27. Seth

Chapter Twenty-Seven

SETH

Aiden's eyes were turbulent, filled with a mix of hurt and anger that hit Seth like a hammer to the heart. His shoulders were tense, and his jaw was set in a line so hard it looked like it might shatter. As Seth stared at him, backlit by sunglow, he saw more than the man Aiden had become—he saw the boy he had once been. He heard the echo of Aiden's infectious laughter, remembered the sparkle in his hopeful grin, and couldn't bring himself to regret his decisions. Aiden had his heart; he'd always had his heart, and Seth would do anything to shield him from pain.

He'd have gone to his grave with this secret if he could. The truth was going to break Aiden's heart.

Seth took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the familiar, calming scents of his childhood, but the knot in his stomach only tightened when he met Aiden's gaze. The intensity in those blue eyes made his heart stutter.

"I…" Seth began, but the words stuck in his throat. He looked away, hoping for a moment to gather his thoughts, but Aiden was impatient as always.

"Say it," Aiden demanded, his voice low and quavering. "Tell me the truth, Seth."

"I don't know what you think you overheard, but this isn't the place to have it out," Seth rasped, trying to buy time to arrange his scrambled thoughts. He'd never imagined having this conversation, so he'd never bothered to plan the best way to go about it. He needed time.

Aiden's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Now."

"Aiden, it isn't what it sounded like—" Seth approached him like a skittish colt, reaching for his arm, but Aiden swatted him away viciously.

"Stop lying to me!" Aiden's shout echoed across the barn. His chest was heaving. He was panting for breath, as worked up as Seth had ever seen him, with a flush seeping up his neck and darkening his complexion. The color made his eyes glitter so brightly that Seth wondered how he'd survive the frostbite. "What did Tessa mean when she said you were protecting me? You're the one who mixed the feed that night. I was out cold… wasn't I?"

The hope in his voice tore at Seth's conscience. His heart pounded, a heavy, relentless thud that seemed to echo in the quiet barn. He couldn't escape it.

"No, baby," Seth whispered, more agonized at that moment than Aiden could ever be. "You didn't pass out. Not right away."

Aiden pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't…I don't remember anything from that night. I've tried so many times to pull something up, but there's nothing . Just a blank, and maybe something that seemed like a dream when I thought you kissed me."

"You didn't dream it," Seth said tightly. Aiden's expression was contorted, and Seth ached to reach for him, to hold him through the worst of the pain, but he knew any gesture would be rejected. Aiden wasn't only hurt and confused—he was furious. "I kissed you, but I shouldn't have. You were drunk and upset and so goddamn young. I felt like a creep, so I left you there in the barn and went for a walk to cool off."

He could almost feel the weight of that night pressing down on him again. The air inside the barn had been dry and suffocatingly hot, and the meager breeze riffling the grass in the north pasture wasn't much better. The sky was a deep, inky black, dotted with stars that seemed too bright and close. Newly hatched frogs croaked from the irrigation ditch, rattling through Seth's feverish brain as he walked aimlessly.

He felt like he was going crazy. Guilt gnawed at him, chasing the booze through his blood. No matter how fast he walked, he couldn't escape the lingering taste of Aiden's lips. He ached to go back, climb on top of Aiden as he lay there, shirtless and gleaming with sweat on a horse blanket they'd tossed into the hay, and finish what he'd started. But he couldn't—he couldn't. Not when he remembered the way Aiden had looked up at him, eyes glazed and cheeks flushed with alcohol. His blond curls had clung damply to his forehead when he'd looked up at Seth and slurred brokenly, "Why does everything feel so wrong?"

Seth had knelt beside him, heart aching, and brushed Aiden's damp cheeks with his thumbs. "It's gonna be okay," he'd whispered. "I'm here."

The pull between them was strong. So strong. Seth wasn't even aware he'd leaned down until their lips touched. The kiss was soft and tentative at first, but then Aiden drunkenly kissed him back. His lips were clumsy but eager as Seth pressed him onto his back and delved deep into his mouth. For one brief, blissful moment, everything felt right. But it wasn't what Aiden needed, so it was wrong. Reality crashed over Seth. He'd pulled away abruptly, filled with guilt and self-loathing, and then he'd left Aiden sprawled on the blanket and stumbled into the oppressive heat of the night.

He'd walked until his legs ached, until the first light of dawn began to creep over the horizon, and when he'd finally made his way back to the barn, he'd discovered that, even in his stupor, Aiden had single-handedly tackled all the morning chores. The stalls were mucked, the horses released into the fields, and the cattle's feed troughs were already filled.

Trying so hard to prove himself, like always.

"You were always worried about pulling your own weight," Seth said hoarsely. "Even when you were drunk off your ass, you still remembered to feed the animals. You just forgot the ratio for the new supplement. It could've happened to anyone."

Aiden stared at him, ashen with horror, and whispered, "I'm the one who poisoned the herd?"

Seth swallowed but couldn't get the bitter taste of regret off his tongue. "You were trying to do the right thing, Aiden."

A horrible silence stretched between them, the kind that felt like it pulled at the seams of reality and made every second into its own terrible eternity. Aiden's jaw tightened. His eyes were brimming with a deep, simmering anger. "I always thought it was a strange mistake for you to make," he whispered in a low voice. "You were the perfect cowboy. You never made mistakes, and you never drank so much you'd do something stupid. Not like me."

"You were just a kid," Seth said, hoping the firmness in his tone would convince Aiden even if his words failed. "I didn't want to see you hurting more than you already were. You'd just started to get your life on track and make a name for yourself. If it had gotten out that you made a mistake like that, your future in this town would have been ruined. No one would hire you. You'd have spent the rest of your life working at the fill station."

"I could have worked with you!" Aiden cried. "It was all I wanted!"

"The Double Jay was bankrupt, Aiden," Seth said harshly, grabbing his shoulders and giving him a hard shake. "There wasn't anything for you here."

"You were here, you asshole!" Aiden planted his hands flat on Seth's chest and shoved with all his might. "This was the first place that ever felt like a real home to me. You had to know that was all I ever wanted."

"I was a mess, Aiden!" Seth yelled. "I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to keep the ranch after Dad passed. I had a little girl to raise with no money and no reputation, and you…you had your whole future ahead of you."

"Some future," Aiden said, laughing grimly as he stared down at his boots. His lips were trembling faintly, but he tightened them into a firm line, clamping down on his emotions. But he couldn't hide his pain from Seth; it was etched across every line of his face. Seth desperately longed to hold him, to comfort him, to somehow try to make things right.

"I didn't want you to carry that burden," he said quietly.

Aiden's head came up with a jerk. "So, you lied to me?" he asked, eyes blazing. "You ruined your life, Seth! You treated me like a fucking idiot!"

Seth wanted to defend himself but couldn't, and he hated it. "I was older than you, Aiden. I could take it."

"And I couldn't? Is that it?" Aiden's tone was venomous. "You really think so little of me?"

A hot spark lit up Seth's chest. "Stop twisting my words," he warned. "It's normal to protect someone you love."

Aiden's laughter was loud and bitter. "Protecting me?" he asked incredulously. "You know, I've heard that all my life? From you—from mom. You weren't protecting me, Seth . You just didn't trust me enough to handle the truth!"

Aiden's hurt was bleeding out of him, and Seth couldn't take it. He reached for Aiden with a trembling hand. "Baby, please listen?—"

"Don't touch me," Aiden snarled, stumbling back. "You don't get to play hero anymore, dammit. You let everyone think you were a failure! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel now? Knowing that it was me who ruined you?"

Seth's throat tightened with guilt. "You were just a kid."

"A kid?" Aiden hissed. "Even if that was true, it sure ain't true anymore. You should've told me. I deserved that. What kind of man am I if I can't even own up to my mistakes? You took that away from me."

It felt like the barn was shrinking around them. The walls were closing in. Seth's heart pounded, and his palms began to sweat. He didn't think he'd ever felt so ashamed, not even when he'd looked his father in the eye and lied about what happened that night. "What good would it have done to tear open that scar after all this time?" he asked helplessly. "I didn't make those sacrifices just for you to suffer for it anyway. You didn't deserve that kind of guilt."

"What about you?" Aiden's voice broke, spilling over with raw emotion. "You took everything on your shoulders and pushed me away! You should have trusted me, Seth. You should have given me a chance to handle it."

"I'm sorry," Seth whispered. "I never meant to hurt you."

Aiden's lips twitched, but it wasn't a smile. He closed his eyes and shook his head, his expression filled with deep sorrow. "You don't understand, Seth. I've been fighting with myself all my life, trying to be something more than just a screw-up. But…deep down, I've always known what I am. I just thought…I thought maybe you saw me as something more."

A lump rose in Seth's throat, impossible to swallow no matter how many times he tried. He reached out, clasping Aiden's face in his hands and forcing him to meet his eyes. "I've never seen you as a screw-up, Aiden," he said fiercely. "I've always believed in you."

Aiden's laughter was a weak puff of breath. "I wish I could believe that."

"I love you," Seth said desperately.

The silence that followed was heavy. Aiden's expression twisted, and he closed his eyes, breathing like a wounded animal. Seth had never seen him so broken.

"How can that be true?" Aiden asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. "How could I ever believe it now?"

Aiden was loud, vivacious, and expressive by nature. Seth had never seen him shut down like this, and it terrified him. A deep sense of loss began to creep through him, drying his mouth and filling him with so much grief and fear that he couldn't speak.

Without meeting Seth's eyes, Aiden reached up to cover Seth's hands with his own and remove them from his skin. Then he turned and walked away…breaking Seth's heart with every step.