17. EDDIE

Chapter seventeen

EDDIE

A soft, ethereal light was seeping through the fabric of the tent. It was morning. I had slept so deeply; no sticky night, no wakeful hours.

Still, despite the spaciousness of Max's tent, the air was close and stifling, with the warmth of three bodies growing sweatier overnight in its cramped confines. On waking, I felt so stifled.

Gradually, I realized I was alone in the tent. Max and Jared must have got up earlier, so I took a moment on my own and lay sprawled out on an inflatable mattress. My limbs were tangled in the sleeping bag, which I must have unzipped overnight and kicked off without realizing it. Its synthetic fabric would have been clinging uncomfortably to my skin.

As I shifted on the mattress, my thoughts drifted back to Max, the odd mood that had been on him the day before. It was nothing I could pinpoint. What was happening between us? Nothing was happening between us; nothing.

And yet, still…

Had Max noticed my eyes lingering on his body, or had he invited me to look at him from the start? And if he had, what did that mean? Did he want me to want him?

I sighed. I wasn't going to get the answer lying there, chewing over endless maybes, so I decided to get up. I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my inflatable mattress bouncing underneath me.

Rummaging through my bag, which I had placed inside the flap of the tent, I retrieved my clean underwear and socks and a fresh tee and got dressed.

When I came out into the air, the crackle of burning wood met me, mingling with the aroma of toast. I saw Jared crouching by the fire, studying the bread, going browner like a scientist with his experiment. He was so absorbed he didn't even notice me.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

He looked up.

"Yeah, guess so," he replied, not paying much attention to me. Then, he fished the toast out of the fire – yelping as the heat scorched his fingertips – and threw it onto a plate at his feet. He pulled out five pieces of bread. Only a teenager thinks that five divided by three, I suppose.

"It's a shame we can't stay tonight," he added eventually. It was only the one night. We had to get back because Jared had his first day back at school on Monday.

"We can stay late and drive back. As long as you sleep at home tonight." I paused. "How do you feel about tomorrow?"

He nodded.

"Okay." He paused a moment. "Quite good, actually. I'm looking forward to getting back to, like, normal."

I smiled.

"That's good."

"So we can stay here till really late?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He grinned.

"Cool."

Standing up, he pulled his T-shirt up to his face. I couldn't help but smile at his grimace.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Jared wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"This shirt stinks," he declared.

"Why don't you change it, then?"

Having just complained, Jared waved off my suggestion as if I was being unduly worrisome.

"Nah, I'm good!"

"Typical teenage boy. I stink, therefore I am."

"Nah," he said again. "It can go another day."

I shook my head.

"Where's Max?"

"Washing some stuff down by the river. He said he wanted to hang them up to dry today. His shirt and socks, I think."

"That's what you should do."

Jared went and got another two pieces of bread for the fire. How seven divided by three was any better than five, I didn't know.

I watched him for a while, but unexpectedly, he asked me a question.

"Have you decided?"

I didn't understand.

"About what?"

"About us moving to New York."

He kept fiddling with the toast as we talked, but I knew his attention was fully on me. I could feel his nerves.

"It's not entirely my decision. You get a say, too."

"Yeah, but it kind of is your decision. You can ask me as much as you like, but you have a job and stuff."

All true.

"It's a big decision, Jared," I began. "Moving to New York would mean leaving behind everything you know."

Jared nodded, still looking at the fire.

"If we lived in New York, we couldn't do this."

"No, I guess not, or at least it would be a bit harder. But New York offers you other things. Museums, galleries, shopping, restaurants… life."

"Where would we live if I came to New York?" he asked.

"In my apartment. It has two bedrooms, it's quite big. You would have your own room. It's in a cool area named Chelsea."

Finally, he looked up at me.

"Would you adopt me and be my dad for real?"

I tried to think what was the right thing to say.

"Would you want that?"

Jared shrugged.

"I don't know," he said, his voice little more than a mumble.

"You're fifteen," I said. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want."

"But you might have to make me move to New York," he said. "Your work is there. Everything you have is there."

I sighed and crouched down beside him, putting my arm around his shoulder.

"I am going to treat you like a grown-up now. Is that what you want?"

"Yeah."

"Then the truth is that I don't know what the best thing to do is. Sometimes, when you're an adult, you come to situations where you don't completely know what to do. I would prefer to go back to New York, but I am responsible for you now."

He gave me an apologetic kind of look.

"Sorry."

"No, don't be silly! I don't mean that!"

I paused a moment. "Just sometimes in life, things just happen, and you have to roll with the punches. You're my nephew. We are each other's only close relations now. I would love for you to want to move to New York and see how it goes. But the key word there is ‘want.'"

He looked at me very carefully.

"I can't say for certain, but I don't not want to move to New York."

I felt a little hopeful.

"Good, let's work from there," I said.

His eyes shifted, and I turned, too, and saw Max walking back from the river, wet things over his arm. His movements were fluid and masculine. He was grinning at me as he got closer, and I stood up.

"Toast for all of us?" he asked.

Jared grinned.

"I'm doing some more."

He looked at the fire.

"How black do you like it?"

While we were talking, Jared had let his attention wander. The slices of bread were curling up and charring.

"Oh, shit!" he cried, reaching for the toast and then burning his fingers. I laughed as the slices clattered more on the ground than the plate.

"I'll eat those," I said. "I don't mind."

"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Max asked.

Jared stood up with the plate of burnt toast at his feet.

"More fishing and swimming?"

Max considered this.

"Let's start with fishing. Then we can stash the catch in the cool box and go for a hike in the afternoon."

"Cool!" Jared exclaimed.