used to garner power. She pimped us out, Ella, for whatever she needed. Turns out she wants to sell you to the highest bidder. Are you ready to be a whore? Because that’s what she’ll demand of you, and do you know what she’ll want from us?”

Ella’s eyes water and she shakes her head.

“She’ll want us to break you. That’s right, little girl. She’ll make us fuck you up in unimaginable ways.”

Ella swallows. A lingering hope inside me wants her to slap me and run. But that glimmer is decimated as she glares at me, conviction blatant in her warm eyes. I’ve seen that look before; pure fucking determination. “I’ll do whatever is necessary. Let’s take that bitch down.”

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