Capitulum V

I nvisible, we snuck in behind returning upperclassmen wheeling their things in matching wagons. We didn't become visible again until we were safely inside the gates.

"What stage of grief do you think Lindy would be in right about now?" Rigel asked as we meandered toward the Iudex dorm.

"If you're lucky? Bargaining. Unlucky? Probably anger."

"Agnes!" someone roared from the darkness.

Before I knew it, I was being lifted off the ground in a massive hug.

I lost hold of my cane as Blair spun me. The greeting was only surprising until I smelled the booze on his breath.

"Did you just get in?" I wheezed as he sat me back down.

He scoffed, running his hand across his buzzed head. "No, I've been back for days to prepare for the party."

"Party?" I asked, my stomach sinking as Arlie appeared beside him, blonde hair done up in a braided style and a party hat strapped around her chin.

"My deathday party?" Her smile was tense. "I sent you, like, multiple invitations to make sure you remembered."

Shit.

"Oh, right, sorry, I was just on my way to get changed for it."

"What you're wearing is fine."

Arlie's eyes flashed to Rigel, and I could tell she was hoping he wouldn't view this as an invitation, since he gave her the creeps. Luckily, he didn't even ask.

"Have fun," he said, peeling away toward the dorm but not without throwing me one last sarcastic smirk.

Arlie watched him go before asking, "Are you..."

" No ."

"Good. Some things are worse than celibacy," she said as we all headed toward the maze. "Just assure me you have better taste."

If she only knew.

"I'd set you up with someone," Blair said, grinning in the darkness. "But with your track record, I'd rather keep your body count low."

I winced, not keen to reflect on my short disastrous fling with his friend Tom the year before, a lackluster dalliance that had resulted in me carrying Tom's disembodied head out of the woods while a giant snake crushed the rest of him.

"One summer, and you're all ready to joke about it?"

"Humor is a very well-documented coping strategy."

Part of me hoped his fellow Reapers would feel the same, but they hadn't exactly been fond of me before what happened to Tom. So, I wasn't holding my breath.

When we emerged at the fire pit, our attention went to a massive clump of people where the incline plateaued enough for tables and chairs.

Noticing Arlie, they all cheered and waved her over.

They'd set up a cute little spot, decked out in colorful bunting and a table of snacks. There were little handmade cards with sloppy drawings of anatomical hearts adorned with either frowny faces or little Xs for eyes. The cake, sitting proudly in the middle of the table, was a carefully sculpted toilet, with her name artfully piped onto the tank lid. Arlie cackled with delight, playfully shoving the party guests.

"You people are ridiculous," she said, admiring the little chocolate turds placed in the toilet bowl. "Though, if you wanted to be historically accurate, I didn't get to poop in the toilet. I shat my pants while I was dying, thank you very much."

She was met with uproarious laughter.

"If you wanted better cakes, you shouldn't have bit it in a bathroom," Blair said as she squeezed him around the waist.

He leaned forward, plucking one such chocolate turd from the cake and popping it in his mouth.

The crowd groaned, and he shot them the bird collectively.

"Don't be dramatic. I did hours of volunteering in the dining hall to get this cake made."

I tried to stick by Arlie's side, but the group swallowed us up and promptly spat me back out. Even without the outright disdainful looks from the Reapers, I wasn't a welcome presence. But Arlie was having such a good time, so I was content to loiter until she needed me again.

I oddly yearned for Rigel's presence, which indicated how my night was faring. But since he would obviously be indisposed, my next best bet was solitude.

I grabbed a cider and lingered around the outskirts of the celebration, singing along with everyone to a tune distantly resembling the classic birthday song. I clapped when she tore the rim of the toilet cake off with her hands and took a big bite.

Once everyone dissolved into casual socializing, the day's events knocked at my conscious, and I tried to quiet the memories by bringing the bottle to my mouth. But as I pressed the amber glass to my bottom lip, the oddest remnant of a zing buzzed from where Cass had touched me.

Surprised, I pulled the bottle from my mouth too quick, spraying myself and others.

"Watch it," a Reaper, Shane, barked, shaking his meaty arms to get the cider off.

His voice drew the group's attention, and my face heated in shame.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, voice loud and loaded with venom.

I was pained to see Arlie and Blair's attention drawn to me in confusion.

"What's wrong?" Arlie asked, a tinge of weariness lacing the words.

"She fucking spat on me," he hissed.

"What?" Arlie asked, brow creasing.

I wanted to explain, but my mouth went dry, and I found myself gaping at her instead.

"I think I should go to bed," I said finally, wincing at the words as they came out.

It wasn't really what I wanted to say, but all I could think about was escape.

I spun on my heels and limped toward the exit, but I didn't make it before Arlie touched my elbow.

"Are you okay?" she whispered as I turned.

To her credit, genuine concern crossed her face.

The urge to sit on the grass and divulge every awful truth nearly tore its way out of me.

But when I lifted my gaze, I found a sea of eyes staring back at me. She was so rarely alone, and I imagined my secrets leaking out of her like tea leaves in boiling water.

How could I tell her such an important secret if I didn't believe in her ability to keep it? How could I watch her treatment of me change once I was no longer as simple and easy as her other litany of friends?

Her expression fell at my silence.

"Why have you been such a buzzkill this summer?"

If I had to choose, I would want her to hate me for this fake, silly reason than to hate me for a real reason. It felt more tolerable that way.

"Aw, Ags, did you miss me?" Blair asked, clearly trying to disperse the tension. "No more tears. I've returned."

"Yeah, that was it," I said, my accompanying laugh coming out dry and brittle. "Anyway, I'm sorry. You guys have fun."

She let me go that time, and I hurried through the maze, utilizing every ounce of strength to keep my face neutral as I passed gaggles of happy students.

I was desperate to be alone, but when I opened the door to my room, Rigel was in there waiting for me. Pausing at the threshold, I wondered momentarily if I'd accidentally walked into the wrong room.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, closing the door.

He was curled up on my bed, despondent.

"She wouldn't open the door," he mumbled, eyes flicking to me.

"So, this felt like the next best thing?"

I collapsed on the edge of my bed to pull my shoes off, and he moved his long legs out of my way as he shifted to sit next to me.

"Perhaps it would have been better if she didn't know."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I propped my bad foot on my knee and peeled the sock back to untie my ribbons.

"Personally, I couldn't bear the sight of you for months after I found out," I said, trying my hand at being comforting for once. "And look at us now."

I checked his expression and found his eyes following my fingers as I fumbled with the sweaty knots under my knee. For a moment, I wondered if he'd even heard me, but then he spoke, voice wary and miserable.

"Is it bad that I wish she wanted me to comfort her?"

Digging my fingernail into the knotted ribbon, I pulled it loose and unwound it from around my sweaty calf.

It always left a latticed imprint on my skin and permanent dents in the hair, and I took the opportunity to scratch languorously at it.

"You want to deal with someone who's spiraling?" I groaned as my nails ran over my aching skin.

It wasn't the most sympathetic stance, but I still hoped to shift his attention.

"I want to deal with her ."

"Well, that's very sweet and all, but even when she was alive, she wasn't exactly a shoulder crier. I could have told you that."

I went to undo more of the straps when the foot came loose and toppled off the edge of my knee.

Rigel caught it in a lightning grab. "Do you think she hates me?" he whispered, gently setting my foot on the bed between us.

It took a herculean effort to contain my shock at his pitiful tone.

"Probably not, you big baby."

"You're terrible at comforting people."

"Yes, which is why she's not running over here to jump in my arms, either."

"Can I stay here tonight?" he asked. "I need to be close by in case she changes her mind."

"I have enough to deal with without some lovesick puppy sleeping on my floor."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said. "I'd take the bed."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he grinned. "How the hell did you even get in here again?"

He shrugged innocently, getting to his feet.

"Take it up with your door."

I shifted my attention to the traitorous door next to him. "If you let him in again while I'm not here, I'll make you eat your own hinges."

Rigel whistled. "That's harsh, Tits."

I pointed to the door. " Leave ."

He tipped his head, but once he was out in the hallway, I listened as he knocked on Lindy's door again.

When there was no answer, I expected to hear footsteps disappear down the hall, but instead, there was a light shuffling. If I didn't know any better, it sounded like someone settling in for a long night waiting on the hallway floor.