33. EDDIE

Chapter thirty-three

EDDIE

M onday morning, I got up and had breakfast with Jared. There had been almost no contact with Max that weekend, for either of us. I began to feel a quiet dread that something was wrong.

But it was not the kind of wrong that could justify me going over to his place because he was replying, just very low-key. Every day of the week before, we had met and made love. Then, after I told him how I felt, it was now this near silence. I had a horrible sense that maybe it was over as soon as it began.

I remembered what Julianne said about her friend who claimed he had told her "Don't fall in love with me," suggesting he withdrew as soon as he arrived in your life. I felt an icicle in my heart, a shiver running up my back.

As we chatted idly over breakfast in the kitchen, Jared was patting the top of his cereal when he said to me, "I've decided."

I didn't know what he was referring to.

"Decided what?"

He took his spoon and scooped up some cereal, putting it in his mouth, milk dribbling back into the bowl.

"I want to move to New York," he said casually, his mouth crunchily full.

"Really?" I replied, unable to conceal my surprise. He nodded. I laughed happily. I watched him chew and swallow the cereal. "What made you decide?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know. Mom died. Everything seems to be over here. I think I would like to…" He shrugged a second time. "…get away."

I nodded.

"I understand."

"How come?" he asked.

"I escaped as well. I escaped to New York, and now that I'm back here, I don't know, I see why I did it."

He was looking at me.

"Because you're gay, right?" I stared at my nephew, who, for all intents and purposes, was now my son. "Or bi, or whatever." He was blinking very slowly. "You know, you can say it, Eddie. I am not gonna burst into flames. My generation just accepts all this stuff."

"Yeah," I whispered. "I am gay, or bi, or whatever ."

He shrugged so carefree.

"Cool," he said, sniffing like any fifteen-year-old boy, pushing his bowl toward me as if it were my problem now.

"Yeah, you can still put your crap in the dishwasher, Jared," I said.

"Huh," he groaned but did as he was told. I was so proud of him and so happy with what he had decided to do.

All that was left was to see what was up with Max.

***

After Jared had gone to school, I logged into a Teams call that had been put in my diary over the weekend. It was with my boss. As the video jolted into action, I found myself face-to-face with him, his expression as always on the stern side.

"Morning, Eddie," he greeted me curtly.

"Morning, how you are doing?"

"Good, thanks," he said. "Shall we get down to business?"

"Sure."

"I need to talk to you about your plans for returning to New York."

I had already braced myself for this conversation ahead, but at least now, there was something concrete to say.

"I'm definitely coming back, but I'm not sure when yet," I replied. "There's still a lot to sort out here, but my nephew has agreed to move to New York with me."

My boss looked distinctly unimpressed. His tone became sharper.

"You need to be back here this week, Eddie," he snapped. "Not next week, not next month. This week."

I felt a surge of frustration.

"My sister just died," I protested. "I have her kid to sort out."

My boss's face remained entirely unmoved.

"You have a job to sort out, too," he said coldly. "Answering ten emails a day while you fan yourself in the sun is not doing that job. Can you come this week?"

I felt so annoyed, but of course, I had to conceal it.

"I can try."

He pulled himself closer to the camera.

"Let me rephrase that, Eddie. Come this week. Or if you don't, don't come back the week after, do you get me?"

He paused.

"Yes," I said.

"Good. Catch a flight tomorrow and come straight from the airport."

" Tomorrow ?"

He nodded.

"Tomorrow. Be here for the afternoon."

I realized that there was no point arguing with him. The call ended quickly, leaving me feeling rather stunned. I knew that Jared could stay at Uncle Frank's, but my adrenaline was pulsing through my veins.

***

I made the spur-of-the-moment decision to go see Max. I decided not to do much work that day, if I was being shunted across the country against my will the following day. I shut my laptop, locked the house, and headed on over.

I felt very nervous on the Uber ride over. When I reached his street, a police car was parked outside the next-door neighbor's house, but otherwise, the street was completely still and quiet in the middle of a hot day.

Getting out of the cab, I didn't even know if he would be there, but as I approached his front door, my heart still pounded in my chest.

Once I was on the front porch, I knocked at the door and could hear the sound echoing inside. Inside, I could very dimly hear voices, but they came to a stop almost immediately.

Seconds stretched out as I waited for him to open the door. If it were not for the voices inside, I might think he had gone out but then the door creaked open and Max was standing inside, his face grey with concern, quite unlike him.

"Eddie?" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I came over to see you. I hadn't heard from you and…" I couldn't take my eyes off his face. He looked so worried. "Is everything okay?"

Max's gaze flickered to the police car parked outside.

"It's nothing," he replied, but I could hear the tension in his voice. "Just a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding?"

He sighed and looked inside the house. When he spoke, he dropped his voice so whoever was in there could not hear.

"I got into a fight in a bar Friday," he whispered.

" A fight ?" I cried.

He shushed me, finger to his mouth. Then I looked back at the police car and realized that they were there to see him.

"The guy I hit, he's considering pressing charges against me."

My heart sank.

"Why would he press charges? How bad was it?"

Max hesitated, his gaze flickering away from mine.

"It was just a misunderstanding," he murmured. "I lost my temper, and things got out of hand, that's all."

The weight of his words settled on me heavily. As I met his gaze, I could see again the regret, the shame, on his face. Whatever demons haunted him, whatever mistakes he had made, I knew then that I wanted him to be healed of them. I wanted only the best for him. Wasn't that the love, the connection, that I – that both of us – had been waiting for?

"Let me in," I said. "I am a lawyer." I reached out and gently grasped his hand. "I'm here for you. Always."

"You'd better not come in."

"Why not?"

He sighed, almost groaned.

"Because… you are part of it."

This, I really did not understand.

"How am I part of it?" I asked.

"You are part of why I hit him."

Still I didn't understand.

"Why did you hit this guy?" I asked slowly.

I could see that he didn't want to answer.

"He said something," he whispered eventually.

"About you?"

He shook his head.

"More about you."

"About me?"

"About us."

Then I understood.

"That we're sleeping together?"

Max's response was measured, his gaze unwavering as he met my eyes with a steely resolve.

"I was protecting us," he said.

But then I saw it all. This guy must have said something or insinuated something, and Max had denied it. He looked so guilty, and so he didn't want to tell me the truth.

He wasn't protecting us. He was ashamed of us.

"You mean, he asked you about whether it was true we were fucking, and you said no, and when he made a joke, you hit him out of some rage and shame?"

His eyes widened, shocked, and I understood it was pretty much exactly that.

I stood there a moment, thinking I would give him a second to say something, to make it better, to make it alright. But he didn't.

"I should go," I said.

A terrible pain seemed to sweep over his face.

"The police are here," he murmured.

"Yeah, I know," I replied, "and that's why I should go."

I didn't say anything else. I turned and walked away, down the street. I knew he was watching me from the doorway, but I didn't look back. I turned the corner of his street so that he couldn't see me anymore. And before I knew it, on that hot day, I was running.

I felt like I was running away, escaping again, and I was so relieved that I would be in New York the next day.

I wouldn't have to be in this place – stuck in the past – anymore. I am not saying it would be easy, but at least I realized now the facts of the situation.