Chapter 40

40

MERRITT

H ow did everything go so wrong so fast? I had loved him for so long, adored him from afar, and when we finally got together, it felt like a dream. But now that dream was quickly turning into a nightmare.

He thinks I’m trying to control him? The thought made me scoff.

If anything, I was trying to let him be as free as he wanted. I just wanted him to consider me and my feelings for him. I loved him and couldn’t stand the thought of him being hurt.

But this? This was unbearable. Walking away felt like tearing a part of myself out. I could still feel the heat of his words burning in the air between us, scorching and final.

I got in my car and sat for a moment just trying to slow my thoughts. I went there thinking we could have a conversation. I just wanted to talk and explain what I was trying to say. Clearly, he wasn’t interested in hearing anything from me.

I couldn’t believe we had come so close to being happy. And then it all exploded in my face. Maybe it was for the best. I wasn’t going to have to wonder what could have been. I had a life in Miami. I nearly threw it all away to come here to be with a man that didn’t want me. Not really.

The idea of calling my boss filled me with a strange mix of relief and regret. I wasn’t ready to face Miami again—my normal life, my office, my routines—but staying here felt impossible. After everything that had happened tonight, it was clear I didn’t belong.

This thing with Kannon was not meant to be. Yes, we had chemistry and I did love him. I believed he had love for me, but it wasn’t the kind of love that would hold together an adult relationship. Not a healthy one anyway.

I couldn’t be with someone that lived on the edge. I wasn’t strong enough to be the girlfriend of someone who didn’t value his life enough to slow things down. He wasn’t a racecar driver or a bomb technician. He was just a reckless man that loved to dance with the devil. That was not something I could stand by and watch.

It just wouldn’t work. The sooner I accepted that and got back to living the life I created for myself, the better my life would be.

I pressed the call button before I could change my mind.

“Merritt!” My boss answered on the first ring.

“Hi,” I said, forcing a smile into my voice.

“Thanks again for coming back and saving the day,” he said. “I really appreciate it. The whole team does. You’re a savior.”

“Thanks.” I took a breath. Once the words were out, I would be on my way to normal once again. “I’ll be back next week. I don’t need until Valentine’s Day. I need to come home and get my life back to normal.”

“That’s fantastic news! Your office is ready whenever you are. I’ve been drowning here without you. I look forward to having you back.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you get everything handled with your father’s estate?”

No . “Yep, all good. I’ll be there Monday.”

“Good. Really good, Merritt. We’ve missed you. And hey—if you need anything, just say the word.”

My boss’s enthusiasm momentarily buoyed my spirits, a welcome change from the turmoil roiling in my heart. But as I ended the call, the weight of the finality in my decision pressed down on me once again. I sat in the silence of my car and debated what to do next. Was I truly ready to leave it all behind—leave him behind?

Was the choice even up to me anymore?

I turned over the engine and began driving. Memories of my times with Kannon swirled around. Each laugh, each touch, every whispered promise that now seemed more like ghosts than treasured moments. I knew it was the right decision. I needed the structure of my job, the familiarity of my life in Miami.

Kannon would be fine without me. He always had been. He had demons to deal with. I couldn’t fight those for him. Maybe one day he would get through it but I couldn’t sit around and let my heart get twisted and smashed.

I knew what I needed to do. The one thing I had not done since I had been back. I stopped for coffee at the only place still open this late. Armed with a huge cup of strong coffee, I drove to the cemetery. I didn’t even think about where I was going until I pulled up to the gate and parked.

My dad’s grave called to me like it always did when I felt lost. I didn’t bother thinking about the fact I was at the cemetery at night. I wasn’t a big believer in ghosts and that kind of thing. It was the living I couldn’t understand.

The large gate for cars was locked tight, but there was a smaller gate on the side. I opened it. Rusty hinges creaked loudly as I stepped through. I knew where the plot was. His headstone wouldn’t be put up for another month or two, but I didn’t need that.

I carried my coffee as I walked to his grave. The chill in the air nipped at my skin, but I barely noticed. I stopped and stared at the tiny plaque that noted his plot. I stared down at it for several seconds. A powerful wave of emotions rolled over me.

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, blurring the simple metal plaque into a shimmering pool of faint light. I clutched the coffee cup closer, the warmth seeping into my palms, grounding me in the cold, eerie quiet of the cemetery. I took a slow sip, letting the bitterness of the coffee bring a small comfort. I couldn’t believe this was it. This was all that I had left of him.

“Dad,” I whispered into the night. My voice felt small and fragile in the vast darkness. “I’m so lost without you.”

I knelt down on the soft grass, not caring about the dampness soaking through my jeans. Memories of my father flooded in. I closed my eyes and dealt with wave after wave of feelings. Joy, sadness, and even a little anger rolled through. I dragged in a shaky breath and slowly exhaled. I felt my emotions calming.

“I’m so mad at you,” I whispered. “You should’ve told me how bad it was. You should’ve let me come see you before… before this. You didn’t have to protect me from everything, Dad. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

My voice cracked, but the words kept coming, tumbling out like water through a broken dam. “You let Kannon know you better than I did. You told him things I’ll never know. You gave him a part of you I didn’t even get to see. How is that fair? How is any of this fair? I’m your daughter. Was . I was the only kid and now you’re gone, but we both know you were gone years earlier for me. I should have been there for the good moments. I should have been there for the bad times. I could have handled it. You made me a stronger person.”

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, feeling the anger and sadness twist together in a knot that made it hard to breathe. “And now I’m supposed to pick up the pieces? Pretend everything’s okay? It’s not. You left, and now nothing feels right. How am I supposed to go back to Miami and act like all is well when it feels like a part of me has died with you? How can I face Kannon and not see the secrets you shared with him, the bond you formed that excluded me?”

The reality of life without my father weighed heavily on my soul. I struggled to reconcile the man who raised me with the one who kept so many things hidden away.

“I needed you, Dad. More than I ever told you,” I continued, my voice breaking in the still night. “I needed your wisdom, your humor. I needed your presence. And now, here I am, talking to a cold plaque in the ground because you couldn’t trust me enough to let me in.”

I looked out at the dark cemetery. The shadows of headstones lined up in perfect rows with a few trees here and there.

“The world feels so empty without you,” I murmured. I leaned forward, my hand resting on the plaque as if I could somehow feel his presence there. The cold plastic under my hand was not what I was looking for.

“Excuse me.” A voice broke through my thoughts, startling me. I turned quickly, my heart pounding, to see a woman standing a few feet away, holding a bouquet of flowers. She looked about my age, her expression kind but hesitant. “Are you okay?”

My face flushed with embarrassment. “Yeah, sorry.”

“I was just here to visit someone and I saw you,” she said. “I didn’t eavesdrop. I just saw you go down and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I cleared my throat. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

“No, don’t,” she said quickly, shaking her head. “You’re not interrupting. I just heard you, that’s all.”

I nodded, brushing dirt off my jeans as I stood. “I didn’t realize I was being so loud.”

The woman smiled faintly and stepped past me, laying the flowers on a nearby grave. “There is no noise ordinance when it comes to grief. You can grieve as loudly or as quietly as you want. Don’t let me stop you.”

“I didn’t expect anyone to be out here at this time,” I said. “I probably sound crazy talking to the ground. His headstone will be done later.”

“It’s fine. My name is Kleo. Who did you lose?”

“My dad,” I said, my voice quieter now. “You?”

“My best friend,” she replied, her tone heavy with grief. Her eyes drifted to the flowers. I couldn’t see the headstone and I didn’t want to make a big deal trying to read it. “I get it, by the way. Your anger. I’m mad at her a lot these days for leaving me. We had so many plans—unfinished plans. Broken promises. It hurts every day.”

Her words tugged at something deep inside me. I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat threatening to choke me. “Yeah. I’m having that feeling with someone who’s still alive right now. I was just complaining to my father about it. How messed up is that?”

Kleo’s lips twitched in a faint smile. “Let me guess. That someone is a man?”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly. “Yep. A perfect, wonderful, infuriating, pig-headed, obnoxious, stubborn, idiot of a man.”

Kleo chuckled. “They’re a special breed, aren’t they?”

We stood there, sharing a moment of mutual understanding. I told her bits and pieces about Kannon—how he could make me feel like the most loved person in the world one minute and drive me to the brink of madness the next. Kleo listened, nodding along, her own stories about love and loss weaving into the conversation. It was good to vent to an actual living and breathing person instead of the cold ground.

“I should go,” she said after a while. “I’ll let you get back to your conversation with your father.”

“That sounds crazy, doesn’t it?”

She laughed. “Not at all. If people heard my conversations with my friend, they would call the people with the white coats.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself—or on him. You never know how much time you have with someone.”

I nodded, her words settling over me. “Thank you.”

As she turned to go, I glanced at the headstone she’d been visiting. The name etched into the stone stopped me cold. Leah Warner.

My breath hitched. “Wait.”

Kleo looked back, her brow furrowing. “Is everything okay?”

I hesitated, the words caught in my throat. “You were here to see Leah?”

She frowned. “Yes.”

“I… I know Leah.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “You did?”

“Well, no. Not really.” My voice shook as I tried to explain. “Oh gosh. How do I put this? That man? The one making me crazy?”

She nodded, waiting for me to continue.

“It’s Kannon,” I said, the words barely above a whisper. “Kannon Warner.”

All the air seemed to leave Kleo’s lungs. Her expression faltered, and for a moment, she just stared at me. “Oh.”

The silence between us stretched. I wanted to say something—anything—but no words came. All I could do was stand there feeling like the most insensitive person in the world.