Chapter 29

29

Simon adjusted himself, pulling up his pants and trying to get comfortable on the cement floor of Lilis’ storage unit. He moved a pillow out from under his ass and one out from under the middle of his back. He took a third one from under his right arm, tucked it behind his head, and pulled Lilis tighter against his left side, her head on his shoulder, one of her legs draped across his. She fit so well in the crook of his arm, like she was meant to be there.

“When you can talk again,” he murmured into her silky hair, “I’m hoping you’ll tell me why we’re in a storage unit surrounded by pillows.”

For long moments, Lilis played with a few hairs on his chest and ran her fingers back and forth across the spot where, less than an hour before, a bullet had pierced him.

Finally, she took a deep breath. “This is my lair.” Her voice was much closer to the lilting tones he’d gotten used to over the last few days, the gravel dissipated. She sounded more in control of herself. “Well, one of my lairs.”

What?

Simon lifted his head and looked around at their surroundings. Surely she was joking. A small storage unit in the middle of southern New Jersey? “I thought dragons hoard treasure. Gold coins and jewels and riches. You said you have gems.”

She reached behind her to retrieve some gold fabric and set it on his chest. For a folded bit of fabric, it was ridiculously heavy. He probed it gently with his fingers and discovered something hard underneath, as though it were encasing a stone.

“This pillow belonged to my friend, Istir. She was another dragon demon. A friend when I was growing up in Assyria.” She paused to clear her throat. “When the Babylonians came, dragons were the first to be hunted. To make Assyria less formidable.”

Simon recognized his mistake immediately. She’d let down her walls, had brought him to her sanctuary, her lair . Had shared her most prized possessions with him. And he’d made light of it. He felt like such an asshole. “Lilis, I’m sorry.”

“These are my gems. As precious to me as gold and diamonds,” she whispered. “Or jade.”

Her words punched him in the gut, and he glanced down to where his mother’s medallion lay on his chest near her face, still on its chain.

He kissed the top of her head, seeking an impossible phrase to take away some of her hurt. Could he even soothe millennia of pain with mere words? He wanted her to talk more, to share whatever she wanted with him so she didn’t have to bear it alone. “Why pillows?”

Lilis set the brick pillow aside and scooched down so her head lay on his chest rather than his shoulder, with her ear over his heart. He knew she was listening to it beat. Knew her tranquility in the sound of her breaths, as clearly as he could hear her voice in his mind.

As much as that last thought should scare him, it didn’t. He knew Lilis, through and through. This additional connection somehow felt natural. Wonderful.

“When I need comfort, I find it here. To feel close to someone, all I need to do is look for their pillow. I can still smell them all these years later, and it’s like they’re right here with me.” She nuzzled his chest, and Simon ran his hands through her silky midnight hair as the full depth of her isolation settled on him. “I know they’re not real. But I’ve always thought… I always hoped that maybe, if I lay my head where they laid theirs, I’ll dream what they dreamed. Feel what they felt.”

Simon’s arm tightened around her reflexively, her words to him over breakfast at the dog park taking on a whole new meaning, a whole new level of loneliness.

Most demons don’t like me.

How many humans had she befriended? Humans whose lives spanned mere moments compared to hers? Dozens of pillows filled her lair.

This lair.

He swallowed the grief of picturing more storage units filled with more pillows, more memories of lost loved ones.

And Lilis, alone in the hollow rooms, snuggling against the only things that remained of the people she’d known, like looking at a picture of lost family from years ago.

His life and Lilis’ were so similar.

And yet so different.

Simon may have felt alone in the world after his parents died, with his sisters out of the house and only his grandparents to care for him. But he’d had friends at school. And in college. Shelby had seen to that. He had Anya now. And for all their faults, his grandparents loved him.

Lilis had lost more people than he’d ever known. And despite such heartache, she fought for them, fought to keep them all safe. No wonder she hadn’t wanted to drop her guard around him or let him close.

He tilted his head down to look at her. Her fingers played with the dusting of hairs above the unbuttoned waistband of his jeans.

“Lilis?” he whispered. “Is Henri’s pillow somewhere in a storage unit in France?”

Her hand stilled. “It’s here.”

“What about Caelius’ pillow?”

She resumed brushing her hand across his stomach. “Here.”

“And—”

“Divit and Luqa’s pillows are here, too. I keep them with me wherever I go.” She drew away from him slowly and Simon reluctantly let her go. Had he pushed her too far? He hoped not. Her walls would go up again, and he’d lose the progress he’d made.

And something else lingered in his subconscious. Another fear he couldn’t identify or name, that burrowed through the center of his new knowledge of her life, threatening to completely overshadow his elation over their new connection.

Reaching over, she pulled forward a lumpy purple sack, a small, thin blue pillow, another stone encased in green fabric, and a roll of yellow fabric. She clutched them to her chest, forest-green and mint eyes clouded with uncertainty and fear, like a child clinging to a stuffed animal for comfort.

Or like she would give her life to protect them.

Simon’s breath left him in a rush. She had tried to give her life to protect their owners.

And he had been their owners. Again and again. She’d loved him before in different forms, as different people. His insides clenched with that unnamed fear.

He sat up to be level with her as she clung to her treasures and buried her face in her mini-hoard, the pillows muffling her voice.

“I still miss them. When I come here, I’m surrounded by friends. People who knew me and liked me. But they’re all ghosts. Sometimes, I try not to come here. But it’s like a drug, and I can’t help myself.” She lifted her head, and though she smiled, her eyes shone with tears. “Now, though, it’s different.” Setting aside her small trove of pillows, she stood and retrieved another from a shelf behind Simon’s head.

Simon’s thoughts ground to a halt as he caught sight of a deep red pillowcase covering a very comfortable-looking pillow. “Is that my pillow ? You stole my pillow?”

A hint of color tinged her cheeks, the edges of her mouth quirking into a shy smile. “Habit.”

It’s a habit.

That word hit him harder than the bullet had, illuminating the ugly fear he hadn’t been able to name.

Until he’d been shot, Lilis hadn’t considered him any different than her other lovers. And she hadn’t been given a choice of whether to mate with him or not.

She’d been forced to in order to save his life.

He shoved off the floor, needing some distance. From Lilis, from his thoughts, from his guilt. She hadn’t chosen him over the others.

She’d just gotten sick of losing him.

“Simon?” Lilis rose slowly but didn’t try to touch him.

He couldn’t tell her. It would guilt her into lying. But after the roller coaster of a morning, he couldn’t hold it in either. He deflated, shoulders sagging under the weight of… everything. “I’m sorry.”

Lilis frowned, her brow furrowing. “For what?”

“I took away your choice.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was dying, Lilis. And you saved my life. I don’t want you to be stuck with me because of it.”

“ What? ”

“Whatever you’re waiting for, whatever version of me you wanted?—”

She cut him off with a kiss. Her lips were soft, and her tongue danced briefly with his. She tasted like citrus and heaven. “Do you trust me?”

“I’m not asking you for reassurances. I just want?—”

“Let me rephrase.” Lilis rolled her eyes and grinned at him. “Shut up and trust me for two minutes.”

Simon quirked an eyebrow, and some of his tension eased with her snarky Patient Twelve attitude.

She closed her eyes, and her face scrunched with concentration. “Take deep breaths and try to relax.”

Simon did as she asked.

In his mind’s eye, the glowing ribbon appeared again, connecting the two of them, heart to heart. It shone with a brilliance that made him want to shield his eyes, but he couldn’t turn away from the image behind his lids.

The ribbon pulsed once.

And emotions flooded him.

Eons of crippling loneliness and pain, a fortress built on anger and solitude. And an image of himself materializing through the darkness, surrounded by fear. Lilis’ fear. That he might die, leaving her alone again in the dark void from which she might never recover. Her fears of inadequacy and guilt over her inability to save her prior loves and the terror that it would happen again to him.

Worst of all was the worry that Simon might only care for her because his previous selves loved her. That given the opportunity to be free of his past, he wouldn’t want her at all.

These are Lilis’ thoughts and memories. Her feelings. God, how can she think this?

The images changed to include her by his side and warmth suffused Simon. Love, hope, and happiness—springing from a limitless well.

He swallowed as the impressions paled and swirled, making him lightheaded?—

Everything withdrew with a snap , and Simon’s knees buckled.

“I told you to breathe deeply ,” Lilis chided as she caught him. “Not hold your breath.” She panted as she maneuvered him to sit on a small mound of pillows.

Simon wheezed as his vision cleared. “What—” He coughed. “What was that?”

Lilis dropped her chin to her chest and drew a line into the flesh of her upper thigh. A distraction, a means of focus, he guessed. She seemed to breathe in and out each time she retraced the line, scoring a red mark onto her skin. “I’m as much an animal as I am a human. Sometimes more. Scents, touches, and feelings mean the most to me.”

“You’re gonna have to draw me pictures to explain what just happened. How can I just… feel what you feel? Felt?” Simon didn’t even know how to describe the experience he’d shared with her. He shifted, trying to slide off the little heap she’d made for him. He really didn’t feel great about sitting on her treasure trove.

But Lilis kept a firm hand on his shoulder. She squeezed. “Feel that?”

He nodded.

“Now you feel me.” She let go. “Now you don’t. Our bond is designed to help creatures with an animal side communicate and share with one another. If you were a dragon, it would work basically like my hand on your shoulder, like a metaphysical touch any time I want.”

“But since I’m a mere mortal and not as great as the ancient?—”

“Yeah, yeah. No need to be dramatic.” She wrapped her arms around her ribcage. “I’m worried if I open our bond too much, let one of my hands out too far, I’ll accidentally punch you in the throat. Metaphorically speaking.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna live your life with your hands tucked into your armpits?” Simon reached for one of her hands and slipped his fingers through hers. He tried to move again.

“No, I’m going to let the bond out a little bit at a time, kinda like I just did. And would you stop with that? Sit still. I think I overdid it a few minutes ago, and I don’t need you passing out on me.”

“My ass is on your ghost friends’ faces.”

She flattened her mouth, giving him a droll stare, and god, he loved every bit of it, from the slight purse of her red lips to her confidence and sarcasm. As long as he lived—however long that might be now that he and Lilis were connected—he would never get enough of this woman and her fiery spirit.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you gonna fart?”

“No.”

“Then relax. They bring me comfort, and they can do that for you, too.” She offered him a rare, genuine smile. “I’m not good with words. Or people. But I want you to know that I choose you. You , Simon.”

“How could you possibly know after so little time?”

Lilis shrugged. “Because you don’t just demand my strength from me. You demand my weakness, too. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

Tugging her by the hand, Simon drew her into his arms. He needed her. And apparently, she needed him, too. His fierce dragon woman. His Lilis. “Thank you.”

Such a simple gesture of gratitude wasn’t nearly enough to express everything he was feeling. But for once, words failed him. He squeezed her tightly, trying to convey the rest through actions and physical touch.

She seemed to understand anyway and nuzzled him. “Me too.”

Her warm breath on his neck reminded Simon of why they’d come there to begin with. He laughed. “So, in addition to sharing emotions, mates share a need for other physical ‘bonding,’ right? Are you gonna be able to warn me next time?”

She groaned. “I didn’t have a chance to explain what would happen. Demons get very… possessive about their mates. Not just dragons. All of us. We need time alone to reinforce our relationship through our bond.”

Simon laughed harder. “And through certain activities.”

She pinched his back. “I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“I’m still not.”

“Lucky for us, I didn’t freak you out.”

Simon blew out a breath. “Actually, we’ve got Kas to thank for that. He gave me the Cliff Notes version of what you were going through.”

“That asshole has no idea what I’m going through,” Lilis spat. “He can’t possibly?—”

“He has demon friends. And everything he told me has been accurate so far.”

Lilis tensed. “You got between us. What the hell were you thinking?”

“You would never hurt me, Lilis. I trust you.”

“Not me . Him ! The things he said!” She shoved away from him, but this time, Simon didn’t let her go. “He?—”

“Promised not to hurt us as long as we don’t hurt him,” Simon finished for her, brushing a stray lock of her onyx hair back from her face. “Remember?”

“Never trust endirim, Simon. They will destroy you the first chance they get.” She settled back into his embrace.

Simon held her close, trying to absorb her fear and her past hurts. “We may need to trust him, Lilis. That poison that’s been affecting you? He’s been trying to get rid of it.”

“Oh really? And how’s all the ‘trying’ going? Not having a ton of success, is he?”

“No. But he said he’s hoping with our help he can eliminate it entirely.”