Chapter 9

Felicity

Shepherd is an asshole.

He sits on his porch like nothing happened, when in fact something life-changing happened. He's angry and he has no right to be. He left and didn't come back. I waited. I waited for months. No call, no text, no contact. Nada.

That night meant nothing to him, yet it meant so much to me. Now he's back and he's the same grump he was before. I thought that night together had made him see things differently, but I was wrong.

"Felicity, why do you even bother going over to talk to him? You're going to upset yourself and that's not good for you," Karl says.

I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. "Please go home, Karl."

"You need me," he says, stepping closer.

"No, I don't. I need a little peace and quiet. Please, just go."

I lift my eyes to his and I hate that he's standing in front of me. It's not who I want standing in front of me, yet here he is.

"How about I go get you some of that cheesecake you can't seem to get enough of?"

"Fine," I say, sitting down on the couch.

At this point, I'm willing just to have a little time alone.

"I'm going to take care of you, Felicity. Both of you." He kisses my forehead and walks out the door.

I close my eyes, dropping my face into my hands. I don't need him to take care of me. I've told him countless times. He saw me buying the pregnancy test and he's been a leech ever since. He hasn't asked if it's his and I think it's because he knows the answer.

You don't need to be a math genius to figure it out.

I found out two months ago and that brings us right back to Christmas. Yep, Shepherd didn't just give me a night to remember.

When I saw the positive test there was a moment, however fleeting, that I believed he would accept me and the baby. I imagined a life together.

But the longer it went without any contact, the more I realized it was just a foolish fantasy.

I'm an independent woman who makes a good living. I don't need anyone to help me. It doesn't mean I don't want it.

The thing is, I want it with someone who doesn't want me. There's no way he'd want us both.

Karl thinks he's going to step in and take charge. It seems he's forgotten that he left me waiting at the altar. He acts as if nothing happened and I can't do it. I told him I could try being friends for the sake of our history, but that's all it will ever be. I no longer have feelings for him. I'm no longer attracted to him. I no longer love him. I've told him this and still he thinks he needs to constantly be here.

It's nice and it's annoying. I'd rather have my space and deal with my feelings in private. It seems every time I'm about to lose it, he knocks on the door. It just pisses me off even more.

I get up and look out the window and see Shepherd sitting there drinking his disgusting coffee. He doesn't have a care in the world other than being the grumpiest neighbor there ever was.

"I don't understand how you can even let him into your house. Have you forgotten what he did to you?" Emmie asks, standing in front of my desk.

"I haven't forgotten anything. It doesn't mean anything. He thinks I need help around the house since he up and left," I lie.

No one knows I'm pregnant. No one but Karl and my mom. I'm not ready to tell everyone just yet. I'm not ready for the questions that I don't have answers to. I'm not ready to tell everyone that I had a one-night stand with my neighbor and got pregnant. I'm not ready for the rumors and whispers. Small town and all.

So right now, my secret is mine to keep. I'm taking great care of myself and the baby is healthy. That's all that matters for now.

"Tell him your sexy neighbor is more than willing to help with anything you need," she says, laughing.

"Emmie, stop. I told you that's over. It was a slip in judgment and it's over."

I refuse to look up from my computer because I know she'll see the sadness in my eyes.

"Felicity, I don't understand why you don't just go talk to him. Ask him what happened," she pushes.

This time I sigh and lift my eyes to hers. "I did talk to him. He was just as grumpy as ever. He knows it was a mistake."

"He said that?"

"No, he didn't say that, but ugh, it's obvious. Now, please, just let it go. I have, you need to."

"I'll let it go."

"Thank you," I say, forcing a smile.

She shakes her head. "For now, but I refuse to believe it's over. I saw the way he looked at you. That wasn't a lie and it wasn't a mistake." I go to interrupt but she holds her hands up. "But for now I'm letting it go."

Thankfully, she does let it go and the rest of my day is spent working and googling what the baby looks like today.

When I clock out of work, I decide to go to my mom's house. Karl won't come looking for me there and I can have a good home-cooked meal. As I pull up to her house, I see her sitting out on her porch, much like Shepherd does. Only she isn't grumpy and she isn't drinking God awful coffee.

"My baby girl," she says, smiling as I walk up to the porch.

"Hi, Mom."

She wraps her arms around me and I close my eyes, feeling the comfort of her hug.

"How are you feeling? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating enough?"

I giggle as I step back. "I'm good. Definitely eating enough and I never slept well, so that's not going to change."

"Well, I have roasted chicken in the oven with red baby potatoes and green beans. You can take home all the leftovers," she says, sitting back down in her chair.

I sit in the white wooden chair next to hers and look out into the yard. She's an amazing gardener and the flowers are beautiful and in full bloom. I wish I had a green thumb like her, but my house is where plants go to die.

"Have you told the father yet?" she asks out of nowhere.

I turn my head toward her and dip my brow. "What?"

She raises her eyebrow and replies, "Did you really not hear me?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "I tried to tell him but he was being the jerk he is."

She reaches over and rests her hand on mine. "Felicity."

"Mom, stop. Tons of women raise babies on their own."

She squeezes my hand and smiles. "I'm not saying you can't raise a baby on your own. You've always been responsible well beyond your years." I smile at her, but she continues. "But don't you think the father deserves to know?"

Does he deserve to know? Maybe, but he's denied me once, I don't think I can handle it a second time. This time though he won't just be denying me. He'll be denying me and the baby. I don't think that is something I'll be able to handle.

I rest my hand on my still-flat stomach, trying to protect this baby already. I've heard the heartbeat and ever since I've had this uncontrollable need to keep this little one safe. If I tell Shepherd, I'm afraid my emotions toward his rejection will be bad for the baby and this little miracle doesn't deserve that.

"It's not that easy, Mom."

"It will all work out, Felicity. You'll see," she says, glancing down at my hand on my stomach.

"Not everything is like the romance novels you read, Mom," I say, shaking my head.

She laughs, swatting my hand. "We don't just read romance, silly girl."

I raise a brow. "Mom?" I question her, because I know when she's not telling the truth.

"Okay, fine. We're reading Outlander."

"Even worse. That's so make-believe. This is the real world and there isn't always a happily ever after."

I wish it wasn't true and before being left at the altar, I believed in the happy endings. Now, I know better and I refuse to set myself up for another heartbreak.