Chapter 3 The Widow

So that was it. This morning I was a wife. Now I was a widow. I could feel my body shutting down, as my vision tunneled and grew dim, and then my legs gave out.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the couch with a paramedic leaning over me. Over her shoulder, I could see Sherry crying as Chris held her wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Just lie still, ma'am. You fainted, and I need to check your vitals, so bear with me," she said kindly.

After determining that I was OK, she helped me sit up, and asked for someone to check to see if I had any orange juice in the house. "It will help with your blood sugar. I'm sure you haven't eaten this evening and that will not help your body deal with the shock," she advised.

There was a flurry of activity outside as the search and rescue team loaded up their equipment. When I looked out the back door, I saw the area around the dock and the boat cordoned off with that yellow crime scene tape they use on TV. I saw Chris step out onto the front porch with Det. Horton. Scott was nowhere in sight, and Sherry told me she thought he had gone outside again.

She hugged me tight, and I welcomed the comfort. "We probably need to make some calls to notify people soon. We can do that for you if you'd like?"

"Um, yeah, let me think," I paused, trying to get my brain to fire on all synapses again. "I need to contact Randall, David's partner at the firm. And David's Aunt Jenny, unless Scott is already calling her. There are several cousins, but Jenny can let them know, I'm sure. The guys in his golf league, and there are a couple of fraternity brothers that he is still close to."

Chris came back in to catch the tail end of that conversation and said he would go out and make sure Scott had called their aunt. "I'll call John and have him reach out to the other guys in the league as well."

"Oh, we should probably let Vanessa know too. If you send me her number, I'll call her."

"No, that's ok, Sherry. I'll call her but thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you guys." I hugged her, the tears flowing again.

I went into the study to have a few quiet moments to make the calls. Randall was stunned, of course, and was in tears himself by the end of the call. The calls to Leo and Jason, David's old fraternity brothers, went much the same way. I sighed heavily as I dialed Vanessa's number, but the call went to voicemail. I left a message simply asking her to call me.

By the time I returned to the living room, it appeared that most everyone was gone except for Det. Horton and Officer Fremont.

"I've spoken with Mr. Decker regarding the next steps in this process, but if you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me. I will be in touch as soon as the coroner completes his examination and submits his report. Unfortunately, your husband's body cannot be released until that time. I would imagine that will be within the next 48 hours or so, though. We do need to collect the boat, in case it is needed to piece together what happened. Officer Fremont will stay here until the impound lot can send a boat trailer out to retrieve it. They should be here within the hour, and it will be returned once the investigation is complete."

I tried to give him a grateful smile, but I wasn't sure my face actually moved. That complete numbness was creeping in again, and I felt like I was frozen from the inside out.

After giving me his condolences again, he and the officer left.

The sudden quiet was unnerving. Chris told me that Scott had left to go break the news to his Aunt Jenny in person. "He said he will call you in the morning."

"Go pack a bag, honey, you're coming home with us for a few days," Sherry said, glancing at Chris who nodded in agreement.

"I don't even have the strength to argue with you right now," I admitted tearfully.

I went upstairs, pausing in the bedroom doorway. "I can do this. I can get through this," I repeated to myself as I walked over and opened the door to my walk-in closet. I quickly filled a small carry-on bag with some basic essentials before moving to the bathroom to grab my toiletry bag. I paused as I smelled the faint scent of David's cologne, and my stomach rolled as a wave of nausea hit me. I dropped the bag and dashed for the toilet tucked away in its own little room, barely getting the lid open before I threw up. My stomach continued to heave and roll even after I'd expelled the contents.

Sherry found me a few minutes later, my body curled over the toilet bowl, skin clammy, body trembling. With a gasp, she helped me to my feet and guided me to the sink. I managed to rinse my mouth out, before picking up the bag I'd dropped and getting out my toothbrush and toothpaste. I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth thoroughly, then splashed cold water on my face. Looking in the mirror, I hardly recognized myself. My long blonde hair was a tangled mess, the result of running my hands through it far too many times this evening. My face was shockingly pale, my eyes sunken and red-rimmed. My cheeks were hollowed from my recent weight loss, which didn't help my appearance. Extended grief was an effective, if unhealthy, weight loss plan.

"I can't...I can't stand to be here right now," I cried softly. "Please, can we just go?"

"Sure, Lila. We can leave right now if you want to."

Chris carried my bag and hustled me out to his car while Sherry locked up the house and set the alarm. As we drove, Chris shared what he and the detective had discussed.

"Based on what they have so far, the police consider this an accidental drowning unless the autopsy shows differently."

"What do you mean?" I asked in alarm.

"Well, they will check for any medical reason for him to have fallen in. He said they will also run a Tox Screen. Someone from the coroner's office will call tomorrow morning. They will need the name and contact info for David's doctor, and a list of medications, that sort of thing."

"OK, we see the same primary doctor, so I have that information, and the only medication he ever took were the sleeping pills for his insomnia, and an occasional Tylenol. His pill prescription ran out the other day and he hadn't gotten it refilled yet, so he hadn't even taken that."

Chris nodded. "I hope it's OK, but I instructed Detective Horton to have them call me, so you didn't have to deal with it. As your legal counsel, I can act on your behalf with the coroner's office and the police department."

"I need legal counsel?" I asked, my voice rising.

"No, not like that," he assured me. "I just meant that as an attorney, I can step in as a liaison."

I sighed in relief. "Thanks, Chris. I'm so glad you guys were here with me tonight."

"David's cellphone and the cooler were taken as evidence, and they will be released along with the boat. I don't think it will take more than a couple of days. It's just routine procedure, so it will be pretty cut and dried once the coroner's report is complete."

The conversation trailed off at that point, and I was grateful for the chance to gather my thoughts. As always, I needed to plan. There would be so much to do now. Funeral arrangements and dealing with his partnership at the firm were the priorities. I would need to speak to Randall about that at some point, I supposed, but in the meantime, I trusted him to keep everything running smoothly. Insurance, bank accounts, investment portfolios, my mental list kept growing. By the time we arrived at their house, I felt ready to shatter into a thousand pieces. When I said as much to Sherry, Chris assured me that they would help me every step of the way.

"One of my friends from law school specializes in wills and estates. I can have him help you with the legal aspects of all of that, and Sherry and I can help you with everything else. Text me the doctor's contact info now, so I'll have it when they call me. If you know which pharmacy he used, send me that too in case they need it." I nodded and got my phone out of my purse. He thanked me when his cell pinged with my text a few moments later.

Once I was settled into their guest room for the night, I climbed into bed and tried to slow my racing thoughts. My mind continued to spin, running over the events of the last seven months, and trying to think through the process for getting through the next few days at least. I didn't seem to have any tears left for the moment, and laid there dry-eyed, staring at the ceiling as my mind whirled in ten different directions. Sheer exhaustion eventually shut my brain down sometime after four in the morning, and I slept for a few hours before waking with a start. It took a few seconds for my sleep-addled brain to realize that I was in Sherry's guest room, and the events of yesterday flooded my mind. I continued to lie in bed, reeling at the idea of my new reality. I could hear the muted sounds of Chris and Sherry going about their morning routine. Movement along the hallway, footsteps going down the stairs, the clank of dishes from the kitchen. I picked up my cellphone from the nightstand to check the time. It was 8:21. Time to face the day, whether I was ready to or not.

I got up and carried my toiletry bag into the attached bathroom and was showered and dried off ten minutes later. I combed out my hair and ran the hair dryer through it until it was partially dried, before piling it on top of my head in a messy bun. I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, tucked my phone in my back pocket, then padded barefoot downstairs. I could smell the coffee, and desperately needed a cup.

Chris and Sherry looked up from the table when I walked into the kitchen to join them. Sherry's face fell as she rushed over to me to give me a hug.

"Oh, I hope we didn't wake you up. Did you sleep at all? Sit down and I'll fix you a plate," she rambled on. Sherry tended to do that when she was stressed.

"Thanks, Sher, but I'm not really hungry. I do need some coffee though," I said, moving over to grab a mug from the cabinet by the sink. I knew my way around her kitchen as well as my own.

"I know you don't feel like eating, but you have to. You haven't had anything since lunch yesterday, and you need to keep your strength up. Remember what the paramedic said? Here, have some juice and I'll get you some food." She directed me to the table, and I sat down opposite Chris, who watched me closely. As I settled into the seat, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and set it on the table.

"Do you have a charger I can borrow? I forgot mine, and this thing is down to 3%."

Sherry pointed toward the docking station on the counter, and picked up my phone to slip it into place to charge it.

They sat quietly as I picked at the food on my plate. With every bite, I felt like my throat was closing up and it was hard to swallow. I managed to eat about half of the food before pushing the plate away. I inhaled the coffee though, and drank the glass of orange juice as well.

Chris cleared his throat. "The coroner's office called and I gave them the information they needed. They asked if I was aware of any underlying health issues. I told them about his sprained ankle from a few weeks back, and about the insomnia. I also let them know that he hadn't taken his sleeping pills in the last few days since he ran out. They said that the autopsy should be completed later today, but that it could take several weeks for the full toxicology results to come in. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, they should be able to release his body to the funeral home tomorrow."

"Wow, I didn't realize it would be that quick. I guess I'd better start on the arrangements then," I said with a sigh.

I called the funeral home Sherry had used when her dad had died last year to make an appointment for just after lunch. Chris and Sherry said they would both go with me for support, which I appreciated. Sherry puttered around cleaning up the kitchen and waved me off when I offered to help. She poured me another cup of coffee, which I gladly sipped. Chris, who had been scrolling through the news on his phone, suddenly stiffened and let out a curse.

"Damn, the local news just updated their story to include David's name, along with your name as his widow. The police apparently released the information to them this morning." He shook his head, then glance over at me with an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry, Lila, but you might want to turn your phone off for a while. Once people see this, they will start calling you." At my hesitation, he added, "Or at least let Sherry or I hang on to it for you. We can screen your calls and texts if you want, and let you know if it's anything you need to take care of."

"That would be good, thanks," I nodded gratefully.

I ignored all the calls except for Scott and Randall. Scott wanted to check on me and let me know that he and his Aunt Jenny had been able to reach all of the cousins late last night. He had also contacted a few of David's highschool friends that I hadn't even thought of. He sounded exhausted but assured me he was OK. Chris had filled him in on everything with the coroner's office and the appointment with the funeral home. I asked if he would like to be involved, and he agreed to meet us there this afternoon.

After asking how I was holding up, Randall told me that he was going to send out an email to all their clients, since the news had released David's name. He said he had already spoken to most of the employees. He hadn't been able to reach Vanessa though, or their receptionist who was on vacation. I told him that I had tried to reach Vanessa last night with no luck.

"I actually went shopping and to the spa with her yesterday, but she started getting a migraine by the time we finished. She may have turned her phone off when she got home." I informed him. He said he would try to reach her again, because he hated the idea of her finding out from a newscast. Yes, that would a nasty shock.

Randall had opened his own firm about fifteen years ago, and had offered a partnership to David when he decided to expand the business three years ago. My husband was something of an architectural whiz-kid, and his designs were innovative and highly sought after. A year later, I had turned twenty-five and had gained control of the sizeable trust fund left for me from my father. David was able to use a portion of that to buy out a forty percent ownership of the firm.

Randall assured me that he would keep things running as normally as possible at the firm, and told me he was available to meet with me whenever I was ready to make decisions regarding the business.

After a light lunch - I still didn't feel like eating much - we headed out to the funeral home. With Scott's help, we selected a casket and made tentative arrangements for the service to be held in four days. Scott asked if David could be buried in the cemetery near their mother's grave, and I was fine with that. He volunteered to take on those arrangements.

I was able to quickly make decisions about the type of service I wanted since I'd just been through all of this with my mother's recent passing. I selected flowers for the casket, and a poem I wanted to have read. Scott asked if he could give the eulogy, and I agreed readily. When the funeral director asked about songs during the service, I suggested asking Vanessa to sing something.

"She has a lovely voice. We went out with several people from the office for a karaoke night a few months ago, and I remember how much David enjoyed her performance. She was in her college choir and is really talented."

Things got a little awkward when the funeral director mentioned that the insurance company probably wouldn't pay out a settlement until the full autopsy report was complete, which wouldn't be until after the toxicology results came in. With a quick glance at me, Scott assured him that he didn't need to worry about payment from the insurance company.

"I'll be paying directly, and will deal with insurance later," I agreed quietly.

I was relieved when it was over, anxious to get away from the oppressive atmosphere of the funeral home. The entire experience was surreal, and I needed a break from it all.