Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Oliver had never attended a funeral. With the Murphys, omegas had been wrapped in a sheet and dumped into a burning fire, while alphas got the elaborate altars with all the ceremonies—but omegas weren’t invited. So he hadn’t been sure what to expect, and the solemn, dignified procession as they carried the queen’s body to her final resting place touched him deeply. Her body would be burned, as was the custom among dragons, her ashes left undisturbed where they fell.

Wasn’t it interesting he could grieve someone he’d never met? But he was. He only needed to see the intense pain on the faces of her four sons to know how loved she had been. Of course Oliver knew about the stories, how she had protected Erwan from the wrath and black magic of his father and uncle. If nothing else, she deserved to be honored for that.

She’d died surrounded by her kids and grandkids, by the clan and both packs. Erwan and his brothers had decided they wanted to perform the ceremony the same day. There was no reason to wait. Everyone was there except Rhene, which was undoubtedly hard for Erwan but couldn’t be helped. They had no way of knowing when he’d be back, so it made little sense to wait for him to return.

Cedric had been drained from his magic by the long teleportation journey, and he couldn’t do another one to retrieve Rhene. The omega dragon was on bed rest in the clinic, and Enar had told him not to lift a finger for a few days and let himself get spoiled a little.

Erwan and his brothers had closed their mom’s eyes and kissed her goodbye, and then they had straightened her clothes and made sure she looked like the queen she had been. Emma had dashed outside and gathered a bouquet of wildflowers, beautifully tied together with a bright-red ribbon, which she’d placed between the queen’s hands.

She looked so peaceful and serene, almost happy. Hers had been a good death, a welcome one, and hopefully, that would make it easier for her sons and daughter-in-law to bear.

They carried her together, her body still resting on the cot she had lain on, which seemed fitting. Four sons, each carrying one corner in perfect symmetry. Both packs followed her, Oliver walking between Adar and Delton. Even though neither of them spoke, their quiet presence brought Oliver comfort.

He’d expected her to find her final resting place on the Hightower ranch, but instead, they made the trek over to the Hayes land. Apparently, there was a special spot where others had been buried, an area that held power. By the time they reached it, darkness was falling, a full moon already visible in the sky like a pale disk.

A few men had chopped wood for the altar that would claim her body. It had been constructed meticulously, with big logs and smaller twigs mixed in, guaranteeing an even burn. The four Doyle princes lifted their mother’s body and placed it on the wooden slabs that would be her final resting place. Their quiet sobs cut through Oliver’s heart like a knife.

When everyone had gathered around, Emma stepped forward. “Queen Grian, you have served your clan and your sons faithfully, keeping them safe from harm. You have used your talents for good, never giving in to the seduction of the dark magic around you. And in your last moments, you gave us your blessing and your fire. For this, we honor you. As we light this fire and commit your body to the flames, we send our love with it and our wishes that in the eternal realm, you will find the freedom and peace you never had in your life.”

Tears streamed down Oliver’s face. Such a beautiful tribute.

While Erwan and his brothers lit a torch from a small fire that had been burning and stepped up to the four corners of the altar, a voice rang out, crystal clear as it sang.

O dim delicious heaven of dreams-

The land of boyhood’s dewey glow-

Again I hear your torrent streams

Through purple gorge and valley flow,

Oh, it was Ian. He had a lovely voice, so bright and pitch-perfect. And such a perfect song, an ode to the green hills of Ireland.

Whilst fresh the mountain breezes blow.

Above the air smites sharp and clear-

The silent lucid spring it chills

But underneath, move warm amidst

The bases of the hills.

As Ian segued into a different song, the fire under the altar was lit, and Erwan and his brother stepped back and threw their torches onto the fire. Within minutes, it roared up, taking the queen’s body with it until nothing was left.

A fruitful clime is Eire’s,

through valley, meadow, plain,

And in the fair land of Eire, O!

The very ‘bread of life’ is in the yellow grain

On the fair Hills of Eire, O!

Far dearer to me than the tones music yields,

Is the lowing of the kine and the calves in her fields

And the sunlight that shone long ago on the shields

Of the Gaels, on the fair hills of Eire, O!

When the ashes drifted down to become part of the earth, the moon shone so brightly it was almost painful to look at her. But with her light came peace, a deep knowing that the queen’s death had not been in vain, that it meant something. Oliver didn’t know what, but he had to trust in the words that had been spoken.

Everyone returned to the ranch, and Oliver hung back with Adar and Delton, going slower than the others. Had Oliver done it on purpose so they’d have some privacy? Maybe subconsciously, he had. He had something he needed to say, and while the timing might not have been perfect after the funeral, he wasn’t sure when the three of them would be in the same place again.

“Fallon talked to me,” he said, then promptly stopped walking.

Holy crap, where had those words come from? They had rolled off his tongue as if he’d never had any issues talking. How was that possible? Judging by the pure shock on the faces of the two men, he wasn’t the only one surprised.

“Oliver?” Delton put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just…”

“I guess you shocked yourself, huh?”

He nodded. Crap, now he was scared to try again. What if it had been a fluke?

“How?” No, he wouldn’t let fear hold him back. Not anymore. He tried again. “How is this possible?”

Yes, his voice was there. Soft and a little hesitant, but he was speaking. What on earth had happened?

“I don’t know, and that’s the truth,” Delton said. “One explanation might be that you have grown accustomed to speaking again because you’re feeling safer, and now your brain has decided to make the jump. Or it could be that you feel especially safe with us, which would be a big compliment for Adar and me.”

“Or it could be magic,” Adar said. “Wouldn’t be the first time we see miracles after a funeral.”

Magic. Could it be true? Why would he even question it? Did it matter what had caused it? Maybe it was more important to embrace it and be grateful, to train himself to use his voice again. He’d been quiet long enough.

“I don’t know either,” he said. His voice was still a little raspy, which wasn’t strange, considering how little he had used it over the last two years. “But I’m grateful.”

“Not to dampen your spirits, but this may not mean it’s back permanently,” Delton said.

“You think it’ll disappear again?” Adar asked.

“It could, and you need to be prepared for that, Oliver. I don’t want you to get crushed when you experience difficulties again down the line.”

Oliver nodded. “Thank you.”

He appreciated the heads-up. It seemed like Delton was looking out for him.

“Anyway, you said Fallon talked to you,” Delton prompted him.

Right. Wow, the conversation felt a lot more daunting now that he could speak. He could no longer hide behind gestures and one-word responses. He hadn’t realized how much he’d come to depend on those.

“He explained about the pain.” He looked sideways at Adar. “Sorry, I don’t know the correct word.”

“Impact play, but it doesn’t matter. I knew what you meant.”

Impact play. Interesting that it was called play. That suggested something fake, didn’t it? Or maybe something akin to a game. But the pain Adar wanted was real, and Oliver couldn’t wrap his mind around that. It wasn’t that he judged Adar for wanting it. He didn’t understand what Adar was getting out of it. “Is it a punishment?”

“A punishment? You mean, do I feel like I need to be punished for something? No. Some people who are into this may feel that way, but I don’t.”

“How are you okay with being less?”

Hopefully, that made sense. It was much harder than he’d expected to use his voice again. Apparently, he’d grown lazy, content not to ask and to keep himself shut off from others.

“I know it’s weird for an alpha to want this.” Adar’s shoulders sagged, and he seemed to shrink, looking nothing like the proud and strong man Oliver was used to. A wave of guilt filled Oliver. He hadn’t wanted to make him feel small.

“Can I say something?” Delton asked.

Oliver nodded.

“I think I get what you were asking, so can I put it in different words? Were you trying to understand why an alpha like Adar would choose to submit to another man when he doesn’t have to? Like, why would that be something he wants?”

“Yes.” Thank the gods, Delton was there to interpret and help them communicate, or Oliver would make a mess of it and maybe even inadvertently hurt Adar, which was the last thing he wanted. “That’s exactly it.”

Oliver took a quick peek sideways, and the relief on Adar’s face showed the alpha had taken Oliver’s question personally.

“I don’t know other than that it’s the only thing that truly relaxes me.” Adar scratched his beard. “I like working out, and that takes some stress out of me, but not like engaging in impact play does. I can let go then. That’s the best way I can explain it.”

“For some people, the weight of their responsibilities is a heavy one,” Delton said. “And while we often think alphas have it much easier than betas or omegas, their role and status come with their challenges. Adar, for example, has a job with a lot of responsibilities. Keeping all of us safe day in and day out, knowing how real the danger is, will wear on you. The thing about pain is that it overrides everything else. When something truly hurts, you can’t think of anything else. In fact, you can’t even think at all. All you can do is breathe and focus on the pain. And when it’s the right kind of pain, when it’s administered in a steady way, some people are able to sort of step out of their body and transcend into a different state of mind. It’s called subspace.”

Adar stopped walking, staring at Delton with his mouth open. Oliver and Delton halted as well. Adar cleared his throat. “How did you…? How do you know all this?”

Delton shrugged. “I told you I researched the subject after we first talked about this.”

“I know, but you explained it so well. Much better than I could have, and you even gave me some new insights.”

The beta’s face lit up at Adar’s words. “Thank you. I mean, it’s my job, but I’m glad I could help. Not that I consider you a job. That’s not what I meant. More that, communicating and helping people understand themselves better is what I do, and I love to do it. So yes, I’m happy you found it valuable.”

Oliver smiled. Delton was adorable when he was rambling. Oliver hadn’t seen him this flustered yet. What had caused it? Delton was usually remarkably composed. Not that it was a bad thing or that Oliver thought it strange or inappropriate or something, but it was unusual. Apparently, Adar’s praise meant a lot to him, and that was…

Oh.

He’d completely missed that, even though he prided himself on being perceptive. He’d had to be on guard all his life, so how he hadn’t seen this was a mystery. But now that he had, what did he do? Adar didn’t have a clue, that much Oliver was sure of, and he wasn’t gonna rat Delton out.

Hmm, he’d have to think about that and how he felt about another man being in love with Oliver’s mate. He was supposed to be jealous, right?

He wasn’t.

Weird.