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Chapter Nine

Annie

I couldn’t breathe. My chest was tight and my heart pounded. Sweat coated my body and my clothes stuck to my skin. My ears rang and my vision tunneled. I had to get inside the house. Lock the door. Hide !

The second I got inside and shut and locked the door, my stomach rebelled and I vomited before I even realized I was going to vomit. I knew I should clean it up, but I couldn’t do anything but sink to the floor where I landed.

“I’m not there. I’m safe. I’m not there.” I chanted the mantra I’d started repeating to myself when this happened. I hated feeling like this! It hadn’t happened since I’d come to Grim Road and I was pretty sure it was because of Dominic’s presence, but, in a way, the absence of this panic the last month had made this event so much harder. It blindsided me. And for no particular reason! Everything had been fine, then the memory of the last time someone had kissed me hit me like a physical blow.

I rested my head on my knees, putting my hands over my ears. I could actually hear the men in the camp in the reconditioning hut berating me. Jeering. The night before I escaped, the Divine One had stripped me bare and groped me. He said he wanted to make sure I was a virgin, but I’d stopped him. He’d promised he was going to do the ritual marriage ceremony in front of the whole church. The thought of submitting to that vile, evil man, of letting him touch me, letting him have sex with me, was bad enough. But to know he was going to do it in front of the whole church to show them how his expert touch had “gentled” me? To show them all he was so powerful he could even bring the camp’s most difficult child to heel? It was disgusting and vile. The whole church was just another way of saying everyone in the compound.

He’d done it before. The man had six wives already. I was to be his seventh. Of course, it might not do him much good to take a seventh wife after what I’d done. Just thinking about it made me nauseous again.

I tried to fight my way through the nausea but that wasn’t happening. I vomited before I could get my head turned and puked all over myself. This was it. This was the day I lost my mind completely and couldn’t find my way out of the waking nightmare threatening to swallow me whole.

I coughed as I tried to suck in a breath of air and choked on my own vomit. My body was completely out of my control. Every instinct inside me was telling me to run like hell and never look back, but I couldn’t seem to do anything but sit here in a pathetic heap.

“Sweetheart, you’re safe. I swear I’d never hurt you.”

I screamed, turning onto my knees so I could stand and run. I wanted to stand, but couldn’t seem to get my legs under me. Not to mention the vomit around me made the hardwood floor slick so my uncoordinated efforts only made maneuvering more difficult. So, I crawled, even as I sobbed in fright.

“Annie.” The man calling out to me sounded upset. An angry man was never a good thing in my experience. “Annie!” His voice was sharper this time, his tone letting me know he meant business. I sobbed even more, as I scrambled to the corner of the room behind an armchair.

“ Girl !”

OK, that voice I knew. It filled me with a surge of adrenaline and I stumbled to my feet. Across the room, hands out to his sides as he put one foot in front of the other very slowly, inching my way carefully, was Dom.

“Girl, listen to my voice. You hear me?”

I nodded.

“Gonna need you to tell me you’re listening to me.”

My breath sawed in and out of my lungs in a ragged wheeze. I nodded again, then remembered what he’d said he wanted. “I-I’m l-listening.” This was so hard! I could see Dominic in front of me, but when he stopped speaking, it was like I was seeing the Divine One where Dominic stood instead.

“That’s good. Very good. I need you to take a deep breath and hold it. Can you do that? Hold it until I count to three.”

I nodded, then took a couple more breaths before taking one deep breath and holding like he said. Dom immediately started counting. When he got to three, I let out my breath in a rush.

“Very good, girl. Do it again.”

I did. Then a couple more times. After the fourth time, the pressure in my chest eased a little and I wasn’t light-headed anymore. I was trembling where I stood, but I was starting to fight my way out of the panic gripping me. While I concentrated on taking one breath after another, Dom came steadily closer until he stood right in front of me.

“Girl, I need to get you to the bathroom. I’m going to pick you up. I’m only going to help you. You can always tell me to put you down, but I need to get you to the bathroom.”

I gave him several small nods and actually reached for him. The second I did, Dom closed the distance separating us and pulled me into his arms. He lifted me and my legs went around his waist, hanging on for dear life.

“That’s it, girl. That’s it. You’re safe and you know I’ll keep you that way. Right?”

“Yes.” The word came out a strangled cry. Once the tears started, there was no stopping them. I clung to Dom and sobbed and sobbed . Through my storm of emotions, Dom held me tight. I was vaguely aware of him setting me on the counter, but I just clung tighter, not willing for him to let me go. He didn’t even try to make me let go.

I have no idea how long we were like that, or how long I raged, but when I’d finally worn myself out, Dom gently pulled away from me. He didn’t let me go, but he cupped my cheek and made me look at him.

“There’s my girl. You know I’d never let anyone hurt you, includin’ me.” When I nodded, he raised an eyebrow. “Words, girl.”

“Yes.” I tried to smile but wasn’t sure I managed it. “You’re back to calling me girl.”

“You weren’t respondin’ to your name. And I don’t think you mind me callin’ you girl as much as you let on.” Oh, his grin was wonderful. Had there ever been a more beautiful man than Dominic when he smiled? There was nothing soft about him, but Dom had shown me more tenderness than everyone in my whole life combined.

“I’ll never admit to that.”

“You don’t have to, honey.” He tapped his temple. “I know.”

That was when I realized I had us both covered in puke. “Oh, God! This is disgusting! I’m so sorry, Dom!”

“Nothin’ to be sorry about, sweetheart. Besides, I’ve been in the military or an MC since I was eighteen and old enough to prospect. I’ve been puked on by more than one man and woman durin’ that time. I’m sure this won’t be the last time it happens either.”

“I’m… not sure what to think about most of that statement. It definitely doesn’t give you many points on the intelligence scale.” Though I was coming back to myself and tried to make light of the situation to ease the tension, my voice still trembled as I spoke.

He barked out a surprised laugh. “You’re somethin’ else, girl. Don’t ever change. Not one single fuckin’ thing.”

“Even the screwed up way my brain is? I don’t even know what happened, Dom. One minute we were kissing, the next I thought my heart was going to explode.”

“I said something that triggered you, honey. What was it?”

“Triggered?”

“Yeah. Something sent you into a panic attack. You said our kiss wasn’t what you expected. And I asked you why.”

Immediately, that sick feeling returned, but not nearly as violently. I was able to breathe through it this time, closing my eyes and concentrating on taking one breath after another.

“It’s OK, girl. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Dom’s tone wasn’t urgent, just matter-of-fact. Like it was obvious to both of us I was safe, he was just reinforcing the thought.

“He… touched me,” I whispered. “The Divine One.” Dom went completely still. He didn’t let me go, but I could tell I’d shocked him. “It’s how I got out of the box they put me in.”

“It’s OK, honey. You’re safe.” I know he probably hated repeating himself -- most people did -- but I also knew he was doing his best to give me comfort and reinforce the notion I actually was safe.

“He was disgusting. They held me while he… while…” I swallowed, bunching my hands in Dom’s shirt while I tried to hold down the bile. I didn’t want to vomit again because if I got sick I’d have to let go of Dom. “But one of the men holding me lost his grip. I took the ceremonial knife no one realized I could reach and I stabbed him. A few times.”

“A few times, huh?” He didn’t sound angry or shocked. If anything, he sounded amused. It was enough to pierce the veil threatening to surround me again.

“I did, Dom. I stabbed him over and over. He screamed and the men all jumped back instead of trying to subdue me again. It’s how I escaped the reconditioning hut and made it to the outskirts of the camp. I ran as hard as I could to a spot in the fence I knew I had the best chance of climbing. I’d been making halfhearted plans to escape before, but it had been two years since I’d been outside the hut alone. It wasn’t as easy to get over as I’d thought it would be. But I made it where I intended to go.”

“I know you did, girl. You made it to Venus and she brought you to me.”

“I don’t think I killed him, but I stabbed him in the privates. Maybe now he won’t take any more wives.”

“Well, I don’t know what he’s done since you left, but I can promise you, the second I find that bastard, I can guarantee you he’ll never take another wife.”

I looked up at him, confused. “How can you promise that? No one can predict the future. The Divine One tried to get everyone to think he could, but he was lying.”

“Girl, I can guarantee it because, the second that motherfucker is within arm’s reach of me, he’s a fuckin’ dead man. I will kill him and I will never even pretend to regret it.”

There probably should have been some negative reaction to that declaration. I should have been horrified at the thought that Dom would kill someone, especially because I knew he was doing it for me. This man’s death would be as much my fault as it would be Dom’s. When guilt and fear didn’t come immediately, I waited a few seconds. Then a few more. Huh. “I think I’m a bad person, but I won’t regret it either.”

He smiled down at me. “That’s my girl. Now. Let’s get you in the shower. Then we’ll watch as many episodes of the baking show you like. I won’t even bitch and moan about it. What do you say?”

That startled me. “You won’t? But you always complain.”

“OK, I might complain a little. But only for fun.”

“You’re a good man, Dominic.” His unexpected confession nearly started up the crying again. I’m not sure how I managed to find this man, but I had no desire to ever give him up.

“I’m just a guy takin’ care of his girl.”

“Your girl?” My heart started racing again. This was an entirely different feeling. I remembered that kiss. Before my mind betrayed me. That kiss was everything. I knew in my heart, that kiss was how it was supposed to be. Not the perverted fumbling of an evil, controlling man.

“Yeah, baby. You’re my girl.”

“What does that mean?”

“To be honest, I’m not sure.” If he’d punched me in the gut, I don’t think it would have hurt as much as those words. I felt them like a physical blow and I stiffened in his arms and gasped. “Stop, girl!” he snapped. “Let me finish. I’m not sure because I just decided I was headed that way. I was resistant when Piston and Venus approached me because you’re too young for an old bear like me. You need someone you can relate to. Not someone who’d been in the military longer than you’ve been alive. So, I’m not sure what it means because, after I left Tina, I never even thought about havin’ a woman of my own. But when you ran from me earlier, I knew I never wanted you runnin’ from me again. You run to me. I’ll keep you safe.”

“D-don’t give m-me this then rip it away from me. I-I couldn’t s-stand it.” Tears did start again then. There was no stopping them. I was too emotionally raw and battered.

“Never, baby. I don’t think there’s going to be any way I could let you leave me, and I ain’t panickin’ the way I should be at the thought of keeping a woman for my own.” He looked so adorably confused, I actually smiled. I could breathe again. The band around my chest finally relaxed and the last of my anxiety dissipated.

“There’s my girl.” He grinned down at me before leaning in to kiss my forehead. “Now. Shower for both of us. Clean clothes. Junk food. Baking show.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Yeah. We both smell like puke.”

“Will you be OK by yourself? I don’t like leaving you but I know you’re gonna need time before you’re ready for anything heavy, even if it’s only me helping you wash. So if you need me here, I promise to keep it light and strictly nonsexual.”

My throat got tight. It was funny how a man the Divine camp would consider evil was a better person than all of that lot put together. I have no idea why I felt this way, but I trusted Dom with anything. Probably more than anyone else. Even Venus.

I smiled up at him. “Yes. Please stay with me. I promise I’m not going to freak out again.”

“And if you do, I’ll help you through it. You sure this is what you want?”

I nodded. “I’m sure.”

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