17. Skylar

Tapping my fingers on my desk, I let out a sigh of frustration. I know what I need to do. I know how to pull myself out of this funk, but it’s hard.

I turn back to the email I was answering, rereading it for the third time, but still not understanding a word. Dammit! I need to just do it, rip it off like a Band-Aid.

Snatching my phone off the corner of my desk, I press the call button before I lose my nerve.

“Can I call you back later?” Garrett asks without saying hello.

“No… I need to talk to you now.”

“Wait…” A woman’s voice is in the background, murmured but still there. Footsteps, then a door opening and closing fill the line. “Ok, what do you need, Skylar?” There’s a hint of annoyance in his tone.

I decide to be direct, completely annoyed with talking to him already. Since I moved, Garrett has blown me off more than he’s spoken to me.

“Are you cheating on me?”

“What? No!”

“Don’t you dare lie to me, Garrett! I put a camera in our room after my ring disappeared and I thought the cleaning lady took it.”

Total lie. There are no cameras. I’ve never had a thing disappear and Doris is an amazing woman. She’d never steal from us.

“Shit!... Yes!”

“How long?”

“Baby-”

“Don’t you dare baby me. How fucking long, Garrett?”

“I don’t know.” He blows out a long breath. “Maybe six or nine months.”

I flinch at his confession. How did I not notice? Six to nine months is a long time.

“Wow… just wow.”

“I”m sorry, Sky. I really do care about you.”

“No, you really aren’t sorry. If you cared about me at all you wouldn’t have cheated on me! And for nine freaking months! Why didn’t you just break up with me?”

“I don’t know… You’re wife material, the others weren’t.”

“Holy shit!”

“What?”

“Did you seriously just admit that you didn’t break up with me because I”m wife material and your side pieces aren’t? Can you be any more of an ass?”

“Sky, c’mon, calm down. Let’s talk about this like adults.”

“Oh, hell no! I’m not gonna calm down after finding out my boyfriend’s been cheating on me for nine months!”

“I said six to nine months, stop jumping to the worst case.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, count to ten, and blow out a slow breath. If I don’t calm down, I”m going to make the twelve-hour drive home just to dick punch him.

“Ok, you want to talk like adults? We can talk like adults,” I say as sweet and calmly as I can.

“Yes. See, is that really so hard?” I can hear the smile in his voice. He thinks I”m coming around. He thinks he’ll be able to convince me to stay with him. I can’t wait to burst his little bubble of happiness.

“Well, as an adult and all, I think you’re a complete piece of shit. I’m going to have Doris pack up all of my things and have movers put them in a storage unit. Have fun paying the rent all by yourself. I hope you find a great side piece to take my place. Sorry if she isn”t wife material.”

“Skylar, wait! Don’t do this! Don’t make a decision you’re going to regret.”

I bark out a humorless laugh. Garrett doesn’t know a damn thing about me if he thinks I”m going to regret breaking up with him.

“My biggest regrets in life happened when I left Maple Springs. Leaving you won’t even be a blip on my radar of regrets.”

I slam the end button on my cell phone. It feels so anticlimactic. I want to scream; I want to break something.

“Sky? You ok?” Leslie knocks on my door.

“You can come in.” I sigh a deep breath as I squeeze my eyes closed and try to find some sort of calmness.

“Is everything ok? I heard yelling.” Her brows are drawn together, concern filling her features.

“Yes… No, not really.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No… Yeah, actually I kinda do,” I growl, more than frustrated. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I feel like my entire world is tumbling out of control and I don’t know how to stop it.

“I”m a great listener so spill it.”

“My boyfriend was cheating on me,” I say softly.

“Wow, I”m sorry, Sky. That’s awful. I know what you should do!” She bounces in her chair. “There’s this website where you can order chocolate dicks and when they open the box it says ‘Eat a dick!’. You should totally send it to him.”

“He’s allergic to chocolate.”

“Even more reason to do it!” We both laugh and some of the tension slowly leaves my body. “Will you be ok?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t in love with him. This time apart showed me that… I was actually calling him to break up, but then I heard a woman in the background and kinda lost it.”

“I… uh… I heard some of what you were saying. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but these walls are thin and I was walking to your door to see if you were ok…”

“Just ask, Les.”

“What do you regret? Why’d you leave?”

I open and close my mouth several times, unsure if I want to share my reasoning with her. Even if I want to, I don’t even know where I should start.

“Oh, you totally don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I shouldn’t be sticking my nose in your business, that’s totally rude of me. I”m sorry! We just became friends, there’s no reason you’d want to tell me all your secrets.

“No, no, it’s ok. It’s just… no one knows… expect Tucker and his mom. When I left, I never told a single person about my life in Maple Springs, it was too hard to think about.”

“I shouldn’t have asked; I’ll go back to my desk.” She starts to rise from her chair but I hold up a hand to stop her.

“No… I want to tell you, just give me a second.”

A single tear rolls down my cheeks, my barriers are slowly breaking and crumbling around me. For the past decade I needed to stay strong and protect myself, I knew no one else would be there to pick me up.

But coming back here, being with Tucker, Willow and Colt, it’s like coming home to a family hug. I know they’ll accept me and protect me no matter what I’ve done.

Leslie has been an amazing friend since my first day in this school. She’s gone out of her way to be there for me no matter what I need. I don’t want to keep this from her… I actually want to tell her. I want to let someone in for the first time in what feels like forever.

“Sky, what happened?”

“I was in love. We were planning on getting married… then I found out I was pregnant. He was so excited…” A sob rips through me, tears coming faster now. “He told me he couldn’t wait to start a family with me. We started looking at homes to raise our baby in, we were happy and madly in love…”

“Tucker?” Her voice is barely a whisper. I nod my head, but keep my gaze on my fingers. If I look at Leslie I”m going to fall to pieces.

“Our baby… I had a miscarriage and it fucking destroyed me…”

“Shit… I”m so sorry, Skylar.”

“He was there for me, held me as we both cried. Told me we’d get through this. But I couldn’t look at him without feeling guilt. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I messed up in some way like I always do. Losing our baby changed me. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and couldn’t breathe. I left without telling anyone. I completely cut off ties from everyone I’d ever known, trying to find a way to ease the weight on my chest. I just wanted to be able to breathe again.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell anyone?” Her voice is void of judgment, surprising me. There’s only compassion and understanding there.

“I don’t know. I guess I felt like if I didn’t tell anyone it didn’t make it real. If no one knew then they couldn’t look at me differently. I just wanted to feel whole again, I didn’t want to feel like a fragment of my former self.”

“I get that… is it hard to be back here?”

“It was painful at first… hell, it still is. He’s still here, except now he has Riley and she’s amazing.”

I”m silent for a few moments, a slow smile spreading across my face when I think about Tucker.

“He still loves me,” I whisper. “I expected him to be angry, maybe even hate me, but he doesn’t. He wants me back…”

“What do you want?”

“I never stopped loving him.”

“You should try getting back with him.”

“If someone told me when I woke up this morning, I’d find out my boyfriend of five years was cheating on me and I was going to spill all my secrets to you, I never would’ve believed them. Yet here we are!”

We both laugh but there’s a sadness to it.

“You know, it’s ok to be broken sometimes. You don’t need to be strong in every moment of your life. You have people to lean on, you have me.” The sincerity in her tone and expression catches me by surprise, the last good friend I made was Tucker. I”ve missed having someone close to talk to.

“Since I returned to Maple Springs my entire world has been turned upside down. It’s like I”m trying to tiptoe around these landmines. I”m constantly fighting the girl people remember, the woman I am, and the woman I want to be.”

“Is she still in there?”

“Who?”

“The girl people remember?”

“Yeah, I think a little. I left that girl behind when I moved, but she’s coming back the longer I”m here.”

“If people are gonna judge you based on who you used to be, that’s their issue, not yours.”

A slow smirk spreads across my face. Leslie’s eyes narrow and she tilts her head to the side, examining me.

“I feel like I”m not going to like whatever you’re thinking.” She laughs lightly.

“Let’s go out tonight and cause the ruckus they all expect from me.”

“Really? That sounds like fun. This week has sucked!” She drums her hands on my desk.

“I know, right!”

Maybe I’ll regret this in the morning, but right now this is exactly what I need.

I park my butt on a stool at the bar for a second time since coming back to Maple Springs. Maverick’s isn”t as busy as the last time I was here, but it’s still early.

“You keep picking that stool and I”m gonna engrave your name on it.” Maverick flashes me a smile, sauntering my way.

“If you don’t hire some sexy bartenders, I won”t be stepping foot in this shithole ever again.” I eye him up and down with mock disgust, his smirk only grows bigger.

“Damn, I missed you. No one in this town is full of piss and vinegar quite like you.”

“Aww, no one in the city knows how to charm a girl quite like you.” I blow him a kiss.

“Is this little lady causing trouble, Maverick?” Colt’s voice is full of amusement. He slides onto the stool next to me. “Hey, Skysky.”

“No more than I’d expect from her… but she hasn’t started drinking yet, so the jury’s still out.”

“You’re sitting in Leslie’s seat.” I throw Colt a bored look, ignoring Maverick’s comment.

“Who the hell is Leslie?”

“My best friend.”

“I thought I was your best friend. Damn, that hurts, Skysky.” He grabs his chest and rubs the spot over his heart, a scowl forming on his brow.

I roll my eyes, laughing. I truly missed Colt. Then I push him and grin when he goes down so easily. He almost falls off the stool but catches himself at the last second.

“I forgot how aggressive you are!” Colt whines.

“Hey, Skylar!” Leslie bounces to my side. Her eyes lock on Colt and a slight blush stains her cheeks.

“Colt, move.” I shove him again.

“Why? I can sit wherever I want.”

“Because I told you, that’s Leslie’s spot.”

“I don’t even know a Leslie!” He huffs.

“Hi, I”m Leslie,” she squeaks from behind him, holding out a shaky hand in his direction.

Colt spins on his seat, an annoyed expression. When his gaze lands on Leslie, his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. His jaw drops and eyes widen.

Leslie’s adorable. At school she looks like a sweet and innocent girl, but tonight she went all out. A pair of black jeans fit her like a second skin, black leather boots reach to just below her knees. She has on a tight royal blue sweater, making her golden-brown eyes pop. Her makeup isn”t heavy, but she’s wearing more than I”m used to seeing her with. She’s gorgeous tonight and I guarantee this is the first time Colt’s ever noticed her.

“I-I’m Colt.”

“I know, Sheriff Brown.” She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and glances down shyly.

“How have I never met you before?”

Leslie shrugs a shoulder, acting like him overlooking her for so long doesn’t hurt, but it does.

“I don’t know. I’ve been around, I just don’t get noticed.”

Colt blinks in surprise, his mouth opens and closes several times before he figures out what to say.

“How could anyone not notice you?”

“I was here last time Skylar came, sitting in that seat.” She points to the stool he’s on. “You didn’t notice me.”

“Well, shit. I”m sorry, darling. I”m an idiot.”

“Understatement of the year,” I mutter under my breath.

“Shut it, Skysky. No one wants your opinion.” He tries to elbow me, but he never takes his eyes off of Leslie. He misses me by a long shot.

“Nope, but you want my friend.” I snort with laughter.

“Skylar!” Leslie hisses under her breath, a light pink filling her cheeks again.

“What? He totally wants to bang you. Look!” I gesture to Colt. “He’s licking his lips like a lion eyeing a piece of meat.”

“Doesn’t mean you need to point it out!” She sputters.

“Well, Les, let’s be real here. If Skylar wasn’t in your face, blunt, and inappropriate, I think folks around here would get scared.” Maverick slides a drink my way with a wink. Fucker.

Maverick’s comment mixed with the conversations I had with Garrett and Leslie today make me want to scream. I’m never going to outlive the girl I used to be. Everyone’s always going to wait for her to emerge, to make herself known once again. Even if it never happens, they’re all waiting for it.

I tilt back my drink and take a long sip. The alcohol slides down my throat, burning along the way. I slam it back down on the bar and gesture to Maverick for another. His eyes narrow and he steps closer, lowering his voice.

“What’s going on, Sky?”

“Just need another drink.” I try to keep any emotion out of my voice. I just want to be numb tonight.

“Nah, there’s something wrong.”

“Don’t people come to the bar to forget or escape?”

“Some but not everyone… I”m a good listener, Sky. I know it hasn’t always seemed like it, but I consider you a friend. I”m here for you and you know damn well I don’t gossip like the rest of this town.”

My eyes soften, Maverick’s a good guy. A little rough around the edges, but he’s a big teddy bear on the inside.

“Thanks, Mav. I’ll keep that in mind. Right now, I just need to let loose and wash away this week.”

“Ok… but I”m gonna be keeping my eye on you.”

“Only ‘cus you want me.”

He throws his head back laughing.

“How’d ya know?” He winks at me before moving away to mix me a new drink.

“I’ll be right back; I need to take this call.” Leslie bounces out of the bar, leaving me alone with Colt.

“How have I never noticed her?” He folds his arms on the bar, staring straight ahead, lost in thought.

“Maybe ‘cus she isn”t your type.” I shrug.

“How is Leslie not my type?”

“She’s smart and sweet.”

He barks out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Are you saying I only date dumb bitches?”

“No, but you just did.”

“Damn, Skysky. You really are full of piss and vinegar tonight, huh?”

“Everyone expects the old Skylar, I might as well let her loose.” I shrug a shoulder.

Maverick places my new drink on the bar, letting his hand linger on it. He stares me down, trying his hardest to figure out what’s going on with me.

“Just because they expect her doesn’t mean you still need to be her.” His voice is soft enough I”m the only one who can hear him.

Maverick grabs a napkin off the top of the pile, pulls a sharpie out of his back pocket and scribbles something down. He folds it in half before opening my clutch and stuffing it in. Then he closes it without a word and walks away to help another customer.

“Do you think she’ll go out with me?” Colt raises a brow.

“With you? I don’t know, Colt, maybe… but honestly, don’t ask her out because you think she looks hot tonight. She’ll see right through that and feel like she isn”t enough on a normal day. Get to know her. She’s an amazing person, she’d be perfect for you.”

I take a sip of my drink as Leslie bounces back over to my side.

“So how long have you known Skylar?” Leslie slides closer to Colt, it’s so obvious she has a thing for him.

“I don’t think there’s been a time in my life when I didn’t know Skysky. We were total besties in school.”

“Yup, Tucker and I would convince Colton to do stupid shit like streaking down main street during the fourth of July parade.”

“Remember when we went skinny dipping in the pond on old man Brandt’s farm and he came with a flashlight.” His grin widens.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t be quiet, I swore he was gonna find us. Could you imagine the gossip? The pastor’s daughter found skinny dipping with two of the biggest troublemakers, I would’ve been grounded for life.”

“Hey, you were never far away from trouble… How about that time Marissa tried to flirt with Tucker? What exactly did you do?” A shit-eating grin spreads across his face. He knows exactly what I did.

“I slammed a lunch tray over her head,” I mutter under my breath, downing the rest of my drink. I motion to Maverick for another. Concern fills his features but he doesn’t say a word when he gives me another one. He just taps my clutch twice and walks away.

“Holy shit, Sky! You did that?” Leslie beams. “That’s badass.”

“Tucker was mine; she knew that. I had to teach her a lesson.” I shrug my shoulders, avoiding their gazes.

I was pregnant when that happened. It was a few days before our last day of senior year. I didn’t know I was pregnant yet, but I got irrationally angry when I saw Marissa flirting with Tucker. I”m sure if my hormones weren’t all over the place, I wouldn’t have done it, but the past is in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it now.

The trip down memory lane isn”t helping to make me happy, it’s making me miserable. All the good times we had together are clouded by the miserable way my life in Maple Springs ended. They’re clouded by how people still view me as the troubled teen. I”m never going to outlive my past, but I don’t know what I expected. In this small of a town, your past defines who you are.

I down my third drink of the night, it doesn’t even burn this time. My throat is numb, I need to make my heart numb too.

Catching Maverick grimace my way, I give him a little finger wave before sliding off the stool. I stumble a step before catching myself. One of my favorite songs comes on and I know exactly how I can let go of some of my tension.

“Come dance with me! Please!” I beg Leslie.

“Where do I put my clutch?”

“Mav! Hold these, please!” I hand both of our clutches over to him before pulling Leslie over to a small cleared space.

We sway our hips to the beat, throwing our hands up in the air. When I glance over to the bar, Colt and Maverick have their eyes glued to us.

“Wanna rile up the boys?” I yell loud enough for Leslie to hear me over the music. She glances back at them before giving me an eager nod.

I drop my hands to her hips, pulling her flush to me. We dance in the most sensual way. I feel every eye on us. Conversations have stopped mid-sentence; everyone’s focus is drawn to us and only us.

Leslie’s loving the attention, she’s no longer the overlooked girl in the corner. We dance until we’re exhausted and sweaty, stumbling back to the bar for drinks.

“Well, fuck… Can you two do that every night? I could get a hell of a lot more business.” Maverick smirks.

“Aww, you like what you saw, big guy?” I trail a finger down his chest just to screw with him.

Maverick and I have been flirting with each other since I first started coming in here. Tucker knew it was innocent fun and didn’t care. I think he found it entertaining. He always has and always will be the only man for me.

“I sure as hell did.” Colt pipes in. I drop back onto my stool, downing the drink Maverick places in front of me.

“You better slow down, Sky. Those things are gonna knock you on your ass.”

“Mav… You worry too much.” I only slur my words a tiny bit.

He mutters something under his breath before stomping away. He needs to chill out. When I”m paying for this with the worst hangover ever in the morning, he’ll feel fine. If I drink too much, it doesn’t affect him at all.