6. Shep

SIX

Shep

12:51 pm

I push open the door to the rooftop garden, holding it for Elle as she steps out into the warm Birmingham afternoon, her left arm in a sling. The city skyline stretches before us, a jumble of old brick and gleaming glass. Elle's eyes widen, taking it all in.

A blend of modern and historic architecture dot the city below. Skyscrapers pierce the sky, their glass facades reflecting the late afternoon sun.

The green canopy of Railroad Park contrasts with the urban sprawl, offering a splash of nature amidst the concrete jungle.

In the distance, the silhouette of Red Mountain forms a natural barrier. The iconic Vulcan statue stands tall, a silent guardian of the city. The blend of urban energy and natural beauty reminds me why I love this city despite the chaos within these hospital walls.

"Wow, quite a view up here."

I nod, guiding her to a small table near the railing. "One of the perks of being stuck in this place. How about I grab us some coffee? What do you like?"

"It feels great up here. Something cold. How about an iced decaf latte?"

"I always wondered if people really ordered decaf coffee. Interesting choice."

"I've already had my coffee today. Don't want to get too jacked up."

"I hear you. Never too much caffeine, as far as I'm concerned."

When I return with two cups, Elle's gaze is fixed on the horizon. I can't help but notice how the sunlight catches her hair, bringing out golden highlights I'd never taken the time to notice before.

"So," I begin, sliding her coffee across the table. "Tell me about Florida. What've you been up to these past ten years?"

Elle takes a sip and then launches into a description of her work in marine conservation. Her eyes light up as she discusses coral restoration projects and sea turtle rescues. I find myself leaning in, captivated by her passion.

I realize that before, when we were in college, I never took the time to learn about her passion. What a shame because she really beams when she talks about it. And, quite frankly, it is super interesting.

"That's incredible," I say when she pauses for breath. "You're making a difference out there."

Elle's eyes meet mine, and she gives me a small smile, the kind that transforms her whole face.

She shrugs, but I can see a hint of pride in her smile. "What about you, hotshot surgeon?" Just like the Elle I remember, diverting attention when someone tries to pay her a compliment.

"I'm happy for you that you were able to follow through with your aspirations. You talked about being a neurosurgeon since the day I met you. I'm not surprised you did it, but I'm impressed. You always were laser-focused," she says softly, a note of genuine admiration in her voice.

Her words should fill me with pride, but a pang of guilt twists in my chest. Her compliment is a spotlight on my choices and the sacrifices that cost us our relationship.

It's glaringly obvious that things between us were so unbalanced. She knows and seems to care about my passions. She seems to have taken a genuine interest in my life, as one does when one cares about another person.

God, I'm such a dick.

I can sense she might be thinking the same thing, the unspoken realization hanging between us. I know she isn't trying to make me feel bad, but it's impossible not to reflect on the past now, with her right in front of me in the flesh.

For me, it was about the best med school to give me the best shot at the best fellowship. That was all there was.

But now, with a few more years and a lot more life behind me, I see it differently. I realize I could have made different decisions. I could have tried harder to balance the two. Maybe I still would have ended up here, a successful neurosurgeon, but I might have given us a real chance to see if what we had could last.

I'm not sure I would have settled down back then. I was young, ambitious, and restless. Our relationship probably had the best chance of becoming something lasting of any other I've had. I wonder what could have been... If I hadn't been so rigid... If I had let myself be open to the possibility of a future with her...

For instance, who knows where things might have gone if I had chosen to attend UF College of Medicine.

As I look at her now, I can't help but feel a sense of melancholy. The life I've built is everything I dreamed of professionally—but the personal cost was steep. Seeing Elle again, I'm reminded of the paths not taken, the love that might have been.

"Yes, that damn dogged pursuit."

"It's a good quality," she offers, letting me off the hook more than she should.

I muster a slight chuckle, feeling a warmth in my chest that has nothing to do with the coffee. "Well, I try. But honestly, the most important thing in my life right now is Opie. That is where all of my ambitions go now."

"Opie?"

"My son. He's four," I say, feeling a surge of pride and love as I reach for my phone. I quickly swipe through to find my favorite picture of Opie, a candid shot capturing his infectious grin and sparkling eyes—a mirror image of my own.

"Here, take a look," I offer, turning the screen towards Elle. "That's my little man. He's got this wild mop of hair that won't stay put no matter what we do. It's like trying to tame a tornado."

I chuckle softly, then hesitate momentarily before adding, "His mom, Ari, and I share custody. We were never married, just... it's complicated. You know how these things can be." I run a hand through my hair, suddenly aware of how similar it is to Opie's unruly mop.

Elle's expression softens as she looks at the photo, her eyes lingering on the screen. "He's adorable, Shep," she says, her voice warm and genuine. "Those dimples! And that smile... he looks so happy. I can tell you're a great dad."

Her words catch me off guard, and I feel an unexpected warmth spreading through my chest. "I do my best," I say, surprised by how much her approval means to me. "It's not always easy with my schedule, but Opie... he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It makes all the long shifts and sleepless nights worth it."

She meets my eyes, and for a moment, I see a flicker of the hurt I caused her all those years ago. It's like a punch to my own gut, reminding me of the pain I inflicted on her and the fact that I never tried to contact her again.

But then something shifts, almost imperceptibly, and her gaze warms. The ice in her expression seems to melt away, replaced by a softness that makes my breath catch in my throat. It's a look I didn't deserve and didn't expect. It stirs up feelings that make me feel more than a little uncomfortable.

2:24 pm

I pull out of the hospital parking garage, my mind still swirling with thoughts of Elle. My hands grip the steering wheel tightly as I navigate through the traffic, replaying our conversation on the rooftop repeatedly in my head.

Even after all these years, something about Elle still pulls at me. The way her eyes light up when she talks about her work, the soft curve of her smile when she looks at Opie's picture—it's all so achingly familiar, yet new simultaneously.

Pulling into my driveway, I can't shake the feeling that something has shifted. Maybe I'm not just trying to prove I've changed.

Opie and I stand at the front door and wave goodbye to Cason. As soon as she's halfway down the road, he pulls on my scrubs pant leg.

"Daddy, come see what I built today," he pleads.

"Okay, Buddy. Let's see it. I can't wait."

He runs in ahead of me. The storm glass door shuts with a thud as I try to catch up with him. My son's excited chatter fills the house as he yells for me.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. You're so fast, I can't keep up."

I get down on the floor and give him my full attention. In his hands, he's proudly displaying a brightly colored spaceship of sorts. It's an impressive concept for a four-year-old. Maybe he has my laser focus.

"Wow, Buddy, this is amazing!" I say, taking the spaceship from him carefully. I turn it over in my hands, inspecting the detailed work he's put into it. "You did such a great job. Look at all these cool colors."

He beams up at me, his eyes shining with pride. "Yeah! And look, the wings can move, too!" He reaches out and demonstrates, his tiny fingers making the wings flap back and forth.

"That's super cool. You're getting good at this," I say, genuinely impressed. "I bet this could fly all the way to Mars."

His face lights up even more if that's possible, and he starts explaining every little feature of his creation, from the control panel to the special cargo hold he designed. I listen intently, marveling at his creativity and the joy he finds in making his Lego masterpieces.

"Hey big guy, what do you say to walking to the park?" I ask, ruffling his hair.

Opie's eyes light up. "Yeah! Can we go to Railroad Park?"

I check my watch. It's a bit of a walk, but the fresh air will do us both good if the heat doesn't kill us. "Sure thing. Let's get your shoes on."

We head out, walking down 20th Street South towards the park. Opie skips along beside me, pointing out every dog we pass. As we cross 1st Avenue South, my phone buzzes. It's Buster Hankel, my wild friend since our time as Sigma Nus at Florida.

"Shep, my man! You've got to come out tonight. Parkside's got this new outdoor setup, and the place is crawling with hotties. You need to meet me tonight. They are having live music and an oyster roast."

Buster has been going through a nasty break-up for the last several months. They have been done for a while, but they are locked into a quasi-divorce even though they weren't married because of some financial entanglements. So he is raring to get out on the town more than ever.

I let out a weary sigh, my eyes following Opie as he dashes ahead toward the playground equipment. His boundless energy never ceases to amaze me, especially after a long shift at the hospital. Part of me wishes I could muster even a fraction of that enthusiasm.

"I'd love to do that, man. Ari was supposed to pick up Opie by now, but I haven't heard from her. I'm not sure if she had a flight delay or something. If she gets back before it's too late, I'll definitely do that."

"Come on, when's the last time you had some fun? Call that hot nanny of yours and come meet us."

"She just left from being here all day. I'm not calling her back over, dickhead. I'm sure Ari will be home soon."

"Promise me you'll try to make it?"

"Alright, alright. I told you if she gets over before his bedtime, I'll swing by. But no promises."