12. Skylar

There’s a knock on the door at exactly six. Butterflies erupt in my stomach… No, elephants. Elephants stampede in my stomach as my heart races and my pulse thunders in my ears. Sucking in a deep breath, I grab the knob, swinging it open to find an all too sexy man standing on the other side.

Tucker has a hand on either side of the door frame with his head hanging low. He glances up at me, his hazel eyes searing into me. His brown hair is a wild mess, short on the sides but longer on top. It’s sticking up in every direction, like he’s ran his hands through it a million times, which he probably has. Tucker plays with his hair when he’s nervous, he’s always done it.

A dark stubble covers his jaw, making me itch to run my palm over it. He’s wearing a leather jacket, a zip up sweatshirt, and fitted dark jeans. He’s effortless and yet I”m mesmerized.

“You gonna let me in, Sky?” An amused smirk takes over his lips.

“Oh… yeah, c’mon in.” I stand to the side, giving Tucker more than enough room to enter.

He trails his fingers along my hip as he walks past. I have to bite my lip to hold in the moan fighting to come out. Tucker shouldn’t be able to affect me this way after so many years. After our history together.

“I brought Chinese… I hope you still like the same things or you’re gonna be disappointed.”

“Is this from Lee’s?” Hope fills my voice, making my cheeks heat in embarrassment. No place in Philadelphia was ever able to top Lee’s in my opinion.

I hop on the counter in the kitchen, next to where he places the bag. Tucker unpacks the food, spreading our dinner out for me to see.

“Where else would I buy Chinese?”

“I’ve tried every place within thirty minutes of me, trying to find one as good as Lee’s. I couldn’t.”

“Well, I”m glad I did good. I wasn’t sure, ten years is a long time.”

Silence blankets the room, there are so many things left unsaid between us, so much pain. Staring at my dangling feet, I avoid Tucker’s gaze, trying to figure out how to deal with being around him again.

Tucker steps between my legs, his hands resting on the counter on either side of my hips, caging me in. A finger lifts my chin until I”m forced to stare into his stormy eyes.

“You can”t push me away, Sky. It’s about time we sat down and hashed this all out.” His eyes search mine, seeing into the depths of my soul. I nod wordlessly, I don’t know what to say, but the thought of having this conversation makes me feel sick to my stomach. “Let’s eat first.”

Tucker grips my hips, tugging me towards him and helping me to my feet. He moves around my kitchen like it’s his own, grabbing plates and drinks for both of us. I carry the Chinese food to the table, sitting cross legged on the chair. As soon as Tucker drops into the seat across from me, we dish ourselves food, eating in silence.

“How’s Riley?” My voice is barely above a whisper, I can”t take the silence any longer. A smile stretches across his face, he clearly loves his little girl more than anything.

“Riley’s amazing. She’s my little shadow. No matter how many times my mom tries to get her to do girly things, Riley would rather be in the shop with me. She did her first oil change last week; I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder.”

“How much did you help?”

“I didn’t, other than loosening the plug for her and showing her how to figure out what type of oil to use.” He shakes his head with a soft grin. The pride on his face melts my heart a little bit.

“Damn, Tuck. That’s amazing. She seems like a good kid, really smart too.”

“She is. Makes being a parent easy.”

“Where’s her mom?” I push a little. I want to know his situation better. He glances away, letting out a sigh.

“Listen, I’ll answer all of your questions about Riley and her mom… but after we talk about us.”

“There isn”t an us, Tuck.”

“No, but there used to be, that’s what I want to talk about.”

“Fine. Let’s go into the living room. If I”m gonna be uncomfortable, there’s no reason my ass needs to be too.”

He chuckles softly. We clean up dinner then Tucker follows me into the living room. I plop down on one end of the couch, tucking my feet under me and facing the other side. He sits near the middle, an arm along the back of the couch, one leg bent on the cushion. We stare at each other for a few moments before he breaks the silence.

“Why’d you leave?” There’s no judgment in his tone, only curiosity.

“Tuck… you know.”

“No, I don’t, Sky. Because as soon as we lost our baby, you packed your bags and left the next day. I was left to cope by myself because I couldn’t tell anyone you were pregnant. The only person who knew was my mom. Do you have any idea what it was like to lose my baby and the love of my life all within twenty-four hours? It almost killed me.”

“I lost the same thing!”

“No, sweetheart, you chose to leave me behind, you didn’t lose me.”

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?”

He inches closer, his eyes locked on me, brows drawn together. His gaze sweeps over my face, trying to figure out what I”m not saying.

“I couldn’t look at you every single day and be reminded of the baby we lost. I couldn’t handle seeing sorrow in your eyes every time you glanced at me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, a weight the size of your truck was on my chest. Everything hurt and I didn’t know how to deal with it so I ran. And you know what? When I left, it felt a little easier to breathe. I didn’t feel like everyone was going to find out poor Skylar Barren was such a fuck up, she couldn’t do anything right. She couldn’t even stay pregnant.”

“Sky…” Tucker closes the space between us. His brows form a deep v and his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows hard. “None of it was your fault, you know that, right? You didn’t do anything to cause the miscarriage, sometimes it just happens. You have every right to be upset, we lost a baby, our baby. But you’re in no way at fault for that. I”m sorry if I ever made you feel like that.”

“No… you didn’t. You were amazing, I just couldn’t fight my way out of my misery…” I draw in a deep, shuddering breath. My bottom lip trembles, but I refuse to start crying. If I do, I’ll never stop.

“Come here, darling.” Tucker holds open his arms. When I don’t move, he tugs me into his embrace himself. He engulfs me in his warmth, holding me tightly.

Memories of all the other times he’s held me like this race through my head. I’ve always loved being in his arms, enveloped in his love.

“I”m sorry I left you behind. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You should have talked to me, told me how you were feeling. I would’ve helped you anyway I could. You mean the world to me.”

“Meant.”

His eyes explore mine. Tucker lifts a hand, his fingers trailing down my cheek, until he rests it on my jaw.

“Mean, darling. You mean the world to me, that never stopped… it just changed. I didn’t chase you because I knew you needed to leave, even if I didn’t understand why. I didn’t expect you to stay gone though, that fucked me up for a while… I never stopped loving you, Sky.”

“What about Riley’s mom?”

“I thought I loved her, maybe I did in a way, but it was never close to how I’ve always felt about you.”

My heart pounds against my ribs, there’s no way he means that. He can”t still love me, not after everything I’ve put him through.

“Where is she?”

“Malory never wanted kids. We got married quickly, and she found out she was pregnant about a year later. When Riley was born things were too much for her. She left before Riley was six months old. Signed over full custody to me and everything. She hasn’t tried to contact us since.”

“I”m so sorry, Tucker.” I rest a hand on his chest. He’s been left by me and his wife, how screwed up is that?

“I”m not. She was a rebound. The first girl I dated after you left, I couldn’t stand the thought of dating someone who grew up in Maple Springs. As soon as Malory moved here, we started dating. I was trying to erase you from my mind, from my memories, but I couldn’t do it. We didn’t love each other. I don’t regret anything with Malory though because she gave me Riley.”

“I”m still sorry you’ve had to be a single dad.”

“I love it, Sky. I absolutely love being a dad, I just wish I got to do it with you by my side. Every day over the past ten years I’ve gone to bed wondering what my life would look like if we had never lost our baby. If you had stayed. If we had gotten married and had our little family.”

I stare at my hands, picking at my nail polish and avoiding Tucker’s knowing gaze.

“We’d be happy and in love,” I whisper.

“What was your life like before you moved back here?” Tucker changes the subject, he’s doing it for my benefit, we both know it.

“I had a great job in an amazing school district. The teachers respected me, the kids loved me, it was perfect. I lived in a beautiful apartment with my boyfriend, our balcony overlooked a gorgeous park. I loved to sit out there and watch all the people. Garrett was a good boyfriend, always trying to make me happy.”

“Why’d you leave then? Sounds like you had the perfect life.”

“I wanted to become a principal and I couldn’t find any positions in our city or nearby. Garrett told me to take the job and we’d make it work between us.”

“There has to be a school closer than Maple Springs.”

“There were… lots of them.” I nod my head.

“Then why come here?”

“I don’t know…”

His thumb caresses my cheek, trailing over my bottom lip. The other hand tightens its grip around me, tugging me closer. I’m spun in his arms so my back is to his chest. His arm is around my waist in seconds, refusing to give me the space I crave. He pulls me flush against him. With each breath in I feel his heartbeat, with each exhale his warm breath fans over my neck.

“You do know, Skylar, tell me.”

“A part of me needed to know. I had to come back here. I needed to know if you were still here and how you were. I needed to know you were ok after everything that happened between us.”

“Why?”

“Tuck… I had to find out if there was hope for me…”

“What do you think now?”

“I think you were better off without me. You’re happy.”

“I’d be happier with you in my life.” He presses a soft kiss to my head.

“I broke your heart; how can you say that?”

“I”m not gonna deny you tortured me, darling. You stuck a dagger deep into my heart, but I could never hate you. You were hurt, you left to deal with your pain in your own way. But I never stopped wanting you back. Without you I feel like I”m only part of the person I”m meant to be.”

“You’re too good to be with someone like me.”

“And I”m too selfish to let you go.”

His lips brush my neck, a shiver runs through me but my skin heats where his lips touched. I want to kiss him, to make up for lost time, but I can”t. I”m still dating Garrett, even if things are weird between us right now. More than anything, I can”t make things more complicated between Tucker and I.

“Tucker…” I half moan and half groan. “I have a boyfriend.”

“You’re still dating? Even after you moved?”

“Yes… I think. I don’t know; he’s been acting weird since I moved here. I think he might be cheating on me.”

“Shit, Sky. I”m sorry.”

“I”m not… having space made me realize I don’t love him like I thought I did. I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Then why don’t you break up?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I realized how I felt until today… like tonight… a few moments ago…”

He chuckles softly. “What are you gonna do?”

“I’m not making any decisions tonight, not when I”m in your arms. You’ve always had the power to make me forget everything around me and only focus on us.”

“That’s just how I like it.” I can hear the smile in his voice, even if I can”t see it. “I”m gonna go.” He shifts me so I”m leaning against the cushions and not him. Then he stands and grabs his jacket off the back of the couch.

“Why?” I scowl up at him.

“You need time to think and I need to leave before I do something I’ll regret.”

My brows furrow together, what could he possibly be talking about? A slow smile spreads across his lips and he shakes his head softly.

“You really have no clue. It’s adorable.” He sucks in a breath and blows it out slowly, like he’s trying to control himself. “If I don’t leave right now, I”ll make a move. Fuck Garrett. He let you go, just like I did at one time. But let me tell you the difference between me and Garrett, darling.” Tucker takes a step closer, bringing us toe to toe. He leans down until a hand is resting on either side of my head on the back of the couch. He stares deep into my eyes, making me feel more loved than I have in a long time. “Garrett was foolish enough to let you leave, he didn’t chase you or beg you to stay. Me? I was a boy when I let you go, I never thought you’d stay away forever. I’ve regretted not going after you every single day of my life. But I”m a man now, I know what I want and this time I”m not letting go. I want you, Sky, I want you back in my life. Forever.”

Tucker kisses my forehead, then he’s gone. Leaving me with my jaw slack and eyes wide.