Chapter 4

4

Ben

T hat ginger is driving me as crazy as he always did.

Percy haunts every moment of my past, my present, and my future. It’s always been him. Ever since that moment in high school when our lips met – I have been his. It was a long road to finally get to each other, and that was all my fault. I had promised myself that I would never let him feel less than again. I meant to keep that promise.

I loved Christmas more than almost anything. The decorations, the food, and the music that I couldn’t stop humming the moment the Thanksgiving turkey was put away. I love all the pomp and decorum of a small-town Christmas, so saying yes to the mayor’s idea was easy, and so were all the choices I had made about the event.

I was born for this.

I just wish I had more time with Percy. For him, Christmas was one of his busiest seasons. For me, Christmas meant togetherness – being with the ones you loved. If I had to come and sit in the kitchen with him, that didn’t matter. We would be together, and that was all I wanted.

Maybe I shouldn’t have asked him to move in with me the way I did. It’s been a few days, and he hasn’t brought it back up. I know that means it’s either bothering him or he’s thinking about it as deeply as he always does. I just want to hold him every night and wake up with him – or after him every morning. I know what my future holds. I was sure the moment I saw him again. It’s all about him, and it always has been.

How do I make him know that? Do I have to – or am I just pushing things because it's what I want? His choice is his alone. I know that. But my choice always includes what I think is also best for him these days.

God, I’m pushy.

We’re fine and happy as things are, and that’s ok. Four months feels so much longer to me. I’m ready to take the next step. Hell, I’d propose to him if I thought there was a snowball’s chance in Hell of him saying yes. But I know in my heart that it would be too soon. Percy moves slower than I do. His heart is more guarded and cautious – mine is a fucking linebacker ready to tackle everything into submission.

“Yo! Ben!” I waved at Tim, my old football teammate, who ran across the street. “Things are looking good, man.”

“Thanks. The tents will go up tomorrow, and based on everything we’re seeing on social media, the market should be packed.” Fingers crossed. “How’s the burger business?”

“It runs itself, man. I’m more focused on getting the boys into shape for playoffs.” Tim was a coach at our old high school. I tried to catch a few games this year, and they didn’t suck. “You think you have a chance this year?”

“Oh, God, no. I’m just hoping we get past the first game.” He chuckled light-heartedly. “Wanna grab a beer? I have a couple hours before I pick up the kids from the living nativity practice.”

“I wish. I’m actually on my way to meet Percy.”

“Hot date?”

“I’ve cooked up a little surprise for him. I thought it’d be sweet.”

“You two look so happy. We really should all get together after the holiday madness dies down. The kids gave me a wish list on top of their letter to Santa. Amazon will be delivering a lot of packages to the restaurant for the next few days. They’re killing me, but I want to make this the best Christmas ever if I can.”

“I get it. They deserve it, and yes, to getting together. Maybe we can hang out in-between the holidays? I’ll talk to Percy about his schedule. It’s…”

“He works hard, man. You got a good one.”

“I know. I’m gonna be late, so…”

“Cool. I’ll see you tomorrow at the market.” He gave me a high five and turned to walk back into his restaurant. Tim and I had been friends for a long time, and I was lucky to still have him in my life.

I was excited to get Percy and take him to his surprise. I almost skipped to the bakery. Tammy Sue was cleaning the counter, and I waved as I pushed the doors open into the kitchen. Percy was washing his hands.

“Hey, sexy,” I moaned as he turned around. God, he was too pretty. His bright eyes and red hair against his alabaster skin made him a walking piece of art. “You ready?”

“What?” He looked at me so confused it was adorable. “Oh!”

“You forgot about me?”

“Never. I just got busy, and… I’ve made over two hundred cookies for the market so far. I’m already brain-dead. Sorry… I… I did forget,” he admitted and blushed.

“It’s fine. But I have to hold you to our date. So, dust the flour off your shirt, and let’s go.”

“I have a lot to…”

“It’s an hour. You can give me an hour. Hell, I’ll settle for thirty minutes.”

He hung his head for a moment and then nodded as he began to untie his apron. “Thirty minutes. Then I have to get back to this.”

“I am coming to help you decorate tonight. No response is needed. Got it?”

“Yes.” He placed his apron on the counter. “Where are we going? I’ve got flour everywhere. Shit, is it on my face?”

I reached out and ran my fingers through his bangs. “Just a little here.”

“So embarrassing.”

“You look great.” I took his hand in mine. “Come on.”

“Where are you taking me? I’m really not hungry. I’ve been eating broken cookies all day.”

“Not eating.” I pulled him through the shop.

“Have fun!” Tammy Sue called out as I dragged him behind me.

“See you later, Tammy Sue.” I pushed open the door, and we walked out onto the sidewalk.

“I feel like I’m being set up for something,” he huffed. “You and your secret surprises.”

“I thought you liked my secret surprises,” I teased.

“I like them when there’s no clothes involved,” he chuckled. “I really like those kinds of surprises.”

“This is not that kind of… Trust me. Come on.” We walked together down the street and underneath the large Christmas Market banner that was being carefully hung over Main Street. “Looking good, guys,” I called as I hurried us along.”

“It’s so pretty. You really have done an amazing job.”

“You’re just saying that. You’ve barely gotten out of your bakery for the last two weeks.”

“Busy time, you know? I know we haven’t had a lot of together time here lately. I’m sorry.” He sounded so sad, and that was not what I wanted.

“You do not need to apologize for working, Perce. It’s your shop, and it’s one of the busiest times of the year for you. I understand, even if I do miss us.”

“I miss us, too. You make me want to throw caution to the wind, and that scares the shit out of me.”

I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him close as we walked. “I know, babe. But sometimes, all you can do is trust. I trust you, and I think you trust me. So let the stuff go that doesn’t need to take up rent in your brain. Ok?”

“I’ll try.”

We stopped in front of the courthouse, and I turned him towards the Christmas tree. “Come on. We’re making sure that everything is perfect for tomorrow. But to do that, we need your help.”

“Mine? I know nothing about this stuff, Ben,” he whined, which made me laugh heartily.

We walked around the tree and underneath the large arch of presents that led to a red carpet in front of a giant throne. Santa Clause waved at us from his seat. It was really Mister Jakowski who owned a farm outside of town. He had readily volunteered this year, and he already had the suit.

“He looks perfect. Who is it?”

“It’s Santa Clause, and he’s ready to hear your wish.” I slapped him on the butt as we walked down the red carpet.

“What? I’m not twelve.” He literally scoffed.

“You are not. But you still get a Christmas wish. In fact, you get the very first Christmas wish in the entire town, and we all know that a wish made on Santa’s lap is bound to come true.”

“This is silly. I’m going to get flour all over him.”

“Get up there and stop your bitching. You work so hard, babe. Don’t you believe in the power of wishes? I do.”

Percy looked at me wide-eyed. “You really do love all of this Christmas stuff, don’t you? Alright. But I have to think of a wish.”

“Don’t think. Just sit, and the perfect wish – the one your heart wants to make will come to you. It’s the power of Santa,” I chuckled.

“You really are too cute. How you can be this big he-man and a seven-year-old boy at the same time always surprises me.” He kissed me on the cheek and let go of my hand. “Hi, Santa.” He walked up to the throne. “I think I might be too big for your lap.”

“Nonsense. Santa’s lap is big enough for everyone,” Santa laughed with his trademarked ho-ho-ho. It really was a very good Santa impression. The kids were going to love him.

Percy glanced over his shoulder at me and shook his head in disbelief before he turned and sat down on Santa’s knee. “I’m not too heavy?”

“Tell Santa what it is that you want for Christmas. Have you been a good boy all year?”

“I tried.” He shrugged. “Yes, Santa, I think I have been. Being an adult is complicated.”

“I think most adults would agree with you.”

“You sure I'm not hurting you?”

“I’m a very strong Santa, young man. Now, Percy, what is it that you want for Christmas this year? What can Santa do for you?”

Percy took a deep breath and looked at me before turning to Santa and whispering in his ear. Santa’s eyes twinkled with delight.

“That is a very good wish. I think it will come true, too.” Santa nodded happily.

“Thank you, Santa, or whoever you are under there. I thought I’d be able to tell, but… nope.”

“That’s because it’s all about belief. I think you believe much more than you let on. Merry Christmas, Percy.”

He stood up, and Santa gave him a candy cane.

“Merry Christmas, Santa.”

Percy walked back to me, and I grinned and kissed him gently on the lips. “What did you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you my wish. That’s between me and Santa.”