11. Pain

Pain

PARKER

“Who the fuck are you?” I growl before she can feed me anymore lies.

“Just a girl, attending a school.”

“Don’t lie to me!” I slam my hand into the locker beside me to show her I mean business but she just cocks her head to the side like a curious puppy.

“I like the fire that shows up in your eyes when you’re trying to be all manly and aggressive.”

My head rears back. This girl’s crazier than Melody.

“You want to see what real fear looks like?” She steps right up to me, her hair flowing down her back as she tilts her head back to look me in the eyes. I blink and her hypnotising gaze is filled with so much pain, I flinch away. I’m not sure what the fuck I’m seeing, it’s like she’s removed some kind of glamour and the real her is shining through. What I’m seeing is enough to make my eyes water and my throat clog with emotions I haven’t felt since I was a toddler.

“Try growing up on the streets with no clue where you’ll rest your head for the night. Imagine never knowing if the moment you close your eyes might be your last breath. Picture what it would feel like to wake up and fear the pain in your stomach as it growls out a hunger so deep that it feels like your insides are devouring themselves. Picture what it would feel like to know that every single breath is a risk of exposure. Every single stolen bite of food might be your last.”

The lump in my throat grows, along with the pit forming in my stomach. I’ve never been good at visualising anything but her lyrical voice weaves me into her words. Forcing my body to feel the pain, the hunger, and the fear she’s describing. Every part of me trembles with the need to fight through this and run as far and as fast as I can but I’m frozen to the spot. A useless lump of flesh with no will of my own.

“Imagine knowing that at any moment someone might mistake you for a piece of trash or a hooker. Imagine being so scared of the kindest of people, never knowing if their offer of help is genuine or a trick to lure you into something far worse than the pain of the hunger in your belly.”

She blinks and the spell is broken. My body slumps against the locker I hit earlier. Knees shaking far too hard to hold my muscular bulk up. I slide down the cold metal until my ass hits the floor. I can’t look at her, too scared she’ll make me relive the pain and fear she forced into my mind. Afraid she’ll tell me there’s something worse that she could weave into her words.

I couldn’t have ever imagined the kind of pain she spoke of. There’s no way I could have, not when I’ve been given everything I’ve ever needed or wanted. There’s no room in my heart for pity for anyone who went through that. There’s only the echoes of the fear and pain she forced me to live. I don’t know how anyone could live through that and still appear so normal.

In that instant I know no matter what, I’ll never pity her for what she’s lived through, I’ll envy her for the rest of my life. I’m jealous of her strength. Her ability to survive everything thrown at her and still have the strength to get up every day and smile.