16. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

RILEY

M y fingers tapped on my leg in an unconscious rhythm. My other hand was clasped firmly in Colton's as he drove me to the airport. My eyes traced over Colton's strong profile, his hazel eyes on the road as open green fields passed by the windows. We were only a half hour from the airport and I was running out of time.

I knew I was being a chicken about it, wanting to savor our last few hours together but I needed to have this conversation. I swore to myself years ago that I wouldn't be like my family, constantly letting things fester until they exploded and for the most part I did pretty well at that in my relationships and in my professional life. But now I had someone that for the first time maybe ever, I was terrified of losing. And I could finally understand how people could bury problems down in order to keep the peace. Colton made me feel alive and like I was this beautiful goddess of a woman and I selfishly didn't want to lose that. But I also had seen how he and Justin looked at each other and I couldn't be selfish .

You could have both, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Jessica's whispered in my head. Maybe I could. And maybe that would work for a little bit. But there was too much history between Justin and Colton for me to compete with for forever. Even though Colton had said we could create new history last night, he surely didn't mean it like that. Did he?

My brain hurt from thinking so hard and I knew the only way to clear my head was to have this conversation so it was time to woman up.

"Can we talk about something?" I forced the words from my lips before I could chicken out again.

Colton's lips quirked. "I was wondering when you were going to ask. I could practically hear you thinking over here."

My own lips lifted into a smile before I could help it. "I–" I tried to figure out how to start it. Colton squeezed my hand.

"Whatever it is, just talk to me," he reassured me. "That's what we do, right? Talk to each other."

"It is," I said, feeling a little bit like a hypocrite even if I was going to talk about it with him now. "I'm just not sure how to bring it up."

Colton didn't say anything, just let me gather my thoughts and I finally decided to just rip the bandaid off. "I know that Justin is who you had the relationship with in college."

Colton's eyes widened and he looked out the window before answering. "I didn't mean to hide it from you, it's just a sore subject."

"Because you still love him." Colton's eyes flashed to mine before focusing back on the road.

"He's my best friend," Colton said, biting his lip. "Of course I love him."

"That's not what I meant and you know it," I corrected gently. I wasn't mad. From what Jessica said, his past relationships hadn't taken this well. I was about to go in the complete opposite direction. "And I'm not mad about that. I know you're still in love with him. And I know he's still in love with you. "

The silence that stretched out as the air in the car between us hung like molasses. "He doesn't–"

"He does," I said quickly before Colton could deny it. "It's so obvious to everyone but the two of you that you're both hopelessly in love with each other. And that's okay."

"It is?" Colton didn't seem to know what to say or do. He didn't seem surprised by the fact but he did seem… unsure.

"It is." I smiled sadly at him. "You both have so much history together. I'm not upset that you didn't tell me he was the one in college, but now that I've seen you both together, I don't want to come between you. The love you have together is beautiful and you two deserve to explore it."

Colton frowned as he pulled off the freeway onto the exit for the airport. His focus was split between me and the road and I felt bad for bringing this up now. If I wasn't such a chicken we could have had this conversation in the comfort of his house this morning not with the airport looming like a hard deadline in front of us. .

As he turned off into the departures exit, he still didn't look like he knew what to say, his mouth opening and closing as he wove between cars.

"Look, I shouldn't have sprung this on you like this but I didn't want to fly back without saying something. I don't expect an answer from you now or a response or anything. I just want you to think about it. The relationship you two have is beautiful and I just want you to be happy and Justin makes you happy."

"You make me happy too." Colton found his words as he slid the truck into an open spot on the terminal and turned to face me. His hand gripped mine. "You make me happy."

I smiled sadly at him, feeling like my heart was breaking. "I know. You make me happy too. But you have so much history with Justin and you've loved each other for so long. You deserve to explore that."

"He doesn't think– "

"He's not allowed himself to think," I corrected. "And I get where he's coming from. You'll need to be the one to push, but if you think about it, you're already in a relationship even if it's a platonic one right now. Please, just take some time to think about what you really want?"

Colton's eyes were unreadable as he stared at me and I kicked myself for not having this conversation sooner. That nasty little voice whispered inside me Or had it at all . I was the one who was going to end up alone and the only person I could blame was myself. But I meant every word I said to Colton. It was clear that the love between them was strong, they just needed a push. And I couldn't live with myself if I didn't give them that push.

Horns honked around us and Colton squeezed my hand. "Are you breaking up with me?"

My breath hitched and I shook my head, swallowing hard against the lump at my throat and the tears burning in the back of my eyes. "No. But talk to Justin. If I'm right, I'll step aside. The two of you are amazing together and you deserve to be happy."

A horn honked right behind us and Colton swore. "Fuck. I really wish we talked about this sooner."

I choked out a laugh, tears burning in my eyes. "Sorry, that's my fault. I didn't know how to bring it up."

"It's okay," Colton's hand cradling my cheek did nothing to help ease the burn of tears at the back of my eyes.

"I know you have to go, but let me ask you just one question and then we can talk about this later."

I felt my forehead crease. "Sure, what is it?"

"First, let me say that this," he motioned between us, "isn't over. I'll honor your request and talk to Justin but this isn't over between us. You make me happy and I want to keep building what we have between us."

I smiled even as it felt like my heart broke a little more. He said that but I knew once he talked to Justin, he would see what I did. He might want me but it was nothing compared to what he had with Justin.

"Second," Colton continued despite the horn honking behind us again. He hesitated. "Do you still want me? Want this?"

"I do," I choked out. How could I not? "But I think Justin needs you more."

"I think we both need you." Colton's eyes were serious as they stared into mine. "So my question is, do you think there's room in your heart for both of us?"

I froze as he voiced one of my inner thoughts out loud. "I– I don't know Justin that well," I admitted. "But– he seems to be a good guy."

"And he's easy on the eyes too," Colton teased and I laughed as the tension in the car dissipated.

"He is," I admitted.

"Good. Now while I would rather drive you back home, let's get you on a plane before the person behind us loses their mind."

I laughed but it was watery. Colton opened the door and pulled my suitcase out of the back of the truck before walking around to help me out. He wrapped me in a giant bear hug and I clung to him, not willing to let him go just yet. He tilted my chin up and claimed my lips in a short hungry kiss.

"This isn't over," he repeated his words, staring into my eyes. "I'm going to have a conversation with Justin but I don't want you to get on that plane thinking we're over, got it?"

I buried my head in his chest so I didn't have to look him in the eyes. "Got it," I murmured loud enough for him to hear me. He said that now but once he talked to Justin would he feel the same way? His last words in the car gave me hope but I was careful not to let it grow. These two men had a history that I didn't think I could compete with.

But still, that little flame of hope was a stubborn bitch and she flamed brightly in my mind the entire plane ride home. And when I stepped into my cold and empty condo that evening, she stayed strong, even when my heart squeezed. I might have just blown the best thing that ever happened to me but it would be worth it if Colton ended up happy. Or at least that's what I was going to keep telling myself.