Chapter 16

Shepherd

"I don't know what the big deal is," I say, standing in my sister, Anya's office at the brewery.

"Shep, you can't just baby proof her house without her knowing about it." Anya's sitting behind her desk, her green eyes shining up at me.

Since leaving Felicity's house this morning, I came into the brewery and haven't been able to concentrate on anything else but the fact that soon I'll be a father.

"We should be living together," I say out of frustration.

Anya pushes her office chair away from her desk, and stands. "Shep, you can't just expect this woman to be with you because you're having a baby together."

"But I want to be with her. I always have. I don't understand why she's so mad at me."

"Well, did you ask her?"

I cross my arms over my chest, already getting into a bad mood. Of course I asked her. Of course I told her how I wanted to be together. Or maybe I didn't. "I don't know. I mean, she should just know."

"You're such an ogre." Anya leans against her desk, crossing her arms over her chest. "Nobody can read minds. Especially yours. You're the toughest man to figure out. Heck, even I can't figure you out sometimes and I grew up in the same house as you."

I blow out a breath of frustration. "I just want…ugh, I don't even know. I just want the baby to be healthy. I want to make sure Felicity has everything she needs. And I want to kiss her." I can't believe that just came out of me.

"You need to find out how she feels about everything. I'm sure she's confused and worried. Having a baby is a lot to think about. It's life-changing."

"Yeah, I'm bringing her dinner tonight. Maybe I'll ask her how she feels."

Anya smiles wide, going back to her seat, and sitting down. "Now, get out of my office. I have Willow's birthday dinner to plan. Bye."

I leave her office more confused than when I entered. When I went over to Felicity's this morning, I set out to help her baby proof her house, but after standing on her front porch with no answer to my knock, I decided I'd surprise her.

That's a nice thing, right? Aren't women always complaining about how the father never helps? I don't want to be that father.

I want to be the type that goes all in. I want to be there for my child. For our child.

After work, I head to the grocery store to get all the things for tonight's dinner. I want to make sure Felicity and the baby have a healthy meal.

I spot someone in the store I don't know how to confront.

"Hi," she says. "You're Shepherd Atwood, right?"

I nod, looking at Felicity's mother. "Helena, right?"

She smiles softly. "It's nice to officially meet you," she says, sticking out her hand for me to shake.

I take her small hand in mine, trying my best to look respectable. I knocked up her daughter. She probably hates me just as much as her daughter does. "Nice to meet you." I don't know what to say to her. I want to tell her that I don't take this whole situation lightly.

"Do you have plans?" she asks me.

I raise a brow. "Tonight? I plan on cooking for your daughter."

"No, I mean future plans. When the baby comes. I'm sure you'll want nothing to do with it once she has it."

I don't like the way she's judging me, but I get it. She wants to make sure I plan on sticking around. "I'm not going anywhere. I plan on being there every step of the way."

She studies me, her eyes roaming over me like she's trying to feel me out. Like she's looking for the honesty in my words. "And what about three am feedings? And dirty diapers? I'm sure you haven't even thought about these things."

I nod with a smile. "I honestly don't know what to expect, but I'll figure it out as I go along. All I know is I plan to be there for my child as much as Felicity will let me."

Helena smiles, her brown eyes shining. "You seem like a nice man. Felicity's scared. She won't admit it, but I know my daughter. She's terrified."

I puff out my chest slightly. "I'll protect her," I say, feeling this insane need to watch after Felicity take root deep inside me.

"I believe you."

"Ten more minutes," I tell Felicity as she sits on the couch in her living room.

I'm busily chopping fresh vegetables to add to the salad, and making sure the pasta is cooked.

When I arrived at Felicity's house this evening, she didn't appear too happy to see me, but once I told her what I was making her for dinner, she opened the door wide and let me in.

Chicken parmigiana just happens to be one of her favorite meals.

"Are you going to cook for me every night?" Felicity asks, walking into the kitchen.

I grab the chopped tomatoes and add them to the salad bowl. "If you want me to, yes."

"But once the baby comes, you won't need to keep me healthy anymore, right?"

I set the knife down, and step closer to her. "You'll be the mother of my child. Of course, I'll need to keep you healthy."

"Shep?" She breathes out.

"What?" I inch closer.

"What are you doing? I'm nearly ready to crack here. I'm tired. My breasts are itchy. I'm horny all the time, and I don't know what I'm doing. And to top it off you're making matters more complicated."

I zero in on one word.

Horny.

"You're horny all the time?"

Her eyes flick to mine. "Figures that would be the one thing you'd pick up on."

I smile. "I can always help you out in that department."

Felicity's eyes widen. "What? No." She steps away from me, getting some much needed distance between us.

Because since the moment she mentioned she was horny, I've been ready to go.

"I'm here to help you. Any way I can. If you're horny, let me scratch that itch for you. I mean, you're already carrying my baby, and it wouldn't have to mean anything." Why am I grasping at straws here?

I want her. Badly. However, I can see that she doesn't feel the same way as me. For whatever reason.

At the Christmas party, I felt like we were getting along great. That we were building a solid foundation and all that shit. However now, she acts like she doesn't want me around.

And if she's horny and going to look around for sex, it's going to be with me dammit. Not some stranger.

Not that ex of hers.

"Shep, we can't do that." Her eyes are fixed right on me, and there's something trying to swim to the surface. Like the thought is taking root.

"Why not?"

"Because we're not a couple."

Ouch.

"So?"

"So? I can't have sex with you with no meaning."

I should feel better about her saying this. That she's not the type to sleep around. That sex with her has to mean something, and well, it brings me back to the night of the Christmas party. Did it mean something then?

I know it did for me.

"We've had sex before without it meaning anything," I say, trying to plead my case, wanting her to tell me that that night did mean something to her.

She stares at me for ten full seconds. She runs her full bottom lip between her teeth, and gazes up at me. "I guess you're right."

This pisses me off. To the point I'm boiling and not sure what I want to do about it. I'm half-tempted to let her eat by herself, and leave. The other half of me wants to push her up against the fridge and kiss the fuck out of her.

"I'm always right," I tell her, my voice a little angrier than I intend for it. "Let's eat. Did you want to set the table?" I ask her, glancing at the small dining room table she has nestled in the corner of her kitchen nook.

She doesn't say anything, just starts setting the table for the both of us. I try to envision what her place will look like once the baby arrives. Will she have a high chair next to the table? Will the baby look like her?

I sure hope so.

She's breathtaking.

I stall my movements to watch her as she busies herself with getting the cutlery out of the drawer, and I picture this life with her. Married. A few kids running around the house while I cook in the kitchen.

Sure, I'm not a great chef like Griffin, but I do enjoy cooking.

The vision is so clear in my head, and I find myself smiling as I finish preparing the meal.

Before long, Felicity and I sit at her table, eating in silence, until she glances over at me.

"Were you serious?"

"About what?"

"The sex?" she asks, her voice so timid.

"I'm always serious about sex. If you're horny all the time, I can help you out with that."

She takes a bite of her salad, and I'm happy she's eating well. I want to make sure that baby inside her is getting everything it needs.

"Thank you," she whispers, and my body pulses with need.

"Is that a yes?" I need to be sure. I need to know if she wants me.

She nods. "Yes. Okay." I push my plate away, and start to stand, but her words come out in a rush, "Not right now." She sets her fork down. "Maybe this weekend. I have an early morning tomorrow at work, and I'm exhausted from hanging out with Emmie today."

"How did she take the news?"

"She yelled. She cried. She said she wanted me to name the baby Astrid."

I twist my nose at her. "Astrid? Uh, no. I get a say in the name, right?"

Felicity picks up her fork, and spears a tomato with it, and before popping it into her mouth she says, "What names are you thinking?"

I blink. "Uh, I haven't even thought that far yet."

"Really? While baby proofing your house you didn't think of any names?"

I grab my glass of water and take a quick sip. "Maybe we should see what the sex of the baby is before we name it."

"I think I'm having a girl."

I study her. "How do you know?"

She shrugs. "Just a feeling I have. I really like the name Rebecca after my grandmother."

"That's a pretty name. My grandmother's name is Rose, so maybe Rebecca Rose."

"That's so pretty." Tears well in Felicity's eyes, and I scoot closer.

"Don't cry." I hate that I'm over here making her cry.

"I'm just happy. If we have a girl we'll name her Rebecca Rose. And if it's a boy…" her words fall away as she puts a finger to her chin. "Bob."

I laugh, nearly choking on my bite of pasta. "Bob?"

She laughs. "Bobbity Bob. I love it."

I laugh harder. "Sure you do." I want to bring the attention back to the sex topic, but after being shot down, I don't know how to bring it back up.

I don't want to be the one begging for it, because I know this doesn't mean anything to her. It's only sex.

Only to fulfill her crazy pregnancy hormones.

So, I'm going to give her what she wants.

A whole lotta sex.