21. EDDIE

Chapter twenty-one

EDDIE

W e emerged from the water, naked, and walked together like that in darkness. As we walked, we didn't quite catch hands, but our fingers touched, and now and then, I felt the top of his bicep against my shoulder. We were totally silent.

Despite the warmth of the summer night, a chill had settled on me. The coldness of the water only truly made itself felt once you left it. As we walked in silence, I stole a glance at Max, but his expression betrayed nothing, his features unclear in the darkness.

I wanted to say something, to break the silence that stretched out, but the words failed to come from my throat. We had just ejaculated together, him under my touch, me just under the magnetism of his desire.

Instead, we continued, not speaking, for a minute or more, the sound of our footsteps the only noise around us. Even the sounds of the river faded. Each step felt heavier, laden with those unspoken words – and emotions.

Once the tent and the fire were more clearly visible, I said we should put our trunks back on, and he agreed. As I pulled one leg up to put my foot into mine, he steadied the small of my back with his palm. There was something impossibly romantic about it, our bodies drying on the air, him touching me like that, taking care.

Once I had my trunks on, he put his on, too, and we stood there a second, facing each other. He smiled at me, then lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. His thumb ran along my lower lip, and then he dropped his hand so that it briefly caught my fingers, but it didn't stay there.

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

I looked over at the tent.

"We should get back."

"No," he said. "About us. About this."

I shrugged. I didn't know the answer. I want us to fall in love , I could have said. I want to pretend this never happened , I could have said. Any answer in between might have been the right answer…or none of them.

"I'm probably not here for long," I replied eventually.

He nodded.

"Okay," he said. "I'm being impulsive. Let's leave it for now."

That was another answer that was possible in this situation. Let's leave it for now – unresolved. And what did "impulsive" mean? On what impulses was he acting?

He lifted his hand again and ran it down my arm, shoulder to wrist.

"Come on," he said. "Let's get back to Jared."

In a couple of minutes, we reached the campsite. I couldn't help but wonder what lay ahead and what the next steps were for us. But for now, we were back in the world of looking after a teenager, just playing at being a group of buds on a camping trip.

Jared lay by the fire, his silhouette against the flickering flames. In the time we had been gone, his mood had lifted entirely.

As soon as we arrived, he started telling us about a game he was playing on his phone. He grumbled about being unable to use his data out in the country, so he had to play only apps that could be used without a connection. Max chuckled at his complaint, immediately seeming like nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

"Tough luck, we didn't have Wi-Fi back then," he said. He lifted his arms to indicate the darkened sky. "We just had to make do with the magnificence of nature."

Jared rolled his eyes playfully.

"Nature would be better with Wi-Fi," he mocked.

I laughed.

"It's good to disconnect every once in a while, you know?" I said. "To look up, not down."

"It's better to have a choice," Jared said.

Max chuckled the same way.

"Your generation has the choice to make no choice because you're endlessly online."

My nephew kept staring at his phone the whole time, but there was levity in his voice.

"What are you even talking about, Granddad ?"

In the midst of Max and Jared's banter, I found myself lost in the events of the evening. The intimacy – the electricity and eroticism – of our night swim hung around me. I didn't want to think about it, though. I didn't know if it meant anything much at all, if I was leaving soon.

"Okay," I said. "We should head off." I had left my dry clothes inside the flap of the tent. "I'm gonna get changed. Jared, can you make sure you haven't left anything? Then we can take the tent down and pack up."

"I'll put the headlights on," Max said, "so that we can see what we're doing."

I smiled at him.

"Cool."

Slowly, he did the same back at me.

And so, in two beams of yellow-white light, we dismantled the tent, folding it much less carefully as Max had brought it, then stowing away our belongings. Max took charge of rolling up the sleeping bags and mattresses while I gathered up cooking and eating utensils, and Jared retrieved the cooler box. Last of all, he emptied a flask of water over the fire, extinguishing it.

I stood there for a moment, looking out over the black shadows of the scene, illuminated by the headlights and the moon and stars. It was as if we hadn't been there, except for a few hissing embers.

Max got into the car and put it in Drive. Jared and I piled into the vehicle, me in the front again. As we pulled away from the campsite, I looked back to steal a glance at the silhouette of the river, ever so slightly blacker than its surroundings, a dark snake twisting through the terrain.

That night, in that water, things between Max and I had changed – but where could it lead?

***

As the car rumbled along the dirt track, enveloped by the cloak of darkness, the only illumination came from the amber glow of the dashboard lights. Each curve in the road revealed glimpses of the surrounding forest, blackened by the night.

The miles stretched out before us on our route home. We fell into a comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts, as we trundled down lightless roads. The low hum of the engine created a drone to play against our silence.

Jared asked if we could listen to some music, and Max found a rock music station, but eventually, I was aware that my nephew had nodded off to sleep in the back.

There was no way Max and I could talk any further about what had had happened – Jared might have woken up, might have listened in – and it seemed forced to make light conversation about something else, so we listened to track after track of the same grungy guitars.

With each passing mile, the landscape transformed itself slowly, from the forested ruggedness of the mountains to the sprawling expanse of the drier, emptier hills below. In the distance, from certain turns, the distant twinkle of city lights appeared on the horizon.

Eventually, we were back down in the flatlands. As we merged onto the freeway, the furthest suburbs and outer industrial zones began to pop up.

Eventually, we entered the city proper and headed toward Downtown. But we would never reach my hometown's few skyscrapers. Once we hit the inner districts that surrounded them, we were already home.

With only minutes till our street, I glanced over my shoulder at Jared, his figure slumped against the seat, the seat belt just about holding him upright, his head lolling to one side.

"He looks exhausted," Max murmured. I turned to look at him and saw him looking into the rearview mirror.

"I guess that's to be expected after today," I said. "Tomorrow is his first day back at school, so I need to get him to go to bed as soon as we get in."

Max switched his eyes to mine.

"He is doing okay, you know, Eddie. You are doing what you need to do."

"We'll see," I replied, and nothing more was said about it.

After a moment, Max broke the renewed silence.

"Did you have a good time?"

I hesitated, the question hanging in the air between us.

"Yeah," I replied, my voice tinged with uncertainty. "I mean, despite everything… it was nice being out there, just the three of us."

Max nodded but then drew breath, slowly, almost cautiously.

"I asked if you had a good time."

And so I knew what he meant.

"Yes," I said. "I had a great time."

He had his eyes on the road now, but I saw the small smile that twitched over his lips.

"Good, I'm glad."

I was afraid to ask it back. Then a loud yawn came from the back.

"How much longer is it?" Jared asked sleepily.

I cleared my throat. I didn't get my answer.

"Almost there," I said. "Straight to bed when you get in. You have school tomorrow."

Jared groaned.

"I go to bed when I like, Eddie, sheesh. Plus, I am almost unconscious as it is." With another yawn, he glanced around the car and sat up in his seat. "Is Max gonna come in?"

I shook my head, almost imperceptibly, but enough for Max to pick up on it.

"Nah, not today, buddy," he said. "You need to pack your school stuff and shower your sweaty ass."

At this, Max's big male laugh filled the car, and Jared rolled his eyes but started laughing, too.

As we pulled up in front of the house, Max put the car in Park with the engine still humming.

"Do you need me to take any stuff inside?" I asked.

"Nope," Max replied. "Just get your bags out of the trunk, and you're good." Then, he paused. "Do you need help?"

I shook my head and laughed.

"I can get some bags out of a trunk."

"Okay," he replied.

He popped the trunk open, and Jared and I got out, gathering our belongings. Then he called to Jared, "Can you straighten things out after you take your bags and then take them inside? I need to talk to Eddie."

"Okay," Jared replied half-heartedly.

"Don't leave things like a mess."

"Okay…" Jared said again, this time even more unconvincingly. A few seconds later, he slammed the trunk shut again and dashed off to the house, declaring that he needed "a piss real bad," then shouting a quick "See ya, Max!"

In a flash, he was gone. I lingered for a moment, staring at Max in the driver's seat, with his window down, looking back at me.

We stood facing each other in the dim glow of the streetlights.

"Did you have a good time?" I asked.

He grinned.

"I had the best time."

Something in him saying that made me giggle a bit.

"Yeah, I expect I am not the first person to jerk you off in that creek."

He laughed, too, neither confirming nor denying it.

"If Jared's out at school this week, I can come over in the daytime if you want," he then said.

"Oh, cool… Come over whenever you want."

He was looking at me very meaningfully.

"Eddie…" Only then did I realize what he meant. "I want to… I want to be with you properly."

I felt the flush on my cheeks.

"What?"

"Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes, I think so," I admitted.

He reached forward and put the car in Drive but still idled there a second.

"Do I get a kiss good night?" he asked.

I was amazed.

"What?"

He was grinning.

"Just reach forward quickly and kiss me good night."

"Out here?"

He raised one eyebrow.

"Just quick."

I felt a flush of warmth spread through me at his suggestion. With a tentative step forward, I walked to the side of his car and leaned down very quickly. He pressed his lips to mine a little harder, opening them slightly. I felt the sweet warmth of his breath entering my mouth.

It was over almost as soon as it began, but as I stepped back from the car, lifting my fingers to my lips, I felt astonished. My heart was beating so fast.

That was our first kiss.