Prologue

Eric

The scream ripped through the silent apartment, making Eric Smith jerk up in bed. He no longer reached for his weapon when this happened. Rolling off the mattress, Eric pulled on a pair of sweatpants from a chair in the corner of his bedroom and grabbed his phone before striding across the room. Making a snap decision, he grabbed the other item that had been sitting on his nightstand.

Eric opened the door before moving to the bedroom across from his. "Brandon?" He knocked softly. When he didn't get an answer, Eric turned the knob and pushed open the door. He turned on the flashlight from his phone, shining it around and peering inside the room to the king-size bed, but it was empty.

Eric kept his sigh inside as he made the short trip to where the closet door was cracked open. Sliding down the wall next to the door, Eric set the phone on the floor so it would shine inside the closet.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

There was sniffling. "I'm sorry."

"No," Eric said quietly. "You have nothing to apologize for."

There was silence for so long that Eric almost thought his brother had fallen asleep. It that was the case, Eric didn't want to be the one that woke Brandon again. Not if he was getting actual sleep this time.??Even if that sleep came inside a closet.

"It…it has been a while since I had a nightmare," Brandon said softly.

"I know. Remember Rebecca did say that this could happen with you returning to work, even if it's only a few shifts every couple of weeks," Eric pointed out. Getting both he and his brother into therapy had been one of the best decisions that Eric had ever made. The therapy was hard, but Eric could see progress not only for Brandon, but Eric benefited as well. Rebecca not only understood the dynamic that Brandon needed but had helped Eric work out his concerns too.

"She did," Brandon agreed.

"Did something happen at work?" Eric questioned. The undercover work Eric was currently doing for the Metro narcotics division added extra hours and he hadn't been around as much for his brother. He hadn't wanted Brandon to go back to work already but Brandon had claimed he was ready.

"No," Brandon said quickly. "I had a great first week."

Eric wished he could push the closet door open so he could see his brother's face, but Rebecca had told Eric to allow Brandon his safe spaces. While Eric wouldn't have chosen to be stuck in such a small space, it seemed to be what Brandon needed.

The feeling of failure when it came to his brother threatened to overwhelm him. Eric had tried to be a good role model, providing what they had needed growing up. He'd wanted Brandon to be able to take on the world with his sassy attitude and kind heart. Brandon reminded Eric of a ghost of his former self.

"I don't want to be broken anymore." Brandon's voice shook as he spoke.

"You are not broken," Eric said firmly. He hated hearing Brandon talk that way about himself.

Brandon snorted. "I think we both know that's not true."

"I disagree," Eric argued. "I know you don't like it when I say it but you're a survivor. I am so fucking proud of you. You could have given up and no one would have blamed you. I sure the hell wouldn't have. Instead, you've been rebuilding your life."

"It's hard."

Eric clenched his fists. He wanted to hold his little brother and promise that everything would be okay. Their therapist, Rebecca, had warned Eric not to do that. He looked down on what he was holding.??Little things that called to his brother's little side helped recreate the bond that had been broken between them.

"I know it's hard, but you are doing so good," Eric said, like he just remembered. "Hey! I have something for you."

"I…I don't want to leave…the closet yet." Brandon sniffled again.

"You don't have to," Eric said quickly. He placed the little stuffed dog in the small crack between the door and frame. "I saw Dane today. He gave me something for you." He pushed the stuffed dog farther into the closet, forcing the door to creak open farther.

"That's for me?" Brandon reached out, quickly grabbing the stuffed animal before his hand disappeared again.

"Yes. Dane said that it looks just like the dog he's training with, and he wanted you to have it." There had been many changes in Eric's life since his brother had come to live with him. Leaving the small team that he'd worked narcotics with for the last decade was just one of the major changes. Eric had been moved to work in more of an undercover role, Dane was training to become a K-9 officer, and Remi had been promoted as the new lieutenant of their division.

Eric wasn't big on changes but in the last six months he'd been forced to adjust.

First, he'd moved out of his small studio apartment and bought a house. He wanted to make sure that Brandon knew that he would always have a safe space to live. His team had taken a major drug trafficking gang off the streets, leading to promotions for all of them. His life looked nearly picture-perfect from the outside but looks could be deceiving. Sitting in a dark room, hardwood floor digging into his ass, was proof not everything was roses in his life.

"What's Dane's dog's name?" Brandon asked, drawing Eric's attention from his own thoughts.

"Maverick. He's a tan and black Belgian Malinois. He's two years old and Dane thinks the dog might be smarter than him," Eric shared.

Brandon giggled.

Fuck! It did Eric's heart some good to hear that sound. "Dane has another two weeks of training and then he'll be back full-time with our department."

"Does that mean that you'll be working together again?"

He sighed. "No. We'll still see each other since we work in the same department, but we won't be on the same team. He is still one of my best friends." Dane only lived a couple blocks from them and was at their house more than his own anyway. "He'll still be around."

Eric suspected that Brandon had a small crush on the rough cop. He would have worried about the two of them, but Dane was his best friend for a reason. He might look like an extra from some biker show but he had a heart of gold. Dane also had his own trust issues when it came to dating so Eric wasn't sure if anything would come from Brandon's crush anyway.

"He hasn't been visiting much," Brandon said. "Is it because of me?"

"No," Eric rushed to assure his brother. "The K-9 training is intense and he had to stay at the facilities where they train the dogs. He's come back a few times but not for more than a night. He'll be back in a couple weeks and then we probably won't be able to get rid of him."

Brandon hummed. "I'd like to meet his dog."

"Now remember," Eric teased, "Maverick is a highly trained police dog. You'll need to limit your cuddles to only like a hundred a day."

This time Brandon's laugh was heart-filled. "I'll try."

"Do you want me to stay here with you or maybe you want to sleep in my bed?" Eric asked.

"I don't want to be a bother," Brandon said quietly.

"You are never a bother. It'll be you that has to deal with my snoring." Eric wasn't even kidding. He'd been kicked out of plenty beds by past partners.

"I don't mind the snoring," Brandon replied. There was amusement in his voice. "It reminds me that I'm not alone."

"Good. Because I'm pretty sure you're going to have to help me off this floor. I'm getting old."

"I don't think it's so much your age but your lifestyle," Brandon told him.

"Hey!" Eric argued. "There is nothing wrong with my lifestyle."

Luckily, the door opened, giving Eric a good look at his baby brother. Brandon had his dark blue comforter over his head as he crawled out of the closet. He appeared tired but better than Eric had expected after being woken up by screaming.

"Hi." Eric grinned at his brother.

Brandon shook his head before he rose. He still clutched the stuffed dog in one hand but offered Eric his other. "Hi."

Eric allowed his brother to pull him up. Okay, Brandon tugged but Eric did get to his feet. He swung his arm around Brandon's shoulders before drawing Brandon out of his room. "Now what's this about my lifestyle? I'm a cop. I make good life decisions."

"You eat fast food every day. Three meals a day if I'm not here to cook for you. The only reason you run in the morning is so you can chase someone down. And you have terrible taste in beer."

Six months ago, Brandon wouldn't have teased him like this. Even one month ago Brandon might have tried but would have become nervous that Eric would get mad and run away. These little glimmers of Brandon's old personality made every moment worth fighting for.

Reaching his own bedroom, Eric gave Brandon a quick squeeze before he moved to the left side of the bed. This wasn't the first time that Eric had put his brother into his bed to keep the nightmares away.

The trauma of Brandon's boyfriend slash Daddy nearly killing him would be with both Eric and Brandon for the rest of their lives. Eric pulled down his comforter and waited until Brandon climbed onto the right side of the mattress. Eric climbed in next to him before pulling the covers back up. Eric worried that his brother would get overheated with his own comforter and then Eric's on top, but Brandon normally shivered after nightmares anyway.

Scooting close enough to be within reaching distance, Eric whispered, "Hold or no hold?" He respected Brandon's boundaries above all else. After having his choices taken away by that monster, Brandon would never face that again.

"Hold, please." Brandon even wiggled closer.

Eric smiled as he threw one arm around Brandon's back and cuddled his brother to his chest.

Brandon sighed, tucking his head under Eric's chin. He still had the stuffed dog in one hand while his other thumb hovered by his mouth. "Is this weird?"

"Of course not," Eric assured him. Maybe other brothers didn't quite cuddle the way they did but Eric would take out anyone who ever made Brandon feel bad for needing this. Hell, Eric sometimes did as well.

"People might think so. Brothers shouldn't sleep in the same bed."

"Fuck what other people think," Eric stated firmly. "There is nothing wrong in snuggling together. It's not sexual. It's about comfort for both of us."

"Promise?" Brandon asked. A huge yawn broke out.

"I swear. I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about us. We're family." The only blood family that mattered. Their family of choice was made up of a small but amazing circle of men.

"K." Brandon slipped his thumb into his mouth as he closed his eyes.

Lying still and quiet, Eric listened as Brandon's breathing evened out and he fell back asleep.

As close as the two of them were now, there had been several years where Brandon had hidden the little part of himself. Not being comfortable sharing his age regression with Eric had kept the two of them apart. Eric had lost himself in work to bury the hurt of his brother's distance. Brandon had dated men that hadn't been kind. The last asshole could have killed him. It had taken hours and hours with speaking to their therapist and working out where they had both made mistakes.

Each day was a struggle for both of them. Brandon's PTSD could strike at any moment. Eric's guilt and anger manifested too often. He still saw that they were both healing and improving. They'd never forget but they would get better.

Knowing he had another long day and night in his undercover assignment, Eric forced his eyes closed. He needed to get to sleep. As soon as this job was over, he hoped he could talk Brandon into taking a small little vacation.

They needed to get back to living.

He had a job to do and that meant he had to be on top of things. No matter what happened in his personal hours. Even with everything that had happened and the changes that they'd been through, Eric couldn't, wouldn't, complain about how his life was turning out.

He was fulfilled taking care of his brother.

This new side of him came as a shock to himself. Eric had never considered himself a caregiver. Now, even outside the house, Eric was spotting small ways that he wanted to care for those around him.

His friends, those nosy assholes, were very fond of teasing Eric about finding his Daddy side. Kink hadn't been something that they discussed before visiting Rocky Lake for an assignment. Since they'd returned, Eric wasn't the only one that had started looking into alternative lifestyles.

Who knew that they all could learn new things about themselves in their forties? Damn, life was more interesting than Eric could have ever imagined.