Chapter Forty-Two

It was easier after the talk the night before. I didn't wake up feeling heavy. The difference between me and Alice was that I shoved all my feelings and memories about the accident and the time around it deep down inside myself. While Alice lived with them openly, just covered enough from the outside world, if you got closer, you could see everything.

I had texted Arthur the day before, but he hadn't replied, he was flying to Tokyo again. He said the project with the Japanese was coming to an end, and it was only one or two more trips to get everything straightened with them.

If Miranda knew about my long talks with Alice, she would have been so, so angry. Even if I could eventually forgive Alice, Miranda would not. She said to me once that memory was a funny thing, it blocked and muted the traumatizing experiences sometimes. Miranda said my brain chose to forget that time, and it was a blessing. But she remembered those first few months vividly. In the places I remembered a murky darkness, she remembered screams.

But looking at a sunbeam playing on the wall of my bungalow, I chose not to remember again. I picked up my phone and saw that Olga was online. I texted her asking if she wanted to go to the beach.

See you there in ten, a reply pinged back.

I changed into a swimsuit, brushed my hair, and splashed cold water on my face. Looking up at the mirror I noted my skin; it was absorbing the sun with the speed of a tanning salon. The nose ring I had never stopped wearing glistened with a bead of water. I dried my face and stepped outside, the sound of the ocean within my reach.

Olga was already waiting for me, her body wrapped in a sports swimsuit, long lean legs stood on the grass that stopped a few feet away from her, giving in to the sand.

We slowly walked down to the beach and my breath hitched in my chest. It was a serene morning. The waves caressed the shore, white foam marking the line between sand and sea.

Olga elbowed me lightly, pointing to the left. Farther down the beach sat a pair, Benjamin was sitting with closed eyes, his face to the water. Alice was curled by his side with a book. They didn't see us at first, and when I looked at them, it was the scene I would have imagined for her when I first met her—sitting on the beach with a book, the future wife of a CEO of a massive company, her blonde hair flowing in the wind. I didn't imagine her tangled in the sheets with, well, me.

When Alice looked up at us, her face lit with a smile and she waved. She said something to Benjamin and he opened his eyes, gesturing for us to join them.

"Do you guys swim?" Olga asked when we reached them.

Benjamin stood up, brushing the sand from his calves.

"Alice?"

She shook her head and pointed to a book. "I'm fine, go ahead."

When they walked to the water's edge, Olga turned to me and winked.

I sat on the edge of a mat and looked to the horizon. I thought about Arthur and wondered what he was doing now. Reading? Scanning work charts? Trying to sleep? He flew in business class, so it was not torture. I smiled as I imagined him complaining about the plastic food and all the stewardesses flirting with him.

"What are you thinking about?" Alice asked. "You're smiling."

I turned to her and met her eyes.

"Are you planning to live here?" I asked instead of replying. "Like, forever?"

"I don't know, I don't plan. We are searching for a villa to buy here, and I'm sure I would love to make it a permanent residence. But even though Ben tries to stay away from the operational part of this job, he's often needed there. I don't want to return to America, but we'll see, I guess."

I could not grasp their relationship, did she love him? Or was it gratitude and comfort? Was she bisexual or gay, and faking it?

"Are you happy?" I asked.

I watched closely as her eyes turned to Benjamin, and back to me. "I'm learning to live again, Emily."

I nodded. "Doesn't he want to start a family, like all those CEOs with an infinite number of kids?"

"No. He thinks that the planet is already too crowded and is a dangerous place to live in. It was a topic we talked about over and over again because I kept repeating that I never want kids. Never. And he agrees."

I nodded. Alice was sure about being childfree even all those years ago, and now her words proved that she only cemented this belief.

We watched Benjamin and Olga talking in the water.

"I drive now, you know?" I said.

And Alice laughed. "No way."

"Yes, I drive a 1969 Ford Mustang. It was the car my dad left me."

Alice fished her phone from the small pouch bag and typed something, a grin spreading all over her face when she saw the results. She showed me a Google page with images.

"The black one."

"Of course," she said and zoomed in on the image. "It suits you."

"Thanks."

She looked up at the blue sky.

"My yellow Beetle lives in my parents" garage now. I just could not part with him. I think he is bored to death out there, waiting for my return, that may never come."

"He?" I laughed.

"Beetle was always a he," she said, smiling.

Benjamin walked toward us, water dripping from his shorts, and sat down next to Alice. He wrapped his arms around her, and she giggled when his wet beard brushed her chin.

She was learning to live again.