Chapter Two

Dawson

"At least she stayed through Christmas and New Year."

I shake my head at Tanner, although I regret the move and stand completely still for a second, just to get my bearings.

"Is that supposed to help?" I ask. "Oakley may not have been the best bar worker I've ever had, but she was better than nothing… which is what I've got now."

"I wouldn't let Maggie hear you say that." He nods over my shoulder and I turn, taking my time, so I don't lose my balance, and focus on Maggie, who's at the other end of the bar. She's in her mid-forties, divorced with no kids, and has been here since not long after Stevie and I opened this place. But she's a waitress. She hates working behind the bar, and doesn't hesitate to remind me of that at every opportunity.

"She's only here four nights a week. It's the most I can persuade her to do," I say, turning back to Tanner, who's sipping on a glass of red wine. "It's been nearly two weeks since Oakley walked out, and I can't find anyone to take her place."

"It might help if you weren't so damn miserable all the time."

No-one but my oldest friend could get away with saying that to me… but even so, it's not what I want to hear.

"It doesn't bother anyone else," I say, going on the defensive. "Maggie and Vanessa have been waiting tables during the lunchtime service for years, and I can't remember when Karl and Ned started working here, but neither of them has ever said anything about my attitude."

"That's because they have each other for moral support," he says. "Whoever works with you in the evenings has to survive all by themselves. It's a big ask."

"Thanks." I grab my drink and take a long gulp, feeling the satisfying buzz as it hits my brain… or what's left of it. "The thing is, we don't all have a reason to walk around with a smile on our faces." He tilts his head, although he doesn't wipe that annoying grin from his lips. "Speaking of which, where's Zara tonight?"

I may not have seen Tanner for a few weeks, but when I have, he's been with Zara. The two of them have been inseparable since they met in the fall, and despite everything I've just said to him, I don't resent his happiness… not one bit. He deserves it after everything he's been through.

"She's spending the evening with Peony."

"Oh? I wasn't aware they were friends?"

"They're not," he says. "Zara doesn't have any friends here yet… other than Katie."

"And you," I say and he nods.

"And me… but I can't help her with what she needs tonight."

"What's that?"

"A second opinion on her wedding dress. She bought it in Concord, all by herself."

"Didn't her mom want to get involved?" I ask.

"She did, but Zara's Aunt Charlotte is sick again. She hasn't been right since that fall she had, when she broke her ankle, and Sylvia didn't want to leave her. Zara understood, even though Sylvia was upset about it, and I know Zara sent her photographs…"

"So her mom's seen the dress?"

"Yes, but not in the flesh, and not since it's been altered. Nash went with her to collect it at the weekend," he says, smiling and clearly loving the budding relationship between his son and his fiancée. "But even he wasn't allowed a peek, and although she assures me it's a perfect fit, she said she wanted someone else to see her wearing it before the ceremony… and that can't be me."

"Why is she so nervous about it?" I ask.

"I don't know."

"Are you nervous?"

"About the dress?" he says, his brow furrowing.

"About the whole thing… about getting married again."

"Hell, no. I can't wait."

"Well, you won't have to. Not for much longer, anyway."

It's only a month until their wedding, and it's impossible for me not to make comparisons between how it is now, and how it was the first time around… for Tanner, if not for me.

I was his best man then, and I took my responsibilities seriously, helping with the planning, and – more importantly – stopping his first wife Sabrina from driving him crazy. I wouldn't say she was a Bridezilla, but she came close. She came real close, which makes me wonder…

"How are things going with Sabrina?" I ask. She's caused him so much grief over the last few years. Not just because she cheated on him, multiple times, and broke their marriage – and him – but because she likes to make his life difficult, bordering on impossible, even now.

Tanner rolls his eyes. "The same as usual," he says. "She announced on Sunday night, when I took Nash home, that she's going on vacation over the weekend of our wedding."

"Is this with Dean, or whatever his name is?"

He frowns. "Oh… didn't I tell you? Dean is history. She kicked him out just before Christmas."

"No, you didn't tell me, but did she have a reason for ending it with him?"

"Not one she was gonna tell me, but…" He smiles, and leans in slightly, lowering his voice, "Nash asked me what a man-whore was not long after Dean left, so I think that might have had something to do with it."

I'd laugh if I hadn't forgotten how. "What goes around comes around," I mutter instead. "So, is she going away by herself?"

"No. She's taking her new boyfriend. His name's Gideon, or Graham, or something beginning with ‘G'. I can't remember what now. Nash says he's even younger than Dean."

"You haven't met him yet?"

"No. He's not living with her, although I'm sure he will be… if he survives long enough."

I sigh, finishing my drink, and put the glass carefully on the counter between us. "I don't know how you put up with her."

"I don't have to. She's not mine anymore."

"I guess… and look on the bright side. At least she won't turn up at the wedding and try to spoil things."

He pushes his fingers back through his blond hair, messing it up a little. "Maybe not, but I think you're missing the point. If she's away, it means Nash has to stay with us."

I feel like a fool for not realizing sooner… but I'm not exactly firing on all cylinders. I rarely am these days.

"Of course. That's not exactly ideal."

"No, but it's less of a problem than Sabrina realizes. I think she assumed her plans were going to ruin our honeymoon, and that we'd either have to cancel or take Nash with us."

"You mean you haven't told her you're not going away?"

He shakes his head. "No. If I told her it's because we can't afford it, she'd only gloat, and I'm done with hearing about my inadequacies from my ex-wife. I had enough of it when we were married."

I'd like to say I can relate to his predicament, but to be fair, Stevie was never like that. Even when she was walking out the door, she didn't say a word against me. She was generosity itself – other than the obvious fact that she was leaving me. But her attitude didn't stop me from feeling like I must have let her down… like I wasn't enough for her.

Why else would she have left me for another man?

"What are you gonna do about having Nash around on your wedding night?" I ask, to keep my mind off of my failed marriage.

"Zara came up with a plan," he says.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She's invited her mom to stay."

"Seriously? You're gonna spend your wedding night with your son and your mother-in-law?"

He chuckles. "Oh, it gets better. Because Sylvia doesn't want to leave Zara's Aunt Charlotte to fend for herself, she's coming too. I know it's a little unconventional, but at least Charlotte isn't as difficult as she used to be. Sylvia assures us she's a changed woman… not that I ever met her before. And Sylvia and Nash get along really well, so Zara suggested her mom could look after Nash."

"At your place?"

"Yeah. Obviously, it would be better if Sylvia and Charlotte lived closer and could take Nash home with them for the night, but at least this way, we'll have more time to ourselves."

"With your mother-in-law, Aunt Charlotte and Nash in the house? On your wedding night? You have remembered what that's supposed to be about, haven't you?"

"Of course, but it's not just about one night, is it? You and I both know that. And so does Zara. We've got a lifetime of nights ahead of us…" His voice fades and I wonder if he's as happy about the situation as he's pretending.

"That's true," I say, making an effort to sound upbeat… and it really is an effort.

"And looking on the bright side, at least it's actually feasible now we've moved."

He's not wrong there. His old apartment above the bookstore only had two bedrooms, so Sylvia wouldn't have been able to stay – let alone bring Aunt Charlotte with her – and even if the setup doesn't sound like most people's idea of the perfect wedding night, it seems like they've decided this is how they wanna play things.

I'm sure I could think of something better, though… and maybe I can.

"Yeah…" I say, while that thought drifts around my head. "And it could have been worse. Sabrina could have announced she was taking Nash with her."

Tanner shakes his head. "It wouldn't have surprised me. She knows he's gonna be my best man, and I half expected her to try something like that."

"I guess you should be grateful, then."

"That's what Zara said when I got back home last night. I was so fucking angry, but she persuaded me it wasn't worth it."

"She's very accommodating of Sabrina," I say, leaning on the bar.

"She is. She's a very special woman…" He looks right at me, tilting his head. "Now all we need to do is find one for you."

I shake my head, ignoring the way it makes my brain rattle. "Even if we did – and I don't think we ever will – there's no way I'm gonna get married again."

"Really?" He seems surprised by that, although God knows why.

"No. Not after everything that happened with Stevie."

"She cheated. Once. Compared to Sabrina, she was an amateur."

I know he has a point. It's one we've discussed before, on more than one occasion, but that doesn't alter the facts.

"I still feel humiliated by what she did. I thought we were soulmates…" My voice catches, surprising me, and I look down, avoiding his gaze, struggling against the lump in my throat, but refusing to give in to it.

"I get it," he says, his voice softening, and I know he does.

"I thought she did, too. I thought that was why we fought for each other… why we had each other's backs and we always came out on top."

"It was. I can remember when her mom and dad didn't want you to go to college together, and the two of you argued that you were old enough to make that decision, and went ahead and did it, anyway."

"Yeah, and then we had to struggle to afford our tiny apartment."

"You did it, though, and I admired you for that… working two jobs so Stevie didn't have to neglect her studies."

"Yeah. It meant we didn't see much of each other, but when we did…" I fall silent again, recalling what it was like when I got home late at night. Stevie would often be in bed, but she never used to mind me waking her. She used to welcome me with open arms, and even though I was exhausted, there was something about her that brought me back to life… every damn time.

Tanner smiles, like he understands. "The enthusiasm of youth," he says, and I know he's not wrong.

"I guess things got a little harder when my parents died."

I still find it hard to think about that summer, and how I lost them both within two months of each other. I was close to them, and an only child. It hurt. A lot. Tanner knows that better than anyone. He lost his parents too… although not in quite the same way. He was there for me when it happened, just like I was there for him, but more importantly, I had Stevie, and she helped me get through it.

"Yeah," he says. "But you worked it out."

"I know." I sigh, shaking my head. "Stevie was amazing then. She'd known them all her life, and I think she felt it almost as much as I did."

"I'm not surprised. I felt it too," he says, giving me a smile.

I nod my head, taking it slow, acknowledging the grief that hadn't been entirely my own.

"She took on so much of the paperwork, going through the numbers, helping me decide what to do with my inheritance, and once we'd finalized the purchase of this place, she forgot all about her ambitions and helped me refurbish it. I'd been playing at getting a degree," I say, recalling what it had been like all those years ago. "But Stevie really wanted it. She wanted to become an accountant. Dullest job in the world, if you ask me, but I wanted to help her get there. That's why I worked two jobs."

"Because you loved her. And that's why she gave it up for you. Because she loved you, too."

"She didn't love me. She loved him." The guy she left me for… the guy she's living with now.

"Not back then, she didn't. You can't erase what you had at the start just because it didn't last."

"Maybe not, but I think it would be easier if I could understand why she left… why she was so willing to erase our history."

"She said it wasn't your fault. That has to count for something."

"Not when her next sentence was that she'd fallen in love with another man."

He winces, and I remember the look on Stevie's face as she packed her bags upstairs in our bedroom. She was in a hurry, that much was obvious, but she was still being methodical, not just throwing things into a suitcase, but folding them, while looking over at me, a picture of contrition.

"Why?" I said, from the other side of the bed, my mind in turmoil. "Why are you doing this?"

"I've already said." It was like she didn't want to say it again, and in a way, I was grateful. It had hurt enough the first time.

"Okay, but why were you even looking at other men? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, checking the closet and dresser before closing up her bag.

That didn't really answer my question, and I wondered if she even knew the answers herself. Either way, I've never been the kind of man to beg. I've never been the kind of man who'd let a woman see me break, either. Not even when my parents died. So I let her go, standing to one side in stoney silence as she walked out of our apartment, and out of my life.

And then I broke, collapsing to my knees, my heart disintegrating in my chest.

I've been broken ever since.

And I'm not very good at hiding it.

Everyone seems surprised by that. Even Tanner.

After all, men like me don't get upset when their wives leave. They don't crumble and fall apart. They bounce back and find someone else.

Assuming they haven't had the trust kicked out of them, that is.

If I was the kind of man who went in for casual sex, or one night stands, I might have tried that. Maybe it might have been easier. At least I'd have had something in my life to look forward to, even if it was just meaningless sex. But I've never been like that, which means the last couple of years have been lonely… miserable, and lonely.

"How's the new house?" I ask, desperate to talk about something else.

Tanner tilts his head, then leans forward, resting his elbows on the bar. He knows what I'm doing, but he's a good enough friend not to question my abrupt change of subject.

"It's great," he says. "Zara and Nash have almost finished decorating his room."

"They're doing it without you?" I'm surprised by that, but he shrugs his shoulders.

"It was Zara's idea. Nash was a little pissed with me when I told him we were gonna move. I'd only just decorated his room at the apartment, and when we showed him the pictures of the new house, his room was painted an insipid orange."

"Sounds horrible," I say, and he smiles.

"It was. But Zara sat down with him and explained that he could choose whatever color he liked and the first weekend after we moved in, she'd make a start with him on decorating it."

"I take it that put his mind at rest?"

"It did. They only get to work on it on Saturdays, so we can do family things on Sundays. Although, that said, our ‘family things' seem to include Nash's girlfriend most of the time."

"Nash's girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"He's eight," I say, trying to control the furrow on my brow, although it's a struggle.

"I know, but he's been seeing a girl called Billie since the beginning of September, and according to Zara – who he confides in more than me – it might be love."

"Hell… that sounds like a recipe for one or other of them to get their heart crushed."

"I know. But they're so cute together. You should see them."

If I did, I'd probably warn them off . "Nash confides in Zara, does he?" I ask.

"Yeah. All the time."

"It's great that they get along so well. I remember how nervous you were when you told Nash about her."

"So do I."

I wasn't sure I understood his urgency at the time. He'd only known Zara for a matter of days, but he was adamant he needed to tell Nash… and nothing was going to stop him. Not even me. That doesn't mean I didn't try, though, because like I say, I didn't understand his motives. It seemed too soon to involve Nash in his relationship, or so I thought. Except I didn't realize how deeply in love he was. Or even that it was possible to love like that a second time around.

"Does the rest of the house need work?" I ask, because I'd rather think about decorating than love. I haven't seen his new home yet. It's a four-bedroom property at the far end of Maple Street, so it's not exactly miles away, but with the hours I work, it's hard to spare the time for anything outside of these four walls. Naturally, I'd have to be sober, too… and that's a rare occurrence these days.

"Not really," he says. "Apart from Nash's room, there's not a lot to do."

"You were lucky to find somewhere like that just when you needed it, and at the right price."

"Don't I know it." He nods his head.

"Was there a reason you moved in so quickly?"

He chuckles, sipping the last of his wine. "Not the one you're probably thinking of."

"So, Nash isn't about to become a big brother?"

"Not yet."

"Yet? That implies it's something you're thinking about."

He nods again. "It is. One day. But we'll need to discuss it with Nash first, and we feel like he's got enough to deal with right now. We've just moved. Then there's the wedding, and Sabrina breaking up with Dean, and getting together with Gordon, or Gremlin, or whatever his name is. It's probably best if we leave it for a while…" His voice drifts off to silence.

"Is that something you regret?"

"No. We've got time. Zara's very young."

"Even if you're not."

"Thanks for the reminder," he says, although he's smiling, so I know he's not offended.

"Okay, so if Zara's not pregnant – yet – then why did you move in such a hurry? Let's face it, you only met in September, and you've been in your new house for over three weeks already."

I remember thinking they were crazy for moving right before the holidays, but Tanner was adamant it was happening, even if he wasn't forthcoming with any explanations… until now.

"To be honest, it was the layout of the apartment."

"What about it?"

He shakes his head and leans in closer, lowering his voice. "We established quite quickly that not having a door on our bedroom was kinda limiting."

His apartment above the bookstore had an open-plan upper floor, but it had been like that all the time he lived there, and I'm confused.

"Are you saying it was never a problem while you were with Sabrina?"

"Not really. You've gotta remember, Sabrina and I only moved there after she cheated with Mitch. Our sex life was patchy at best. And besides, Nash was still quite young. He wasn't aware of what was going on… not like he is now."

"No, I guess not."

"Zara and I rigged up a set of drapes so she could at least get dressed in peace, without having to worry that Nash might see her in her underwear, but…"

"It wasn't ideal?"

"Far from it."

"Because your sex life with Zara isn't patchy?" I ask and he smiles.

"No comment."

"We both know what that means."

"It means I'm not giving you any details, and while we could have constructed something more permanent than the drapes, we also had to think about the dog."

I nod my head. My brain doesn't rattle like it did earlier, which doesn't surprise me. I seem to have an alarming capacity, not just to drink, but to sober up.

"How does Bentley like the house?" I ask.

"He loves it."

Tanner brought Bentley in here to meet me not long after they returned from Vermont with him at Thanksgiving. He's a golden retriever puppy, bred by a neighbor of Zara's mom's, and even I have to admit, he's adorable.

"He likes the extra space?"

"He likes everything about life, I think. We take him on long walks in the evenings, and he sits in the shop for most of the day, lapping up all the attention he can get. I'm telling you, it's a dog's life."

Lucky Bentley …

"You didn't mind leaving the apartment?" I ask, before I become too jealous of my best friend's pet dog. "You'd lived there a long time."

"I know," he says. "But most of it wasn't happy… except the last few months with Zara. Sabrina didn't want us to move there, and never stopped reminding me that she hated living above the store."

That's one thing I have to say about Stevie… she never complained about living in the apartment. Even when we were fixing up this place and having to make do with just one livable room upstairs, she just got on with it, while leading me into a sense of false security.

"How are your tenants settling in?" I'm sick of every element of our conversation leading me back to Stevie. This one should be safer… I hope.

"Fine. I learned a few lessons from all the trouble Zara had with her landlord after she moved out of her house."

"Is that all dealt with now?" I ask. My strategy seems to be working, thankfully. Having Stevie in my head for too much of the time is never a good thing.

"Ezra sent a couple of strongly worded letters to the guy, and he backed down, although he was trying to get Zara to pay nearly four thousand dollars."

"How much did she have to pay in the end?"

"Absolutely nothing. We could prove she hadn't done any damage to the house, despite the guy claiming she had, and the contract said nothing about a penalty for leaving early. Ezra made it very clear he had no case, and he gave in. I've made sure my agreement for the apartment is much tighter, so there can't be any misunderstandings."

"Sounds like a wise move."

"I thought so," he says.

"What are they like?" I ask. "Your tenants, I mean?"

"They're okay. They've only been in there for just over a week, but to be honest, I was so relieved to find them, I haven't wasted too much time getting to know them."

"Relieved?" I say, my brain slowing down.

"Yes. I need the rent to pay the mortgage on the new house. Sabrina's still doing her best to milk me dry."

"At least Stevie didn't do that to me," I say. Damn. What's wrong with me? I must be more sober than I thought. I'd turned the conversation around, and here I am turning it straight back again.

"No. She was fair about the financial split, wasn't she?"

"Yeah." I have to admit she was. It wouldn't have been unreasonable for her to have claimed half the value of the bar. It might have been my inheritance that bought this place, but she gave up a lot for us to get to where we were when she left. Even so, she made no such claim, and we settled on a lump sum that was affordable for me, and adequate for her. I believe it gave her enough for a substantial down payment on a house… the one she now shares with the guy who was so much better than me.

"Have you met them yet?" Tanner asks, confusing me.

"Met who?"

"My tenants."

"No. It's two guys, isn't it?"

"Yeah. They're not together, just in case you were wondering. In fact, they didn't even know each other before they moved in."

"I wasn't wondering. But if they didn't know each other, how did they end up living in your apartment together… while not living together?"

"They'd just started working for Ryan Andrews, but they're both from out of town and were looking for somewhere to live. Peony knew from Zara that we were trying to rent out the apartment so we could move, and Ryan had spoken to her about these two guys and how hard they were finding it to get hold of accommodation. She put everyone together, and we worked it out between us."

"How fortuitous… and how is it that Ryan Andrews can always find people to work for him, and I can't?" I say, getting back to my original problem.

"I refer you to my previous answer," Tanner says, a smile touching at his lips.

"You're not helping."

"Okay," he says, sitting up a little. "I assume you've advertised?"

"Didn't you notice the help wanted sign in the window?"

"Sure, but you might need to look further afield. People around here know you far too well."

"Are you trying to get thrown out? You might be my oldest friend, but…"

Tanner chuckles, clearly not taking me or my threat seriously. "Has anyone applied?" he asks.

"I've had a couple of people come in, but they're not gonna work out. Neither of them had any experience, and while I don't mind some on-the-job training, I can't hold their hands forever. I need someone who's done bar work before, so I can trust them to get on with things by themselves. Apart from anything else, I need to take the occasional break myself."

He nods his head. Owning the bookstore, he knows how this feels, I guess.

"Dawson?" I turn around at the sound of my name, and focus in on Maggie, who's still at the other end of the bar, several customers lined up in front of her.

"Yeah?"

"Can you give me a hand here?"

"Sure." I look back at Tanner. "Duty calls, I'm afraid."

"That's okay. I should probably head off home. Zara and Bentley will be back soon."

"She took the dog to Peony's place?"

"Yeah. Peony wanted to meet him, and she volunteered Ryan to take him for a walk around the orchard while they looked at Zara's wedding dress. Still, she said she'd be back by nine, so…"

His eyes are sparkling with anticipation, and for a second, I remember what it felt like to have something to look forward to.