Chapter 1

Kayla

“How’s your bowl coming along?” Hai inquired while glancing at the monstrosity I held in my hands.

“What do you think?” I quipped.

Hai physically recoiled, and I laughed. She doesn’t hold back one bit and I like that about her. Honesty combined with kindness makes for a good friend, and I’ve found that with Hai.

“I mean, they say practice makes perfect, right? Maybe in your case, practice will make…tolerable.”

I laughed again at Hai”s attempt to make me feel better about the clay pot I’d been working on. Drondia, one of the elders of the dekes, was the unofficial clay pot maker. She knew where to find natural clay and how to fire it to make a solid piece of pottery.

Hai and I have been trying to make decorative clay bowls for the women to put their jewelry and trinkets in.

Hai had chronic fatigue syndrome and I have congenital heart failure. Meaning neither of us could move around as much as the others, but we had worked together to figure out things we could do that would be helpful for the dekes that wouldn’t require much movement on our part. Decorating clay pots was one of those things. Hai was much better at it than I was, though, she wasn’t good, she was just better.

I looked down at my objectively ugly clay pot and wondered aloud, “Do you think the guys will ever force us to do more work than we do now?”

“No,” Hai said with a reassuringly confident tone. “They’ve never asked any of us to contribute. We just keep offering to help out.”

“That’s true.” But I was still worried that if either Hai or I had a flare up, would the guys respond poorly to us laying in bed for days on end. Would they look down on us? Would they believe us if we said we couldn’t physically get up and do anything?

The dekes had only had one bad disease, and that was the Stiffness. It was a quick disease that caused its victims to become rigid shortly before they died. They didn’t have any illnesses that caused people to feel weak or gave them chronic pain.

“You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?” Hai interrupted my thoughts.

“Maybe,” I frowned down at my bowl.

“Even if they try to make us do more than we can handle, the other women will stand up for us. We’re a tight-knit group now and with Gabby mated to Tarak, there’s even less to worry about.”

I nodded my head in agreement and continued my attempts to etch a pretty pattern into the clay.

“Good morning.”

I knew that voice. The sexy low, gravelly tone of the dryad shifter irritated me to no end.

“I brought you both some tea.” He handed us both a wooden cup of hot tea, wooden cups that he’d made. Drovo had made so many things for this dekes and yet he couldn’t finish this one project for me. It hurt. I didn’t want that fact to hurt but it did. Hence, our once cordial friendship had spiraled into one bickering match after another.

“No Lumod this morning?” I asked.

“I may have bit his head off last night,” Hai interrupted before Drovo could respond. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t come around at all today.”

Hai looked forlorn, and I wondered what had happened between them.

“I was wondering if you would allow me to get one more measurement today. I”m very close to finishing the seat of the device.”

I couldn’t hold back my eye roll. He’d measured me at least two dozen times for this damn chair, and every time he made a prototype, it was off.

“No, I’m busy today.” I wanted that damn device he was working on, but I’d lost hope that he’d ever finish it. Lately, I resorted to arguing with Drovo every chance I got. It was better than feeling sad about his broken promise.

“What if I promised this would be the last measurement I needed?” That was new. This was the first time he’d indicated he was so close to being done.

“Fine, I’ll be around later,” I grumbled.

“Great! I’ll be in my workshop waiting for you, my little luna moth.” He gave me an arrogant smile.

“Don’t call me that,” I called behind him as he walked away, but the long-legged Sirret was already gone.

“I think he’s got a crush on you.” Hai teased.

“He doesn’t. I can guarantee you that,” I bit out.

“You seemed so taken with him when you first met. What happened?”

“I was taken with him. The first time he brought out that perfectly made walking stick, my heart was a-flutterin’. But since then, he’s been nothing but unfulfilled promises, and I have no idea why. He made Jelly a whole-ass enclosure in one day, and you’re telling me he can’t build me a simple chair? No. Something is off. I know he can build me a chair. He”s just refusing to do so.”

Hai nodded and patted me on my shoulder.

“Enough about me. What happened between you and Lumod?” I was over talking about Drovo and ready to switch the subject.

Hai looked down at her bowl and frowned. “I’ve…Well I’ve been thinking about making some changes and instead of talking to Lumod about it, I made up something to fight about and pushed him away.”

“Changes? Is adjusting to a new life on a new planet not enough change for you?” I teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

Hai smiled, but then her expression turned thoughtful. “I want to make some changes that I didn’t feel like I could make back on Earth. There’s more freedom here to be ourselves. The guys have done a good job of creating an open, accepting culture since they all got kicked out of their other home for being different.”

That was true. Despite my fears of not being accepted for my physical limitations, I felt very free to be myself here.

“What changes do you want to make? Anything I can help with?” I wanted Hai to know I supported her, no matter what.

But she stayed silent for a beat and I wondered if she wasn’t comfortable telling me her secret yet.

“I uh…I’ve always felt like I might be genderfluid,” they confessed. “I don’t feel like I firmly fit into the girl category, but I don’t think of myself as a boy either. I feel like I’m a bit of both. My parents would have never understood that so I didn’t act on these feelings. I just played the part of a girl throughout my childhood and lately I’ve been playing the part of a woman, but I’m not a woman, well not just a woman.”

“Nice!” I was happy for them. Everyone should get to be themselves and express their gender however they wanted to.

“What’s the first change you want to make?”

Hai ran her fingers through her shoulder-length hair and then held up the ends and sighed.

“First, I want to start with a haircut. I’m not ready to change my clothing style just yet. I’m more in the trying on different gender expressions phase of all this.”

I nodded my head in understanding. “Didn’t Ashley say she was taking cosmetology classes before she got abducted? Maybe she knows how to cut hair.”

I got up and brushed the dirt off my pants. “Come on, let’s go ask her.” I held out my hand and Hai smiled.

“Thanks Kayla.”

Their expression turned thoughtful, and they added, “don’t tell anyone yet. I don’t want the pressure of having to figure everything out right away. I just want to try different things to see what I do and don’t like for myself.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” I assured her, and I meant it. I wouldn’t tell a soul.