Chapter 1

I hadto tell her the truth, and I wish to God I didn’t. The look of shock and despair on Lux’s face will stay with me forever.

She’s staring at me, blinking, her expression blank. It’s like she’s completely checked out, disassociating.

I squeeze her arms and shake her a little. “Lux,” I say, panic clawing up my throat. “Say something.”

She blinks, and I watch her throat move as she swallows like she’s trying to speak. Finally, the words come, grating against her vocal cords. “It has to be a mistake.”

My guys had put out feelers earlier in the week, putting pressure on the police department to give us updates on Bree’s case, which, at that point, was a whole lot of nothing. But when a body matching Bree’s description washed up on the beach this morning, I was the first call Detective Garcia made.

“They’re running DNA samples to be sure,” I say gently, “But there was a distinct butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. It’s her, Lux. I’m so sorry.”

She doesn’t ask any questions, she just shakes her head as tears slide silently down her cheeks. Then she sinks against me, tucking her head against my shoulder, her entire body trembling.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” Detective Garcia says, standing up and moving to the door. “When I come back, I’ll have some questions for you, Ms. Anderson.”

“Thanks,” I say to the detective as I cradle Lux in my arms. I wish I could shield her from the pain I know she’s going to face, but I can’t, and that leaves me feeling helpless, and I’m never helpless. I’m usually in control, so this feeling is foreign as fuck.

And I can’t negotiate with death. It seems impossible, but there are limits to my family’s power and influence, death being the first item on that very short list.

When the door to the conference room clicks shut, the floodgates open, and Lux sobs against my chest, her tears soaking my shirt. I stroke her hair and whisper comforting words, but I know it’s not enough. Nothing will ever be enough to take away the pain of losing a close friend.

We stay like that for…I don’t know how long, until she is so worked up, she can hardly breathe.

“Breathe, Lux,” I whisper against her hair. “Breathe, baby. It’s okay. I’m here.”

It’s all I can give her, and that guts me. I hate hearing her cry like this. I’d do anything to take this pain away from her. I’d give her the last breath in my body if it would take the pain away.

It takes a while, but her tears finally begin to slow and she pulls back to look at me. Her face is wet, and her nose is bright red, but she’s still so beautiful, it makes my chest ache. “Where did they find her?” she asks through sharp intakes of breath.

I don’t know if she’s ready to hear this, but delaying the inevitable isn’t going to do much good, either. If I don’t tell her, Detective Garcia will, and he won’t be delicate about it.

I stoke Lux’s hair as I look into her eyes. “Her body washed up on Pacific Beach this morning. It looks like she was stabbed several times.”

Lux’s eyelids flutter closed, and she nods slowly, absorbing what I just told her. “Isn’t that just down the way from that private beach, where we found her phone?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sure Detective Garcia will want to go over all that with you.”

She opens her eyes, staring through me like she’s struggling to take this all in. And, honestly, I don’t blame her. This is a lot. Then she steps out of my arms, and looks up at me, her expression shifting.

“Who would have done something like that to her?” she asks, suspicion dripping from her tone. She can’t seriously suspect me.

I lower my voice and lean in, so any cameras in the room can’t pick up my voice. “Are you suggesting I had something to do with this?”

She pulls back so she can look me in the eye. “I’ve seen things.”

She’s referring to Tyler, and the violence she saw me inflict. My gaze scans the room, and I see at least two cameras pointed right at us. My gaze shifts back to her. “The answer to your question is no,” I say firmly. “I would never do something like that to you.”

I feel like such a fucking hypocrite saying that, and it’s true, I’ve done things, horrible things, but there would be no reason for me to harm Lux’s friend.

She seems satisfied with my answer because she nods and blows out a breath, her stance softening. “Why her?”

I shake my head, at a loss. “I don’t know, Lux. Sometimes there’s no good reason.”

There’s a sharp knock on the door a second before Garcia cracks the door open. “Hey. My partner and I would like to get statements from you two, so we can let you get back home.”

I nod and guide Lux to the cold, gray conference table. She sits down across from Detective Garcia’s female counterpart and then Garcia takes me to another room to question me separately. Over the next couple of hours, he asks me everything under the sun: when was the last time I saw Bree? Have I heard anyone talking about her? Who do I think could have done this? I’m as helpful as I can be, but I don’t have a lot to contribute.

I’m finished before Lux, but I wait around until she’s done. There’s no way I’m leaving this building without her. It’s another hour before she finally steps out of the conference room looking completely demolished.

Jumping up from the hard plastic waiting-room chair, I wrap my arms around Lux. She practically sinks into my embrace, and after assuring the detective we’ll contact her if we remember anything, I guide Lux out to my car.

She doesn’t fight me as she slides into the passenger seat, and I drive her back to Rush House. I take her straight to my bedroom, remove her clothes, and put her in bed, where she stays for the better part of three days. I comfort her, bring her food, and talk to her professors to get notes for her classes….anything I can do to get her through this.

On the afternoon of the fourth day, I crawl into bed with a bag of hot fries. “I brought you the fries you like from In-N-Out,” I say, pulling one out to hover over her nose.

The last three days have been a crash course in Lux’s likes and dislikes. I’ve learned soups are a no-go, but anything starchy is more likely to interest her. She’ll usually eat a little, at least. Also, root beer. Not water, or tea. Root beer.

She opens her mouth and lets me feed her the french fry, then she turns toward me. “I should probably shower,” she says with a groan.

I lean down and kiss the tip of her nose. “I’ll draw you a hot bath.”

“Thanks,” she says, her voice hoarse. She’s been crying off and on for days, and she’s been talking to Bree’s parents, relatives, and mutual friends. It’s been a whirlwind of shock and grief and I can tell it’s all taken a toll on her.

I pull a few fries out of the bag and put them in a little pile on her chest. The grease will get on the bedsheets, but who gives a fuck at this point? “Eat these while I get your bath ready. There’s root beer on the nightstand next to you.”

As I’m just finishing up the bath, Lux walks in. She’s still wearing the same bra and underwear she was wearing when I brought her home from the police station. I’d stripped her down, and immediately put her to bed, and unless she was using the restroom, that’s where she stayed.

Unabashedly, she unhooks her bra and flings that aside, then she steps out of her panties and into the tub. Her lush body is on full display, and my cock immediately comes to attention.

It’s not the time or the place, but fuck, I’m dying to run my tongue across those rose-pink nipples. I can practically taste her sweet, salty skin.

Clenching my jaw, I kneel next to the tub and reach for a washcloth.

Keep it together, Roman.

She sinks into the hot water with a groan, leaning against the wall of the clawfoot tub. Biting the inside of my mouth, I lather up a washcloth and start washing her legs.

Maybe this wasn’t the greatest idea, because all I can think about is hauling her out of the water, throwing her against the bathroom counter, and fucking her from behind.

The only thing stopping me, to be honest, is the blank, almost numb look on Lux’s face. She’s staring off in the distance, barely even blinking.

“What are you thinking about?” I venture.

It takes a second for her to answer, but when she opens her mouth to speak, she doesn’t even look at me. “No one believed me when I told them Bree was missing when I said something was wrong. I wonder if it would have mattered. Could she have been saved?”

The autopsy isn’t final, and we don’t really know how long Bree had been dead, but Detective Garcia told me confidentially that she’d been in the water for quite some time, most likely since the day Lux noticed her missing.

“There was nothing you could have said or done that would have saved her,” I assure her. “By the time you noticed she was missing, she was likely already gone.”

Lux stifles a sob and nods. “Yeah.”

Gently, I run the washcloth along her stomach, then up her ribcage, and over her shoulder, avoiding her breasts like the fucking plague. I don’t trust myself, and grief or not, every man has his limits.

I wash her hair as gently as I can, rinsing it with a clean cup I grabbed from the bedroom. As I watch the soapy water slide down her chestnut hair, I’m surprised by the ease with which I’ve stepped into the role of her hero, and even more surprised by the fact that it’s a role I want to play.

I’d wonder what the fuck is wrong with me, but the truth is, I’ve known something was twisted up inside me for a while now. Ever since Lux came onto the scene, I’ve been obsessed with her, and not for the reasons I should be. I’ve been drugged by her, and I just can’t seem to get enough.

“Mmm,” she moans, twisting her head, and sitting up a little more. “The water is cold. I think I’m ready to get out.”

Standing, I move to grab a towel off the towel warmer, and then help her stand. Water drips down her porcelain skin, and I clear my throat, fully aroused. That’s all it takes with her. One glimpse of those curves, and I’m ready.

Folding the towel around her, I help her out of the tub. She takes the towel from me, and finishes drying herself, thank God. I honestly don’t know if I can keep it together. It’d be so easy to fuck her raw until we’re both oblivious to anything and everything around us.

“I’ll grab some fresh clothes,” I say, taking a step toward the door, anything to get the hell out of this room where temptation is on full display.

“No,” she says. “Thanks. I’ll go back to bed as is.”

I close my eyes and tilt my head back briefly, gathering all the strength I can muster. “Lux, listen, I can’t sleep next to you like that and not fuck you. I’m trying hard to be understanding, but there’s only so much I can take.”

Honestly, just imagining her naked in my bed has me wondering if I should retreat to the bathroom and rub one out quickly.

To my shock, she drops the towel. “I’d be okay with that.”

I open my mouth to say something, then shut it again. My brain isn’t braining. I have no idea what to say to that, because on the one hand, I want to respect her grief and all that, but on the other hand, my balls are about ready to explode.

“You want to fuck?” I ask, still disbelieving.

She shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”

I can think of a million reasons why not, but I’d be an idiot to voice them, so I don’t. I’ve been desperate to taste a little bit of heaven, and she’s opening the gates and welcoming me in.

Walking up to her, I take in the glory that is her body. Her breasts are large, and beads of water slowly slip down her porcelain skin, wet from her hair.

The pad of my thumb brushes over her nipple, and my cock instantly twitches. It’s shocking how she can do this—something no other girl has done in my life—arouse me to the point of pain within seconds of undressing.

Her throat moves as she swallows, arching her back a little to encourage my touch. As I’m exploring the glory that is her nipple, she reaches down and unzips my pants, fumbling around with my underwear until she curls her fingers around my rigid shaft.

“Mmmmm,” she moans, tugging me gently, but firmly.

I can’t fucking take it. I have to be inside her. Now.

Scooping her up, I walk her over to the bed and fling her onto the mattress. She bounces with a little giggle, and I swear to God, that sound feeds my soul. It feeds me like nothing else ever has.

I pull my shirt over my head, then pull my cock out, cupping the heavy weight in my hand. “You want this?”

Lux rises up onto her elbows, and bites her bottom lip, nodding.

“Say it,” I choke out. “Tell me you want my cock inside you.”

She reaches up and cups her own breast, flicking her pink nipple with her thumb. “I want you, Roman.”

I’m already barefoot, so I shuck my jeans and underwear, then place one knee on the mattress. “Ah, ah. That’s not what I asked you. I asked if you wanted my cock.”

She lifts a brow mischievously. “What if I tell you I don’t?”

Moving onto all fours, I inch closer, prowling toward her like an animal on the hunt. With a smile, she leans back and pulls her legs together, bending them at the knee, shielding her entrance from me.

“I’d say it doesn’t matter. I’m going to take you anyway.”

“Then why ask?”

I place my palms on her knees and pry her legs apart. Her pussy is already wet and ready to receive me. “Because I like hearing you say it.”

“You’re depraved,” she quips back.

With one hand still on her knee, I reach between her legs and run a finger up her slit. She trembles beneath me, and I swallow hard. A violent, primal need washes over me, and it takes everything inside me not to shove my cock into her, and fuck her until she’s screaming for me to stop.

“I never said I wasn’t,” is my answer. “I come by it honestly.”

She pushes out a breath like she’s also trying to keep herself in check. “I believe it.”

I remove my hand and position myself between her thighs. The tip of my cock is just inches away from the gates of heaven, but by some miracle, I manage to control the impulse to slide into her immediately.

Instead, I drink in the sight of her, looking up at me, naked and vulnerable. She’s exactly what I want, and what I need, and the irrational part of my brain starts thinking of ways I could keep her after all of this is over.

Lie to her.

She doesn’t ever need to know the truth.

Dipping my head, I run my tongue up her neck to her ear lobe, pinching it between my teeth until she yelps. “That hurts,” she says petulantly.

“That’s not even the beginning,” I whisper against her ear. I have so much pent-up violence inside me, it’s not even fucking funny. I want to tear her apart, touch every part of her; every dark crevice, every shadow lurking in her soul. I want it all.

She moans and arches her back, rubbing her hard nipples against my chest. Reaching down, I palm her breast at the same time I slam my mouth against hers. The kiss is messy and violent. Primal.

And it feels so damn right.

Shifting my body, I deepen the kiss, pushing my tongue past her teeth, to the warm welcoming heat of her mouth. And then I devour her, taking every bit of warmth she has to offer.

After several minutes, I pull away and glance down at her. “Have you ever been fucked in the ass?”

She blinks up at me, and her throat moves as she swallows. “No.”

I smile, I can’t help it. I love discovering all the different ways I can touch her where she’s never been touched.

Without saying anything, I shift my weight off her, grab her hips, and flip her over, so she’s on her stomach. Grabbing a pillow, I wedge it under her hips, which puts her ass on full display.

Damn, she’s beautiful.

Smoothing my hand over the globe of her ass, then dip my finger between her crack. She jolts a little, and I laugh. My little vanilla girl. Oh, how I plan to educate her. I’m going to fuck her so hard, in so many ways, she won’t know where she ends and I begin.

Moving off the bed, I grab the lube I have in the drawer of my nightstand and squeeze out a dollop onto the tip of my finger. Then I move back to her and smooth the cream over her back entrance.

The second I touch her there, her entire body stiffens. She doesn’t outright resist, but I can tell she’s unsettled. As I finger her there, spreading the cream thoroughly, I lean down and whisper in her ear, “Get used to it, baby. I demand access to every part of you.”

I should really prepare her more carefully for my invasion. This kind of thing can be painful, especially for her first time, but I can’t wait. I won’t. I want her now, and if I’m being honest, I want to inflict pain. I want to see just how much she can take. It’s fucked up, but the thought of stretching her so wide that she screams my name, is so fucking arousing, I could come from the thought of it alone.

Smoothing my hand over her ass, I lift my hand and bring it down with a hard slap. She cries out and moves to get up, but I place my hand on the small of her back, holding her in place.

“Don’t move,” I say harshly, taking my cock in hand, guiding it to her puckered entrance. Every muscle in her body is drawn tight like she’s bracing herself, but to her credit, she doesn’t beg me to stop. I don’t think I could, even if she did.

Inching forward, I push my cock into her slowly—painfully slow. Her ass hugs my cock, and I groan. She feels so good wrapped around my shaft, I feel like I’m going to explode.

And it’s not just because this feels like heaven. It’s heaven with her. Lux has somehow managed to get inside my head, and that pisses me off. I can’t stop thinking about her. Can’t stop craving her. And every time I’m in her presence, I feel like a junkie, desperate for that next hit.

And I take it slow, now, enjoying her little whimpers as I thrust into her, rocking my hips against her beautifully full ass cheeks. At some point, I sink my teeth into her shoulder, and on some level, I wonder if I’m trying to stave off the violence that is brewing in my chest. I want to rip this girl apart, fuck her until we’re both raw, bruised and gasping. But I can’t. No one I’ve ever been with has been capable of taking all of me, so on instinct, I keep myself in check.

Reaching down, I slide my hand beneath her and finger her clit, rubbing it in time with my thrusts. Strong and steady, I apply just the right amount of pressure, and her body starts coming to life.

Lux moans into the sheets, her hands curling into fists. “I can’t. It’s too much,” she breathes on the heels of a whimper.

Our bodies are glistening with sweat, our breath sawing from our lungs as I continue to thrust, rubbing her clit.

“Say my name,” I command, on the brink of complete ruin. I need to hear it. I need to hear my name on her perfect-fucking-lips.

“Roman,” she groans into the sheets. “Please.”

But I don’t let up, I don’t show her any mercy. I drive into her with more force, each harsh stroke slamming against her, jolting her body. Her hair is a wet mess of sweat, sticking to the side of her face, hiding her expression from me, and I want it. I want to see her face when she comes. It’s what this whole thing is about, witnessing that one, single moment in time, and capturing it in my mind. That moment when I pour myself into her and we become irrevocably entwined.

Removing myself from her pussy briefly, I flip her over onto her back. She’s panting, sweating, looking up at me with those wide, innocent eyes.

With a smile, I push back into her ass, taking her to the hilt. The second I’m inside her, her back arches and her mouth opens in a silent scream that I capture with a kiss. I’m not gentle. I’m not merciful. For the first time, I unleash the monster inside me.

Slamming into her–hard—I tear my lips away from her mouth, and kiss my way down her neck, to her full, beautiful breasts, then I bite down, pulling her hard nipple into my mouth, sucking, biting, until she screams out. When I finally pull my head away, I see bite marks, and instead of feeling guilty, a deep sense of satisfaction fills me.

I’ve marked her.

She’s mine.

My hand finds her clit again, and I begin rubbing it in time with my unrelenting thrusts into her ass. Her head tilts back, and her eyes begin rolling back.

As I watch her large tits bounce, that anger starts bubbling up again. How dare she have this effect on me. How dare she have this kind of death grip on me.

How fucking dare she.

I remove my finger from her clit, and smooth my hand up her body, over her ribcage, over her breasts, until my hand is curled around her throat.

Her eyes go wide. “Roman, please,” she whimpers, a tear rolling down her cheek. For a second, I’m not sure if she’s pleading for her life, or pleading for me to continue my assault on her clit, but then she adds, “I need this. I need it.”

With my hand still around her throat, I lean down, my face just inches from hers. “You need it, or you need me?”

There’s a wrong answer, but I’m not telling her that.

Beneath my palm, I can feel her swallow. “You,” she gasps. “Please, Roman. Give it to me.”

I shouldn’t. What she’s done to me is unforgivable, turning me into a pathetic schoolboy chasing after a girl who will never love him. But those eyes—fuck.

Ripping myself away from her, I walk into the bathroom, grab a washcloth, and clean myself off. I try to take those few seconds to collect myself, but knowing she’s in my bed, panting, begging for my cock is not helping.

Fuck it.

If she wants me, she’s going to take all of me.

When I saunter back into the bedroom, she’s still in the position I left her in, but propped up onto her elbows, watching me. She looks confused, but I’m in no mood to explain anything to her.

With dark intent, I approach the bed, kneeling on the mattress.

“Open your thighs,” I say, my tone hard.

She doesn’t move. She must wonder what’s happening, and why my mood has shifted, but she needs to learn how to obey me, and this is her first fucking lesson.

Hot energy is moving through my veins. I’m on the brink of madness, and if Lux doesn’t do what I ask, I’m afraid of what I might do.

“Lux,” I say through gritted teeth. “Open. Your. Fucking. Thighs.”

Her legs slide apart slowly like she’s not sure. She looks afraid, and the sickest part of me revels in that. I have her completely at my mercy, and my cock swells even more at that thought.

“I want to make something clear to you, right now,” I say. “You’re mine, Lux. Mine. No one will touch you like this, ever.”

She nods faintly, but that’s not good enough.

“Say it, Lux. I want to hear the words.”

I see her swallow again. “I can’t. I can’t say that, Roman.”

I position my cock at her entrance, then slam into her. She gasps, and I rock my hips. “Say it,” I say again. “Fucking say it, Lux.”

Biting her bottom lip, she tilts her head back, fisting the sheets at her sides. I rock into her so hard, the entire bed moves. My fingers thread through her hair, and I force her head down, so she’s looking at me. “Fucking say it,” I say, rage gathering in my chest.

I can feel her sweet, warm pussy tightening around my cock, so I know she’s close to coming. Like me, she must already be on the brink of total annihilation.

But it’s important I remind her who is in control here, so I abruptly pull out of her.

She squeaks in response, then lets her legs fall wide. “Fuck, Roman!” she screams, lifting the sheets in her fists. “You’re a monster! You’re so fucking cruel!”

She screams so loud, I’m sure the entire house can hear us, but I don’t give a fuck. I need this. I need to break her, for both our sakes.

“Say it,” I say, sitting back on my haunches, the breath sawing from my lungs. “Say you’re mine, Lux.”

She doesn’t respond, though. Instead, she reaches down and starts rubbing her own clit. I can see the desperation in her eyes, the desperation, and the pure outrage.

So stubborn.

Harshly, I yank her hand away from her clit, then take the other wrist and hold them both over her head. She squirms beneath me, snapping at me like a goddamn demon. “Fucking bastard!” she screams again.

I shift so my cock is just inside her entrance, teasing us both. The second I’m fully seated inside her, I know I’m going to come. It’ll be seconds, at most. So I need to make this count.

“Say it,” I tell her again with more calm than I feel. That tightness in my chest is almost unbearable, and I feel the strong need to lash out. But I keep it together somehow, staring into those beautiful green eyes, unflinching, my jaw set.

“You’re not wearing a condom,” she says like she’s trying to distract me from the battle of wills that’s happening right now.

“That’s because you’re going to take all of me, Little Rabbit,” I say. “Every last fucking drop. No barriers. Nothing between us.”

With my free hand, I take my cock in hand and drag it down her wet slit, then back up again, applying just a little pressure to her clit. She shifts her hips a little–the only range of movement she has—hungry for more friction.

Her chest rises and falls rapidly, and her eyes squeeze shut. This is torture for her, I know. It’s torture for me, too. But I need to hear those words fall from her lips. I need them like I need the air in my lungs.

“Okay,” she says finally. “I’m yours, Roman. I’m yours. Please, just…I need you.”

Still holding her arms above her head, I lean down and brush my mouth against her lightly. This gentleness conceals the black pool of rage boiling just beneath the surface. “Swear it,” I say slowly.

I don’t know the point of any of this. When she finds out who I am, she’ll run so far, and so fast in the opposite direction, that I’ll never be able to find her.

I need to know I’m a part of her.

I need to know I’m branded on her soul.

“Swear it, Lux,” I say again.

Everything around us stops, and there’s only the two of us in that moment. My heart is beating so loudly in my own ears, that I’m worried I won’t hear her speak.

All of the frantic passion of a few seconds ago melts away for that brief moment, and she looks up at me with so much sincerity, that my chest pulls tight. I can’t breathe.

“I’m yours, Roman. I swear.”

My black heart soars, and I swear to God, there’s no better high than hearing those words fall from her lips. Releasing her wrists, I grip her hips and shove my cock into her. She screams at the top of her lungs and grips my shoulders, her blunt fingernails digging painfully into my skin.

I move to capture her mouth in a kiss, but she snaps at me, catching my bottom lip between her teeth. She’s gone fucking feral, snapping at me, pulling, clawing, her hips rising and falling in a desperate search for release.

I have to hold her arms down to keep her from lashing out as I plunge into her over and over. Within seconds of being inside her, that familiar pressure gathers at the base of my balls, and with one final thrust, I come hard. Harder than I’ve ever come in my fucking life.

We both cry out as I pump my come into her, staking my claim, consummating the vow Lux just made. She’s mine. She’s fucking mine.

“Fuck, Lux, my God. You feel so good.” I groan, riding the wave of my climax. She’s not far behind. Within seconds, her entire body tightens, and her channel grips my cock like nothing I’ve ever felt before, milking me, greedy for every last drop of come.

When it’s all over, we’re both panting, gasping for breath, our skin slick with sweat. Normally, I’d roll off her, and then find an excuse to distance myself. But I find myself wanting to stay inside her, listening to the sound of her breathing with her warmth surrounding me.

What the fuck is wrong with me?