Chapter 17

The moment had come.As she always knew it would be, the choice was suddenly before Bernadette. Did she continue on as a good, modest, obedient woman, putting others before herself, or did she take what she wanted and accept the consequences?

"Do stop talking and kiss me."

It was the easiest choice Bernadette had ever made.

When Alden captured her mouth in a kiss, she kissed him back with everything she had. She not only allowed herself to be drawn into his bedroom, she reached for the door and shut it behind them, locking them in their own, glorious, wicked world.

"I shall suffer the consequences for this," she murmured as she reached for the tie of Alden's banyan and fumbled through the knot.

Alden stiffened. He grasped her hands, stopping her frantic movements, and asked, "Are you certain this is what you want to do?"

Bernadette gazed up at him, at the fire and fondness in Alden's beautiful eyes. Her reputation would be irrevocably tarnished. Her career organizing parties for the ton would be over. She would be completely at Alden's mercy, as it was likely that her father would disown her and possibly attempt to bring her entire world down around her. More poignantly, Hethersett would be so disappointed in her. They were friends, if nothing else, and this moment represented a betrayal that Bernadette knew she could not overcome.

But it was Alden. He loved her and she loved him. He would catch her when she fell and keep her from utter devastation. They would be happy together.

"Yes," she said, so much emotion in the single word that her eyes stung with tears. "This is what I want. I want you. I love you."

That was, evidently, all Alden needed to hear. He let out a breath full of longing, then pulled Bernadette into his arms once more, kissing her with twice the passion.

Bernadette loved it. She was wanton and selfish, she would never live it down, but she would be happy in her disgrace. She returned to pulling at the knot holding Alden's banyan closed, and when it loosened and she was able to tug the garment open, she caught her breath at the magnificent sight of Alden's naked body.

He was so fit and beautiful, his manliness only enhanced by his years. She brushed her hand over the warm flesh of his sides and up to the strong mounds of his chest to tease his nipples with her fingertips. The slight growl that came from Alden with her touch only encouraged her, and she swept her hands over his shoulders, then around to his back and down to cup his strong bum.

"You drive me wild with your touch," he said, pulling at her banyan to undress her as well. "You are afraid of nothing."

"What is there to be afraid of?" she asked, breathless and teasing as she brought her hands around his hips to stroke his growing shaft. "I am not afraid of love."

To prove as much, she slipped to her knees, pushing Alden's banyan wider as she did, and caressed his cock and tight balls. He was so well-formed and alluring that her mouth began to water even before she worked him to full stiffness, then leaned in to kiss and lick his tip before bringing him into her mouth.

She'd surprised him the week before with her knowledge of and willingness to enact such things. It had been amusing to watch his face light with shock as she'd pleasured him that way on a walk, under the bright sunshine. As she'd explained then, there were things an Oxford education had taught her that few people knew the true depths of. And while some of her friends and fellow students had found the informal lessons outrageous and distasteful, Bernadette had always loved the feeling of power that knowing she could bring a man to his knees gave her.

It was not just any man either, it was Alden.

"Vixen," he managed to growl as she bobbed and sucked deeper, using her tongue to tease him even more.

Bernadette was unable to stifle a laugh, which made her ministrations silly rather than sensual. She peeked up at Alden, and was forced to pull back entirely as laughter got the better of her.

"What are you laughing at?" Alden demanded, his mouth twitching into a grin as his impressive member bounced, unhappy to be abandoned. "Is my manhood not to your liking?"

That only made Bernadette laugh more. So much that she lost her balance and tumbled back, landing hard on her bottom. "There is nothing wrong," Bernadette giggled. "I'm merely happy."

Alden smiled, then leaned over to scoop her into his arms. "As am I," he said, his voice a deep rumble. "Even though you are incorrigible."

Bernadette could not keep her joy inside. As Alden carried her to the bed, then made quick work of stripping her out of her banyan and nightgown, she reached for him, stroking and tickling him, and doing whatever she could to make him laugh and squirm.

"Truly, you are a wild and wicked one," Alden laughed once he had her naked and on her back under him. "I have not had a single dull moment in my life since you have joined it."

A faint twist of melancholy cut through the happiness Bernadette felt. Neither of them had had a dull moment because so many dire things were happening to both of them.

But any temptation to dwell on the complexities of the ball or her own Gordian knot of a marriage was forgotten when Alden swooped down to kiss her. He pressed his entire body into hers, not just his mouth. As his tongue played with hers, he wedged himself between her hips, nudging her to spread her legs. Using one hand for balance, he brushed the other along her side before cupping one of her breasts and teasing her nipple with his thumb.

"Alden," Bernadette breathed out, so overcome with bliss that nothing else mattered.

"Bernadette," Alden answered her, then shifted to kiss her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone, and the top of her breast.

He lifted her breast to his mouth, brushing her nipple with his lips at first before laving it with his tongue, then drawing the whole tip into his mouth. The way he sucked and lapped at her had Bernadette breathless and restless with need. The sensations shot through her, coalescing in her core, which throbbed and tightened for him.

He shifted again to give her other breast the same treatment, then kissed his way lower, over her stomach and lower still. Bernadette relaxed back into the bed, threading her fingers through his hair and urging him to continue on. If she was to be one of the ton's fallen women, forever an outcast because she could not behave herself and accept her cold fate, then she was going to enjoy every moment of her disgrace.

As Alden reached her center, then shifted suddenly lower so that he might kiss and nuzzle the insides of her thighs instead of proceeding directly to where she wanted him, Bernadette made a soft sound of protest. She knew what kind of pleasure he could give her, and now that she was no longer holding herself back, she wanted it with a passion that would not be denied.

She inched her legs open more, tugging Alden's hair in an attempt to signal what she wanted. Alden growled in response and quickened his pace as he moved closer to her center.

"You are beautiful," he murmured, kissing higher and higher up her thigh. "You are fearless. You are formidable."

Each compliment brought him closer to the part of her that was dripping for him, and when he finally brushed his fingertips across her wetness, then sank his tongue into her heat, Bernadette nearly lifted off the bed. She let out a sound that was so far from what a proper, respectable lady should make that it was laughable.

Alden licked and stroked her, shifting so that he could circle and tease her clitoris with his tongue while his fingers delved inside of her. He was so talented and knew what her body wanted so well that it was only a matter of minutes before Bernadette's breath came in shorter and shorter pants. Her body tensed and throbbed, until the glorious moment when it felt as though her soul had been turned inside out.

She let out a cry, grasping Alden's hair tightly and arching into him. Alden groaned and plunged his fingers deeper into her pulsing sex. At the moment when her orgasm crested and began to subside, he pulled quickly back, repositioned himself, then thrust into her.

Bernadette let out another cry as her body gladly accepted his hot, hard intrusion. He filled her to the hilt, making her arch into him, then began to move as if he were being driven by some unseen force.

It was raw and perfect. They were not two members of the aristocracy, caught in an impossible situation and surrounded by curses and challenges. They were two creatures of love and passion who would stop at nothing to get what they most needed from each other.

Before long, Alden made a rough sound of satisfaction, and his thrusts became more forceful for a moment before ebbing. He continued to move in her for another few seconds, then pulled out and sagged to her side to catch his breath.

"My love," he managed to pant out before rolling to his side and taking her with him.

Bernadette made a happy sound and moved with him, curling her body around his, despite the heat and stickiness of everything they'd done. She didn't care what was neat and tidy, she just wanted to be close to him.

A few minutes later, when they had managed to catch their breaths, as they cuddled together, Alden said, "Damn. I should have been more careful."

"More careful?" Bernadette asked, muscling herself up onto her side so that she could gaze down at him.

Alden smiled sleepily. "Neither of us are spring chickens, my love," he said. "But that does not mean the possibility of a child out of wedlock is out of the question."

Bernadette's smile faltered slightly. "I would not care," she said, then leaned in to kiss Alden's soft lips.

She did care a little, though. Carrying on a love affair when they were not married and she was married to someone else was one thing. Bringing a child into that situation was something else entirely. She did not doubt that Alden would accept and provide for whatever children they might have. He would love them as if they were legitimate, she knew.

But any children that were born from a scandalous affair would have a tough row to hoe in the world that awaited them. Under East Anglian law, even if there was no possibility that Hethersett could have conceived her children, he would still legally be seen as their father. He could send them away to boarding school or have them farmed out, should he wish. She would have no say in the matter.

She shook her head, then settled to lie against Alden again. Hethersett would never do such a thing. He was a kind and reasonable man. He had always been her friend from afar.

"What was that shake of your head for?" Alden asked, turning to his side so he could converse with Bernadette and pulling her into his embrace as he did.

"Silly thoughts," Bernadette said. "Ones I shouldn't entertain."

Alden brushed a strand of hair back from her face. "Would you care to share those silly thoughts with me?" he asked. "I do so like your silly thoughts."

Bernadette smiled, but her earlier laughter had deserted her, no matter how sweet and light Alden was attempting to be.

"I should not worry about the morrow," she said, rather than coming right out and sharing her fears. "Worrying about what has yet to come ruins one's happiness in the present."

"So true," Alden said, leaning in to kiss her lips lightly. "And we all know that the ball is what tomorrow will bring."

A different sort of dread swooped through Bernadette's gut. She had forgotten the ball in the last, glorious hour.

"How are you feeling about the ball?" she asked, not certain what her aim was.

Alden shrugged one shoulder. "I suppose the entire thing is irrelevant now, but it is far too late an hour to back out of it."

Bernadette lowered her eyes to stare at his chest. "You…you should not discount all of the young ladies who are here as your guests entirely. Some of them are quite nice."

Alden tensed, but he did not say anything at first. When Bernadette peeked at him, he was staring at her with a frown. "After all this, after the love we share, you would still have me choose a bride other than you?"

Bernadette winced and squirmed. "I do not want you to," she said, staring at his chest again and playing with his chest hairs. "But you must admit that marrying someone else would be the simpler option."

She expected him to launch into a verbose protest and to tell her all the reasons she was wrong.

Instead, he sighed and said, "The thought has crossed my mind as well."

Bernadette snapped her gaze up to him. It was ridiculous for her to be offended or alarmed by the very thing she had just suggested, but emotions rarely followed the rules of logic.

Alden clearly noted her reaction. "I do not wish it either," he said, a bit argumentative. "But this evening, it occurred to me that our best chance at happiness might very well come about if…if I marry Lady Gladys, as she wants. She has already informed me that she would have no objection to the two of us being together. We could travel the world. I could show you everything I saw in South America and the Caribbean."

"I—" Bernadette had no idea how to answer, just as she'd had no idea what to think when Lady Gladys had told her that her late husband had been the love of her life. Alden was correct. Lady Gladys would allow the two of them to live together happily. She would likely tear apart the terrarium as soon as the two of them departed on their travels, but was that a small price to pay?

"I do not know how I feel about that," Bernadette said, shifting to her back and snuggling down under the covers, as if she were ready to sleep. "It is not a possibility I ever thought I would entertain. I dislike Lady Gladys. I find her to be conniving and selfish."

"So do I," Alden admitted, moving to his back in mirror of her. "But it is one way we could be together."

Bernadette huffed out a breath. "There must be another way," she said. "If only Hethersett would answer my letter."

Alden's eyes went wide, and he flipped back to his side to stare at her. "You wrote to your husband?"

Bernadette winced. "Yes," she admitted. She pushed herself back up to one arm. "We may have spent the last ten years apart, but Hethersett has been a faithful correspondent. He's even sent me two letters while I've been here, at the very beginning of my stay. But I've heard nothing since writing to tell him that I…that I love you."

Alden merely gaped at her, as if he had no idea what to think or how to react to what she'd just told him. Bernadette feared that he was angry with her. She was angry with herself for thinking it best not to tell Alden of her appeal to Hethersett to release her from their shadow of a marriage.

"I didn't know what else to do," she confessed quietly. "I do not know why I assumed everything could be settled with a simple letter, or that Hethersett would write back at once saying he would seek an annulment to our marriage and not to worry."

Bernadette bit her lip, expecting Alden to rail at her. Instead, he flopped to his back once more, rubbed his hands over his face, and said, "There must be a way."

It was all the reassurance Bernadette was going to get. She lay down once more, tucking herself against Alden's side this time. "There must," she said, echoing him.

But was there? Something had to be amiss. Hethersett would have written, one way or another, unless he was extraordinarily vexed with her, or unless something had happened to him. Lady Gladys would not be pursuing Alden so doggedly if she did not think she had a chance of succeeding in winning him, or rather, Lyndhurst Grove and Alden's fortune.

Bernadette sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling against Alden. As optimistic as she wanted to remain, she had the horrible feeling that the stolen moments she had just spent with Alden were their last. In order for the two of them to be together, a great many disparate things would need to fall into place. The likelihood of that happening was shaky at best. She very much feared the time was coming when she would need to formulate a secondary plan, one that would see her continuing on with her life alone.