20. Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

RILEY

I pulled my car next to the curb outside Justin's house and put it in park. I had to admit, it was nice having my own vehicle with me. Instead of flying back, we ended up driving my car the fifteen hours from Minneapolis to Oakville so I would have access to my own vehicle.

Both Colton and Justin had offered to let me drive their trucks or even to buy me a car down here but that was a bit much when I had a perfectly functioning min-suv. The drive ended up taking three days because we turned it into the ultimate road trip but it had been amazing. We talked and sang along to songs on the radio and stopped at weird roadside attractions. It had been the perfect way to find a balance among the three of us and have some of those early conversations we needed to do if this was going to work. We agreed to individual and group dates and tonight was my individual date with Justin. He was cooking my dinner at his place and it would be the first time we had hung out one on one. I was equal parts excited and nervous .

From the moment I met him, I had thought Justin was attractive. But now it was like having permission to acknowledge that and knowing he liked me back… it was like a middle school girl with a crush for the first time. You can do this , I gave myself a mental pep talk. Be cool .

I opened my car door just as the door next to Justin's opened. An older woman who looked like every grandmother you saw in the movies moved shakily outside, a bright purple watering can clenched tightly in one hand.

"Hello dear, are you lost?" She frowned quizzically at me. "I haven't seen you around before."

"Uh, no ma'am, I'm actually here for Justin. I'm a– friend." We weren't trying to hide our relationship but we agreed we wouldn't try to make it public for at least a few weeks to give us that time for ourselves.

A wide smile bloomed on her face like the sunflowers she had growing along the front of her side of the house. "Oh, that's wonderful, dear. Justin's such a fine young man. Takes good care of me like he was one of my own."

Justin's door opened and the man himself stepped out. "Beverly," he greeted with a fond smile. "I see you've met Riley."

"Oh yes," Beverly waggled her eyebrows at him. "I've met your friend ."

I blushed, my cheeks feeling like they were on fire as Justin smirked at me. "Is it okay if I steal her inside? You can tell her my embarrassing stories later but dinner is almost done."

"I suppose if you must," the older woman sniffed but her eyes twinkled. She seemed like the warm grandmotherly type and the wrinkles around her eyes pointed towards years of laughter.

"Thank you," Justin kissed her cheek. "I'll help you with the garden this weekend, okay?"

"You're such a good boy." Beverly patted his cheek and it was Justin's turn to have red cheeks. "He's like a grandson to me," she told me. I didn't miss the shadows that danced in Justin's eyes at her words.

I walked up the steps and accepted the hand he held out for me. "It was so nice meeting you," I said politely. "I can't wait to hear those stories." I gave her a conspiratorial wink and she laughed.

"Oh I like you. You stop by anytime and we'll have tea and I'll tell you all about him."

"I'll take you up on that."

"Now you two get to your dinner, and remember, I take my hearing aids out at eight."

I choked on my breath and Justin groaned while Beverly just cackled and turned to water her flowers.

"Sorry about that," Justin said as he closed the door behind us.

"Don't be, she seemed sweet."

"She really is. She kind of adopted me when I moved in. Her kids don't visit much as they've all moved away so I try to keep an eye on her."

"That's very sweet," I smiled at him.

There was a faint dusting of red on his cheeks still and I had a feeling Justin wasn't used to accepting any kind of compliments.

A timer dinged from the kitchen. "Let me get that."

I followed him through the archway on our right to the small kitchen. The front door opened into a large room with a small table and chairs set with two place settings was pushed against the front window. A couch sat against the left wall with a large TV hung on the wall opposite it. There was a door to the right of the TV that must be a bathroom and a door on the back wall that must lead to the bedroom.

When I stepped into the kitchen, an array of delicious smells hit my nose. Justin was bent over, pulling what appeared to be garlic bread out of the oven. I shamelessly checked out his ass in his dark jeans and when he straightened I quickly averted my eyes.

"That smells amazing," I complimented.

"Thanks. It's actually Beverly's recipe. "

"You two seem close," I remarked, leaning against the counter.

"We are. I moved here right after college so we've been neighbors for years. She's lived in this town her whole life but she didn't hesitate to take me under her wing and treat me like her own."

What would that be like. I wasn't close to my own grandparents. My dad's parents had passed away when I was little and my mom's had their own ideas of how their kids were supposed to be and let's just say that being the family disappointment apparently ran in the family. Sometimes I could empathize with my mom because I could see how trauma was passed down but we all had choices on whether we put in the work to break it. And most people found it easier to just keep living in it.

"It must be nice to have someone like that in your life." I said softly.

Justin paused in plating up what looked like chicken fettuccine alfredo and looked at me with unreadable eyes before they softened. "It is."

He placed a thick slice of garlic bread on each plate and motioned for me to sit. He set the plates down at the small table and returned into the kitchen to grab two glasses of water.

"I didn't really know what that was like growing up," he said after we both started eating. "My mom was kind, but my dad was determined to beat that kindness out of her either through verbal or physical abuse. He was a bastard through and through. He wasn't a drunk although I've often wondered if it would be better if he was. Maybe he would be less coordinated."

I stayed quiet, pressing my leg against his under the table in silent comfort as he twirled a piece of pasta around his fork, lost in thought. "He was a former Marine and had met my mom when he was stationed in Japan. He brought her back with him to this small town when he got out and proceeded to make her life hell. When he would leave for trips, she used to teach me about her culture and make me traditional Japanese food because he used to say he hated the smell of anything she cooked. "

He paused and I asked quietly. "You said she left?" I asked quietly. Justin's dad did not seem like the type of man who would have taken that well and I was getting a sickening feeling at the picture Justin was painting of his childhood. Part of my writing process was research where I had to get in the mind of not only my lead characters but also the villains and monsters they were chasing. The pattern of behavior that Justin was describing about his dad was one that I had seen countless times before. And it never ended well.

Justin nodded, staring out the window with unseeing eyes. "One day I came home from school and she was just gone. It's one of the only times I've seen my dad drunk. He was furious, shouting and waving a note around that she had left saying she couldn't take it anymore and left."

He paused and shook his head, letting out a humorless chuckle. "I didn't blame her for leaving him. But I couldn't understand why she left me with him. I've made peace with it now. Momma A told me that sometimes when you're in survival mode like that, you can only see one way out and she took it but…"

He trailed off and I placed a hand on his arm. He smiled but there was no warmth in it. "Anyways, that was why I pushed Colton away in college. I was– am still terrified of becoming like my dad and I didn't want to risk hurting him."

"Hey," I said softly. "You are not like your father. Anyone with two eyes can see that."

"I'm like him a little bit because I hurt Colton by staying away too and I'm terrified I'll hurt you too."

My heart ached for Justin, both the man he was now and the little boy he had been. Our plates are mostly empty so I don't hesitate to push back from the table and settle in Justin's lap. "The only way you'll hurt us is by not talking to us or leaving," I said. "Anyone can tell you that you are not your father. We are not our parents. We get to make our own choices about the people we want to be."

I cradled his cheek, willing him to hear me and after a second, his body relaxed and he pulled me closer. I held him, ignoring the way his body shuddered as he fought to compose himself. I couldn't imagine what it had been like growing up in that household, the scars that it left. And I understood the fear about becoming our parents. But even though I hadn't known Justin long, I knew he wasn't like his dad. But I also understood why he had pushed Colton away too. Where was his mom now? Did he ever find her? It sounded like he didn't.

Justin leaned back and kissed my forehead. "Thank you," he said. "You stay here, I'm going to clean up."

I knew he probably wanted a moment to regain his composure so I sat in my chair while he cleaned up. Biting my lip, I glanced towards the kitchen. Justin's back was to me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and pulled up my email. From my years of book research, I cultivated a network of subject matter experts including PIs and federal agents that were willing to fact check my books for me. One of the PIs I knew lived in Tennessee. I fired off a quick email to her with the details that I knew and asked her to track down where Justin's mom ended up. Even if he never wanted to see her again, it might help ease some of the shadows in his eyes if he knew she was safe. I couldn't see her abandoning Justin though so maybe she planned on coming back for him and something prevented her from doing so? Either way, Alyssa was one of the best. If anyone could find her, she could.

I closed out my email and opened my music app. When I was struggling with my family drama, there was a song that I listened to that really helped me. Maybe it would help Justin too. I found the song on my favorite music playlist quickly and turned the volume up as high as it would go.

Entering the kitchen, I pressed play and set my phone on the counter. Justin turned from where he was rinsing off our dishes in the sink. He patted his hands dry on the towel while eyeing me with a furrowed brow as the "Ran in the Family" by Brian Fuller started playing. I held out my hand.

"Dance with me? "

The furrow in his brow stayed there but he accepted my hand and pulled me close, placing his hands on my hips as I wove clasped mine behind his neck.

"What is this?" He asked.

"When I was… struggling with my family, this song really helped me," I said softly as the singer started singing about some habits and behaviors that ran in the family. Justin stiffened as some of the things the singer listed seemed to hit a little close to home, but I ran my fingers through his hair soothingly. We slow-danced in the kitchen, twirling gently as the singer sang about how family trauma ran through the family till it ran into him.

Even though the mood was solemn, I couldn't deny how nice it felt to be pressed against Justin, his arms around me. His brown eyes seemed even darker as I softly sung along to the lyrics about how we can make our own decisions about who we wanted to be. I couldn't break eye contact with him if I tried and I only hoped the song gave him the same amount of healing that it had given me the first time I had heard it.

When the final chorus ended, Justin pulled me closer and I lifted my lips to meet his. He kissed me deeply, his tongue immediately tangling with mine like he was trying to devour me. Heat rose in my stomach as I kissed him back, weaving my fingers in his hair to yank him closer as I took everything he was giving me. He bent his knees and then I was in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist as he started walking. We didn't make it very far out of the kitchen before he was pressing me against the wall, grinding our hips together until I was a shuddering gasping mess. I straight up whined when he pulled away from me and he let out a dark chuckle.

"I've got you," he crooned. "But I have to ask before this goes any further. Is this okay?"

"More than okay," I gasped out, grinding our hips together again, chasing that delicious sensation that had been building inside me.

He groaned and caught my hips, ignoring my muttered protest. " Easy there, sweetheart," he said. "I'll give you what you want but we need to talk about likes, dislikes, and limits first."

A part of me appreciated his need to get my consent before we went any further but an equally large part of me just wanted him to fuck me. But the logical side of my brain perked up at his words. "Talk?"

"Yes." Justin said firmly. "We don't know each other as well as you know Colton and I want to make sure I don't make you uncomfortable."

"What do you like?" His use of the word limits had me intrigued. Was Justin kinky? I dabbled with past partners or one night stands but never experienced it fully. It required a lot of trust and that wasn't something I had with many people. But I wanted it with him.

"I like control," Justin admitted. "Not in a bad way though." He was quick to followup and I cupped his cheek.

"You are not your father," I promised him seriously. "You're a good man and I trust you." I let those words sink in before I continued. "I like the idea of you telling me what to do," I admitted. "Beyond that, I don't have much experience in the kink world. But I trust you and I'll let you know if I don't like something."

Justin closed his eyes briefly, like my words hit him harder than he wanted to let me know. "Okay," he nodded his head. "We'll take it slow."

I groaned and bucked my hips against his. "Or we could not?" I teased.

A laugh escaped from him before he shook his head. "Greedy, sweetheart?"

I swiveled my hips again, enjoying the way his eyes darkened. He pulled me off the wall and walked towards his bedroom. I barely had time to take in the room before he was kissing me again. His fingers tugged at the hem of my shirt and I lifted my arms so he could lift it over my head. Before he could say or do anything, I reached behind me and unclasped my bra.

He arched an eyebrow at me. "Did I say you could do that? "

I smirked at him. I didn't know a lot about the kink world but from what I did know, I was definitely a brat. "What are you going to do about it?"

He raised his eyes to the ceiling like he was praying for patience and I held in my laughter. He needed someone to sass him and break him out of those walls he built around himself. He pushed on my shoulders until I turned towards the bed. "On the bed, hands above your head on the headboard.

It was then I noticed his headboard had convenient slats in it. I looked over my shoulder at him, ready to make a sassy comment about the slats when a sharp smack on my ass had me squeaking instead. The sensation didn't hurt but it did have a slight burning sensation and I decided to do as he said.

I had a moment of self consciousness when I did what Justin said.. With Colton, it was different and while I still had moments of self-doubt, they weren't as bad since we had been together longer. But I shouldn't have worried because as soon as I settled in Justin climbed over me. "Beautiful," he whispered against my lips. "Now, you are going to keep your hands where they are while I explore every inch of this gorgeous body."

"And what happens if I move my hands?" I asked him with a smile.

"If you move your hands, I'm going to turn you over and turn this gorgeous ass red then I'm going to tuck you in without making you come. If you don't move your hands… well, good girls get rewarded."

I squirmed but kept my hands where they were and he smiled. "Good girl."

There were not any two other words that could turn strong, independent women all over the world into puddles faster than those two.

Justin lowered his head to kiss me again and I eagerly opened for him. All too soon, he broke the kiss and feathered kisses across my jaw to my earlobe. He nipped it softly and I gasped, the sensation shooting straight to my clit. Sensations built inside me with each kiss he brushed against my skin. He traced a line down my neck and across my collarbone, finding that special place that always made me gasp faster than any ex-boyfriend ever had.

True to his word, he spent his time exploring every inch of exposed skin. When he got to my nipples, he licked them before blowing on them gently. I bucked my hips but he just dropped his hips onto mine, forcing me to just lie there and take it. I almost would have preferred if he had tied me up. That would have been easier than remembering to keep my hands where they were as he traced his tongue around my belly button. His hands went to the waistband of my shorts and I almost cried out "Finally" in relief.

He eased my shorts down my hips, catching my underwear with his fingers as well until I laid bare before him. I expected him to continue teasing me with barely there touches but the first touch of his mouth to my center was a long lick from my entrance to my clit. A surprised cry fell from my lips. He repeated the action, licking and placing soft nips on the sensitive skin. I could feel my orgasm start to rise inside me, having been at a slow burn already with his teasing. But before I could reach the ledge, he backed off, going back to featherlite touches that drove me crazy but didn't push me over the edge. When he looked up and smirked at me, I realized his game. He was waiting to see if I was going to move my hands. I readjusted my grip on the slats but didn't let go and he lowered his head again.

I might not have moved my hands but I couldn't help the moans and cries that came out of my mouth as he drove me towards the edge again, this time with the help of his fingers. He slid two inside me and curled them, passing over my g-spot with a ruthless precision. But when my legs started to shake again, he backed off, easing me off the cliff. This time when he built me up again, my moans turned to pleas.

"Please," I begged. "Justin, please let me come."

He chuckled, the vibrations against my clit nearly sent me over the edge. He backed off and I whined. "I guess you've been a good girl," he murmured looking up at me.

I opened my mouth to beg again but instead let out a keening cry as he closed his lips around my clit and sucked hard. Two fingers turned into three fingers and I gasped at the stretch. He twisted and curled them inside me until my hips were practically levitating off the bed. I twisted but didn't let go of the headboard. One final nip against my clit had my orgasm roaring through me, crashing into me with a vengeance and intensity that I had never experienced. It only heightened when I heard the rip of a condom wrapper and then Justin slid into me with one deep thrust. I moaned and trembled underneath of him as he fucked me through the most intense orgasm of my life, building me up to throw me off the cliff of the next one.

Sweat coated our bodies and his breath came in short pants as his strokes got harder. Sensations clashed inside me as my body went into overload and I fell over the cliff of the second smaller but no less devastating orgasm. I think I might have even blacked out for a moment as my walls pulsed and clenched around Justin's cock. He groaned into my neck, hips stuttering as he found his own release. I let go of the headboard, my hands stiff from holding onto it for so long and grabbed onto his shoulders to ground myself as the chaotic mix of sensation inside me ebbed.

Every inch of me felt oversensitized as he collapsed on top of me and I whimpered when he shifted and pulled out of me. He dragged himself to the bathroom to deal with the condom and came out with a warm washcloth. He cleaned me up quickly before tucking me under the covers.

"Fuck," I breathed out. "I think you fucked the words out of me."

He laughed, pulling me further into his side until my head laid on his chest, one leg thrown across his body. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should. Fuck ."

He laughed again, his chest rumbling underneath my ear as sleep tugged at my eyelids. When he started rubbing my back with one hand, I sank even further. I felt soft lips brush my forehead.

"Sleep, I'll text Colton and let him know you're staying over."

A flicker of doubt fluttered through me. This is what Colton wanted but still, it was one thing to say it was and another thing to experience it. Justin squeezed the back of my neck gently. "Shhh, it's fine," he murmured. "Next time, he'll be here with us."

I fell asleep to his reassuring words. Hopefully he was right but regardless, it was future Riley's problem to deal with.