Capitulum XXI

W hen Monday rolled around, Professor Arnold stopped me on my way out of Advanced Transparency.

"Agnes," he called, nodding for me to approach his cage, expression dubious. "I hear you want to be my teaching assistant. Did Samuel make it seem like an absolute romp?"

"I just thought it would be good for... extra credit."

"You're doing fine in my class."

"I just mean in . . . general."

Luckily, he didn't seem interested in hearing my reasoning.

"I'll still need him for most of the classes, but you're welcome to relieve him of his Friday evening duties."

"Awesome, thank you," I said, trying to sound excited by the prospect of giving up my Friday nights for paper grading and desk cleaning.

Arlie was waiting for me outside when I left the outbuilding, and I was so deep in thought I nearly passed her by.

"So?" she asked, startling me.

I nodded. "He said yes, but only on Friday evenings."

"That's merciful."

"In your opinion," I grumbled, piercing her with my eyes.

"Is Rigel the cause of this sour attitude of yours? Didn't Connie say he was on your teet like two months ago or whatever?"

I gagged. "As if."

"I'm not judging. I can see the appeal if you're someone who doesn't care about personality or general decency." She narrowed her eyes. "What are you into? Are you just into nothing? Because that's fine, too."

"It's not... I don't... Whatever, I need to go and plan. I'll see you later."

I peeled away from her without looking at her face.

I couldn't deal with the confusion I'd find there. It was just another question I couldn't answer, the one secret I was still keeping.

When I returned to my room, I plopped into my desk chair and pulled out the tiny white box from my top drawer. I fiddled with it, feeling the small hard piece inside slide around and click against my fingertips.

Using it against him felt cruel, but it was all I had to wager. He was still staunchly refusing to acknowledge my existence outside of shaking ceiling dust onto my bedspread.

I might have been able to get his help simply because what we were doing was part of the plan to figure out what happened to Lindy. But if I told him that, he'd just bull straight through it without thought.

After taking a minute to work up my nerves, I ascended the stairs to the second floor and knocked on the underclassmen's door.

She groaned at the sight of me. "What?"

"Is he here?"

She crossed her arms coolly.

"I have something he wants," I added when she didn't respond.

Her eyes scanned my body like she was trying to imagine the one thing he could want from me. It caused her cheeks to glow even redder.

From inside the room, I heard the barest tickle of a whisper, which caused her back to straighten. She turned to look at something just out of my eyeline, pouted, but then said flatly, "Check the library or something, I guess."

"Thanks for the tip."

She slammed her door in my face.

I ambled to the library as the sun dipped, and the warm glow of the lanterns laid over campus like a string of luminescent pearls.

To avoid looking too suspicious, I scanned around for the atlas. I wasn't sure exactly where it might be. It had no author I was aware of, and I didn't even know if it was one monster book or a collection, like an encyclopedia set.

I wandered until something caught my eye, the same red leather as the histories, which wasn't common in regular books. When I approached it, I discovered a singular, faded gold foil word crawling down the spine.

Atlas .

But no way was it the same thing everyone had been describing. It was long and slender, barely the size of a regular earth atlas.

I pulled it, but it stopped short halfway, issuing a loud click as the bookshelf popped away from the wall. It creaked open slowly, revealing a surprisingly large room hidden along the far wall of the library. It wasn't very deep, but it stretched around the curve of the turret.

Every inch of the walls was lined with books, each spine holding some odd combination of symbols. I approached them, leaving the door ajar as I stroked the binding. Every few feet were little cubicles, taken up by tabletops large enough to spread out multiple books at once.

"Fancy seeing you here," someone said behind me, making me jump.

I scoffed, trying to hide how breathless I was from surprise. "Your girlfriend is a terrible actress, and you are no better."

Rigel smiled. "Yes, but she's doggedly loyal, which is a nice change of pace for me. I only wish it didn't make me lose respect for her."

"You don't impress me when you say things like that."

He leaned back, checking to make sure no one was lingering on the other side of the doorway before closing it. With the door shut, the space was almost stifling. Dim orange bulbs flickered overhead, and a dense, pervasive smell of ink and binding clogged the air.

Satisfied we were alone, he said, "I wasn't trying to. It's just true. It's also one of your worst traits, so I wouldn't be looking so smug."

"You're unbelievable."

"Did you just ask me down here to lambaste me, or is there a reason you're putting both of us through this?"

I leaned my shoulder against the bookcase, offering him an icy smile. "I need to map something, and you're the only person I know who might be willing to do it."

He narrowed his eyes, looking down his nose at me. "Willing is an interesting word choice."

"Capable, at least."

"Maybe, but I still don't know why I'd bother."

"What? Suddenly, you're too good for a bit of devilry?"

"I've moved on." His jaw twitched. "I have a new girlfriend, and now I'm content with normal, boring indulgence."

"Then, you wouldn't be at all interested in this?" I asked, pulling the white box from my pocket.

He lunged forward, but I was faster, bringing my cane up under his chin and catching him in the neck, keeping him a safe distance from me.

I slid the box back into my pocket.

"Where did you get that?"

The words seemed to crackle from somewhere deep in his chest.

"Found it with Lindy's stuff while I looked for my foot."

He was breathing hard, each inhale rattling through the stem of my cane and into my arm.

"And you really feel like this is something you're allowed to keep from me?"

"You'd do the same."

He pressed harder into the cane, removing the space between us. I curled my body away, realizing I wouldn't put it past him to tear my clothes off in the name of retrieving the box.

"You give me far too much credit to dangle something like that in front of me."

"You don't want to hurt me."

His eyes darkened, voice dropping so low I didn't so much as hear it but feel it vibrating through me. "You don't know that."

Not sure I was making the right choice, I let the cane slide between my fingers, and he inhaled slightly as the wooden handle left his neck. But before he could get any funny ideas, I gripped the wood once more and drove the handle up against his groin.

"I'm impressed," he wheezed.

"Don't flatter me just because you're afraid I'll make you a eunuch"

He let out a small, dry laugh. "Seeing as you quite literally have me by the scrotum, what do you need?"

"I need you to map the way from Professor Arnold's throughline to Last Hope."

"Why?"

"None of your beeswax."

"Is it because of Lindy?"

"I thought you didn't care anymore."

"Just tell me."

"No. It's just for me."

His eyes, jet black in the low light, scanned my face. "Betty?"

Just her name made me flinch, eyes dipping to the floor before he could notice them going watery.

Afraid he would sweeten the deal on his end if he saw me getting too emotional, I kept my voice stiff as I asked, "So, you'll do it?"

"Well, you're withholding my rightful property from me, so it seems I have little choice."

I pulled my cane away from his crotch and nodded, regaining enough composure. "How fast do you think you can do it?"

"It'll probably take a few weeks."

I balked. "A few weeks ?"

"If you're lucky."

"I thought you knew how to use this stuff."

"Who says I don't? Maybe you're just on the bottom of my priority list."

"Not enough for you to stop disrupting my sleep on purpose."

His eyebrows shot up, followed by a matching smirk. Then he moved his arm, causing me to tighten my grip on the cane. But he only pulled one of the heavy tomes above my head free, holding it in the space between us.

When he peeled it open, I was met with list after list of nonsensical gibberish. It appeared to be laid out purposefully, but I had no clue how someone decoded it.

"Even people who've completed the class tend to struggle, and I've only attempted it for fun. So, there you go. That's about as good as I can offer you."

"Whatever, that's fine. When you figure it out, find me, and I'll give you the box."

"Cruel." He smiled slowly, face growing oddly amused. "It's so nice to see that I've rubbed off on you."

"Don't be a dick."

When he smacked the book closed, the noise echoed around the narrow space as he reshelved it in one fluid motion.

"It's just true. Last year, you might have had a conscience, but it seems that you've fixed that. I'm happy for you, really. It's freeing, isn't it?"

His tone wavered as if he were fighting to maintain his composure.

Glancing down at his hands, I found them trembling. "Are you feeling alright?"

When he didn't answer, I gingerly grabbed him by the jaw, pressing my fingertips into his cheeks to part his lips.

Despite the venom in his words, he didn't resist, face going slack in my hand as I tilted it toward my own and sniffed his breath. It didn't smell like the bone tea, which could've explained his behavior.

I released him, but he lingered, eyes remaining closed for a long moment. "Tease."

"I'm being serious. Have you been feeling . . ."

"Why? I'm no concern of yours."

"Don't be like that. We were . . ."

"What? Friends?" he scoffed.

"We weren't nothing."

He looked like he wanted to respond, but his hand came up over his mouth, rubbing against his lips like he was wiping something away as he retreated.

"Don't say that to me."

"Why are you acting like this is groundbreaking information?" I called after him as he yanked the heavy door open with a pop.

When he looked back at me, face obscured by the blade of bright light coming from the cracked door, something strained on his face, like sadness.

"I'll map the way to your daughter. Just leave me alone."

~

The following Friday was my first day helping Professor Arnold, so I finished some work with Arlie in the library before heading to his room. The door opened for me, which felt like a good sign.

"Oh good, you're here," he called from his desk, putting down his papers and getting to his feet.

"Ready and able," I confirmed.

"Excellent news. I need to move the desks around for next week's classes, and it might be nice to clean the place up. It's looking a little dingy over there."

I set my bag down in the corner and began grabbing the chairs. I found that I could maintain my balance if I leaned into the furniture as I pushed it around the room. "So, you can't even come out to clean?"

"Even if I could touch things from your world, it still wouldn't be worth the risk," he said, coughing. "Scoot those desks closer together."

"It's that scary?" I grunted as the table legs resisted my shoving.

"Let's just say touching a mortal is a delicate, dangerous proposition for someone like yourself." He held out a hand like he was offering a shake. "Let's say you shook my hand, but since you have to consciously touch my physical form instead of my spiritual one, there's a chance you'd pull my soul free from my body."

I stepped back. "Like . . . really?"

"Yes, you see now why I'm not keen on the idea?"

"But what happens? What does that mean?"

"In practice? We don't really know. It's not exactly a consistent result. There are too many factors at play, too many variables. But..."

"But?"

He flinched. "The soul rots."

I grimaced. " Rots ?"

"Like milk out of the fridge."

"That seems like a pretty insane risk. Why do all of this, then?" I gestured around the classroom.

"I've always had a thirst for knowledge, so when I was given the opportunity, I decided to take it."

"Is this your way of telling me they pay beaucoup bucks?"

He laughed. "Alas, no, but I make decent retirement. It's nice to have something to pass the time."

"So, while the other retirees are going on cruises and playing bridge, you're jumping into the afterlife and teaching for thrills?" I asked, pausing in my work to study him.

"I'm also securing myself a role here when the time comes."

"Oh, really?"

He chuckled, saying, "Yes, it's like tenure."

"You must really like this place, then."

"Knowledge of eternity was my number one goal in life, even before I knew it existed."

I grabbed two chairs by their backs and pushed them to the corner of the room.

"So, you'd rather hang out in purgatory forever to learn?"

"There's always an out clause. I'd just like the opportunity to try before I'm pushed out the other end." He looked around. "It would be nice to explore outside of this dismal cage, at the very least."

"Yes," I said, looking around at the plain classroom walls. "The view isn't exactly breathtaking."

"I'm willing to be patient."

"You have more self-control than me."

He coughed into a handkerchief before shoving it back into his pocket. "Don't give me too much credit. I also get plenty of updates from my comrades on your side of the veil."

"Comrades? You know people from the school?"

"Of course. I even knew one of your professors when we were both still alive."

I jerked to a stop, the desk under my hands screeching violently against the floor. "Wait, who?"

"Faun. We were in university together before what happened to him."

I felt my heart leap at the sound of his name. "Really?"

"How did you think I was offered this position?" He chuckled. "The role opened up, and Faun knew that I, of all people, would be interested."

"Why? Were you guys ghost hunters or something?"

"When we met, we were both studying ethics and theology. We bonded over a shared dedication to discovering the truth about the universe."

"I bet metaphysical academia was a bit of a letdown, then, yeah?"

"Oh, I highly suspect that this place only just scratches the surface of what exists beyond."

"Then, why do you want to stop off here so badly?"

"Because there's still a lifetime's worth of stuff here to learn, and once you leave, it doesn't appear you'll ever be able to backtrack."

"Is that why he's here, too?" I asked, trying not to seem too interested in the answer as I carried more chairs across the room.

"Do you usually ask so many questions about your professors?" he asked, eyeing me through the bars.

My eyes went to the floor, and I had to fight the heat flooding my cheeks. "No, uh, I'm just making conversation."

He looked over the rim of his glasses at me, but before he could say anything, the door clicked behind me, and he looked over my shoulder. "Speak of the devil."

I turned, unprepared to see Professor Faun standing in the doorway holding papers.

His eyes flicked away from me quickly, fixing on Professor Arnold. "I thought we had a meeting. I can come back."

Professor Arnold peeked down at his watch. "Ope, you're right. Agnes, that'll be enough for today. Thank you for your help."

I nodded, knowing I should say something but afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would simply let out a choking groan.

I didn't look at Professor Faun as I grabbed my bag and limped through the door. The moment I was outside, I stopped, leaning against the wall to catch my breath.

But as I rested my back against the rough brownstone, I realized I could hear them talking inside.

"I think she has a crush on you," Professor Arnold said with a chuckle.

A draw of silence preceded a shuffling of feet.

"What care is that of mine?"

"You could see her ears perk up the second I said we knew each other when you were alive."

A chair screeched along the floor.

"Perhaps you shouldn't be sharing personal details about either of us with students."

"No one's going to accuse you of anything by being palatable occasionally."

"The risk reaps no reward that appeals to me, especially not with a student."

The words made me wince, even though they were a lie. It was such a cruel reminder of what he likely thought of me on some level — puerile and impetuous, someone to be scolded and corrected.

I went to the library, hoping to find a quiet place to work while trying desperately to distract myself from the anxiety of the task I'd been assigned. Being his TA, I'd theoretically have access to his cage, but I'd need to check before getting too excited.

When it finally got dark and I couldn't avoid it any longer, I slipped out of the library and wound my way down the path in front of the outbuilding. With one final look around the desolate side of campus, I put my hand on the knob and pushed inside. The room was odd at night, the empty desks looming like specters around me.

I wondered if the first door opening for me was enough confirmation to assure Arlie, but even I wasn't that spineless. I just needed to pull at the handle and see what happened.

I hurried across the room, but just as I was about to pull the heavy iron clasp, something moved out of the corner of my eye.