19. Elle

NINETEEN

Elle

11:56 pm

Shep's lips are on mine, like electricity coursing through my body. All the anger and hurt I've been holding onto melt away, replaced by an overwhelming desire. His kiss is urgent and passionate—making up for lost time and misunderstandings.

My hand finds its way to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. I need to feel more of him. My skin tingles everywhere we touch. My heart races, pounding so loudly I'm sure he can hear it.

The world fades away until there's nothing but Shep and me in this moment. I drink him in, savoring the familiar taste and scent I've missed for so long. My body responds instinctively, arching towards him despite my injuries.

A low moan escapes me as his hand gently cups my face. The tenderness of the gesture contrasts with the intensity of our kiss, making my head spin. I feel dizzy with want, overcome by the raw passion between us.

Every nerve ending is on fire. I'm hyper-aware of every point of contact—his lips on mine, his hand on my cheek, my fingers in his hair. It's not enough. I need more.

We break apart, both breathing heavily. Shep rests his forehead against mine, his eyes dark with desire. I see my hunger reflected there. The air between us is charged, crackling with sexual tension and unspoken promises.

I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins as Shep's gaze holds mine. A hunger in his eyes matches the ache deep within me. The hospital room, usually so sterile and uninviting, seems to shrink around us... Until it's just the two of us suspended in a moment that feels both dangerous and inevitable.

With a tenderness that belies the urgency of our desire, Shep's hands trace the contours of my body, careful to avoid my injured hand. His touch ignites a trail of fire wherever it lingers, stoking the live wires of my own need into a roaring blaze.

I reach for him with my good hand, my fingers fumbling to untie his scrubs at the waist. The fabric parts under my insistent tugging, revealing the toned planes of the area between his belly button and his sex. My hand slides over his skin, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat under my palm.

He breaks away long enough to slip off his pants and boxers in one fluid motion. His erection stands proudly between us, a testament to the desire raging through both of us. My eyes linger on his length before meeting his gaze again. There's no turning back now.

With one hand on my thigh and another cradling my headboard-restrained hand, Shep positions himself at my entrance. He looks at me questioningly, silently asking for permission despite the hunger blazing in his eyes. I nod mutely and bite down on my bottom lip in anticipation of what's to come.

He enters me slowly, filling me completely. I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper. The rhythm we establish is deliberate and intense. Each thrust pushes us closer to the edge.

My body shudders as Shep's hard length slides into mine, filling me completely. The burn of his entry is sharp but exquisite, and I welcome it, needing the pain to remind me I'm still alive. I clutch at the sheets beneath us, my nails digging into the fabric as he pushes deeper, deeper still.

His hips meet my thrusts, our bodies moving together in a rhythm that feels both familiar and foreign.

Shep's lips find mine again, his kiss deepening as our bodies seek to merge into one. The narrow hospital bed creaks beneath us, but neither of us cares. Our world has narrowed to the space between our bodies and our hearts' frantic rhythm.

His mouth explores the sensitive skin of my neck, his teeth grazing my collarbone as his hands caress my breasts. I gasp at the sensation, my back arching off the bed, urging him on.

I'm aware of every inch of him, of the way our bodies move together in this delicate dance of reconciliation and rediscovery. The pleasure builds within me, a crescendo threatening to shatter me into a thousand pieces.

Shep's movements become more frenzied, his control slipping as he chases his release. I cling to him, my fingers digging into his back, my climax cresting and then crashing over me in waves of exquisite sensation.

With a final, powerful thrust, Shep finds his release, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he groans out his pleasure. We lie there, entwined and breathless, the aftershocks of our lovemaking rippling through us.

As our hearts slowly return to their normal rhythm, the reality of where we are and what we've just done begins to sink in. Shep lifts his head, his eyes searching mine for a moment before he presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

"Elle," he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "I?—"

But I silence him with a finger to his lips. There are no words necessary in this moment. We've said everything we needed to say with our bodies, with the passion that still hums in the air around us.

For now, that's more than enough.

Friday, July 19

3:26 am

I wake with a start, disoriented for a moment, in the diffusely lit room. As my eyes adjust, I remember I'm not alone. Shep is curled beside me on the narrow bed, his warm body pressed against mine. My heart swells with affection as I watch his peaceful, sleeping face.

I inhale deeply, savoring his familiar scent—cologne, soap, and antiseptic. It wraps around me like a comforting blanket, filling me with a sense of safety and contentment. The snugness of his body heat seeps into mine, chasing away the chill of the sterile hospital air.

I almost laugh to myself, grateful I'm in my own room now. If I were still in the ICU, nurses would have been in and out constantly, busting us during our unorthodox hospital quickie. Here in the step-down unit, we have a rare bubble of privacy and quiet. I probably won't see anyone unless I call for them until morning rounds.

And then it occurs to me—has he done this with other women here? He seemed quite adept.

Stop it. If he has, good for him. He doesn't owe me anything except doing what he says he will do now. We both have pasts. And we may not have a future, but we can live in this moment and enjoy the present.

I relish our connection and the simple intimacy of sharing this small space. Careful not to wake him, I gently brush my lips across his forehead.

My eyes are on the steady rise and fall of Shep's chest, the soft whisper of his breath, the comforting weight of his arm draped across my waist. I want to memorize every detail and hold onto this feeling of peace and togetherness.

I gently nudge Shep awake, my hand resting on his chest. "Hey, sleepyhead," I whisper. "It's after 3 AM. Rounds will probably start in a few hours."

He stirs, blinking sleepily at me. I can't help but smile at his tousled hair and drowsy expression.

"You might not want to get caught in bed with a patient," I tease.

Shep chuckles, his voice husky with sleep. "You're right. With everything that has happened, we definitely don't need that."

He sits up and stretches. "Cason stayed the night because I was on call, but I should get home. She usually likes to leave early when she does the overnights with him for her school stuff."

His eyes soften as he looks at me. "I loved being with you tonight. Talking, smoothing things over... especially the private PT session."

My heart flutters at his words. It's nice, for once, to be wrong about him. The last few days have been pure hell. We still have more to discuss, but working through the misunderstanding has done wonders for my psyche.

"Can I come see you when I'm back at the hospital in a few hours?" he asks. "I have a light surgery day, but I'll be around. I can bring you a latte. Or, we can have a coffee date if you're cleared to meander around."

For a moment, I wonder how my mom might react if she sees him here. First, he won her over, and then he put all of us back to square one with that nurse-hugging situation the other night.

"Hey, I have a question for you. It may be none of my business, but I guess I want to know what I'm walking into if we do try to explore this more."

"Sure, anything."

"The other night, I saw you with a young blonde—a nurse- outside my window. You two looked pretty friendly, and I think you even embraced. All good, but since you asked me about Justin, is that your girlfriend? Or someone you have something going on with?"

He lets out a big laugh. "Oh, you must have seen me with Carly."

"Yes, that is her name. Now that you say it, I remember her coming into my room for some reason and introducing herself." For some reason, my blood pressure is rising, and I feel my face getting warm. Now that the woman I saw him with has a name, somehow, that hits harder.

"No, no. Carly is my good friend. We have worked together for years, way back to my residency. I've never had anything with her."

He seems sincere, but I know what I saw. I would almost feel better if he admitted something had gone on. Now I have to square what my eyes saw with what he is saying. I want to tell him it is okay, but now, the time has passed. I have to take what he is saying at face value.

"I'm sitting here wracking my brain. I think I know the time you're talking about. Was it Wednesday, by chance?"

I have to think about that for a moment; all my days here start to run together in my mind. Then I remember that it was the day Izzy came by on her lunch break but didn't return that evening.

"Yes, it was Wednesday!"

"I knew it. And that makes sense. I was coming up here to tell you the news. Wednesday is when I got the call from Houston Methodist about Ari. I was so excited to share it with you since you'd been so thoughtful about the whole ordeal before you got sick again."

"And… I'm sorry, I'm not making the connection."

"Sorry, I digress. Wednesday, I came up here to tell you about Ari, and Carly caught me while I was walking by. She asked about Ari, so I told her. And then she jumped on me; she was so excited. You must have seen that and misinterpreted it."

That is quite the spin on the fly in the middle of the night. There is only one thing missing…

"So, then, why did you never come in to tell me, then?"

"When I turned around to head to your room, your door was closed, and your privacy curtain was drawn. I know that means you want privacy. I had no idea what was happening on the other side, but I didn't feel it was my place to come in at that point."

He's right! Mom closed the curtains when she saw my face and then followed it to what I was seeing. She saw him talking to Carly, too. He's absolutely right.

"Shep! We are a series of unfortunate misunderstandings," I laugh. I remember all of that exactly like you're describing." I leave out the part about blocking him out. I can't let him know how close to my heart he is—not yet.

"Of course," I finish. "I'd love for you to come by when you can. If you see a man here, don't assume I'm sleeping with him, okay? Because I'm not."

"Fair. And if you see a nurse scolding me or giving me a hard time, don't assume I'm sleeping with her. Because I'm not."

"Fair." I giggle. I feel so silly and relieved at the same time.

Shep leans in, kissing me passionately. The warmth of his lips lingers as he pulls away to put on his shirt. Before he leaves, he bends down for one more kiss, gentle and sweet.

"I better get out of here before we get caught."

"Yes, get on."

"See you soon," he murmurs, and the automatic door closes, and he's gone.

As the door slides shut behind Shep, I let out a long breath I didn't realize I was holding. The quiet of the hospital room envelops me, but for once, it doesn't feel oppressive. Instead, it's like a cocoon, giving me space to process everything that just happened.

I can't believe how much has changed in just a few hours. This morning, I was convinced Shep had abandoned me again, leaving me to deal with my recovery alone. The weight of that perceived rejection had been crushing, bringing back all the pain from our college breakup.

But now? Now I feel like I can breathe again. The misunderstandings about Justin and Carly have been cleared up, and I feel a little foolish for jumping to conclusions. It's incredible how easily we can misinterpret things when we're scared and hurting.

Learning about Ari's situation puts so much into perspective, too. Shep has been dealing with too much–the worry about Opie's mom, the stress of his job, and my sudden reappearance in his life. It's no wonder there were some communication hiccups.

I close my eyes, replaying our conversation in my mind. The earnestness in Shep's voice as he explained everything, the way he looked at me... it's like a balm to my battered heart. I feel genuinely hopeful for the first time since I woke up in this hospital bed.

There's still so much to figure out–my recovery, our complicated history, the logistics of living in different states. But right now, in this moment, none of that seems insurmountable. We talked. We listened. We understood each other. And that feels like the most critical step.

I snuggle deeper into my pillow, a smile playing on my lips. The weight pressing on my chest for days has lifted, replaced by a warm, buoyant feeling. Whatever comes next, I know we'll face it together. And that makes all the difference.